Chapter 29 – I Love You (2)

“We are family now. I swear, from this moment forward, I will handle anything and everything that threatens you.”

“…”

“I will clear your name, erase the stigma that stains it. The preparations are already in place.”

But…

“Perhaps, as I feared, this will make you feel dependent on me. But if you can accept that… I swear… my life will be dedicated to you, and you alone.”

“…” Preposterous.

Even during the engagement announcement, his expression had been utterly indifferent. Back then, consumed by inferiority and self-pity, blinded by resignation and obsession, Cariel had twisted everything, viewing Elhermina as a blinding sun, a presence so overwhelming he couldn’t bear to look directly at her. He’d been suffocated by her very existence, by the constant comparisons, the implicit competition.

But that… that had been his weakness, his failing. A realization that came only after he’d clawed his way out of the abyss.

An image flashed in his mind: a hand reaching down, pulling him to his feet, guiding him forward.

Perhaps… if he hadn’t made the pact with the Demon King… perhaps she could have saved him.

“…” It was a tempting thought, a cruel irony.

“One might be… insufficient. So… if it doesn’t cause you pain, I would like you to give Seras a chance as well.”

“…?” What?

“You know, don’t you? She’s had feelings for you since childhood.”

“Since childhood?” He’d known Seras cared for him, but… since they were children?

A faint memory surfaced: a young girl, standing under a tree in the courtyard, a branch held aloft like a sword.

[I’m going to be a hero!]

“…”

“If it will bring you happiness… I’m willing. I don’t want to burden you by demanding all your affection. If I alone am not enough, I’ll even enlist Seras’s help.”

“She may not be as… capable as I am, but her feelings for you are genuine.”

“…” Wasn’t this… excessive? He almost laughed. It was so absurd, so bewildering. What was this?

“So… let’s return.”

“From now on… I will protect you. Until my dying breath.”

“…” This strange feeling… a mixture of despair and amusement. It was… sorrowful. He couldn’t explain it. He was utterly bewildered.

“That won’t do.”

“Why not? Explain yourself. I want to understand.” A flicker of irritation, almost anger, in her usually calm voice. She’d laid everything bare, offered everything she had, and yet…

“It would be cruel. To both you and Seras.”

“…As a woman, I can endure it. I, Elhermina Berke Enjul, am not so small-minded.”

“…” A girl, asking him to take another lover? It was madness. Polygamy was common among the nobility, even royalty in some countries, but… not for him. Not with his father, the Emperor, as a role model.

“…” He’d never even entertained the thought of a romantic relationship.

He didn’t expect it. He didn’t trust it. He didn’t dream of it. It was too tempting, too sweet. He’d almost forgotten the lesson.

To rely on her, to let her shoulder all his burdens…

It would be easy. She would shield him from his parents’ disapproval, provide for him, require nothing in return. He could live as a useless wastrel, a broken man, and she would still accept him. Her confession, her offer, was predicated on that very notion.

But… he couldn’t. Not as a man.

“…” And more importantly… he’d made a pact with the Demon King. For now, she was a silent observer, but… what if she grew bored? What if she changed her mind?

He relied on her, yes, but he didn’t depend on her. He trusted her, but he didn’t blindly believe. His true reliance, his true trust, lay in the fact that she, watching him, would never find his struggle boring. His twisted, broken life was, to a demonic entity, endlessly entertaining. Especially as the son of the man who’d defeated her, seeking to surpass and humiliate him.

They had a deal, a contract. And that second condition, the demand for relentless effort… it was a warning.

“What about Alessius?”

“He will pay for what he’s done.”

“…He’s your brother. Did you see him as a rival?”

“Everyone in the Empire is connected. We are all family.” But what had Alessius done to those who opposed him, to those beneath him?

“I will make him into a proper human being.” If he failed to grow, to mature… “…then he will endure a difficult path, under my watchful eye. Father has approved.”

“If that’s what you desire, Cariel.”

“…” That was… unexpected. Truly astonishing. His family wasn’t weak. His father alone commanded enough power to challenge a nation. And his mother’s influence, with the Irenesian Church as the Empire’s state religion, was undeniable. His own weakness, his refusal to rely on their prestige, had been his downfall. And his mother had reinforced that refusal, drilling it into him like a mantra.

We are not privileged. We are granted power and authority to serve. So, Cariel… dedicate yourself to the world. For the world we have protected, for the world we must protect. As Saint Cariel did before you. That is the only path to salvation, to redemption. So, pray. Pray with me.

He remembered something. One of the places he planned to visit… wasn’t it a territory where Saint Cariel had once performed miracles? He should go there.

Cariel shook his head. “No. I can’t.”

“…How many times must I ask you to explain yourself?” Her voice was low, laced with anger. She’d offered him everything, and yet…

“Because… what’s broken… can’t be fixed.”

Elhermina’s expression froze. It was too late. If only you’d said this sooner, El. If only you’d offered this comfort, this understanding, before…

“…” He looked up at the sky. The Demon King was watching, her golden eyes gleaming with amusement. She knew. She knew all along. But back then… he’d had no choice.

“I…” But even setting that aside, his desire to surpass his father hadn’t changed. Not one bit.

See me. Praise me. Show me some kindness. I… I’m your son.

“…” Not anymore. He’d reached this point. This… emptiness. This gnawing hunger that couldn’t be filled, no matter how much he consumed. It had been festering inside him, slowly poisoning his soul.

What had he been hoping for? He’d simply wanted… to be loved. Like any other child. He hated to admit it, but… it was the truth. Strength, recognition, praise… none of it mattered. He’d just wanted… their love. Even if the world abandoned him, he’d believed they wouldn’t.

But… it was already over. That day, five years ago… it had ended. The moment they’d dismissed his pleas, refused to believe him, betrayed him… disappointed him… cursed him… killed him… He’d wanted to die.

“…Hah.” He no longer expected praise, recognition, or love. His broken heart, his shattered pride, wouldn’t allow it. He was… broken. Even if they apologized now, begged for forgiveness, promised to do better… he couldn’t accept it.

It wasn’t just water that spilled. It was pieces of my soul. And now… there’s nothing left.

“You’re truly leaving? Even after… everything I’ve said?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. But I have to.” He was afraid now. Afraid of facing them again. It was the most terrifying prospect he could imagine.

“No! I won’t hear it! If you refuse to speak, then this conversation is over! I won’t let you go!” Her voice rose, raw with emotion, like a wounded animal.

“Unless… you give me a reason. A reason I can accept.”

“I will not… I will not abandon you to this dangerous world! I won’t let you go! I’ve had enough regrets!” Her voice cracked, her carefully constructed composure crumbling. “I’ve resolved to hold onto you, even if it means enduring my own suffering! Did you think I would give up so easily?! If I fail to hold you here, now… if something happens to you… I… I won’t be able to bear it!”

“So… please… if you want to leave… give me a reason. A reason that even I can accept.”

“Cariel.”

“Cariel Brendiar.”