Chapter 26

Chapter 26

The Heroine of the 1st Playthrough Remembers My Training.

Episode 26: Lucia Is Laughing (9).

“….”

I shook the bottle vigorously, but nothing came out.

The bottle of liquor was already empty.

“…Tsk.”

The carelessly thrown bottle collided with other bottles, making a loud noise.

I staggered to the liquor cabinet, grabbed a new bottle, and poured it down my throat.

Money was truly convenient in any world.

At the academy, where liquor was usually prohibited, money could still get you a plentiful supply.

Though the liquor was expensive and tasted terrible, it didn’t matter.

As long as it could get me drunk.

…How many days had passed since I confirmed Eloise’s corpse?

A day? Three days? A week?

…I couldn’t remember.

Most of the time, I was drunk, and even the brief moments of sobriety were spent getting drunk again.

Thus, the number of empty bottles in the room kept increasing.

Waking up, drinking, vomiting, and passing out again was all that I repeated.

I tried to get to bed with the bottle, but my legs wobbled, and my body wouldn’t listen.

Eventually, I gave up and slumped to the floor, leaning against the bed.

“…Hahahahaha.”

A dry laugh escaped as I stared blankly at the ceiling.

Where did it all go wrong?

‘In the game…’

‘In the first playthrough…’

You idiot.

Blood flowed as my nails dug into the fists I clenched tightly.

…I knew from the start it wasn’t just a game.

But did I really, truly accept this world as reality?

Wasn’t I just viewing it with the detachment of a player?

As I averted my eyes from the world, the world made me look at it.

It showed me that they weren’t just data summarized in a few lines but people of flesh and blood, like me.

People died for a mere title added to the status window.

If I had warned the faculty of the danger in advance?

If I hadn’t been distracted by the hidden pieces?

The outcome would surely have been different…

…I killed them all.

Knock, knock-

As I drank to quell the unbearable disgust, there was a knock on the door.

“…Master.”

“Go away.”

I knew Lucia was waiting outside the door, but I didn’t let her in.

I didn’t want anyone to see me like this.

“…You didn’t eat today either.”

Lucia spoke from beyond the door.

How many times had she come to visit me since that day?

Since then, Lucia had come several times, leaving food at my door, but I never opened it.

“I said go away!”

─Click

The door opened the moment I shouted.

I clenched my teeth hard enough to hear a grinding sound. An unbearable heat surged to my head.

“You worthless woman! Does my command no longer sound like a command to you?”

“…Master. You haven’t eaten anything for days. If you don’t eat something, it’ll be serious.”

Lucia held food in both hands.

I knew it in my head.

That Lucia was doing this out of concern for me.

But…

I didn’t want to see her right now.

“I don’t want to see you, so get out immediately!”

“If you suddenly eat something greasy, it’ll be hard on your stomach, so I prepared something light for today….”

I tried to order, but Lucia walked in with a gentle smile, pretending not to hear.

“Damn it! I said don’t ignore me!”

Unable to control my impulse, I threw the bottle in my hand.

Thunk-!

The bottle I threw hit Lucia’s hand.

Crash-

The bottle shattered on the floor, and the food Lucia had carefully prepared scattered around the room like trash.

“…Master.”

“Ah…”

…Blood was flowing from Lucia’s fingers.

“I..I didn’t mean to hit you. I swear.”

…Again.

I had hurt someone again.

I only intended to threaten her, but my alcohol-soaked body couldn’t even manage that.

“I..I’m sorry…I’m sorry..”

“It’s okay.”

Clutching my face, about to burst into tears, I could only keep apologizing.

“It’s okay, no matter what you do to me.”

Then Lucia, who had approached me, smiled softly.

I was afraid that my ugliness would stain Lucia, who smiled so beautifully.

As I tried to run away, Lucia grabbed my hand and said,

“…It’s not only your fault, Master.”

I could tell she wasn’t just talking about the injury she got.

“…What do you know to say that….”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t…. Everything is my fault! There’s nothing that isn’t my fault! They died solely because of me!”

I was the only one who could have prevented it in this world.

So it was clearly my fault alone.

“No.”

Lucia said, looking at me with unwavering eyes as I was crying out.

“I knew too, and I could have stopped it.”

“..Ha..hahaha…”

I laughed.

For a moment, I was almost swayed by Lucia’s words.

…Didn’t I say it myself?

‘Just as a soldier’s merit becomes the commander’s merit, Lucia’s merit becomes my merit as her master.’

Back then, I treated Lucia as a mere tool.

But now, to think of Lucia as an accomplice.

I couldn’t stand how I was trying to interpret it favorably and escape from this situation.

“….You just followed my orders. That’s why you couldn’t stop it. So that too is my fault.”

“No, following your orders was my choice. Just like how I chose not to follow your order and came in now.”

“….You didn’t know what would happen.”

Lucia slowly shook her head.

“Master. Didn’t I tell you before the exam started? No matter what happens, it’s not your fault. I’ve thought that this might happen since then.”

“Even if that’s the case….”

“So, this is the result of my choice.”

For the first time, Lucia interrupted my words.

I bit my lip.

“…What changes by rationalizing like that?”

No matter how many excuses I made, the situation didn’t change.

“Can we go back to the way things were? I killed them! No matter how I try to justify it, that won’t change! Emery Sylvester! Winfred! Eloise! None of them had to die!”

─Lucia knew about the plan.

─This didn’t happen in the first playthrough.

─According to the plan, no one was supposed to get hurt.

No matter how much I covered it up with words….

The fact that I could have saved them and didn’t, remained unchanged.

“And now you want me to act like nothing happened? Lucia. Do you know what I can’t stand the most? Professor Loreos says I protected the other students! He thinks I’m a hero! ….And disgustingly, I thought so too!”

I considered myself a hero.

I looked at the title displayed on the status window and laughed.

…Without even thinking about the consequences I created.

“So tell me… Lucia… how do I… how do I forgive myself…”

Listening to my words, Lucia quietly shook her head.

“No, Master. I’m not asking you to forgive yourself.”

“…Then what do you want from me… It’s too heavy, Lucia… This burden is too heavy for me.”

The weight of a human life was so heavy.

It felt like I was about to be crushed by the weight at any moment.

Whether I closed my eyes or opened them, I could still see their faces.

“…Master, you must never look away from your choices. From now on, many people’s lives will depend on your choices.”

“…No, I will look away. They were destined to die anyway. I will justify myself like this and eventually deceive myself.”

Even now, seeing them, I make excuses to myself.

There was no choice. I didn’t know. I kept rationalizing.

In the end, I would forget the ones I killed as if nothing happened.

“…That’s why I’ll stay with you. So that neither of us can look away from our choices, I’ll walk with you till the end.”

Lucia’s hand overlapped mine.

When I looked up, I saw Lucia’s blue eyes.

“…So please, Master. Don’t despair and save this world.”

I could hear the tremble in Lucia’s voice that she couldn’t hide.

“…Save the world? When I couldn’t even save a student’s life?”

“…Yes, Master. Save this world, so their lives won’t be in vain.”

Lucia’s slowly outstretched hand touched my cheek.

“In the previous world, we only delayed the end, but we couldn’t stop it.”

In the first playthrough, Lucia and I only delayed the predetermined end; we didn’t save the world.

“But this time, we still have a chance. We can save the world…. So, Master. Please, even while acknowledging your sins, and suffering from your choices, don’t run away and keep walking forward.”“…..”

Transparent tears flowed from Lucia’s eyes.

“Save this world.”

Lucia slowly approached and kissed me softly.

“…If, after we save the world, you still can’t forgive yourself….”

She looked so lovely and yet so sad….

“I will die with you.”

Under the moonlight streaming through the window, Lucia smiled brightly yet sorrowfully.