Epilogue. Preparing for the Journey

After being thoroughly scolded by Rubia, we ran away to the valley manifested by Sirin’s mind.

“Serves you right.”

“…What are you talking about? You got scolded just as much. Oh, or rather, didn’t you get scolded even more…?”

“No, I didn’t. ‘Rubia’ doesn’t get that angry when she’s really mad.”

“…Then?”

‘I,’ as if recalling a past memory, closed my eyes tightly and shuddered.

“…She doesn’t say anything.”

“Gasp…”

“It’s really scary. Even if I apologize or act cute, she just stares at me and doesn’t say anything.”

“Th-Then how do you make her feel better…?”

Maybe.

It might not just be ‘Rubia,’ but Rubia might do the same when she’s angry. After all, she’s the same Rubia…

“Well—”

‘I,’ who was about to say something, shut my mouth tightly.

“It’s a secret.”

“Wh-What?! Why! Tell me…!”

“…No. You’ll figure it out later on your own.”

Splash, splash— Water splashed as ‘I’s’ short legs trampled wildly through the valley.

Splash, splash, splash— I didn’t make it obvious that I was doing it on purpose, and splashed water on ‘I’s’ clothes mercilessly.

Splash, splash, splash—

Splash, splash, splash, splash—

“Hey. Let’s stop.”

“…Okay.”

Our legs became quiet again.

In a place filled only with the sound of the babbling brook, ‘I’ opened my mouth.

“What are you going to do now?”

“Now…?”

“Yeah. It’s cheesy to say this, but… well, you saved the world anyway, and Rubia, and everyone else, right?”

“That’s right…?”

‘I’s’ small toes wiggled below the flowing stream.

“So, now that you’ve finished all the things you had to do… and the things you wanted to do, what are you going to do now?”

“Ah… Um, I… decided to go on a trip with Rubia.”

“Where to?”

“Umm… Where…? There’s no destination. We’re just… just going. To a place that Rubia and I have never been to before.”

“A journey to find yourself… something like that?”

“Wow… I haven’t heard that in a long time.”

Giggle, giggle— I and ‘I’ laughed at the same time.

“A trip sounds fun. Hey, are you going to go to the Eastern Country across the sea?”

“Well…? I don’t know about that. If… if there were airplanes like on Earth, I’d go… but it’s too far and dangerous to go by boat… I’m just thinking of traveling around this continent.”

“Hmm… That’s certainly possible. It would be annoying to wander in the middle of the sea somewhere while traveling… Well, you wouldn’t die, but it would be upsetting.”

“That’s right, that’s right.”

‘I’s’ feet, which had been wiggling, pinched and picked up a pebble submerged in the valley.

“Th-Then what are you going to do…?”

Then, I picked up a new pebble with the toes of my opposite foot.

She moves her toes really well.

…Can I do it too?

I diligently moved my little toes, following ‘I,’ rolling the pebbles around and picking them up.

…Maybe because my toes are shorter, I couldn’t pick up pebbles bigger than ‘I’ could.

I’m upset…

“I’m going to… um… visit the towns and cities I was with ‘Rubia’ one by one. Like enjoying things I couldn’t enjoy back then.”

“Uung…? So you’re traveling too?”

“In a manner of speaking… yes.”

‘I,’ who had been rolling pebbles between my toes, smiled bitterly.

“First of all… I’m going to stop by The Capital first.”

The Capital.

The place where the tutorial of the game, [Black Sun], takes place.

To go to such a place first…

“D-Did you meet ‘Rubia’ for the first time in The Capital…?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh… How did that happen?”

“It wasn’t a big deal. I just went there for a request as usual, and ‘Rubia’ was just waiting there.”

“Waiting for you…?”

“I think she was waiting for an adventurer who came to carry out a request, but looking back, I think she knew I was coming. I bought a Cognitive Interference Robe with all my money the day before, and ‘Rubia’ saw me and recognized me right away.”

“B-But couldn’t she recognize us because we were short…?”

‘I’s’ toes, which had been diligently rolling the pebbles, pinched my toes.

“Are you stupid? Cognitive Interference Robe makes it hard to recognize people whether they are short or tall.”

I also diligently moved my toes and pinched ‘I’s’ little toe.

“Th-Then the Cognitive Interference Robe you bought must have been fake…”

“Huh…? Th-That’s possible?”

It was just a joke, but ‘I’ seemed to think it was really possible and let go of the toe I was pinching.

I left it pinched.

Eek. Eek.

“Well… there’s a possibility.”

But ‘I’ didn’t care about my toes, and was lost in the memories of that time.

Like how clapping requires two hands, it was bland like a red bean bun without red bean paste because ‘I’ didn’t react at all.

“Hey, hey… I’m just kidding. Surely they wouldn’t have scammed you…?”

“Yeah. I think I got scammed.”

“Huh…?”

“I was a little lacking back then, just like you, and I looked like this… so it’s possible.”

I couldn’t deny that I looked like this, but I couldn’t just let the word “lacking” pass.

Pinch—! I put Divinity into the end of my short toes and pinched ‘I’s’ toes very hard.

Only then did ‘I’s’ brow furrow and glare at me.

I glared back.

“…I, I’m not lacking.”

“You are. You’re a complete idiot. Just a dumb fool.”

“Again, a dumb fool…? You’re the dumb fool for putting the word ‘dumb’ in front of it.”

“Whatever. I told you. Your intelligence was lowered because of the Incomplete Elixir, but it recovered again when you got Divinity. I never had that, so I’m completely smart now, you know? Look at me now. I’m not stuttering and I’m doing well, right?”

Ugh… I can’t argue with that.

So, I pinched ‘I’s’ thigh instead of her toes!

“Eek…!”

“…Eek…?”

Eek…?

How can a scream be so coy…?

I looked at ‘I’ with surprised eyes.

‘I’ was also looking at me with surprised eyes.

What’s with screaming and being surprised at the same time?

She’s such an idiot.

Anyway.

“…Your scream is really feminine.”

“Shut up…”

“How can a scream be ‘Eek…’?”

“I said shut up…”

“…Did you live longer than me? You’ve become quite the woman.”

“What… Haa, never mind…”

‘I,’ who had been glaring with a bright red face, sighed and then chuckled.

“What’s the point of arguing about that now?”

…What’s with that mature reaction?

Of course, well, I’m… uh? I guess I am an adult.

I never dreamed she would show such an indifferent reaction to everything…?

What is this… relative deprivation…?

“You’ve accepted it now too, haven’t you?”

“…W-Well, that’s true…”

Of course, I too have accepted that I have become a woman.

And… quite a long time ago.

But… that doesn’t mean I’ve given up on my past memories.

The memories of living as a man.

There’s no way I can give them up.

Those memories, those experiences, were all memories with Mom and Dad.

If I were to give up on the me of that time, it would be the same as denying those feelings.

“I’m the same as you. I haven’t completely let go of the memories or feelings of that time. I’ve just… accepted my current self.”

Thoughts that, the more I took them out, the more they continued endlessly and repeatedly, and eventually were buried deep in my heart.

A worry that I can’t tell anyone, and even if I did, I wouldn’t get any sympathy or solutions.

But, I, ‘I,’ we.

A problem that we can completely sympathize with and understand.

‘I’ forcibly dragged out a secret that had been taking up a large space in a corner of my heart for a long time.

“Did you tell Rubia?”

What?

There was no need to express such a question.

Because there is only one question that can come out in this situation.

That I was a man.

“…Not yet.”

Not yet.

I haven’t told her yet.

I kept putting it off, thinking that I should tell her someday.

If it’s the current Rubia.

No, if it’s Rubia who has come to love me, she might have understood even if she heard such a thing.

But… I’m scared.

I’m afraid that Rubia might be disappointed.

And, it’s hard to bring out a secret that I’ve hidden for so long, my past.

I don’t know why.

Is it because dark emotions have piled up and accumulated like a snowball rolling down a hill?

I said I wanted to know all of Rubia’s secrets.

Is it because of the hatred for myself for hiding my secret, the most important secret, and hiding it for so long?

…It could be both.

“What are you so worried about?”

Giggle, giggle— ‘I’ laughed.

“It’s okay.”

“…Still, I… for a long time…”

“I know. I was the same as you.”

The same as me.

“You, you… did you tell ‘Rubia’?”

Nod— ‘I,’ who nodded as if it were natural, smiled brightly.

“It felt good to tell her. And your side… um, never mind.”

“…What, what is it? Why did you stop talking?”

“I don’t think I need to tell a dumb fool.”

Again, giggle, giggle— I’m serious, but ‘I,’ who kept laughing as if something was so exciting, looked up at the sky.

As if covered with a light pink blanket, the sky was covered with a rippling sunset.

A dreamy landscape.

And, a landscape that I, ‘I,’ hate.

“I miss Mom and Dad.”

‘I’s’ voice melted into that landscape.

“Mom’s Doenjang Jjigae… was so delicious. And, Dad’s Kimchi Bokkeum was strangely delicious. Was it because he put so much sugar in it? It tasted like complete junk food, didn’t it?”

“…Uung. That’s right. She always… only made pink sausage and Kimchi Bokkeum. It was so sweet… and salty, but delicious… it was weird.”

“Ahaha… And then, do you remember that Jjageul? Wow, I took one bite of that and it was so salty that I poured water in it and boiled it again, and it just became Kimchi Jjigae. We even burned the pot and got scolded by Mom.”

“…Heuheut… When we were eating that Jjageul, there was a shell in the fried egg, and my molar even cracked a little…”

‘I,’ as if remembering the memory of that time, shuddered and rolled my tongue, puffing out my cheeks, and smiled bitterly.

“Wow, I was so surprised at that time. I thought it was just a shell and I was going to eat it without Dad knowing, but the more I chewed, the more pieces of tooth kept getting chewed, so I ended up spitting it out, remember?”

Of course I remember.

As soon as I spit out the food, Dad was startled and asked me what was wrong.

And then, probably.

“I lied that I was about to choke, because Dad would worry.”

“…And, I was touching my broken tooth with my tongue while watching TV in the living room, and Mom somehow noticed it again… and asked me carefully.”

“When I see things like that, Mom is really amazing. No matter what I say or hide, Mom notices everything.”

“Th-That’s right… Sometimes it was scary…”

“There were many times when it was nice because she would make exactly what I wanted to eat that day.”

Especially.

“Curry.”

“Curry.”

As if we had matched our words, we shouted “Curry” at the same time, and then burst into laughter again at the same time.

“The potatoes are really big.”

“…With chicken breast instead of meat.”

“And because I kept complaining that I didn’t want to eat carrots, she cut them really small.”

“Not watery… wow, completely thick…”

Gulp— Saliva passed in my and ‘I’s’ mouths.

“Do you know that there’s curry in this world too?”

“…Uung. I smelled it…”

“So, I bought all sorts of ingredients and made it the way Mom used to make it?”

“Oh, how was it…? Was it delicious?”

Dori Dori—

“I don’t know what the problem is, but it didn’t taste like that back then. The taste of the curry itself seemed to be the same, but… it was completely different from the taste Mom made.”

“Aww… that’s too bad…”

“Well… maybe it was delicious because there was some kind of memory correction involved?”

“…No. It’s not like that. It’s just… the curry Mom made was delicious.”

“I guess so?”

“Uung… I’m sure.”

“That’s right… Mom must have had a special recipe.”

‘I’s’ gaze, which had been looking at me, turned to the sky again. I also turned my gaze and looked at the sky.

My eyelids are hot. My throat is blocked.

My chest is stuffy, and my jaw is tense.

The world became blurry.

It looks scattered and distorted.

“…Mom and, sob, Dad… I want to see them… Heueuk… I want to show Rubia… Rubia, heueuk… what kind of… what kind of person she is… Hic, how, how lovely she is, I want to let them know…”

“Sniff… I want to keep it a secret that their only son has become a woman… No, would it matter much? Dad might even like it.”

“…Oh, Mom too. She might be happy that we can go shopping together… Heueuk… I don’t know.”

“Although I still hate shopping.”

We are saying different things, but they are definitely connected.

Sentences that are so natural that it can be said that only one person is speaking.

We continued to do that, endlessly.

Until the sunset and until we counted the stars in the night sky.

Until Rubia and ‘Rubia’ came to find us.

We opened up to each other about what was inside, the stories that had been piled up, the emotions, the true feelings, everything.

Because of that, my eyes were swollen and my throat was hoarse.

Thanks to that, my heart was able to become very light.