Chapter 17. Humility and Refusal (4)

Unhappy, and believing there is no reason to live any longer. People die. No matter how much you try to hold on, it’s not easy.

“……”

I quietly looked at the face of the old man who had died before me. There was no expression on his face.

They say that when people die in pain, the pain remains on their faces, and when they die peacefully, they wear a smile, but there was none of that on the old man before me.

And rather, that mineral-like expression seemed to tell how difficult and futile his life had been.

…Sometimes, peddlers come to these rural villages. They sell things with no efficacy, things that aren’t particularly good for the body, at very high prices.

There are people who buy them because they truly believe they are effective, because they truly believe. But there are also people who buy them even knowing they are not.

Either way, the reason is surprisingly similar. They believe in the other party in some way.

Peddlers don’t just tell you to buy medicine. They gather the elderly in rural villages, where there are few amusements and their children rarely visit, in places like community centers, and there they talk enthusiastically, sing songs, and dance. They speak kindly and ask about their well-being, as if they were their own children.

The reason people seek out peddlers is nothing special; it’s because there are people there who treat them like human beings. Those people exploit such psychology. The reason some elderly people buy the medicine knowing it’s ineffective is also because it’s enjoyable and comforting to keep going there and spend money.

It’s a similar method by which some sensational ‘religions’ infiltrate people’s lives.

People who have despaired of life, and those who strongly desire or long for something. They approach such people, speak kindly, and invite them to church. In church, there are only kind people, and the person who was isolated from the world makes acquaintances and friends. They feel a sense of belonging and keep going there.

“What did this person wish for?”

I asked, kneeling beside him. I tentatively touched the old man’s body, but his heart, with only the upper torso remaining and even the blood dried up, could not possibly be beating.

“We are still searching.”

The knight said somewhat dryly.

It’s natural not to show emotions while working. Otherwise, it would interfere with the job. But perhaps because of that, I found his voice strangely cold.

…Ah, I see.

He said ‘heretic.’ For most church members, especially those devout enough to work in the church, it was naturally a detestable topic.

And to be part of the Inquisitor’s office.

In this world, especially since the being believed in by that ‘heretic’ actually exists. There are also many people who have been harmed by it. Naturally, wanting to believe in such a being can be incomprehensible.

Having thought that far, I stood up without a word.

“I want to look around the village a bit more. I should purify the magic too. …Was this person the only survivor so far?”

“Yes. So far, no survivors have appeared in this village.”

I nodded and looked at Ria.

Ria approached me and stood in front of me. Knights surrounded us.

One who doesn’t believe in God and an inquisitor. It was an ironic composition.

*

As I walked around the village, I confirmed that there were indeed no survivors. Wherever I saw traces of magic, I dealt with them, and the remaining corpses were all those of the old man.

All of them were missing parts of their bodies. However, none of them bled, making them look pale and grotesque, as if they had been preserved in formalin and then taken out.

After a moment of thought, I clasped my hands and bowed my head.

…This is not something I can avoid just because I am not a representative of the church. Even if I am not a Saint ‘in name,’ I was already being treated as such, being here. The white clothes, the knights escorting me. And even the church that wanted me to come here treats me as a ‘representative.’

Furthermore, in the end, I couldn’t give up my position due to my cowardice. If I had quit being a nun, completely denying God as I first thought, perhaps I could have said it wasn’t my responsibility.

But for purely personal feelings. I wanted to stay there without following reason and logic.

Constantly postponing the responsibility I would have to bear.

“It’s not your fault.”

As if she knew what I was thinking, Ria spoke to me.

“It was far away, and you couldn’t have known this was happening. Just as the God of this world is not omnipotent, neither are you. You are not God.”

“…….”

“Police cannot control all crimes that occur in this world. It’s the same for you. …You are a nun. There’s no reason for a mere nun to have to solve all of this.”

I looked up at the sky.

The sky was just blue, as if it knew nothing of what had happened.

“Ria, have you ever wished for something from God?”

I don’t think of Him as God. I know that being cannot fulfill everything I wish for.

But most people are not like that.

The more accurately one knows the true nature of that being, the stronger the holy power they can wield. Holy power is the power of understanding. As one gets closer to the essence of their soul, to that place above, where that being resides, perhaps where our souls came from, holy power powerfully erupts into this world through that person’s soul.

Although I know nothing theoretically, I could only know it from experience.

The reason the holy power of noble clergy is not the same as mine is also for this reason.

If you call that being God, then eventually, you will desire something from that God. People will ask for strength from her, who is struggling to save as many people as possible out of affection for those below her.

The strength to save someone. The strength to heal someone. It is only by wishing for such things that one can use holy power. The more you wish for, the more things that being cannot grant, the further that prayer moves away from its essence.

“Is there someone who, because of a difficult situation, a painful event, could not endure it any other way. Is there someone who looks for someone to blame and throws a tantrum, demanding something be done?”

“…….”

Ria remained silent.

There probably is.

Now that it’s known that God exists in the world, wouldn’t it be too strange if people didn’t do that much? If one believes in God, it’s something they’ve done at least once.

After all, that being doesn’t say anything about that. Even if you curse and blame, they can’t say anything to me.

However, the more it’s that kind of story, the more that being cannot answer. They might know it themselves. Perhaps they are just enduring it all and living.

“There might be someone who wishes for a criminal who tormented them terribly, but could not be legally prosecuted, to fall into suffering.”

I muttered.

“They might have asked to meet the deceased, or someone might pray for someone to love them. All of these are prayers that being cannot grant.”

“…Are you saying a demon can grant them?”

“If it’s a trick using magic, it’s possible. You’ve seen Faina being controlled, right? They can cast illusions to make it look like the dead have returned.”

It doesn’t matter if it requires immense magic. If it’s a ‘demon,’ it can do it.

“The religion the denomination serves is not one of wishful thinking. At least, what can be obtained in reality is only by penetrating its essence and borrowing a part of its power. And to do that, the important thing is to recognize the being above. Without wishing for anything, without exaggerating anything, just fully recognizing that being as it is. That is the most important thing.”

This is not my argument, but the foundation of theology. For this denomination, the being above is sacred in its very existence, and therefore, faith is not about wishing for something from that being, but merely about preparing one’s heart to meet it in the afterlife.

Holy power is something acquired naturally in that process. It’s merely a measure of faith.

And that is a very difficult thing. A difficult thing without any exaggeration. Who in the world can fully believe in God without wishing for their own blessings?

If I hadn’t read such a work before coming to this world, if I hadn’t thought the being above was so human, I wouldn’t have been able to summon such holy power myself.

“…Ria. What could our faith give to these people? What… can it do for them?”

Ria seemed to have fully understood my words.

It’s impossible to make them believe in the being in the sky without asking for anything. Even if they believe, the process of obtaining holy power is very difficult unless one is raised in a convent from birth.

“Anna.”

Ria took my hand.

I didn’t pull my hand away from Ria’s.

My body trembled slightly.

I think I understand why the being above didn’t tell me the rest of the story.

Perhaps the high-ranking officials of the denomination were saying the right thing.

This denomination needs a symbol.

A symbol that no being can covet, that can stand firm and unwavering.