Chapter 20: Did You Develop Any Regrets?

“….”

It was a first.

For that person to ask something of me.

Of course, I had received requests for work-related reasons, but those were orders as a superior, not requests.

Even when we were dating, she never asked me for anything.

Always yes or no, and after some time, uh-huh or no.

The Team Leader’s attitude was always businesslike, as if my relationship with her was an extension of work.

But that person is asking me for a favor now. A very personal one.

Submerged in gloom, looking endlessly weak.

“….Team Leader.”

It’s a sight I don’t want to see.

I don’t want to see this side of her.

Yet, at the same time, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

Because I’m probably the only one who gets to see this side of her. Other than me, right now.

“…I’m just saying this in case, Cha Hyewon, Team Leader.”

But it shouldn’t be like this.

“You haven’t forgotten that we used to date, have you?”

Because our relationship isn’t one where that’s okay.

“Honestly, this situation…is very uncomfortable.”

To me, the Team Leader, and to the Team Leader, I, are past connections that can no longer progress.

“Even if I’m oblivious and can’t read the atmosphere, I’m not the type to ignore uncomfortable vibes and just do my own thing.”

The reason I suggested starting over as friends with her in the first place was because I didn’t think we could go any further than that.

The lingering feelings I have for Cha Hyewon, the pathetic attachment I have for someone who had no feelings for me.

“And…even if I’m a pushover who only knows how to smile foolishly, I’m not someone who can smile without hesitation at the person who broke up with me first.”

To prevent those lingering feelings from showing, I initially tried to avoid getting involved with the Team Leader as much as possible. After I had sorted out my feelings to some extent, I tried to completely give up even the remaining attachment.

“What kind of friend takes care of their sick friend at their house for two days and one night?”

But why, why is she doing this?

“I know you don’t have those feelings for me, Team Leader. I know it’s lame and uncool for the one who got dumped to act like this.”

Even though she doesn’t love me, never has.

This person keeps approaching me. After cutting the thread that bound us together, she dangles the severed thread in front of my eyes.

“Haa…”

Of course, she probably didn’t intend to do that, not even a little bit. Because she’s not someone who cares about past relationships.

It could just be that she was so sick that she collapsed, and she was grateful that someone who was always kind to her took her to the hospital, so she became weak and spilled her family history, which she wouldn’t have normally done.

The Team Leader is also human, even if people say she’s as cold as ice.

“…I hope I can remain good friends with you, Team Leader. I don’t want to go any further than that.”

I don’t want to be anxious and fretful to gain love like I was back then. I just want a simple and close relationship where we’re comfortable with each other, and I hope it ends there.

“I think I’ve done everything I need to do as a friend for this… So, I’ll be going now…”

I wish it would end…

“….”

“…!!??”

…What is that?

I’m not seeing things, am I? No, the sun hasn’t set yet.

Then what is that? The streak of water running down her cheek is…

“T, Team Leader? Are you crying right now?”

…Tears?

“…Huh? Oh…”

The Team Leader weakly brought her hand to her eyes, as if she didn’t even know she was going to cry.

“…What is this? Why am I…crying…”

“T, T-Team Leader, are you okay? It’s not like my words hurt you that much, r-r-right? No…r-right…? Or…not…?”

Now it sounds like I said something I shouldn’t have…!!

…Was it something I shouldn’t have said…? No, no! Honestly, isn’t it okay to say something like that when you’ve been dumped? I’m the one who wants to cry, it was supposed to be me!

“…I’m sorry. I was just being pathetic. You can…go now.”

“…”

…Ah, seriously.

“…Aish, f, first stop crying. Stop, stop!”

Seo Hanbyeol, who was singing his heart out at the karaoke, crying and hoping you’d have a harder time, where did he go?

It’s making me suffer more because you’re really having a hard time. What is this?

“You’re not a child…How can a grown adult cry over something so trivial?”

“….”

I remember my friends telling me that I was born with the “mom” gene.

It feels like just yesterday that I laughed and retorted, “Why are you talking about ‘mom’ like that to a guy?” but now I can’t laugh.

“…Haa…really…”

Come to think of it, I’m not even a man anymore, am I?

I suddenly felt sad. I don’t know why, but I just…wanted to cry.

When I think about it, I’m really weak to tears.

I’m not trying to say anything cliché or old-fashioned like “a woman’s tears” or anything like that, but I just get weak when I see someone crying. Even if it’s an animal, not a person.

“…Are you done crying? Then turn off the TV and go to sleep.”

And this person’s tears…seem a little stronger than other tears.

Like a downpour that turns hard ground into a muddy mess.

Is it because she has the image of someone who would never shed a tear in her life? It’s also because I’ve never seen her cry before.

I think everyone else would feel the same way. I’m sure even the Head of Department wouldn’t believe it if you told him Cha Hyewon, Team Leader, was crying.

“…I’m going to spread rumors about this at work.”

“…No one will believe you.”

“….That’s right.”

So, even if I went around saying, “Our Team Leader fainted and cried because she was so upset~,” the first response I’d get would be, “Are you crazy?” I wouldn’t believe it either if someone went around saying the Team Leader cried.

“I suddenly feel like the whole world is unfair.”

“…I told you it was okay to go…”

“Aish…and yet…!!”

…What’s the point of getting angry? It’s not like she intentionally shed tears to make me feel guilty.

I’m just feeling guilty on my own, my heart is just weakening on its own, it’s pathetic.

“…No, it’s okay. Get some rest. I’ll be playing with that cat friend in the living room.”

“It’s Maru…”

“Yeah, Maru or the living room.”

How was I born and raised with such a pushover personality? Is it genetic?

No, both my mom and dad have quite the temper.

…I don’t know.

――

Seo Hanbyeol is weak to tears.

It wasn’t like I didn’t know that fact. We’ve spent quite a long time together.

It wasn’t just people crying, he was so sensitive that he would get teary-eyed watching videos of animals crying or animated movies. Unlike me.

I found it funny and, at the same time, fascinating. Tears were quite foreign to me, who hadn’t cried at anything since learning about my father’s true feelings.

So, at first, I didn’t even realize tears were flowing.

In the first place, isn’t it strange to cry just because you heard something like that?

I even collapsed from overwork, so has my mental state weakened that much?

Anyway, it wasn’t intentional, but thanks to that, I was able to catch him.

A normal person wouldn’t even look at the tears of a woman who dumped them, but this person…has a soft heart.

That being said…it looks so pathetic when I see it like this.

If you exclude the unusual situation of the gender change, isn’t this the epitome of a shameless person? I dumped him because I didn’t like him before, but now that he’s changed to my liking, I’m sticking to him again.

The problem is that the pathetic person is none other than me.

“Maru, your mom is a really bad person, isn’t she?”

As I lay in bed, listening to the sounds coming from outside, I could hear his voice as he seemed to be playing with Maru.

“Bringing me all the way to your house is enough, right? ‘Just stay with me for today?’ Am I your subordinate outside of work too? ”

He was complaining to Maru about his situation in a whiny voice.

“And if you even cry after that, how can I leave with peace of mind? That’s 100 percent crocodile tears, don’t you think?”

Maong―

“…You don’t think so?”

Even that complaint didn’t seem to be going well.

“What do you know, you’re just a cat. Are you smarter than me?…Are you smart?”

“…Pfft.”

The content of his conversation-disguised-as-monologue was so absurd that I couldn’t help but chuckle. He wasn’t even sure if he was smarter than a cat.

“When I think about it, talking to a cat like this is kind of idiotic. I must be an idiot.”

Regardless, he didn’t stop talking. Talking to the wall…no, talking to a cat?

“Well, because I’m an idiot, I’m being swayed by the words of someone who dumped me like this. If I wasn’t an idiot, would I be doing this?”

“….”

The content wasn’t something I could just laugh at.

“Maru, I used to be really close to your mom, you know? Are you old enough to understand? Then…would it be okay to say I really liked your mom?”

As if he had forgotten my existence, he said to Maru in a somewhat bitter voice.

“But your mom broke up with me. Your mom probably didn’t like me.”

“…”

That was true. Back then, there was a problem that prevented him and me from being anything more than friends.

I tried to force myself to continue without ignoring that problem, but in the end, I couldn’t resist my instincts. I couldn’t ignore my abnormal taste.

“…I still like you, though.”

That’s why I broke up with him. Even now that that problem has been resolved, our relationship is so strained that we can’t get back together.

Perhaps the day that strained relationship touches again will never come. Parallel lines…

“….?”

Wait a minute.

“This is a secret from your mom, okay?”

“……!!!???”

What?