Chapter 18. Empathy and Understanding (7)

I didn’t realize that the courage needed to hold someone’s hand could be this great.

Strangely enough, as soon as we held hands, courage surged from the depths of my heart.

Ria, who always promised to be by my side, wasn’t she? I wasn’t alone here either.

I briefly wondered how it all came to this.

If I hadn’t done even one of the things I did, if I had just accepted fate, would Ria have been by my side?

Would Ria have gone this far for me?

……I made many mistakes. I made absurd demands. But looking back carefully, it was all because it was me who did it.

Therefore, everything that happened in between, everything that happened until I was with Ria, was perfectly aligned without a single gap.

It’s something no one could have predicted. Not me, and probably not Ria when she first met me. Perhaps even the being above didn’t know we would become beings who would care for each other this much.

Thinking that way, I felt a little relieved.

What was the reason we were sitting here? To be punished? Perhaps. The church might punish me and revoke my status. They might even expel me from the church.

Just at the beginning of last year, I had a vague fear about that. Since I didn’t believe in God, I boldly declared that I would leave the church, but I also knew that there would be a mountain of things I would have to solve on my own if I did.

Someone providing three meals a day, a place to sleep, and clothes to wear is, quite literally, convenient. Perhaps that’s why I did such a contradictory and pathetic thing, delaying that time while simultaneously denying God.

Now-

Now, it was okay.

Because I knew that even if something like that happened, Ria would be by my side.

“Sister Anna.”

The Pope’s voice calling me was the same as the last time I heard it. His words were not in Korean this time either, but again, I felt no problem in listening and responding.

“Yes, Your Holiness.”

“I heard that you engaged in obscene acts in front of the Cardinal last time…”

However, the Pope’s words, while saying such things, somehow sounded a little cheerful. It wasn’t just my feelings. The Pope didn’t seem to care much about that act.

And, somehow, I thought it was natural for the Pope to be that way.

“Don’t worry too much. There were no formal accusations. It’s ironic. That people are unable to report someone who broke the rules we set, simply out of fear.”

“I don’t have any power to do anything to those who would report me…”

“Is that so? Do you really think so?”

The Pope said with a gentle smile.

“A person who can speak with those who don’t understand the language without learning it, who can face enemies with magic power that no one else can easily withstand, and who can use the power of the being we call God, do you say they have no power to harm someone who opposes them?”

But even as he said that, the Pope was smiling as if he already knew what I would say next.

“Holy power is not my power. It’s power I received from the being above, whose existence I am sure of. It’s power that cannot harm people.”

“But there are many people who will move at your word. Perhaps enough to create a different sect, separated from the existing church.”

I made a disgusted face.

“You know I don’t want that.”

The Pope laughed at my words.

“So, to summarize your words, you didn’t intend to change the church, is that right?”

“That’s correct.”

“Then, can you tell me the reason for performing such acts at that place?”

“That is…”

I turned my head to the side and looked at Ria.

What answer should I give?

What we did then was a kind of act. Ria’s act to prevent me from ascending to the position of Saint.

Therefore, answering too definitively about that situation could be seen as exploiting that situation.

But Ria just smiled and looked at me.

And her lips moved slightly.

No sound came out, and it was a movement so small that only I, looking directly at her face, could barely recognize it, but I immediately understood what Ria wanted to say.

So… it’s ‘method acting.’

I almost burst out laughing.

Ria has allowed everything. Right now, Ria’s only thought is to save me. It meant that Ria didn’t care what suspicions others had about me and Ria, what strange judgments they made, or what misunderstandings Ria’s father, sitting in front of us, might have.

I hardened my resolve and looked at the Pope.

“Is there only one reason?”

And I said.

“Because I love her.”

The hall buzzed. The clergy who accompanied the Pope seemed very flustered and whispered to each other. Our church’s Priest looked towards the Pope with a slightly worried expression, and the Nun Superior covered her forehead.

But even amidst that, the Pope’s expression remained calm. It was as if he had expected this answer too.

“Is that so?”

The Pope replied with a gentle smile.

“You know that a nun engaging in obscene acts with another nun is a prohibited act in the convent, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“And that doing such acts in the chapel looks particularly bad in the eyes of others.”

“I am aware.”

“The position of Saint- although there are no specific regulations for it, many people generally believe that she should be pure.”

“That’s why I did it at that place.”

I said calmly.

“If I become a Saint- if I ascend too high, I will have no way to stand by Ria’s side.”

Ria’s grip tightened. I gained courage from that strength.

“I love Ria. Yes, I do. I know it’s against the church’s rules, and I know it’s a feeling a nun shouldn’t have. I also know it’s definitely a story that falls short of qualifying for the position of Saint.”

I came down to protect the world. That much is certain. I had to be an important symbolic figure for the church, and I was in a position to rally the people of this world together.

But, unfortunately.

I don’t think I’m the kind of person who can only look at justifications and ideals.

I glanced sideways at Ria’s father’s face.

His expression wasn’t entirely pleasant, but it wasn’t the worst either. Rather, he seemed lost in thought with a strange expression.

“…….”

The Pope seemed to ponder for a moment, then opened his mouth.

“Then, I would like to ask just one thing.”

And, with a slightly playful expression, he said.

“Love, you know, the object of that love can change easily. It might burn hotly now but cool down later, and even if you think it will last forever, problems arise when you date for a long time. But the position of Saint is a position that might only have one chance.”

The Pope smiled slightly. It seemed like he was asking, even though he already knew my answer.

“Even so, are you saying you would give up the position of Saint for that relationship?”

I turned my head again and looked at Ria.

Ria’s expression, somehow, seemed a little anxious, unlike a moment ago.

And seeing that face made me smile.

It looks like she’s worried I’ll reject her after confessing. There’s a limit to method acting.

I turned my smiling face back and looked directly at the Pope, saying,

“Even if… someday we break up, this love at this moment is also once in a lifetime.”

Yes. That’s right.

There are people who think there will be ‘another chance.’ But, in reality, every chance is a one-time opportunity. I, living in this moment, exist only in this moment.

The idea of ‘again, in the distant future’ ultimately refers to the me of that future, not the me of now.

If I were to break up with Ria and find a new love, that would not be the love of now.

I wanted to be with the current Ria now.

“Is that so?”

The Pope nodded with his eyes closed and replied.

Somehow, his expression looked like he had received a satisfactory answer.

“I have heard your story well. Then, since we need to talk among ourselves for a moment, would you two wait separately for a moment?”

I nodded at the Pope’s words and stood up.

We were still holding each other’s hands tightly until we left the chapel.

“…Do you love me?”

As we went out of the chapel, Ria whispered with a playful expression.

Somehow, it felt annoying that only I was being sincere with that playful attitude-

…….

No, actually, it was just because I was shy about conveying my true feelings.

I pouted and replied.

“There are many forms of love.”

Well, I can love someone as a friend.

It’s not just that.

“You’re so coy.”

Ria burst out laughing at my answer.