Chapter 189: You still don’t even know what love is.

I know how insignificant I am.

Before I stepped into Grandma Miranda’s shop, I had never properly cooked, let alone done the dishes.

Even simple cleaning was a struggle, and my education was barely at a middle school level.

I didn’t know how to talk to people, so I wore a pleasant mask and said things that sounded convincing.

I didn’t know how to earn money. I survived by stealing from others, using a face that wasn’t mine.

A pathetic person who can’t even handle her own tasks properly. And the one who knows that best—is me.

“Hrk…”

I know full well that even my crying is shameless.

This is nothing more than the sorrow of a weak person who can’t even control her emotions.

“T-Tina…”

Mardian rushed over and gently wiped away my tears. Even as his warm touch grazed my cheek, the tears wouldn’t stop.

“I—I want to be confident like you, Mardian… I want to be good at everything like Viviana… I want to be someone unshakable like Lillian…”

“Tina, don’t say that. You’re more than—”

“What do you know?!”

Mardian’s eyes widened at my outburst, one I hadn’t meant to shout. Only when I saw his trembling eyes did I realize how out of line I’d been.

I had acted pathetically again.

I was the one in the wrong, so why was I lashing out at Mardian?

I had to apologize.

My body moved before I could think. I scrambled to my feet and bowed deeply in front of him.

“S-sorry… I’m so sorry…”

But before I could finish my sentence, the world suddenly began to spin.

“Huh…?”

I lost my balance. My legs gave out, and my body wavered.

“Tina!”

The last thing I saw was Mardian rushing toward me—

Then everything went black.

***

The musty smell of dust filled the air. A faint odor of unwashed flesh, long left unattended, lingered as well.

It was a familiar room. So much so that it almost felt… comfortable.

I lifted my head. In the old mirror before me, I saw sunken white hair and lifeless blue eyes.

As I stared blankly at myself, a sound came from beyond the door.

Clink, clink-

The sound of a lock being undone.

The door creaked open. From the darkness beyond, a woman emerged.

Her smile made my mind go blank in an instant. But before that, my body moved on its own.

Instincts ingrained over years drove me into her arms.

She said nothing—just gently stroked my head.

I looked up.

And there it was. A grotesque smile, torn at the edges and stretched unnaturally wide.

She looked down at me and whispered:

[Found you.]

***

“Gasp…!”

With a rush of cold air flooding my lungs, my eyes shot open.

Gasping harshly, I jolted upright.

I sat there for a while, catching my breath. Only then did my surroundings come into focus.

Morning sunlight poured through the window.

This wasn’t a cramped, gloomy room — it was the lavish bedroom of Mardian.

Was it a dream?

It seemed I had lost consciousness just like that yesterday.

My entire body was drenched in cold sweat. The unpleasant sensation made me want to wash up quickly.

But as the drowsiness slowly faded and the fog in my mind began to lift, memories of the night started to return.

[Sob… It’s not fair… It’s so unfair…]

[What do you even know!!]

[S-sorry…huh…?]

“…Hic.”

The clearer my memories became, the more my face flushed with embarrassment.

The disgraceful moment when I cried.

The irrational anger I directed at Mardian.

Even the moment I collapsed unconscious — I remembered it all.

Above all, Mardian’s baffled gaze haunted me.

I wanted to flee the mansion immediately.

“You’ve come to your senses?”

At the sound of a low voice, my heart thudded violently.

Mardian was lying right next to me. I hadn’t realized it in my dazed state.

There were deep shadows under her eyes. Had she not slept at all? She looked exhausted.

“Lady Mardian… Are you all right?”

“Can’t really say I am. I didn’t get a minute of sleep.”

Mardian gave a faint smile and shrugged lightly.

“I suppose I shouldn’t go feeding you alcohol so carelessly next time.”

“D-did I… do something wrong?”

“No. Actually, I was happy.”

A strange sense of dissonance flickered through me.
My body felt unnaturally light.

I slowly lowered my head — and blinked blankly at the sight of pale white curves in my field of vision.

“…Huh?”

Why am I naked?

Well, not completely naked. I had a loose black robe draped over me.

But that robe was the only piece of fabric I wore.

And even that robe belonged to Mardian.

Not a single piece of my own clothing, not even underwear, remained.

On instinct, I crossed my arms to cover myself with the robe.

I looked at Mardian warily, a subconscious defense.

“I didn’t touch you.”

“……”

“Really. If I had, do you think I’d look this exhausted?”

Looking at her face, it did seem true she hadn’t slept at all.

“…Why didn’t you touch me?”

“Hm?”

“I wouldn’t have remembered anyway… You could’ve just done whatever you wanted.”

Why hadn’t she simply claimed me if she desired me?
Why restrain herself to the point of losing sleep?

“Of course I couldn’t do that.”

But the one frowning now was Mardian.
A wounded look crossed her face — and a strange sense of guilt welled up in me.

“Tina, I love you. I don’t just lust after you.”

I didn’t understand.
Wasn’t love and desire ultimately the same thing?

“But Lady Mardian… you do want my body.”

“Tina. What I want… is your heart.”

“I already have a heart that can give you everything.”

“Don’t lie. I’m not that oblivious.”

Mardian slowly approached.
So close that I could feel her breath — her blood-red eyes shimmered, piercing into me.

“You’ve never opened your heart to anyone.”

“…What?”

“You still don’t even know what love is.”

Don’t know what love is?

“No. Mardian was wrong.”

The one who didn’t understand love… was her.

“You never really cared that I shared a bed with other lovers.”

Mardian’s fingers lightly brushed beneath her chin.

“T-that’s… that’s just your preference, Lady Mardian.

“But Tina, I could never just stand by and watch you with someone else.”

“…”

“Of course, if it truly made you happy… maybe I could suppress my jealousy.”

Mardian’s fingers softly tickled under her chin again.

“You still don’t understand how I feel, do you?”

A seductive smile spread across her face, making Tina’s heart strangely flutter.

Unsettled by the unfamiliar feeling, she quietly leaned back and pulled her collar tight.

‘…Lies.’

Mardian’s words implied one thing—that she was treating Tina with genuine love.

Like lovers in a fairy tale. A pure and beautiful affection anyone would envy.

But Tina couldn’t believe it.

Not because she thought Mardian was lying.

Rather, she believed even such emotions were ultimately fleeting illusions born of sexual desire.

I’ll love you forever.

I’ll make you happy for the rest of your life.

I’ll never betray you.

Anyone can say those things.

Believing in such sweet promises was nothing but foolish naivety.

Just empty words, meant to seduce the person before you without any intention of taking responsibility.

Forever, really?

Considering the nature of human beings—that nothing lasts forever—such words were impossible to begin with.

Reality isn’t a fairy tale.

“You’re smart, but you overthink things way too much.”

Mardian gently pressed a fingertip against Tina’s forehead.

“And you were being so honest just last night.”

A playful smile formed at her lips.

“L-last night… did I do something wrong?”

“Ah, you mean you don’t remember?”

She remembered getting up to apologize.

But everything after that was a blur.

Could she have made some terrible mistake during that time?

“Why do you think your clothes were off in the first place?”

“W-why…?”

Mardian shrugged, amusement flickering at her lips.

“Never thought I’d witness someone throw up holy water in my lifetime.”

Her mind went blank, and her face flushed with heat all at once.

Her hand instinctively reached for the back of her neck to try to cool herself.

“Of course, you were clean, but I undressed you because I didn’t want you catching a cold while still soaked.”

“Th-th-th…”

Her body froze. A deep, gnawing shame crawled into her bones.

All she could do was gape wordlessly like a baby babbling.

“And you were so adorable with your little display of affection, too.”

“D-display of affection…?”

She didn’t want to hear this.

Was she about to be told she did something even more humiliating

“You were truly lovable. Want to see?”

Mardian slowly reached out and gently took Tina’s arm.

Then she lowered her eyelids and mimicked the exact expression Tina would make.

“Lady Mardian… the bathroom… bathroom…”

Her teasing voice echoed through the room.

It was a mocking reenactment of what Tina must have looked like the night before.

In that moment, she couldn’t breathe.

“……!”

The shame exploded tenfold, suffocating her chest.

She couldn’t believe she had really done all that.

But then—fragments of memory began to surface, one by one.

Bit by bit, so vividly.

[Bathroom… I really gotta gooo… Lady Mardian…]

[Hehe, I guess I can’t help it.]

[Ah… Ah… La-Lady Mardian… Not there…]

[Hoo… Just let it all out, okay?]

I should just die.

Someone like me should’ve just died.

No, I wasn’t even worthy of being called human in the first place.

How could someone wearing the mask of a person do something so grotesque? I was a disgrace, worse than a beast.

“She looked up at me like a puppy caught in the rain, all curled up… It was so adorable.”

“Th-that’s enough! You don’t have to say any more!”

Reflexively, both my hands shot out to cover Mardian’s mouth.

If I kept listening, I felt like I’d actually suffocate from the shame.

But Mardian calmly pushed my hands away and gave a mischievous smile.

“Your face is so red… Are you sick or something?”

“I don’t know!”

The way she enjoyed teasing me made her feel so irritating.

“Pfft…! Sorry, I’ll stop teasing you.”

In the end, Mardian burst into a hearty laugh.

A clear, playful laugh.

It was a little annoying…

But that laugh, I thought, was kind of… pretty.

***

A detached mansion on the estate of the Black Rose.

The women who resided there—all of them—were thrown into deep confusion.

The cause: news of the retirement of the Black Rose, their benefactor who had generously funded them.

The Black Rose had declared she would abandon her fame and return to her homeland, the Empire.

And that—was happening tomorrow.

Overnight, the lovers who had depended on her financial support began to voice their dissatisfaction.

“This is… all that damn woman’s fault…!”

The one who harbored the most resentment was Erina.

Unlike Russel, who seemed to have accepted the situation as if she had seen it coming, Erina couldn’t come to terms with being thrown out so suddenly.

“I can’t… I can’t just be cast aside like this.”

She had dozens of dresses reserved for next month alone. Erina had to get her hands on that money the Black Rose had been giving out.

If she didn’t, the friends she once impressed with her wealth would laugh and sneer at her downfall.

Erina, who was especially prideful, would never allow such a thing.

“I have to stop it… somehow…!”

She racked her brain for a way to win back the Black Rose’s favor.

And then, a voice whispered in her ear.

“Shall I help you?”

A still voice.

Too cold and chilling to be called anything of life.