Chapter 161: Became a mother (2)

After my postpartum recovery, I realized Japan didn’t have the equivalent of Korean postpartum care centers. After a week in the hospital, I returned home to our apartment, just Aya, me, and our twin daughters.

Looking at the two tiny babies, their little limbs flailing, filled my heart with a mixture of awe and… terror. They couldn’t even open their eyes properly yet, but just looking at them made me feel warm inside. Of course, the reality of newborn twins wasn’t quite so idyllic…

“Ugh… are they awake again…?” Sleep deprivation was a constant companion, thanks to the babies’ round-the-clock crying. Changing diapers and feeding them dozens of times a day left my body aching. But even in those moments of exhaustion, the feeling of their tiny, warm hands gripping my finger would melt away all my fatigue.

We’d finally given the babies their official names. Koyori, the active one who’d tormented me with her kicks in the womb, was now Hanae (花恵), meaning “flower’s blessing.” We hoped she’d grow up to be bright and cheerful, like a flower. And Hiyori, the quiet twin, was now Hazuki (葉月), meaning “leaf moon.” We hoped she’d be calm and elegant.

Mizuki had chosen both names. Hazuki, born three minutes earlier, was technically the older sister, but seeing their contrasting personalities, I suspected Hanae, the more assertive twin, would be the one in charge.

“There, there, Hanae, Hazuki, you’re eating so well~”

I smiled, stroking their heads as they nursed. After putting them down in their cribs, a more practical concern came to mind.

Returning to school.

I’d initially thought that giving birth would be the end of my struggles, the beginning of an easy life. But now, it felt like the real battle was just beginning. The university allowed a maximum two-year leave of absence for pregnancy and childcare, but since different courses were offered each semester, returning at the beginning of a semester was ideal.

I’d discussed it with Aya, who, after a moment of thought, had suggested, “Should we hire a nanny?”

“Eh…? But shouldn’t we raise them ourselves…?”
“Of course, we’ll do our best. But it would be helpful to have someone to watch them during the day. I’ll ask my family.”

“Are you… sure that’s okay?”
“Of course. They’re our children. They’ll want to help.”

Aya’s words weren’t empty promises. The Yukikawa family had a large network, including several experienced nannies. Thanks to Aya, we found someone to take care of the babies during the day.

Returning to school became less daunting, but it also meant a new addition to my daily routine: pumping breast milk and storing it in the fridge. Pumping… how should I put this? It wasn’t exactly… arousing, but… it brought to mind… certain images I’d seen online in my past life, making me feel strangely embarrassed. I was just preparing food for my babies, but my past life memories…

I’d have to balance childcare and my studies for the next three years. I finally understood what they meant by “career interruption.” Raising children was hard!

But I had no regrets. It would be difficult, but I was doing this for Aya, to be her equal.

****

I’d thought that…

But the reality of returning to school in the second semester was…

“Ugh… This is hard…” I sighed.

My classmates were a year ahead now, and I was attending classes with the younger students. I’d thought it would be fine since I was friendly with everyone, but I hadn’t expected to feel this lonely and overwhelmed.

Japanese society was more conservative than I’d realized. A woman married to another woman, with children, was a scandalous gossip topic. I could hear the whispers in class, the subtle avoidance. I had to handle all my assignments and projects alone. It wasn’t easy.

And even at home, there was no rest. The babies cried at all hours, turning every night into a battlefield.

Did they have different digestive systems? Why did Hazuki cry at 2 AM and Hanae at 3 AM? And why did they sometimes wake each other up and cry together?

“Ugh!”

“Rina, I’m sorry… Should we consider foster care?”

“No, we have to raise them ourselves. It’s important for their development.”
“Then I’ll stay up later, so you can get some sleep.”

“Okay…” Aya always felt guilty. It was understandable. If she’d married a man, he wouldn’t be sharing the childcare burden.
I looked at the twins, thinking, ‘They’re my babies, I have to do this,’ and then…

“Hee…”

They were so cute, even though all they did was cry… Hazuki looked at me, a wide smile on her face, and gurgled, “Ooh-ah-ah~”

“Did Hazuki just talk?”

“Really?”
“Yeah, she just did!”
“Huh…?”

Hazuki, with her soft, downy silver hair, was smiling and babbling at me. Tears welled up in my eyes.

“Hazuki… she spoke…”
“Ooh-ah~”

“Hanae’s doing it too!”

“Really? Ooh…!” Hanae, looking at me, also gurgled happily. They were so adorable, smiling and babbling, that it made all the hardships worthwhile.

“Hazuki and Hanae… they’re talking…!”

Even amidst the exhaustion, it was a joyful moment.

****

The babies, perhaps taking after Aya, developed faster than the books said they should. At seven months old, a month into the second semester, they started crawling. And they could clearly express their likes and dislikes.

At nine months, they started pulling themselves up, trying to stand. I was amazed at first, but once they started moving around, there was no peace.

Hanae, the more active twin, was especially… active.

“No…! Hanae! Don’t eat that!”
“Ooh-eh?”
“No! That’s not food!”

“Waaaaah!!”

“Don’t cry… Hanae?” Hanae, always curious, explored every corner of the apartment, picking up anything she could find and trying to put it in her mouth. If I looked away for even a second, she’d grab toys, books, even my phone. Hazuki, though quieter and more reserved, was surprisingly adept at causing trouble in her own way.

“Hazuki…!”

She’d be sitting quietly, a toy in her mouth, her angelic face expressionless. I had a feeling this child would be a handful when she grew up… Parenting was much harder than I’d imagined.

And finally, at ten months old, just after the second semester final exams, as winter break began,

“Steps…! First steps!”

“Mama!”

Hanae, hearing my voice, smiled brightly, waved her arms, and took a step towards me. One step, two steps… She wobbled slightly, trying to maintain her balance, as she slowly approached me. The sight was so moving that I felt a lump in my throat, my heart swelling with emotion.

“Aya! Hanae’s walking! Our Hanae is walking!”

“Really?” Aya rushed in from the kitchen. As we cheered and praised Hanae, Hazuki, who had been sitting quietly, looked at us, then slowly pulled herself up.

“…Hazuki?”
“Mama…!”

Hazuki, her lips in a slight pout as if determined not to be outdone, took a hesitant step, then another, slowly walking towards us.

“Hazuki’s walking too!!”

“Aw, are they already competing?” Aya laughed, clapping her hands. They walked towards us side by side, then bumped into each other and fell, their bottoms hitting the floor with a thud. They looked like they were about to cry, but then they stood up, unfazed, and waddled into our arms.

They were so adorable, trying to outdo each other, that Aya and I laughed.

“Heehee… they’re so cute, aren’t they?”

“Yes… the cutest in the world.”

They both called us “Mama.” We’d considered different terms of address, but hearing them call us “Mama” with such bright smiles… It didn’t matter anymore.

I held them close, their small bodies warm in my arms, and wished this moment could last forever.

For now… they were still angels.