A Man Serious About Gaming

—When you play a game, you play to win.

Like some character’s famous line. I was the same.

I can handle being called ugly as much as you want. But being called bad at games was something a man couldn’t tolerate, and I was an alpha among them.

If I were completely terrible and belonged with those friends in the deep sea, I could laugh when I lost, but since I was decent at any game—at least reaching Diamond tier—I had my pride in my skills.

And naturally, I thought Ye-rin would be good too.

In my mind, Ye-rin was, how should I put it, perfection itself. Well-rounded in both brains and brawn?

…A biological weapon resembling omurice briefly crossed my mind, but I decided to forget it. There’s no way Ye-rin could be bad at anything.

Anyway, last year when Ye-rin came over to my house and showed interest in the game I was playing, honestly.

—Event time!

I secretly cheered inside.

Come on, isn’t that a fantasy every gamer has had?

Playing with the girl you like as ADC & support, laughing together, giving high-fives while saying “Carry~” after winning, going on dates to PC bangs, pulling all-nighters gaming together.

With high expectations that I could finally fulfill that fantasy, and before Ye-rin changed her mind, we went to the PC bang the next day.

It was enjoyable up until I saw Ye-rin looking around curiously, saying it was her first time at a PC bang. I had never taught anyone games before, but if it was Ye-rin, even that process would be fun.

First, we sat down, ordered some light drinks, and I recommended a cat character named Lumi to Ye-rin, who was playing Legend of League for the first time.

It was easy to play, and Ye-rin liked cats. Fortunately, she lit up as soon as she saw it and said she liked that character.

So we started the game with smiles on our faces.

…But it didn’t take long for my expression to crumble.

There were two main reasons.

First:

“…Ye-rin, why did you buy that starting item?”

“I liked the name…”

WoojinS2(Lumi): Purchased Goddess’s Tear

EternalReturnInstantDown(Urgot): Woojin, is that the right item?

“How does this person know Oppa’s name…?”

…They’re not calling me.

When Ye-rin chose her ID while glancing at me, I watched with a warm smile.

Everything comes back like a boomerang, don’t they say? That moment’s happiness returned as current misery.

Wait, the recommended items surely must have appeared…? How did she even find that item?

But I didn’t want to be that guy who just tells a newbie like Ye-rin to buy this or that, and I thought letting her buy what she liked might help her enjoy the game, so I smiled and let it go.

…I did type furiously on my keyboard after blocking the chat on Ye-rin’s screen, but anyway.

It was still okay until then. She would get used to it with practice.

The problem was:

“…Ye-rin, did that appear in the recommended items?”

“No, it just looked pretty…”

…But you’re an ability power character. I squeezed my eyes shut seeing Ye-rin’s character with 300 attack damage and 0 ability power.

It was dark. Like the future of this match.

I thought it would just be the first game, but one game became two, and two became three.

To put it nicely, Ye-rin prioritized romance over efficiency; to put it not so nicely—

KimBlpung(Trundle): Woojin you s12345t, are you even human?

…She was a talent optimized for trolling.

Thank goodness Ye-rin had blocked the chat. And that she had used my name as her ID.

Seeing my name mentioned every match, I felt like crying tears of joy.

Until now, the only games Ye-rin had played were single-player ones like Animal Forest or Legend of Zelda where she could progress as she wanted.

She didn’t know that in competitive games like this, where the monitors contained not people but actual beasts, you could only win by focusing solely on efficiency.

The second reason was:

“Ah…”

“No, don’t do that…!”

I was more serious about winning and losing than I thought.

My resolution before coming to teach Ye-rin with a smile seemed to have disappeared with the continuous defeat messages and the beasts’ chat looking for me every match.

At some point, instead of saying “it’s okay” when we lost, I unconsciously let out deep sighs.

“……”

Watching me from the next seat, Ye-rin must have thought it was her fault.

Seeing her uncertain and silently watching my reactions to this side of me she’d never seen before made me feel sorry, but.

With my unnecessary irritation, I couldn’t even say a single word that it was okay.

“…Want to play one more?”

…If we win, it’ll be fine.

Although somehow a cold atmosphere had completely replaced how we felt when we first sat down, I thought just one win.

Just one win would clear the mood.

Until I heard the sobbing sound reach my ears.

“…Huh?”

I turned my head in shock to see Ye-rin with her head hung low, her shoulders trembling.

Even then, her small hands were still clutching the mouse.

…As if she needed to press accept if I queued for another game.

“Ye, Ye-rin. What’s wrong? Why are you crying…”

Ah.

Idiot. Han Woo-jin, you freaking idiot.

Over a mere game.

Was I deceived by familiarity?

When I first saw Ye-rin crying, I thought I never wanted to see her cry again.

Thinking that I had made such a Ye-rin cry, my heart felt like it was being torn apart.

“I’m sorry. It’s my fault, I was wrong. So please don’t cry…”

At my apology, Ye-rin weakly shook her head.

I gently took her hand that was gripping the mouse and pulled it onto her lap, covering it with both of mine.

If only she had pushed me away or shoved me off, saying she couldn’t stand to look at me.

If only she had blamed me or gotten angry, asking why I was making such a fuss over a mere game.

That would have been better.

As if she didn’t want to blame me, as if it was her fault.

Just silently crying, trying to hold back the sounds—seeing her like that made me feel like something was crumbling inside my chest.

Drop.

Why?

In the middle of the noisy PC bang, why did the sound of drops falling on my hand seem so loud?

One drop.

Two drops.

The eyes that usually always looked at me were now hidden as she hung her head.

Only the tears that she couldn’t hide, quietly flowing down Ye-rin’s cheeks, were visible.

That’s when I realized.

The reason I could always hold your eyes in mine was.

Not because I was looking at you, but because you were looking at me too.

“…I’m really sorry.”

Ye-rin just wanted to share my favorite hobby.

To share the same emotions with me.

She must have been looking forward to it a lot, just as I had expected.

And I ruined it all. Stupid me.

“O, Oppa.”

A voice filled with moisture called for me hesitantly.

“Yes, Ye-rin.”

“I, I, hiccup, today, really, was looking forward to it so much…”

“I know. I’m really sorry.”

“Sniff, Oppa, just, making, sob, scary expressions…”

“Can’t we just say that’s how my face naturally looks?”

Tap.

Ye-rin lightly kicked my leg as if telling me not to talk nonsense.

“I hate you, Oppa, I really hate you…”

As Ye-rin spoke each word with difficulty between sniffles.

All I could do was.

Slowly wrap my arms around Ye-rin’s shoulders, letting her cry as much as she needed.

“…I’m sorry. I promise I won’t do it again.”

“Liaaar…”

“It’s true. If I break it…”

“Sniff, if you break it…?”

“…I’ll do whatever you say for the rest of my life?”

“Wouldn’t you have done that anyway even if this hadn’t happened…?”

“…That’s not true.”

“Idiooot…”

Ye-rin’s hands, which had been weakly hitting my chest as if she hated me.

Gradually lost strength as time passed.

Soon, they slowly wrapped around my waist.

In the space between us that had become even closer than before.

Ye-rin carefully raised her head.

“It’s only because it’s me that you’re letting it go…”

As if saying “You know that, right?” In front of her violet eyes, moist and glistening with tears, I made a promise.

“Yes, I know. …Thank you.”

I told myself not to forget this warmth in my arms.

**

After leaving the PC bang that day, I barely received forgiveness after offering sweet macarons and the pasta dish Ye-rin liked.

Also, after that, whenever we played games together, we only enjoyed light games without competitive elements that Ye-rin would like.

At first, when I suggested playing games together again, Ye-rin’s eyes shook greatly as if thinking ‘This oppa hasn’t learned his lesson,’ but when I asked her to trust me one more time, she came along as if she couldn’t help it.

Fortunately, we were both able to spend time satisfactorily. Sometimes to the extent that Ye-rin would bring up wanting to play that game again.

Legend of League… we never played it again after that.

No matter how well Ye-rin and I got along, I vaguely thought there would come a day when we would argue or make each other sad.

But I really never imagined the first occasion would be over a game, so the shock was that much greater.

Maybe that’s why I hesitate when I see that game, remembering that time.

…And also because I got banned.

…Those bastards. They cursed at me first, calling “Woojin, Woojin,” and then reported me like cowards. They had no romance.

Occasionally when I watched Legend of League videos on YouTube and Ye-rin would glance over and say,

“Ah, that’s the game that made Oppa make me cry…?”

with half-sincerity, I felt so guilty that I stopped watching even the videos.

Adios, my Diamond account….

 

The game Yoon Do-hyun and the other kids would likely play at the PC bang was probably that game.

It was obvious without looking—that was the standard for middle school boys.

I could always borrow an account if needed, so I was debating whether to go or not.

Suddenly, I noticed the surrounding students becoming restless, their gazes turning to something behind me.

Wondering what was going on, I was about to turn around when I felt a hand gently tapping my shoulder.

Who could it be? I turned around to see,

“Oppa, let’s go home…”

Among numerous gazes, looking only at me with a smile, was Ye-rin.