What Do You Think Exists at the End of Life?

At least I consider myself a woman.

I was once a man, but I’ve lived as a woman for 28 years now.

Yes, so the reason I’m surprised now can’t be because of sexual desire.

I’m just astonished by the fact that there’s a support that can sustain that vicious weapon.

“Is this enough?”

Of course, cultural aspects don’t follow the times, so there could be things like bras or garter belts.

I’m also careful in choosing underwear, so there’s no reason this young lady can’t wear black lace underwear.

But what’s more surprising is the strap extending from the shoulder.

The ones I use have a structure where the strap touches the skin, but that one is not only floating in the air from the shoulder but even creating space, isn’t it?

Yes, if breasts are big, even bra straps float in the air.

To think I only realized this now. I feel like I’ve wasted 28 years of living as a woman.

“Um, is there something wrong?”

“Ah, no. At least from the outside, there doesn’t seem to be much wrong. I’ll start the examination right away.”

“Ah, yes. I’ll be in your care.”

The saint bowing her head.

At that moment, what was underneath shook, but I deliberately ignored it and quietly raised my hand.

“Then, I’ll start with auscultation first.”

“Auscultation?”

“It’s checking the movement of the heart or lungs by placing a hand on the chest and infusing mana.”

To put it simply, it’s a technique modeled after the ‘stethoscope’ that exists in the original world, diagnosing the inside by infusing mana into the subject’s body.

Although detailed investigation is impossible due to the collision of wills, if you use sound and vibration, you can easily check for pulse or lung diseases.

-Squish.

Ah, of course.

If you can spread the waves stably inside, that is.

“Could you turn your back this way?”

“Pardon?”

“Yes, your back.”

Damn. It’s the first time I can’t auscultate because it’s too amazing.

-Zing.

But such a happening was only for a moment.

Soon, as the hand concentrated with mana was placed on her back, vibrations began to occur.

The vibration of mana is transmitted to the other person’s body, and the returning waves allow for a rough estimation of the body’s structure.

I carefully examine by lowering such fingertips along the line of the spine down to below the shoulder blades, and towards the delicate waist.

And there was no ulterior motive in this process.

It’s an attractive body, but more than that, the sense of mission as a doctor was considered more important.

“…It’s quite fast.”

Yes, that’s why I could immediately grasp the problem.

“Fast, what do you mean?”

“Your heart is beating faster than average.”

The heart beating faster than average despite not having done any special exercise…

There are various reasons.

It can happen sufficiently in situations where metabolism is difficult, such as heart diseases like arrhythmia, of course, psychological anxiety or tension, dehydration or overwork, etc.

Naturally, it’s a common symptom, so a detailed examination is essential to find out the proper reason, but now I could roughly guess why her pulse was fast even without such an examination.

Especially since I had it in mind from the moment I first touched her hand.

“…I suspect anemia.”

“Anemia?”

“It’s a symptom that occurs when there’s a lack of blood in the body.”

Indeed, her hands were cold despite being wrapped in holy power.

And along with low body temperature and increased blood pressure, it’s one of the main symptoms of anemia.

“Do you often skip meals?”

“There are cases of fasting for events, but it’s not that frequent. Meals are important for physical activity after all.”

“Hmm, then what about Haide’s food culture? For example, do you avoid meat for doctrinal reasons?”

“There’s no food particularly avoided for doctrinal reasons. Rather, because we respect the dignity of life, we aim to minimize sacrifices and try to utilize harvests to the maximum.”

So if they slaughter a pig, they use not only the meat but also the blood and even boil the bones?

What an amazing spirit of frugality. I even feel like other orders overflowing with picky eaters should learn from this.

At the same time, it’s strange that she has anemia despite mainly eating blood.

“Um, this anemia… is it serious?”

“Well, anemia is a symptom difficult to resolve with holy power, but it’s just a matter of replenishing what’s lacking.”

Whatever it is, I should finish explaining for now.

“If the symptoms are severe, blood transfusion might need to be considered, but fortunately, I judge that the saint isn’t at that level. I think it will improve if you consistently consume meat or vegetables high in iron content.”

“Iron? Is there iron in plants?”

“Although it doesn’t form large chunks like minerals, iron is an essential nutrient for all living things with metabolic abilities. Iron has a property of reacting sensitively to oxygen, and this component is absorbed through the blood, circulates throughout the body, and replenishes oxygen to the necessary organs. Typically, vegetables with a bright green color like spinach contain a lot of this iron…”

While explaining, I continued the diagnosis of her body again.

Content that might be a bit difficult to understand without specialized knowledge.

Nevertheless, the saint was carefully taking in all the explanations and showing an attitude of trying to accept as much as possible within the range she could understand.

“Ms. Seine, you know a lot.”

When the explanation was about to be concluded, she spoke to me as if in admiration.

As if purely paying respect to the knowledge I possessed.

“It’s nothing special. Anyone can know if they just learn.”

“Learning itself is an amazing thing. Moreover, aren’t you and the believers of Cleas pursuing a discipline that has been consistently rejected? In other words, you could be called brave pioneers opening up a new path.”

“You flatter me. A pioneer…”

“No, I sincerely think the Cleas Order is amazing.”

The saint refusing even modesty.

Although the atmosphere is bland, there was considerable assertiveness felt in her current claim.

“That’s why I think we need to rely a lot on the Cleas Order in the future. Because Cleas will grow into an order that will lead the era of peace that will unfold later.”

“Leading the era… you mean our order?”

Even though it only has 20 years of history.

“Although I too have only recently inherited the position of saint.”

I thought the leap was too extreme, but nevertheless, there was sincerity in her voice.

“I’ve learned that although Haide has a long history, we don’t have many traditions maintained compared to other orders. This means that, like the food culture mentioned earlier, there are significantly fewer taboos that believers must keep.”

A religion that doesn’t follow tradition…

At least in the world I originally lived in, it was considered almost impossible.

Not worshipping tradition means not having a foundation, and groups without a clear focal point tend to disintegrate easily.

“The reason Haide was able to grow in scale despite not emphasizing tradition and discipline is because the entire order has repeatedly made efforts to adapt to the trends of the times.”

“…Trends?”

“Death is equal to everyone, but the attitude of accepting it is bound to differ from person to person… Similarly, for us who want to embrace all of them, adapting to the trends of the times can be said to be not a choice but a necessity.”

Of course, one’s attitude towards accepting death can change depending on the years lived and the environment gone through.

Some deny, some get angry, some negotiate with God and then despair at the harsh reality, and thus resign…

Because they want to embrace all such human aspects, those who worship death show a more generous attitude than anyone else when it comes to discipline.

“And the Cleas Order has the ideology of providing a little longer opportunity for those facing death. We of Haide also think that we need to learn from such a spirit for the era of peace that will come later.”

Because we hope that in the future, there will be more people who live faithfully to a valuable life rather than funerals for those who died in war.

That too can be said to have read the flow of the times well, but as I thought before, Haide’s method would be considered lacking in principles by other orders.

Because an order without a foundation is not strange to disintegrate at any time.

“But that would be no different from not having lingering attachments to past things.”

Yes. What’s being mentioned now must have arisen from skepticism born from such awareness.

“Choosing to forget the past to adapt to the present… In some sense, our order could be interpreted as having maintained its lifeline by betraying consideration for the ancestors who made us who we are today.”

“…Saint?”

“Ms. Seine.”

The atmosphere changed.

When I realized this, the saint who had turned her body at some point faced me eye to eye.

Still with her upper body undressed.

But without a trace of embarrassment, with her hands modestly gathered.

“Actually, wanting to have a private audience with you wasn’t just because I wanted you to diagnose my body. I wanted to ask you, who serves the God of Medicine, something directly.”

An infinitely serious voice.

But the eyes gazing at me felt more empty than ever. As if emotions are felt but no strength is put into them?

“You, as a believer and a doctor…”

The saint asked me with such empty eyes.

“What do you think exists at the end of the life you walk?”

It was something I never thought a priestess serving the God of the Underworld would say.

After all, they should know best what exists after death.

“There must be an afterlife. Embraced by Haide…”

“No one has seen it. What kind of place the underworld guided by Lord Haide is.”

But if the uneasiness I’m feeling now is true, what she’s showing now is not something that can be taken lightly.

It’s the very saint of the order showing signs of denying the ‘unique foundation of faith’ that is premised on maintaining the lifeline that they try to maintain even at the cost of abandoning tradition.

“When people die, they go to the underworld, and eventually to Haide’s embrace… Everyone living in this era believes so. Not only the believers but also those who entrust funerals to the believers. Even in your order, you would entrust funerals to Haide’s believers, right?”

“…Yes, that’s right.”

“But no one, including the believers, has ever set foot in the afterworld directly. In the end, it’s just that it will be so, they think so, they believe it will be so… After all, it’s just an abstract concept.”

Of course, what’s important for clergy is not truth but belief.

That too would be considered foolish in the world I originally lived in, but in this world, there exists a power that can be awakened through such belief.

“Ms. Seine.”

Nevertheless, she spoke as if rejecting the value of that.

The new civilization accepted to adapt to the new era…

The question unfolded by the new field of medicine.

“Can you, as a doctor, answer definitively? Where do people really go after they die?”

As if unable to turn a blind eye to that, she clutched her left chest and asked.

“After this heart existing in this chest stops, where will people truly go?”

Her heart must still be beating.

The heart stopping means death, and the heart beating in itself teaches that a person is alive.

And some say.

That the heartbeat, which moves on its own without being bound by any action, is the ‘evidence of the existence of a soul’ in humans.

“…May I speak honestly?”

But a soul?

Is it okay for someone who worships medicine to believe in such an abstract thing?

“Is it difficult for you to say?”

“My opinion probably isn’t important. You must have called me because you thought you needed to address this.”

Yes, Haide has already decided to respect Cleas’s ideology and beyond that, to emulate their intentions.

Believing that this is necessary to live in the era of peace that will come later, she, who has newly ascended to the position of saint, has resolved to even accept Cleas’s ideology.

“Please tell me. What do you think?”

Just as one who looks into the abyss must be prepared for something in that abyss to look back at them.

If that hinders having faith, she thinks she must endure it as a trial.

“I deny the afterlife.”

But even so, is it okay to say it?

“When humans die, that’s the end. Nothing exists after that.”

Is it okay to firmly assert to a leader who will support the future era, the values that have been maintained since my previous life, and furthermore, have become stronger while living a second life?