Chapter 23: The cat and the fox

Killing was routine. Rest, peace… those were unattainable dreams. In a world that ignored me, saw me as a monster…

I was always alone. Preying on human souls.

Rustle

There was no reason. I never questioned why. I was born from this act, existed for this purpose. I killed. That was all.

“…”

I woke up in the undergrowth, something warm and soft beneath me, cooling rapidly.

A corpse.

I was born on a corpse, hidden beneath leaves and branches. A fox. And then I saw a human.

Their life force… it called to me.

I killed them.

Rip

“…”

As I took their life, I saw a shape within my own heart. A formless, hazy thing. My soul.

I wanted more. A perfect soul, beautiful, complete. Even this imperfect glimpse hinted at the emotions I could experience, the feelings I could possess.

I wanted it.

“…….”

The more I killed, the clearer the shape within my heart became.

I was unstable. My soul, fragmented and distorted, threatened to explode.

Crash

“…….”

I desperately sought a perfect soul.

If I could just touch it… maybe… even I could become whole.

Thud

“Ahh…!”

I was hunted. A monster, they called me. A murderer.

Pierce

“Ugh…!”

An arrow pierced my foreleg. I escaped into the forest, but…

“Follow the blood trail! It can’t have gone far!”
“…”

…they would find me soon.

I accepted my fate. Killing was wrong. I’d lived among humans, disguised as one of them, preying on their souls. I knew I was a monster. My unstable soul allowed me to shift my form. I’d done it out of curiosity.

But I hadn’t foreseen the consequences. The karma of my actions, returning to haunt me. The weight of my sins.

“…Haa…”

As I collapsed, bleeding, I remembered where I was born.

And I felt regret. If I hadn’t killed that first human, hadn’t seen that first glimpse of a soul… maybe… I could have lived peacefully in the forest, a quiet, harmless spirit.

Born on a corpse, driven by a hollow yearning, destined to die and return to the earth. That was my life.

“…Is it possible…?”
“……..”

And then I heard a voice.

“… “

Not a human voice, not the usual sound of a human soul. The form was human, but the essence… different.

“… “

Intrigued, I hid behind a tree and approached the sound.

“… “

A small temple. Someone was praying before a statue, hands clasped together.

“…A cat…”

A cat. In human form, living among humans. Its soul… unique. Not like mine, but… like what I wanted to be.

Whole. Peaceful.

“……..”
“…A shaman…”

The cat whispered, eyes closed.

“…Can I… become… a shaman…?”

A shaman. Chosen by the gods, granted the power to heal, to guide.

I’d heard stories. A powerful shaman, bringing peace to a troubled village. A divine maiden.

“…”

I’d sensed a similar aura once. Not the beautiful soul I craved, but… something awe-inspiring.

“…Please…”

The cat’s desire was palpable. It wanted to be a shaman.

“……..”

I closed my eyes, inhaling its essence. Not unpleasant. With a little effort, it could become… even stronger than the shaman I’d encountered before.

“…You can.”

I spoke, using the last of my strength to shift into human form.

“…Huh…?!”
“…A shaman isn’t chosen by humans… but by the gods… So…”

The cat looked around, startled, but I remained hidden. A murderer, lurking in the shadows.

“…I… I…”

The cat looked at the statue.

“…I’m a cat… They say… I can’t become a shaman… because…”
“…”

A sad story, perhaps. The cat’s voice was filled with dejection.

“…So what?”

I replied.

“Whether you’re a cat or a human, the gods choose the shaman. If you’ve been chosen… you have to do it… even if you don’t want to… Ugh…”

The arrow wound throbbed.

“Are you okay?! Are you hurt?!”

The cat, startled by my sudden pain, looked around frantically.

“…Your soul…”

I saw a flicker of my own past innocence in its eyes. I smiled.

“…is strong enough.”
“…”

And just as I finished speaking…

“So—”
“The blood trail ends here! Find it!”
“Search the area!”

…the hunting party arrived.

“…”

The cat should have run.

Tap, tap, tap

But it ran towards the voices.

“…Hey…”

Rustle

“………”

They found me. The cat froze, its eyes meeting mine, then a slow smile spread across its face.

“Hey, kid! It’s dangerous here! Go home!”
“The fox…!”

It pointed in a random direction, distracting the hunters.

“What?! It’s alive! Thank goodness! Now go home, quickly!”

Tap, tap, tap

It waited until they were gone, then…

Rustle

“…It was you.”
“…”

…came back to me.

“…Don’t come any closer.”
“……..”

I pushed it away. I was a murderer. It was my nature.

“…I… I’m a killer…”

The cat stared at me, then…

“So what?!”
“…What…?”

…repeated my words.

“I know you’re a killer! Everyone knows! They’re hunting you!”
“…But… then why…”

I was confused. Why hadn’t it run?

“…Because you’re my friend! You gave me courage!”

It gently removed the arrow from my leg.

Rip

“Ahh…!”
“S-sorry… Just a little longer…”

It clasped its hands together.

“…Show me the way… O Gods…”
“……..”

A strange warmth flowed from its hands, healing my wound.

“…You…”

Not just the arrow wound, but old scars, too. All of them.

“…You were right. I think… I was chosen…”
“…”

The cat… it seemed to glow, radiating an otherworldly light. A fleeting image, perhaps, but I saw… a future with this child.

“…I’m… glad… for you…”
“I’m the first cat shaman ever! I feel even prouder now, thanks to you!”

It beamed.

“…”

I smiled, listening to its story.

Gong

“Oh, it’s already this late? Sorry, I have to go…”
“…It’s alright.”

It was past curfew. The cat had to leave.

“See you tomorrow!”
“…What…?”

It promised to return, even though I might be gone by then.

“…You’re crazy.”

I turned to leave, searching for another hiding place.

“…Crazy… truly crazy…”

But as the sun rose, a strange feeling bloomed in my chest, and I found myself walking back to the temple.

“…Oh, you came back!”
“…Yeah…”

The cat was waiting.

“I told the elders! I’m going to be a shaman! And guess what?!”
“…What…?”

I listened to its excited ramblings, a strange warmth spreading through me.

“It’s all thanks to you! Thank you, Fox!”
“…You’re welcome.”

I found myself enjoying its stories.

“And today! Today, I…”
“…”

Its daily life at the shrine, its adventures at the market…

I felt her joy, her excitement. Like I was there with her.

“…”

And then, one day…

“And then… and then…”
“…”

Its usual cheerful demeanor vanished.

“…Someone… died…”
“…”

It told me.

“…A shaman trainee… She was… a really kind person…”
“…”

I couldn’t lift my head.

“…Did you… kill someone today…?”
“…”

It wasn’t me, but… the way it looked at me, its eyes questioning…

“…Did you have to… kill again… today…?”
“…”

…its gaze was a heavy weight, crushing me. I couldn’t meet its eyes, couldn’t answer. My resolve, brittle and weak, shattered under the weight of its sadness.

“…I know… it wasn’t you… But…”
“…”

The cat continued,

“…I don’t want you… to suffer… because of your killings…”
“…”

I lifted my head.

“… “

The cat’s eyes were filled with tears.

“…Your feelings…”
“…What…?”

I realized I was crying.

“…Your sadness… it’s… overwhelming…”
“…”

Shamans could absorb the emotions of others. That’s why I’d felt her joy so keenly.

I… How much worse could I get? How much further could I fall? Was I so twisted that I needed to see this child cry to feel… something?

“… “

There was no going back.

“……..”

I’d seen a future with this child. A future where we were happy, together, sharing meals, enjoying the scenery.

I thought it was destiny. The visions I’d seen, coming true… I thought it was meant to be.

Did the gods hate me? Did they despise my presence beside this child? Was my own darkness, my apathy, the cause of her tears?

“…I’m… sorry…”

I ran. I couldn’t stay.

She didn’t try to stop me. I ran far, far away.

I’d killed, searching for a soul. And then a soul found me, a kindred spirit, and I’d clung to her, blinded by my own needs.

But I’d already found what I was looking for. The beautiful soul… it was this child.

And I, oblivious, had burdened her with my pain.

Why had I searched for a soul? Why had I wandered for so long?

“… “

I’d wanted happiness, even though I knew I was a monster.

“…….”

Flop

I hid in a cave, high up in the mountains.

The sun was setting, painting the sky crimson, a harsh reminder that I didn’t belong anywhere.

“…Right…”

A murderer had no place in the world. Why did I even yearn for one? Why had I run all this way, only to…

“…”

…look down at the place where she was?

“…Sniffle…”

I covered my face, stifling my tears.

I recited their names, one by one. The man I’d killed first. The little girl. The old woman with the mark on her neck. The woodcutter with the broken leg. The court lady searching for her lost love.

I hadn’t forgotten a single one. Their souls… I’d consumed them. Knowing it was wrong, I hadn’t stopped. Why? Why hadn’t I stopped? Why had I disguised myself as them, lived among them?

“…Your anguish is profound, lost soul.”
“…Huh…?”

A voice echoed from the depths of the cave.

“…Who… are you…?”

A white light pulsed in the darkness.

“…I offer respite to wandering souls… That is all.”

A dragon.

“…You are… a rare sight… Why are you here…?”

Its soul… almost non-existent. A gaping hole in its chest. It looked at me, its expression languid.

“…I am… confined, let’s say. Just as you are trapped by emotions you don’t understand…”
“……..”

I stared, awestruck. A dragon. A creature of myth. It continued,

“…I was in love, once.”

A story from long ago. A distant memory.

“…We were together, but it didn’t last… I became… undesirable… to humans…”

It blinked slowly, its voice laced with bitterness.

“…And then… she died.”
“………”

I couldn’t find the words to comfort it. The gaping hole in its chest mirrored the void within its soul, a pain I couldn’t comprehend.

“…Because of me.”
“……”

My heart clenched, as if I’d experienced the loss myself.

“…I ran away… and she died… protecting me… She found me… She wanted me to be happy, even if it meant… her death… She died for me…”
“……..”

And then I understood. This wasn’t just the dragon’s story.

“…She knew… if they found me… I wouldn’t die, but… my hands… they would be stained with blood… and I would suffer… for the rest of my life…”

“…She chose… my happiness… over our shared suffering… Even if… it wasn’t much of a life…”
“………”

I hesitated. The dragon spoke.

“…Go.”
“… “

It told me.

“…You are special. Unlike me, you have already killed… and you have a soul capable of redemption…”

Go.

“…And you… you are in love.”

Now.

“With that child.”

“…Thank… you…”

Go.

I thanked it. The dragon smiled, releasing me.

Tap, tap, tap

My feet felt light, my heart pounding like a waterfall. I didn’t want to be separated from her anymore. If she was in danger because of me…

“…I’ll stain my hands with blood again…!”

…I’d rather suffer myself.

As I ran towards her, I finally understood.

I craved love. The corpse that birthed me… it had held me with love, protecting me, ensuring I wouldn’t die the moment I was born, allowing me to experience the world.

Whoever they were, they loved me. And I, born from that love, yearned for it, searched for a soul capable of such love.

I… I…!

Tap, tap, tap

“…Haa… Haa…!”

I reached the temple.

“…Fox…?”
“Haa…!”

The cat was waiting, even though it was late.

“Haa…”

I ran towards her, unable to stop…

Hug

“Oof…”
“…I…!”

…and held her tight.

“…I… I like you… so much…!”
“…..”

She’d grown so much since we first met. Almost as tall as me now. The frail kitten had become… strong.

I was overwhelmed with joy, with a desperate need to tell her, before it was too late. This wasn’t how I’d imagined it, but the words tumbled out.

“It hurts… when you’re not here…! I’m… I’m nothing without you…! I don’t ever want to lose you…!”
“…..”

A strange confession. She hadn’t gone anywhere. I was just… projecting my own fears.

A ridiculous thing for a murderer like me to say.

“I’m sorry…! I… I…!”
“… “

The cat…

“Huh…?”
“…Is that all? You ran away… just to tell me that…?”

…hugged me back.

“…..”

I was stunned, speechless, holding her tight.

“…I like you too, Fox.”
“… “

She whispered in my ear, her face against my shoulder.

“…I liked you from the beginning…”
“……….”

To me.

“…And you’re a terrible flirt, you know? Always visiting me, filling my heart with your… feelings…”
“…W-what…?”

My feelings… The ones I hadn’t realized I was expressing…

“…I won’t leave you. I’ll always be by your side, Fox. Even when I’m a shaman.”
“………”

And then…

“…You won’t leave me either, right?”
“……..”

That day…

“…I… I won’t.”
“…Good.”

…we untangled the red thread of fate, weaving it into a new, beautiful knot.

But misfortune was just around the corner.