Chapter 18: Cowards (8)

[18] 2. Cowards (8)

After a long silence, the answer I had prepared arrived at the tip of my tongue.

“I’m sorry.”

Clara wasn’t surprised. Instead, she simply smiled faintly and asked,

“May I ask why?”

I unconsciously placed my hand on my chest, instead of a heartbeat, I felt a strange vibration beneath my palm.

Scratching my cheek awkwardly, I said,

“There’s someone I need to stay with.”

Only then did a flicker of hurt appear in Clara’s eyes. But it was short-lived.

“Even if that someone said it’s okay for you to leave?”

“They’d leave in an instant if I did.”

I smiled bitterly.

“They’ll only stay if I stay as a mercenary, as the Vice-Captain of the Rose Rem mercenary group. They’re a bit of a handful.”

My words caused Clara’s eyes to waver once more. This time, she looked down, unable to regain her composure.

Smiling sadly, she asked,

“Captain Rose, correct?”

I didn’t answer, but my trembling shoulders gave her the answer she needed. Clara covered her mouth and chuckled.

“I wouldn’t have guessed. You’re more complicated than you look.”

…You’re one to talk.

I pushed down the words that were about to spill out and continued,

“But once this is over, I’ll come see you.”

I looked her straight in the eyes.

“Because I haven’t heard about my past yet.”

To be precise, we still haven’t cleared up the misunderstanding.

No matter what anyone says, losing my eye wasn’t Clara’s fault. I needed to tell her that.

…Even though I still haven’t figured out how to tell her yet.

“…You’re quite persistent, aren’t you, Rem?”

Clara lowered her gaze. Then, clearing away the emotions in them, she looked back up at me.

“Anyway, this is farewell, for now?”

As if on cue, the waitresses came to serve us drinks and food. Clara poured wine into a glass and held it out to me.

She gave me a mischievous smile, the first one since we’d met again.

“Then, just for tonight, would you please eat and drink to your heart’s content?”

I took the glass and smiled back.

“With pleasure.”

***

What happened after that is hazy, blurred by alcohol.

Empty bottles and plates piling up, Clara’s face that didn’t turn red, and pointless conversations.

And then, at some point, I was being led somewhere by someone. I stumbled up… stairs, maybe? And I think I opened something before collapsing.

“….”

And when I came to my senses, I was in bed.

I lifted my head, still groggy from alcohol, and looked around the dimly lit room.

It looked like a high-class inn room.

At least, it wasn’t the inn I had rented for the mercenary group.

I was feeling confused and sat up, when…

“You’re awake?”

A trembling voice. I turned my head to look.

And then, a jolt of shock ran through my alcohol filled brain.

“C-Clara?! W-What are you…?!”

I quickly covered my eyes, but the silhouette, burned into my retinas, didn’t disappear.

Wearing only a thin, see-through gown… Practically naked.

Parts that should never be shown to anyone were barely concealed.

Stammering, I tried to force the image out from my mind,

“I-I’m so sorry…! I-I’ll be on my…!!”

“Rem, I lied to you.”

What a strange thing to say,

But the questions that should’ve filled my mind disappeared the moment she took my hand.

She pulled my hand down and then revealed her body to me.

For a moment, it was a sight so beautiful that I forgot to close my eyes.

Her snowy skin, flushed from a recent bath, and the moonlight, outlining her curves.

Her body, without a single hair below her neck, seemed sculpted, not born.

“I might not be able to come back.”

Her words snapped me out of my daze.

“What do you…”

“So, Rem, won’t you grant me a favor?”

Then, Clara slowly let the thin gown slide off her body.

Completely naked, she lowered her gaze, crossing her arms to emphasize her ample breasts.

“Rem, I groomed this body for you, and you alone.”

Her hand touched her pale cheek.

“This face too.”

Her hand slid down her slender neck.

“This neck too.”

Then, her hand reached her breasts, squeezing them tightly. I could clearly see the red marks left by her fingers.

“These breasts too.”

And her hand continued downwards.

“My waist, my hips, my legs, even my feet…”

Finally, her hand touched my cheek.

“All for you, for the day we would finally meet again.”

A tremor ran through her hand and into mine.

“But today… might be the last time I ever see you.”

Clara pulled my hand towards her, wrapping it around her neck. She looked up at me with tearful eyes.

“So, Rem, please use me.”

Use.

The weight of the word crushed me.

“You can do whatever you want.”

“If you want to violate me, you can violate every hole in my body.”

“Or do you want to defile me? Just tell me what you want. I’ll cover myself in any filth you wish. I’ll even eat it if you ask me to.”

“You can hit me wherever you want. If there’s a part of me you want to cut, cut it. If there’s a part you want to break, break it.”

“If you don’t want to get blood on your hands, I’ll do it myself. Just tell me where and how.”

“I’ll do anything, even if it’s something any other prostitute would refuse. You don’t have to treat me like a human.”

The more she spoke, the more intense the passion in her eyes became.

Her hand touched my chest.

“I know that even if you’ve lost your memories, the anger still remains.”

And then, she finally let go of my hand. She knelt on the floor and bowed her head to me. I instantly recognized that posture.

“So please, Rem.”

The posture that priests take when they pray to God.

Clara, in a voice thick with arousal, spoke the most blasphemous wish.

“Please, use this body that I created for you, to your heart’s content.”

I couldn’t deny that the sight was extremely seductive.

My former master, kneeling before me, naked, offering her body.

It definitely had elements that could drive a man to go wild.

But I didn’t feel any desire, nor any arousal.

I only heard the sound of something breaking inside of me.

It was called patience, and

What was surging up was the truth, suppressed by lies.

“Clara.”

She looked up. Tears streamed down her face.

Feeling my heart clench, I said the name I had used a long time ago,

“…My Lady.”

Clara’s eyes widened in shock.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Rem…? Your memories…”

Clara’s eyes filled with confusion and fear. But once I opened my mouth, I couldn’t stop.

Grimacing, I blurted out,

“Why would you go this far? The lady I knew…!”

I saw her hand reach out towards me.

[Sleep]

And everything went black.

***

Rem’s body collapsed to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been cut. A faint smile was on his face, a testament to his peaceful slumber.

“Haah… Guh… Ha…!!”

But Clara’s madness, once unleashed, showed no sign of stopping.

Panting heavily, she raked her fingernails across her skin. Blood welled up from the torn flesh, but the pain only made her eyes cloudier.

He knows.

He knows now.

Sharp thoughts scraped at her mind.

She tore at her hair, banging her head against the floor.

Her frenzy only subsided when the first rays of dawn touched her face.

Covered in blood, she raised her head and looked out the window.

There was a small hole in the east wall of Axolotl.

The brilliant sun, shining through it, illuminated the city that was shrouded in darkness.

It was a moment of clarity.

If life is a path, it was a moment when she was shown what lay at its end.

Of course, before long, the sun rose higher, and the city was once again plunged into the shadows of the wall.

But by then, the light of reason had returned to Clara’s eyes.

She realized that what she needed to do hadn’t changed.

Revenge and atonement.

Light emanated from Clara’s hands, and her wounds disappeared as if they were being washed away.

After laying Rem down on the bed and getting dressed, she left the room. She walked across the empty inn and out into the world.

And there, waiting for her…

Holy Knights lined up in formation, covered by the morning dew.

The symbol of a woman praying was emblazoned on their chests.

The Saint’s personal order of Holy Knights.

“Have you finished your business?”

One of them, wearing the most elaborate and magnificent armor, approached Clara and bowed his head.

Clara smiled gently and said,

“Enough.”

And then, she looked at the blue-haired woman who was standing among the Holy Knights.

“Thank you, Irene. For relaying the message to my men. If it hadn’t been for you, things would have been delayed.”

“I only did what I had to do.”

Irene said, bowing her head respectfully. Clara stared at her intently before turning back to the Holy Knight.

“Where’s Bishop Atreus?”

“We’ve already taken him into custody and placed him in the carriage.”

“Good. Try to keep him alive until we arrive at the Vatican. He’s an important witness.”

“Yes, your will shall be done.”

“And where’s the carriage?”

The Holy Knight silently looked across the street.

A pure white carriage, bearing the symbol of the church, came into view. It stopped before Clara, and the coachman got down to open the door.

Clara bowed her head and stepped onto the carriage.

“Where are you going?”

Clara stopped mid-step, her red eyes turning to the source of the voice.

And then a sneer formed on her lips.

“It’s been a while, Amy. You look well-rested, I’m glad.”

It was blatant sarcasm.

Amy looked worse than ever.

Her once lustrous blonde hair was now like straw, and dark circles were etched under her eyes. The casual clothes she was wearing were too big for her, revealing numerous self-harm scars.

Her dry lips, chapped and bloody, moved once more.

“I’m asking where you’re going, even though the request isn’t over yet.”

“I’m going back to where I belong.”

Amy’s shoulders trembled.

“Without my permission?”

At that, Clara finally stopped smiling.

“Am I someone who needs your permission to move?”

Amy’s face contorted.

After chewing her lower lip until it bled, she finally spoke.

“…What did you do to Rem in there?”

Yes, what she really wanted to know wasn’t where Clara was going, but this.

After having spied on them, like a rat, as they entered the inn, she must have been agonizing over this ever since.

Clara couldn’t even muster the energy for sarcasm anymore.

Instead, she simply said, remembering what Bishop Atreus had told her,

“Since we’re companions, I’ll tell you one thing.”

Amy’s clouded eyes met Clara’s red gaze.

“The cargo we transported isn’t something you can afford to not worry about. If you’re planning to continue to be cooped up alone, you’d be better off worrying about that first.”

Confusion appeared on Amy’s face, but she didn’t have a chance to ask.

Because with those words, Clara disappeared into the carriage.

Leaving behind a pitiful Amy, the white carriage left the city.

***

“What did you mean by that?”

Clara looked at the Holy Knight who was sitting opposite her. The holy knight added,

“What you said to the hero.”

Clara frowned.

“It was just a simple legend. Don’t worry about it. More importantly…”

She reached into her backpack and took out a thick stack of papers, handing them to the Holy Knight.

“Get this ready as soon as we arrive at the Vatican.”

“This is…”

The Holy Knight’s eyes widened as he looked through the papers, and then he looked at Clara.

“Are you serious?”

“Do I have to answer such a stupid question?”

“…I apologize for my careless words.”

Clara leaned back and said,

“This is something that needs to be done, regardless of the success or failure of this operation, so make sure everything is prepared perfectly. Understood?”

“…Yes, your will shall be done.”

Clara closed her eyes.

She did so because she wanted to rest for a bit.

But the steady rhythm of the carriage, the chill of the autumn morning, and the accumulated fatigue quickly lulled her to sleep.

As she felt her consciousness fading, Clara thought to herself,

If I’m going to sleep, at least let me have a good dream.

And her God, on rare occasion, granted her wish.

Clara started to dream of her happiest days.

13 years ago,

when she was 11 and he was 12,

dream of that spring day.