I, Who Couldn’t Be Honest, Tell You (1)

Ah.

Aah—

Ah.

Yona could hardly believe what was happening before her eyes.

It was a simple and straightforward act of Alec shaving his head, but the Alec in front of Yona’s eyes now was not such a simple matter.

It was just a few months ago,

Just an adventurer staying in Evian,

The tanker who steadfastly protected Yona’s front,

The tanker whose shoulder was always within reach when Yona stretched out her hand.

That very Alec was right there in front of her eyes.

Days that would never return—days when she had nearly died countless times, and days ahead where she didn’t know how many more brushes with death she would face.

Yet, there were joyful times even in those days.

Laughing and getting annoyed, bickering with each other in those times, the Alec who was always there in Yona’s time.

Regardless of whether he was Johannes Spillban or a cathedral knight or whatever,

Just the Alec who would turn around and smile when Yona called him “Baldy,” saying “Stop teasing me already!” was now here with Yona.

Her steps wouldn’t move easily.

Every time she tried to take a step, it was as if someone was holding her ankle, and her feet wouldn’t lift from the ground.

Even when she tried to speak, no words would come out.

Her lips wouldn’t part as if her throat was completely choked up.

It was strange.

Alec should be just Alec, with no changes.

It was strange.

It was just the one thing of him shaving off all his hair.

It was strange.

Alec was, Alec.

He was Alec, exactly as he had been.

The adventurer Alec in Yona’s memories.

The Alec who had protected her front during her adventurer days—

The Bronze rank adventurer Alec.

The Alec of those times when they both were weak and joked about soon rising to Silver rank, teasing each other.

That Alec was sitting right in front of her.

“Yona?”

Alec wore a puzzled expression as he looked at Yona, who was standing still at the door, just staring at him.

He had certainly shaved meticulously, not leaving even a single strand of hair.

Most likely, his head would be shining now just like before.

Hadn’t he checked and checked again multiple times?

He had thought it was exactly the same as then, exactly the same as before.

But now Yona was just staring at his head without saying or doing anything.

“Hey, you told me to shave it…!”

Alec vocally made a timid protest to Yona.

This time it wasn’t that his hair had disappeared on its own, he had shaved it himself, so he couldn’t reverse it, and he had no choice but to wait for his hair to grow back. But Yona, who had said she liked the bald look better, was now showing no reaction as she looked at Alec’s head, which was frustrating.

“Y… es. I did tell you to… shave it.”

Yona spoke to Alec in a deeply choked voice.

She had clearly said that he looked better when he was bald, that being bald suited him better.

And that thought hadn’t changed; Yona still felt that this suited him much better than Alec with full hair.

However—

Actually seeing the bald Alec in front of her like this, Yona’s emotions were overwhelming her.

Looking back, they were good times.

They were long times, hard times, painful times.

But those memories had already scattered and flown away in the wind, and only the good memories that had sunk with their own weight remained.

It felt like those memories were unfolding before her eyes.

It felt like those memories she thought she had carefully tucked away were coming to life one by one, unfolding before Yona’s eyes in their true form.

Biting her lip tightly, Yona approached Alec.

Standing in front of Alec, who was sitting on the bed, Yona slowly reached out her hand and stroked Alec’s bald head.

He had shaved so cleanly that there was no feeling of hair roots on her palm at all.

She could feel the skin directly on her palm.

Alec’s soft, warm head.

She stroked that head.

It felt like she was stroking past memories.

The feeling of Alec’s head skin wrinkles touching each line on her palm.

“You shaved it… well…”

Her voice came out trembling.

Even her hand was trembling.

It felt like the pent-up resentment she had been suppressing was bursting out. Many things had happened, and most of them had piled up as wounds of terrible unfairness and sorrow for Yona. The feeling of having nowhere to lean on, the pain that had been leaning on Alec, who was the closest, the loneliness—it felt like they were pushing away the pressure stone that had been suppressing them and bursting out.

“You really… did a good job…”

It was the image from the layered memories. Alec’s current appearance was like that to Yona. It was the appearance she had missed, searched for a place to rely on, and upon reflection, thought were good memories—now revealing itself before Yona’s eyes.

Alec didn’t know why Yona was suddenly acting like this. He had just shaved his head, but it was hard to understand why Yona’s emotions were bursting out like this. He even thought he might have shaved his head for nothing, but seeing Yona approach him and caress his head like this, he was relieved that it didn’t seem to be the case.

He tried not to think. Alec left Yona’s hand caressing his head as it was. There must be some meaning to it. Yona must have thought of something, felt something. With just that thought, Alec left Yona to do as she pleased.

Offering cheap consolation wouldn’t mean much to Yona anyway. Alec knew this fact better than anyone. Yona was a woman who didn’t take comfort well. So, Alec thought it was better to just leave Yona be. He couldn’t know exactly why Yona was showing such a passionate response, but he thought it would be better to leave her alone for now.

Yona’s hand, which had been caressing Alec’s head for a while, slowly came down and finally gently grasped Alec’s shoulder. A shoulder that fit perfectly in her hand. Rather than fitting perfectly, it would be more correct to say that Yona’s hand rested perfectly on Alec’s shoulder, but in fact, such things weren’t important to Yona.

Such a comfortable feeling. Yona felt the most comfortable she had in recent times.

Hadn’t Yona’s hand always rested on Alec’s shoulder?

It might not have been so inside Evian, but it was the norm when they went on expeditions.

Now, it had been so long since she had placed her hand on Alec’s shoulder that she could barely remember when it was.

In that comfort, Yona caressed Alec’s shoulder.

The iron pauldron Alec was wearing was the oldest among his current equipment.

He had been wearing it since they were in Evian, so Yona’s touch had reached it many times.

The pauldron was still shining from how much Yona had polished it.

Other parts were all crumpled and scratched, but where Yona’s hand touched—just that part was smooth and glossy.

‘Here, this is… my place.’

The place where I should be, where my touch should be.

It was right here.

Suddenly feeling tears welling up, Yona raised her head.

She tensed her eyes tightly, then blinked several times.

Nevertheless, clear tears finally flowed down.

The teardrops silently flowed down and fell onto Alec’s head with a plop.

‘The place where I should be… was here. That’s how it was.’

It must have been so.

The place where Yona should be was probably by Alec’s side.

The feeling of uncertainty she had every time she saw Alec with his full hair,

The shock she felt as if struck by lightning when she saw Alec’s appearance as soon as she opened the door.

Even though this was where she should have been.

Even though she just needed to be by Alec’s side.

‘I’ve come back from so far away.’

More than being the Saintess of the demon realm or whatever—

‘I could have just lived like that.’

This way was good enough.

‘That’s… all it needed to be.’

Alec, who had been by Yona’s side without complaint all this time, as she lived day by day like a mayfly.

Yona, who was reminded of the Alec from that time just by the change of him shaving his head.

Yona smiled.

For the first time in a long while, really a long while—it felt like she was smiling without any worries or concerns.

“Alec.”

“Y-yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Wha—”

He didn’t do the stupid thing of asking “For what?” If Yona said thank you, the correct response for Alec was to say it’s okay. It was a relationship that didn’t need why, what, how—for Alec, Yona was that kind of relationship.

“It’s okay. It’s you, Yona.”

What am I?

What am I that you would go this far for me?

—And, why didn’t I know this until now?

Did I not know, or did I pretend not to know even though I knew?

Yona thought it was probably the latter.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know Alec’s feelings. Rather, it was Yona who knew but couldn’t accept it.

An instinctive aversion prevented her from accepting Alec, and she was still lacking to overcome that aversion.

But now she thought it didn’t matter anymore.

The moment she opened the door, and the moment she saw Alec.

That shining bald head of Alec that entered her eyes.

And that awkward smile Alec showed.

It told her that it was enough now,

To admit it now,

Forget about the aversion or whatever,

I—didn’t I already know?

It erased the aversion in Yona’s heart.

Yona slowly wrapped her arms around Alec’s head.

And she hugged him, burying his head deep in her chest.

“Wh-what…?!”

Ignoring Alec’s small protest of surprise, Yona hugged Alec’s head more tightly, burying it deeper in her chest.

It was soft and warm.

The smooth, slippery feeling seemed to fill her chest completely.

“Thank you, Alec.”

Alec, who had been squirming slightly in surprise, stopped moving at Yona’s words.

And after a long while—

“I told you it’s okay.”

A small voice answered.

This stupid fool who says it’s okay without even knowing what he’s being thanked for.

Yona smiled.

Through that smile, teardrops that hadn’t fully fallen earlier now trickled down.

“Thank you… Alec. And—”

It was okay now.

It felt like everything would be okay.

Now, it felt like she could say it.

“Let’s stay together.”