Chapter 237: Petunia Titi (1)

I love the Hero Wolf.

And I am currently living with the man who is trying to kill Wolf.

Whenever I thought about these two contradictory sentences, I felt like I was losing myself, like a rambling excuse.

I strengthened the man trying to kill Wolf, and shot an arrow into Mobius’s heart.

And I love the Hero Wolf.

“I love you. Wolf.”

When no one was around, I sometimes tried saying it like that, calling out Wolf’s name. At first, they were words I uttered to solidify my true feelings.

But when I went to the castle that day and met Wolf, when I saw that ugly beard and face, when I saw the eyes overflowing with lust towards me.

Only then could I realize that the hope I had held was nothing more than a meaningless delusion.

Wolf never loved me.

He had just treated me well as a comrade, and now he was just trying to see me as a hot-bodied female elf.

What on earth did I expect?

What meaning did my love even have that I tried to persuade Wolf when I met him?

[Stay the night, Petunia.]

I was surely a special being. Because I was an elf. To Wolf, who lived embracing human women in the human kingdom, elves were truly ‘special’ beings.

From Wolf’s gaze and words, I could realize what my specialness was. I was a comrade. I was nothing more than a tool to confirm his own love when he called the name of the woman he loved, crushing my pride, and now, a weak being likely to easily give myself to him, relying on past affection.

“I love you. Wolf.”

There was a moment when just the fact that I called his name, Wolf’s name, felt breathtaking. There was such a passionate period when my head was dizzy like I’d jumped into a flower field, and I could be immersed in the intoxicating atmosphere.

“Wolf.”

My calling his name was always to confirm love. Even now, it was to confirm love. After I called Wolf’s name, another question always arose in my heart.

[Is it real? Do you really love me?]

An unanswerable question. People intentionally repeat the same words when they have nothing to say. Because they know that the unbearable truth approaches the moment they think rationally, they end up choosing the path of becoming a fool.

It was no different even for elves. Because all beings with blood flowing in their veins and hearts beating possess an inherent, cowardly nature that tries to turn away from the most painful truths.

“I love you. Wolf.”

What am I trying to prove by saying this out loud? What is it that I don’t want to end, causing me to do this?

“I love you…! Master…!”

Love is such an easy emotion for some people. The demons and residents holed up in this mansion utter ‘love’ far too easily.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

Creak! Creak! Creak! Creak!

“Aaaang! Master! If you do it like that, I-I’ll die! Ah…! Aaaaah! Aaaaang!”

A so-called love consisting of simple physical relationships, wicked brainwashing, and obedience. Their love was always accompanied by the creaking of the bed and moans. If they had even a little rest time, Evan would embrace the woman as if training never tired him.

Some days he’d embrace a maid and have sex in the kitchen, some days he’d call the mistress of the mansion and have sex while she attended to his bath. Other days he’d call Sylvia, who was researching magic, and ravish her, and last time he dragged the Succubus Queen to his bed and had sex until dawn.

I hated Evan like that. Because he was a demon who didn’t know the definition of love. Anyone can say ‘love and justice’ with their mouths. I knew all too well the fact that humans who spoke such hollow words shouldn’t be trusted.

“Aaaaaaaaang!”

Today too, the voice of a woman reaching climax echoed through the mansion. Every time I heard those moans, I resolved inwardly not to fall for Evan. My being in this mansion was purely a temporary alliance. Since the only beings capable of stopping the wicked deeds of Hero Wolf and his relatives and preventing the devastation of this kingdom were Evan and Madam Isabel, I was here unavoidably.

“Evan is trash.”

I said so in a small voice, so as not to be heard by others.

Evan is trash. Evidence that he is trash was abundant wherever you looked.

The reason I remained in this mansion was to shoot one arrow into Evan’s body if he fell into corruption at the final moment. Until then, I was just unavoidably joining forces and unavoidably training him.

“Trash. I said you’re trash.”

Saying that, I resolved once again.

I would never fall for Evan.

“Good work.”

A few days passed after I resolved that. Only ominous news was being delivered from the capital city; there was no word that the war situation had changed. The nobles were still banding together with like-minded individuals, gauging each other, and the pro-Hero nobles seemed to be weighing where to flee.

The one who kills the Hero becomes king and ushers in a new era. That’s the way it works. The capital city right now was an ideal land where the chance to become king opened up for anyone the moment the Hero died.

Even from the provinces, people blinded by the crown steadily came up. There was also a report that a provincial count, intending to lead a large army to escort Hero Wolf, caused friction with another territory, and war broke out immediately.

Every single day, wars were occurring for different reasons.

Even though no significant news was heard from the capital, I felt drained every single day as time passed.

“Good work today too.”

And Evan, wearing an expression without any particular worries today too, was drinking water. He was shirtless, and his firm muscles and well-proportioned limbs were impressive. As I glanced over his body, I suddenly felt Wolf’s pathetic physique overlapping and shook my head.

For some reason, irritation flared up.

“Why are you so fine?”

Evan tilted his head as if not understanding what I meant, even after hearing my question. Then, he gave me a skeptical look, rolled his eyes, and looked again at Sophia, who was sprawled on the floor. Then, he sneakily glanced at me, lay down on the grass, and started some awkward acting.

“Oh my… I suddenly have muscle pain…! Ah…!”

“That’s not it. You know people are dying continuously outside right now. Why are you so fine? Shouldn’t you at least show some concern?”

Evan seemed to understand what I meant only then. He got up, stared intently at me, and asked.

“What do you want me to do? Suggest we go out and fight Wolf right now? Even though the nobles are still wary of each other, if we attack, they won’t fight amongst themselves; they’ll target us first, won’t they?”

That was correct. So, even though I was wringing my hands anxiously, I didn’t suggest to Evan that we go up to the capital. But seeing his carefree demeanor irritated me. If you’re doing it for love and justice, shouldn’t you not be just staying still like this?

Logically speaking, it was an absurd thing to say. If Evan were here mourning other people, the training wouldn’t be effective. Even if Evan were truly sad, he had to control his emotions and work diligently.

But I was angry.

Strangely, seeing him smiling irritated me. However, it was difficult to logically explain why I was angry. Racking my brain hard, I carefully said.

“You’re too… b-bright, aren’t you? Huh? Make people feel worried…!”

“For whom? Isn’t that real hypocrisy? Who would care if I were sad here? Petunia. What’s happening outside right now is, strictly speaking, someone else’s business. Just someone else’s business.”

“People dying is someone else’s business? Didn’t you used to talk about love and justice? So after all, those were just hollow words?”

I frowned at his words and shouted. Sophia furtively glanced at us, then rolled her body and ran out of the yard. Elena, who had come out to sweep the yard, gently opened the door, let Sophia in, and then carefully disappeared back into the mansion.

Evan got up from his spot and sat down on a chair. Then, leaning back, he looked at me and said.

“What are you trying to say? I don’t know why you’re angry at me? As you say, people are suffering. Correct. But the best way to solve this is for us to just rush into the capital right now and fight Wolf, win or lose, right?”

“But that’s not realistic.”

“Then what are you angry about? Telling me to manage my expression in front of you? If I did that, it might make you feel a little better, but would anything change? Would the dead people come back to life? Would I train any better?”

When he said the phrase ‘manage my expression,’ I could notice Evan’s face contort severely. I had nothing to say to his words.

Because what I was arguing was nothing more than an unreasonable demand. I just stayed silent and could only glare at him.

Evan stared intently at me and said.

“Petunia. We cannot protect everyone.”

And strangely, those words struck me even more painfully. Like a blade squeezing through a gap in armor, it made my chest ache even more.

“Th-that kind of thing…”

Strangely, tears welled up.

“Those words…”

“Wh-what the fuck? Hey! Fuck, don’t cry there!”

Even while seeing Evan’s panicked face, I couldn’t stop crying. Tears I couldn’t understand the reason for poured out uncontrollably.