Well, I Don’t Know (5)

“Why, why are you doing this, all of a sudden?!”

Ariel unconsciously shouted at the sight of him suddenly bowing his head. She couldn’t help it, as Ariel had never received a bow from someone much older than her, through both her past life and current life. Especially if that person was her father!

“I have nothing to say to you even with ten mouths. It’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s fine, please raise your head, please…”

Heinrich finally raised his head at the sight of her starting to panic. Of course, considering the guilt remaining in him, he should probably be kneeling here, but if he did that, it might make Ariel feel even more burdened.

No, in fact, just bowing his head seemed to be enough to make her feel burdened. Even if it’s meant as an apology, if the person involved doesn’t like it, it’s putting the cart before the horse.

“I just… you know, wanted to know the reason, not to receive an apology. If there’s a valid reason, I might be able to understand.”

“Understand, is it…”

That can’t be. This is something the Duke himself can’t forgive even if Ariel does. But before that, it’s first necessary to resolve what Ariel is most curious about. After all, it was the cause of all the problems.

“Yes. The reason, you asked for the reason.”

Heinrich moistened his throat and gathered his breath for a moment. Theodore already knows, but thinking about telling Ariel, the person involved, he already feels his breath tightening.

As a parent, he neglected his child for nearly 20 years. He has nothing to say no matter what criticism he receives. But it’s something he must do. Only then will he have the right to bow his head to Ariel.

Heinrich started explaining step by step, as if squeezing out the words.

“I’m sorry.”

I’ve heard the circumstances roughly. Why Father kept avoiding me. What had happened. Well, to summarize, it’s because he was reminded of his dead wife, that is, ‘Mother’, and avoided me, and later he couldn’t bring himself to face me because of the guilt from avoiding me.

Um, well… honestly, it’s a reason I can understand but also can’t. I think it could happen for the first few years, but can it really continue until one is fully grown? If I hadn’t barged in like this and had gone to the Academy, wouldn’t this misunderstanding have kept deepening?

Perhaps this was the background for why ‘Ariel’ became so twisted. In fact, I heard that her personality was already nasty before I woke up, and if nothing special had happened, that nasty personality would have probably remained.

But what if Father had apologized earlier like this? What would have happened then?

‘It might have been different.’

In my judgment, ‘Ariel’ was severely affection-starved. She would probably have happily accepted if Father had apologized and shown interest. If that had happened, the ‘Black Magician’ might never have appeared. That was the corrupted form of ‘Ariel’ pushed to the extreme.

Well, what does it matter now? Father’s apology was certainly not wrong, but unfortunately, the right person who should hear this apology is no longer in this world. There’s no development like ‘another soul sleeping in my mental world!’

While learning magic, I investigated my body in detail, just in case. Wondering if one of the clichés of possession stories, like having two souls in one body, might have happened.

To cut to the conclusion, there was nothing like that. Just to be sure, I called a priest under the pretext of a health check-up, and the result was that there’s only one soul in my body – mine. I don’t know what happened to ‘Ariel’. Whether she attained enlightenment or merged with me. But honestly, that doesn’t matter. I’ve already decided to live as Ariel. I thought I would live as the villain, a stepping stone for the protagonist.

‘It feels somewhat blasphemous.’

Father is bowing his head, but the recipient is not the daughter he’s wronged all this time. It’s just a stranger who squeezed into this body.

‘Well, let’s stop these strange thoughts here.’

I’ve been concentrating too much, unlike myself. The longer thoughts get, the more useless they become, so let’s keep them as simple as possible. Wasn’t that my motto?

“There’s no need to apologize, Father.”

Having organized my thoughts, I slowly opened my mouth.

“Rather, I’m grateful that you’ve told me the truth like this.”

Despite everything, Father bowed his head and confessed his wrongdoing to his daughter. It might be because of a change of heart due to my sudden intrusion, but I know that it’s not an easy thing to do. I can show respect for that fact.

“I’m fine. I knew that Father didn’t hate me.”

I’ll say it again, the right person who should hear Father’s wrongdoing is no longer in this world. Then what should I do? Well, there’s not much. I can only accept it to make the remaining people comfortable. From the beginning, I didn’t feel much discomfort or loneliness from Father’s neglect. I just thought it was frustrating.

So, I have no hesitation in saying words of forgiveness. I think even ‘Ariel’ would somewhat sympathize with this. Even if she were here herself, I don’t think the result would have been much different.

But the one doing the forgiving is not ‘Ariel’, it’s me. I thought about that point for a moment… but I don’t think I have anything to feel guilty about.

The reason I’m here in the first place is because Ariel lost consciousness or died. And I’ve decided to accept living as Ariel through the past few months of life. In other words, I am Ariel and Ariel is me. That is to say, no one has the right to say anything about me forgiving.

If we really want to argue, ‘Ariel’ could come out and object… but if she’s upset, she should have come out. Right?

It might sound strange, but I’m a villain. More precisely, I’m in a body that must become a villain. One of the basic qualities of a villain is to do whatever I want without caring about others’ opinions. A villain is someone who commits evil deeds with a smile, regardless of what others say. And I must become such a villain.

Alright, I’ve sorted it out.

As Ariel finished speaking, silence fell over the gathering. Ariel, who forgave so readily. Considering her behavior until now, this is impossible.

‘Is it because she lost her memories after all?’

Heinrich thought so. Even he himself thought that what he had done was more than enough to ruin a person’s life.

Neglecting a child during their crucial growing years and not exchanging a single word. It’s simple, but nothing is more vicious to a child than this. Heinrich knew this fact very well.

Yes. He knows it well. Knowing it well, he was blinded by someone who had already left. He turned away from his daughter who reached out to him crying.

‘I was prepared to accept any words.’

Even if Ariel criticized him, even if she ignored him in the same way, Heinrich was prepared to humbly accept it all. He would listen to anything. He would pay any price. That’s what he thought… but Ariel accepted his apology with surprising ease.

It’s impossible. Considering the obsession Ariel had shown until now, this shouldn’t be resolved so simply.

Therefore, Heinrich quickly came to a conclusion. All of this was because the memories of being neglected by him had been completely wiped away.

‘But I have no intention of turning away.’

Even if Ariel herself doesn’t remember, the fact remains that he didn’t show his face for months after she woke up, and what he’s done until now doesn’t disappear. It’s not a problem that can be brushed aside.

‘I must atone.’

He doesn’t know how Ariel herself thinks about it. For her, it’s something that happened over a few months, but for Heinrich, it’s something that continued for over 10 years. Especially since it happened during the time when she should have been receiving parental love, considering Ariel’s remaining life, it’s something he can’t atone for enough even if he spends his whole life doing so.

“Ariel.”

“Yes?”

The gaze of his daughter looking up at him with a face that seemed to understand nothing was sharper than the cold face Heinrich had imagined. If she had cursed at him, if she had resented him, it might not have hurt this much. How can she look at him so innocently? How can she still call him Father?

Ariel probably doesn’t know. The guilt Heinrich is feeling. The disgust he feels at his own ugliness, which he’s started to feel after finally facing her after continuously turning away.

But Heinrich could never let that pain show on the outside. He shouldn’t let it show.

‘Because Ariel must have been in more pain.’

When a child is hiding their pain and smiling like that, a parent can’t say they’re in pain in front of them. All Heinrich can do is to do better from now on.

“I’m truly sorry.”

“Huh? I told you I’m fine.”

The sight of Ariel nonchalantly waving her hand was nothing short of torture for Heinrich.