Chapter 190

Chapter 190

Episode 190: “Fragments of the Past” // After dealing with Juki, who was lying on the floor, I carried Keir back to the inn. I wish there was a better place, but it’s not easy to find a suitable corner in the slums, which are under the control of the underworld. I had no choice but to return to the inn where I was staying. No one saw me. If I had been caught by the guards, I would have been in trouble, but I just had to hide when I heard them approaching from afar. Thanks to that, I was able to return to the inn without being disturbed by anyone. “….Snore.” “….” Even the innkeeper, who should have been guarding the counter, was asleep. His appearance, leaning against the wall and sleeping, might make one think of the word dereliction of duty, but on the other hand, it’s ridiculous to be so thoroughly guarding an inn in the relatively peaceful Lakers. I suppose I should understand, as he must have had a tiring day as well.

-Clunk.

Without being disturbed by anyone, I quietly climbed the creaking stairs and opened the door on the second floor, where I saw Aiden, who was also asleep. “….” I watched Aiden sleeping silently for a moment. At a glance, Aiden’s crotch was impressively swollen. “Umm…” I know it’s a physiological phenomenon, but I feel a little strange. I was just getting rammed by underworld thugs, but this guy has been abstaining like this? “….” I thought about giving him a handjob since he looked uncomfortable, but I decided against it when I looked at Keir’s face, whom I was carrying. He’s my old friend and half-jokingly my master, so it would be a bit weird to show him such a strange sight.

-Thud.

After making up my mind and putting Keir down on the wooden floor, “Ugh, huh!?” Aiden, who had been asleep until just now, picked up the dagger next to him like a nimble cat and got up. As expected of a thief, Aiden woke up cleanly without a trace of drowsiness in his eyes and relaxed his guard when he saw me. “…You’re back already?” “Not quite already.” Even so, it’s quite late at night. When I was getting fucked by those men, my mind was hazy, so I didn’t properly keep track of the time, but when I looked at the sky on the way to the inn, the moon was quite low. Maybe the sun will rise soon. “…I see.”

-Swish.

Understanding my words, Aiden put away the dagger and tilted his head. His questioning gaze was directed at my old friend, whom I was carrying. “By the way, what’s that? A corpse?” “The friend I told you about.” “Ah. That trash?” “It’s rude to talk about people like that.” I lightly scolded Aiden. Even so, he’s my childhood friend. Keir treated me like a sex toy for quite a long time, but the time he treated me as a person was slightly longer. And I don’t think either of his attitudes is bad. Asking which one was better would be a heartbreaking question, but I don’t care anymore. Scars etched in the mind don’t necessarily have to hurt. “But what are you going to do with that guy?” “I was originally going to talk to him, but his subordinates were there.” “So, you knocked him out and kidnapped him?” “That’s right.” “…He’s going to freak out when he wakes up.” Maybe. He might. But there’s nothing to worry about. This is an inn, so it would be troublesome if he freaks out, but it’s not difficult to deal with. “It’s okay. If he makes a fuss, I’ll just knock him out until morning.” “…Well, if you say so….” Aiden answers as if he’s uncomfortable, but his words are not finished. It’s because they’re obscured by the thick voice that follows. “….You’re saying harsh things.” “Huh?” The sound I hear is a familiar tone. When I glance down, Keir, who had been unconscious, was already staring at me with his eyes wide open. For someone who was suddenly knocked unconscious, his response was quite calm. “Oh, you’re awake?” “….” When I greeted him naturally, Keir got up without answering. I was going to hit him again if he resisted, but I guess there’s no need to. “….” Instead, he gives me a complicated look. And then he utters words that are still incomprehensible. “….It’s been a while since you’ve done this.” “Done what?” “Knocked me out.” “…Ah.” Come to think of it, I used to do that when I was a kid. I remember it happening only once. Maybe it was twice. Or maybe it was three times, but the number doesn’t matter. “You remember that?” “Of course. I was thinking of getting revenge someday.” “…Hmm.” Looking at him speaking calmly, I pause for a moment. Could it be that the relentless sexual abuse that has been going on for the past few years was that revenge? It seems like an excessive revenge for being knocked out a few times, but that’s probably not true. …It’s just a joke, right? I thought he would be angry or happy, but he was neither. I didn’t know he could make normal jokes. “….” I quietly stare at Keir. Keir’s eyes, which I haven’t seen in a long time, were different. A calm look that I don’t think he ever had. I can’t find the madness that used to be directed at me in those eyes. In the end, I had no choice but to tell him. “…You’ve changed.” “You’re still the same.” At Keir’s words, I give a bitter smile. The fact that I’m the same is probably because of my current appearance. My fabricated appearance hasn’t changed since I left. “Probably not.” But that judgment is wrong. I’ve completely changed. My body and mind. It’s different from when I left Lakers. Some of it is still me, but some of it is something completely different. What if it was the old me? Wouldn’t I have happily served my old friend and master with a happy heart? Without even caring what he thought, wouldn’t I have just satisfied my lust? “….” A part of me thinks it might be okay to do that, but I’ve grown enough to be able to tell the difference now. “…Not?” “Yeah. I’ve changed a bit.” First of all, the story comes first. “….” At my answer, Keir is silent. The way he looks at me seems strangely calm. Something was wrong. Before I left Lakers, he was the bottom of the underworld itself. A violent thug who indulged in women and enjoyed pleasure, didn’t worry about the future, and was violent in everything. That’s why I was considering the possibility that Keir was dead. But it’s different now. Something has cooled down. Not in a bad way, but the suppressed emotions that were boiling hot have disappeared. Can that be called growth? “You…” Just as I was about to say something about his appearance, Aiden next to me quickly raises his hand. “Um, should I leave you two alone?” Come to think of it, it might be an awkward place for Aiden. And Keir wouldn’t like strangers either. “Yeah.” When I readily nod, Aiden quickly opens the door and leaves.

-Click.

As the door opens and closes again, Keir looks at the closed door and asks me. “Is he your lover?” “…No, he’s not mine.” “I see.” “I can’t really date a guy seriously. I have a past like that-” Keir nods with a vague expression. I was about to continue speaking because I was reluctant to do so, but suddenly a shout is heard from the next room. “Y-You, crazy! What are you doing!?” “Wait a minute! You’re misunderstanding!” A fierce sound echoes from the next room. It was El’s voice, letting out a sharp scream, and Aiden’s voice, panicking. “Haa.” What the hell are they doing? The moment I let out a small sigh at the sound, Keir quietly comments. “….Lively friends.” “….” Why is he so relaxed? I don’t like the way he looks so relaxed even though he was knocked out in one hit. While I’m seriously contemplating what kind of reaction he’ll have if I knock him out again, Keir makes the first move. “….Did you come to get revenge on me?” “Huh?” At those words, I couldn’t help but tilt my head. // “Revenge?” When I ask back as if I can’t believe it, Keir nods with a serious expression. “…Yeah.” It was quite a surprising statement. Of course, it’s a happy thing that a friend I met after two years has achieved remarkable mental growth, but to me, who remembers his last moments before we parted, the difference was surprisingly shocking. That feeling naturally comes out of my mouth. “Are you on drugs or something?” “What?” “Why has a person changed so much? Are you really Keir, who used to stick a rod up my ass because he was bored, and grab my hair and spit in my mouth whenever he wanted to drain my balls?” “…Huh.” Keir lets out a hollow laugh, as if my words sound absurd. But to me, his hollow laughter seems rather strange. He really was that kind of person, and I was somewhat prepared to go along with it. “….I’m sorry.” But what came out of his mouth was not a vulgar curse or abusive language, but a sincere apology. “….” “I know that saying sorry isn’t enough. I won’t tell you to forgive me, but…” It was a disappointing ending. The ending that I may have wanted the most, or perhaps the ending that I didn’t want the most. Facing it, I smile weakly. “…Haa.” The apology is too late. The girl who could have forgiven him is long gone. All that remains is the remnants of a girl who has become half a monster. What’s the point of apologizing for hurting me when even the scars have disappeared? “Okay, I forgive you.” “…What?” “What did you hear? I said I forgive you.” But if Keir’s mind is eased by just being forgiven, I can do it as much as he wants. He won’t be able to understand my heart, but it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t understand. “So easily….?” “Well, I didn’t hate it that much in the first place.” “….” Was it because he didn’t understand my words? Keir gives me a complicated look. Well, from his point of view, who doesn’t know martial arts, it’s natural that he doesn’t understand my words. If it was a normal woman, she would have died or committed suicide long ago. “…At that time, I wanted to kill you.” “Really? I kind of thought so.” “I thought I would be comfortable if I just killed you. I thought I could completely abandon my weak side. But you didn’t die.” “….” Is it a confession now? I don’t care anymore. While smiling bitterly, I sit on the bed. “Okay, keep talking.” I’m only listening because it’s Keir. If another man did this, I would have left already. “…Lyla. You were my weakness.” “Keir. In my opinion, you seem to be giving it too much meaning.” “Maybe you’re right.” At my firm words, Keir shakes his head with a bitter smile. “…Yeah. It was a meaningless story now.” “That’s right.” Even though we forgave and were forgiven, nothing has changed. Keir seemed to be regretting his past self, but I couldn’t answer that forgiveness. I can’t cry and sympathize, and I can’t comfort him by saying it must have been hard. I was too strong to cry over the misguided past, and the past him was too evil to comfort. From the beginning, our directions were different. What’s the point of a handshake that didn’t happen? All we can do now is talk about what happens next. “…Why did you come back?” Perhaps Keir also guessed that, he asks me with a bitter expression. “If it’s not revenge or forgiveness, then why-” “Keir.” I say firmly to him, who is muttering in self-deprecation. “Leave Lakers.”

From the beginning, that was all I had wanted to tell him.