Chapter 18: Poison – 1

A month had passed since the execution.

It had also been a month since Vivian touched Kailo Alan’s arm and asked if he was okay.

Since then, she had not sought him out.

And neither had he.

Perhaps it was because they both knew there was nothing to say.

Or maybe, it was because of the awkwardness that had developed in their relationship since that day.

Why had she worried about him that day?

It was still a question without an answer.

Whatever the reason, it had been a long time since they last spoke.

But sometimes, Vivian watched Kailo Alan from a distance.

She only stayed at a distance where he wouldn’t notice her presence.

Even she didn’t know why.

At first, she thought it was because of her hatred that she sought him out.

She believed it was because she wanted to confirm that he was still living a painful life due to her lingering resentment toward him.

But the more honest she became with herself, the more she realized there was another reason.

There was a feeling different from hatred that had emerged after the execution.

Perhaps it was curiosity, or maybe… a sense of humanitarian concern… but she had no desire to figure out exactly what that emotion was.

Kailo Alan’s daily life was monotonous.

Perhaps because he belonged to a punishment unit, he appeared at the designated time to train, carried out chores at the designated time, and took breaks in his own space at the designated time.

Watching him, he seemed a little more mature than before.

He was probably physically growing and becoming an adult.

Along with his physical changes, it seemed there were psychological changes as well.

In the past, he would visit her unexpectedly during class or breaks, trying to talk to or provoke her, but now he merely enjoyed the wind by himself.

It seemed like he was wandering.

While many people saw Kailo coldly executing his duty and regarded him as a monster, Vivian knew that the execution had planted a deep sense of guilt in his heart.

Even enjoying the wind seemed like a way for him to soothe that feeling.

Perhaps that was why she kept watching him from a distance.

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from the image of him swallowing his pain alone.

Seeing someone so strong struggle made him seem more human.

For the first time, she felt like she was seeing Kailo Alan not as her enemy, but as a boy just one year older than her.

His suffering didn’t make her feel relieved.

Rather, she felt an odd sense of sympathy… or maybe even guilt.

Sharing a similar pain, she empathized with him.

After all, if she thought about it, hadn’t he been carrying an even heavier burden?

A burden he didn’t even need to carry.

Even Rondor had begun to change.

First, the discipline among the knights was reestablished.

There wasn’t a single knight who hadn’t heard Kailo Alan’s stern warning in the courtyard.

Perhaps because of this, whenever Vivian passed by, the knights would salute her in perfect unison.

The soldiers who had saluted her before now gave even cleaner salutes… even Baelor no longer ignored her.

And this atmosphere spread openly throughout the castle, leading to an increasing amount of formal respect directed toward her.

Not only the knights but also the squires, soldiers, and sentinels all saluted her to an almost bothersome degree.

Vivian wasn’t sure how to take it.

Should she thank Kailo Alan?

But how could she, when the Alan family was the source of all this trouble?

Should she really be grateful that they spilled the water only to wipe it up afterward?

Even the process of wiping up the spilled water wasn’t a gesture of goodwill but an attempt to prove her weakness.

She couldn’t figure it out.

But what she did know was that her heart felt heavy.

She didn’t know how many days she had been pondering the same thing.

Once again, she found herself staring out the window at a similar time of day.

And, sure enough, there was Kailo Alan, trudging toward the riverbank.

He looked around near the river, then plopped down and sat blankly.

Vivian watched him, biting her lip as she stood up.

***

“Refreshing~.”

I mimicked my father’s voice as I faced the blowing wind.

Once again, I was relaxing by the river after finishing my work.

This place brought me peace.

I liked the sound of the water trickling and the rustling of the grass as it swayed.

It wasn’t something I ever heard in the snow-covered north.

If there was one thing I liked about the south, it was moments like this.

Sometimes the weather was too hot, but I’d gotten used to it to some extent.

A month had passed since the execution.

Much had changed for me too.

No one in the punishment unit dared to pick a fight with me anymore.

By order of Vergor, all the young soldiers had been made to witness the execution.

The stigma that had been placed on me that day didn’t fade.

Monster without emotion, cold-blooded, savage.

It wasn’t just the way I had appeared, but it seemed like all executioners in the south received this kind of treatment.

And beneath that contempt… I could feel a subtle sense of awe.

Men know.

No matter how much they spew insults, they know whether they’re truly looking down on someone or if they’re wary and afraid.

Knowing that made it easier to endure such treatment.

Recently, the only ones who approached me were Valon, Wallace, and Martin.

At first, they had gone quiet after witnessing the execution, but lately, they’d been trying to return to the old atmosphere.

I even thought it wouldn’t be so bad to reconcile with them.

I sighed once again.

Lately, I had been having nightmares.

Dreams where twenty severed heads rolled around like watermelons, staring at me in silence.

Often, when I woke from those dreams, I’d find myself drenched in cold sweat.

Maybe Valon, Wallace, and Martin treated me differently because they’d seen me like that.

But even with their attitude, for some reason, I couldn’t shake the feeling that the blood on my hands wouldn’t come off.

No matter how much I washed, even though the scent of blood had long disappeared, I’d find myself spacing out, and the smell would come wafting back.

The guilt of having killed someone lingered longer than I expected.

I couldn’t help but wonder.

How much longer would I have to stay here?

Could I really never return home?

-Squelch… squelch….

At that moment, I heard familiar footsteps.

Though it had been a while, I could tell who it was right away.

It was strange, but with her, I could always tell.

But what surprised me more was that she had come to see me.

We hadn’t sought each other out for the past month.

Neither of us had snarled at each other.

Maybe because of the burden we shared from the execution, I felt a sense of kinship.

It felt awkward, and that’s why I had been avoiding Vivian.

Well, I was avoiding her, but I still always listened out for any news about her.

Realizing she was near, I spoke.

“…You turned fourteen, didn’t you?”

A reply came from behind me.

“Yeah.”

She was standing closer than I’d expected.

“Congratulations.”

“…We’re not exactly in a position to celebrate each other’s birthdays, are we?”

“…That’s true, but I thought no one would have celebrated yours.”

“Like how no one celebrated yours?”

“…Yeah. Like me.”

“…Well, I did hear it, from the retainers.”

I scoffed at that.

“No one really meant it, though. You were scared of the adults, too.”

“So you’re saying you’re celebrating me sincerely?”

I turned to look at Vivian.

Those red eyes were fixed on me.

Even after all this time, they still made it hard to breathe.

I looked at her and answered.

“I’m sincere.”

“…Don’t say ridiculous things.”

I was genuinely glad she hadn’t died.

I could sincerely congratulate her for making it to fourteen instead of stopping at thirteen.

-Swish.

Vivian quietly sat down a little farther away.

There was a distance between us, long enough for an adult to lie down.

It seemed to reflect the distance between us.

She picked up a pebble and tossed it into the river.

Watching her, I picked up a pebble too and threw it into the river.

“Why did you come?”

I asked.

It was our first conversation in a month.

I was curious about why she had come.

Vivian stared at the river like me, not answering for a long time.

The wind blew again.

This time, her scent reached me.

A scent that chased away the smell of blood.

“…I came to tell you that I’m probably going to torment you soon.”

After a long silence, Vivian spoke.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to continue.

“I… I don’t know how yet, but I’m going to do it.”

I sniffed and let out a small laugh.

“Why are you telling me this? Are you hoping you will stop if I ask?”

“No.”

I let out a small, hollow laugh.

It wasn’t like I felt particularly offended.

Maybe it was because it was Vivian who was delivering the message.

“Then why tell me? Are you worried about me?”

“…Do you really think I would worry about you?”

“On the day of the execution, you asked if I was okay. I heard everything.”

Vivian, who had her mouth wide open, suddenly froze as if she had lost her words.

Her lips moved busily, but no sound came out.

Then, as if she had given up, she turned her head and threw the pebbles into the river with more force.

For some reason, her face looked like it had turned red.

“Whatever. I’m leaving.”

With a splash, Vivian, who had thrown the stone, dusted off her hands and stood up.

…What a nasty woman.

That’s what I thought.

I mean, when she showed up, I thought she’d offer some kind of comfort.

But no, she just came to throw curses at me and leave.

Oh, wait, I did the same thing, didn’t I?

Well, we were never the type to comfort each other anyway.

It was just me getting ahead of myself.

…Still, considering I did cut off some heads for her, isn’t it okay for me to get ahead of myself a little?

Of course, she wouldn’t know that I did it for her.

She probably just thought I was putting on a strong front.

I didn’t bother seeing her off as she left.

I just blankly stared at the river again and let out a sigh.

“Haah.”

As if in response to my sigh, Vivian’s footsteps suddenly came to a halt.

The timing was so perfect that I wondered if I had done something wrong.

Even after waiting for a while, I didn’t hear her walking away again, so I turned around to look.

Vivian was still standing in the same spot, staring down at me.

“What?”

Was there something else she hadn’t said yet?

Was she planning to bother me more?

Vivian blinked excessively, looking conflicted, like a dog about to relieve itself.

Then, as if making up her mind, she furrowed her brow.

She walked over to me, kicked me lightly in the waist, and said,

-Thud.

“Hey, how long are you going to sit there sulking?”

“…What?”

After spitting out those words, Vivian briefly wore a guilty expression, then bit her lip hard before running off.

I was left standing there, blankly staring after her.

“When are you going to stop sulking?”

The words I had once said to her echoed in my head.

It was then that a delayed chuckle escaped me.

“Ha.”

She threw the same words I had said right back at me.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

It was so absurd that I continued to chuckle.

The chuckles grew louder until they became full-blown laughter.

Was that why she was so conflicted, why she had come to see me?

Did she come all this way just to say that?

I couldn’t stop laughing, unsure of how long it had been since I last smiled.

Her hesitating figure, struggling with the unfamiliar words, remained vivid in my mind.

Her behavior, her tone, and those words brought a refreshing breeze to my chest.

It felt like I had just woken up from a long sleep, and my body felt lighter.

Just as I had felt frustrated watching her cry, perhaps Vivian had felt the same way watching me.

She probably found me ridiculous with all my tough-guy posturing.

It was absurd.

While everyone else called me a heartless monster, she was telling me to stop sulking.

“Haah…”

After a fit of laughter, I spread my arms and lay flat on the ground.

The sky was so blue.

“…What a nasty woman.”

I muttered to myself, cursing to release the complicated feelings that had welled up.

All of this was because of her.

…But somehow, I didn’t mind.

The fact that she noticed I was in a slump meant she had been watching me for a while.

Just as I had watched her cry, she had been observing me wallowing by the riverside.

Thinking about it, this might have been our version of comfort.

When I had approached her back then, maybe she had done the same for me now.

If that were the case, I didn’t think I would mind it too much.

A faint smile appeared as I recalled my earlier thoughts.

She was right, after all.

I couldn’t keep sulking like this forever.

It was time to get up.

-Thud, thud.

I dusted off my pants and stood up by the riverbank.

The smile wouldn’t leave my face.

As I was about to turn away, a maid who had been lurking around approached me.

Her face was unfamiliar.

I wondered if she might hold a grudge against my family, so I raised my guard.

But without saying a word, she came up to me and placed a note in my hand.

“What is this?”

Without answering, she quickly ran off and disappeared, just like Vivian had.

I stood there dumbfounded, slowly unfolding the note.

Inside was a short sentence.

‘Watch out for the food.’