Chapter 24: Breathe
by Afuhfuihgs“My cigarettes…”
[See? That’s what you get for trying to steal again. You even tried to take enough to fill a whole corner of the warehouse. Your greed is too much. Just accept this as your punishment.]
One of the major logistics centres that kept the broken remnants of the country once known as “Republic of Korea” functioning as a nation.
A building that not only carried the hope of an entire country but also Sanguine Obsidia’s last bit of hope.
Now, it was engulfed in massive flames.
Explosions continued to ring out, and thick smoke billowed into the night sky.
Had Sanguine Obsidia ever felt such a sense of disappointment or discouragement?
Half a year ago, when she infiltrated the Magical Girl Association building, thinking that maybe if she caused enough trouble, the magical girls would stop chasing her so relentlessly.
But she had been completely defeated by the Association’s leader, the Wizard in Violet, Yu Ji-hye, and barely escaped.
That had been crushing.
But now, here she was, feeling dejected just because a few cigarettes burned up.
Maybe her nicotine addiction was worse than she thought—mentally speaking.
Maybe it was because when she smoked, the drifting smoke made her feel like she was floating alone in a distant space, far from anyone else.
“That girl… she’s definitely crazy, right? She keeps mumbling to herself.”
“Maybe she’s talking to her mascot. No idea what she’s saying, though.”
“A mascot? You can talk to mascots?”
A girl with a black star-decorated staff poked her own cheek as she tilted her head curiously.
“Hey, you. You call yourself a magical girl, but how long are you going to…”
“Of course, I am! No matter what anyone says, I’m a magical girl!”
“…Forget it. Talking to you is pointless.”
The two culprits behind the explosion stood against Sanguine Obsidia, with the blazing warehouse as their backdrop.
One had sky-blue hair tied to the side and heart tattoos under her eyes—Soda Pop☆Ritalin.
The other had messy pink hair, carried a massive black harpoon gun on her shoulder, and was casually smoking marijuana even amid the chaos—Mary Jane.
“If you come with us, we can give you enough cigarettes to fill that warehouse again, no problem. How about it? Just accept the offer and…”
“I’m going to kill you.”
And just like that, Mary Jane’s attempt to smooth things over with words failed.
As always.
Just like when she tried to negotiate with Yu Ji-hye not too long ago.
From the flickering shadows cast by the raging flames, dozens of chains formed from dark magic emerged as Sanguine Obsidia spoke.
Her extreme anger was palpable.
“I will kill both of you. No exceptions.”
***
Dialogue, persuasion, interaction, social skills.
Recently, I’ve come to a painful realization—I don’t possess any of these things.
[Take a good look at yourself.]
Thanks to that obnoxious Spooky, who keeps chirping nonsense about self-reflection, I was forced to confront my flaws.
Whatever.
If it were before—
Back when I was just enduring each day, like sediment sinking to the bottom of the abyss, clinging to the deep sea floor.
Back when I was just a lump of debris drifting aimlessly for half a year.
I wouldn’t have even had these thoughts.
But now, I believe this is just part of the process toward a normal life.
I can’t rely solely on Yujin.
What if Ahn Yujin gets tired of me?
If she feels repulsed by how I never change,
Always leaning on her,
If she decides to abandon me—
These days, my mornings start with fear.
I don’t have nightmares as often as before, but a fear worse than nightmares floods me every time I wake up.
A tight, suffocating pain in my chest—a fear of being abandoned.
I’ve been lucky so far.
If I ever have a dream where Yujin truly abandons me, I might be paralyzed by fear the entire day.
After trembling for a while, I collect myself and start cleaning the room.
I fold the blanket draped over the sofa and clean up the cigarette ashes.
I want to make sure Yujin doesn’t have to clean up after me.
To be able to stand on my own, little by little.
So I don’t rely on her too much.
And…
Just in case, if the day ever comes when Yujin’s warmth leaves me,
I won’t freeze to death immediately.
[There’s no way your life will remain the same forever.]
I know.
After hearing that for weeks, I understand it even if I don’t want to.
In just a few days, so many new things have already happened.
Still, I just want to feel a little more of this hope.
The hope I first discovered in my life.
The hope that I can stay with Ahn Yujin forever, unchanged.
Even though I know it’s impossible.
But I’m getting better, little by little.
Someday, I’ll become a normal person.
Keeping a distance is hard for me.
Even while fearing that Yujin might abandon me,
I’m also afraid of getting too close and hurting her.
I’m scared that if my true self, my real identity, gets revealed, she’ll despise me.
Every day is the same—not an unchanging routine, but the same cycle of anxiety, guilt, and confusion.
Yet, Yujin lifts me up, even as I am.
She pulls me not just closer or farther horizontally,
But from the suffocating depths where I’m trapped, she pulls me up to where other normal people are.
Maybe it’s just my delusion.
“Hello.”
As I entered the Community Support Center, I greeted first for the first time—before Yujin.
Yujin was smiling from behind me.
I once asked her how to approach people and talk normally.
Her answer was to greet them first, to take the first step.
When Yujin took me to meet people for the first time, it didn’t feel difficult.
But trying to do something on my own without relying on her—it’s much harder than I thought.
I had to force my lips to move and squeeze out a greeting.
“Good morning, Seoa. Yujin, welcome.”
The one who greeted me was a friendly older man, the department head who had been kind to me from the start.
According to Yujin, he’s the type who spends his own money to help others—a genuinely good person.
…He seems trustworthy.
A decent, kind person.
A favorable impression.
Back then, other people’s existence was just that—people.
Nothing more, nothing less.
People passing by were just there.
Magical girls and the police were just enemies or obstacles.
Victims who died by my hands were just victims.
No kindness, no hostility. Their existence didn’t mean any more to me than a pebble, a gust of wind, or a tree passing by.
But because of Ahn Yujin, my world gained colours and emotions.
I began to care about the lives, personalities, and thoughts of the people I encountered.
I started to wonder about the circumstances of magical girls or the police.
My chest ached with guilt when I thought about those who died by my hands.
I even began to feel this thing called affection.
…Someday, I might end up hating someone.
I hope it won’t be anyone close to Yujin.
This department head treats both Yujin and me kindly.
[Don’t forget your sins.]
I know.
No matter what I do, the dead won’t come back to life, and what I’ve done won’t disappear.
The tumor buried in my chest still pulses, and it won’t stop.
So, no one will ever truly like me if they learn who I am.
The guilt, the pain in my chest—none of it will ever fade.
It will only grow larger, just as it always has.
It doesn’t matter.
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