Chapter 16: Personality Excretion Smash (2) [R-18]

*

[Students of Class 2-F, please proceed to the indoor training grounds.]

Just before the damage-per-second test.

Yuuna, Hena, and I were walking to the indoor training grounds as a group.

“Kim Sang-hyeok. Aren’t you nervous?”

She used my full name, which still felt a little distant. We’d already hugged with our skin touching, but I suppose this subtle distance between the sexes is the true charm of a co-ed school.

“It’s a pleasant feeling.”

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t nervous, but it was a nostalgic kind of tension, like waiting for my turn in a footrace as a kid.

By my current standards, it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling at all.

“Hmm. So you’re saying you have nowhere to go but up?”

“Well, being D-rank, I don’t have much to lose.”

If a D-rank messes up, what’s the worst people can say? ‘What else would you expect from a D-rank?’

Having rock-bottom expectations meant there was less pressure, which was actually quite comfortable.

“Still, you should work hard now so things will be easier in the second semester.”

“To be honest, I don’t even know what I don’t know.”

I had a vague premonition that my life would get a little harder if I bombed this test, but I was optimistic about the future.

After all, I was the new Sang-hyeok, the protagonist reborn with a full suite of cheats from the goddess of an eroge.

I had 「Personality Excretion」.

I’ve played my share of RPGs, and I know there’s no better attack skill than this. It’s probably the ultimate end-game ability.

Onahole Collection is a good enough talent on its own, but it’s a growth-type talent that the original game’s player could also develop.

But Personality Excretion, one of the privileged powers that even the original protagonist, the old Sang-hyeok, never enjoyed…

Its value was on a completely different level from the start.

I planned to make good use of 「Personality Excretion」 as my unique, primary skill.

Honestly, it was pretty reassuring.

“What do you want to do later? Hero? Hunter?”

“Whichever makes more money.”

“Then I guess Hero is out.”

“Heroes don’t make much?”

“If you compare the absolute top-tiers, they can earn more than Hunters, but for anyone below A-rank, it’s basically volunteer work.”

Well, that won’t do.

“Come to think of it, I have another reason besides money why I can’t be a Hero.”

“Why?”

“As you know, if I became a Hero, I’d get a ridiculous hero name. ‘Personality Excretion Man,’ ‘Onahole Man’…”

“Pfft!”

Yuuna burst out laughing without resistance, grabbing onto me as she giggled.

My unique talent, ‘Onahole Collector,’ was creepy enough. What would happen if I went around catching villains with Personality Excretion?

It would only be a matter of time before I became the number one pervert Hero in all of Seoul.

“For the same reason, I can’t be a villain either. The headlines tomorrow would read, ‘Inhuman Onahole Villain Attacks Women in City Center…'”

“Ah, pfft, hahaha! Stop, stop making me laugh.”

As Yuuna nearly keeled over, the gazes of the surrounding students fell on us.

Ignoring them, Yuuna looked genuinely happy.

A pretty girl has a pretty smile.

“Ah, I’m so happy. It’s been so long since I’ve laughed like this.”

“It would be perfect if you had an Onahole Princess as your sidekick—a hero’s assistant.”

“Ahaha, seriously, stop…! My stomach hurts!”

Hmm? Where did Hena go?

I noticed her absence immediately, given the cosmic-monster-level presence of her breasts.

I looked back and saw Hena lagging behind.

Her head was bowed, and her aura was dark.

She hadn’t said a word this whole time…

“Hena.”

I called out to her gently.

Hena’s head snapped up. Her eyes were sparkling.

“Huh!? D-D-Did you call me? Sang-hyeok.”

“Why are you falling behind? Stick close.”

“…Okay!! I’ll stick close.”

No, not so close that I can feel the warmth of your breasts.

I was genuinely concerned about the social skills of my childhood friend, who clung to my arm like a lover and rubbed her chest against me just because I showed her this tiny bit of attention.

In any case, the first of our group to go was Yuuna.

“Haaaaah!”

Whoa. Her sword skills were flashing so brightly it was dizzying.

I was too far away to see much more than that, but Yuuna’s swordsmanship was incredible.

“991 points!”

Yuuna flashed us a V-sign, expressing her joy.

“Amazing.”

“Is that a high score?”

“Of course! It’s super high. She’s guaranteed to be in the top three of our class.”

I wondered how I would do. I’d only been in a dungeon once, but I was still the protagonist of 「Onahole Academy」.

Honestly, wasn’t this the part of the story where I was destined to get a score that would shock everyone?

For a moment, I imagined their reactions after my test (tailored to my own liking).

「Wow, Sang-hyeok… you’re amaaazing♡ I’m so proud to be your friend!」

「How can you be 2,000 points higher than me? You’re so cool♡」

「I’m so sorry for underestimating you just because you’re D-rank♡♡」

…Hehehe. Yesss.

…Wait. Weren’t some of those lines from an erotic novel?

Get out of my wholesome fantasy, you demon of eroge!

“Next up is Hena.”

Hena looked visibly nervous.

“Who was she again?”

“I don’t know. But her boobs are huge.”

“She’s gloomy.”

「The girl with big boobs and a gloomy vibe whose name I don’t know.」

That seemed to be the other students’ assessment of Hena.

I couldn’t understand how they could say that about Hena, who was clearly a stunning beauty, but I didn’t dislike the feeling that I was the only one who knew her true charm.

If only she’d just give her chest a little jiggle, the male students would go wild.

Hena’s combat style was that of a very static mage.

I could barely tell she was doing something to the scarecrow while standing still.

“What did you get?”

When she returned, Hena mumbled.

“320 points…”

“Not bad, huh?”

“Yeah, I think so. Last time I got… 290 points…”

“Good.”

“You did great, Hena!”

Yuuna said, pulling Hena by the hand.

“Come on, come sit next to me.”

“…Is, is it okay for me to sit next to you?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Ahem, I guess it’s my turn next.

“Ah. Sang-hyeok. Good luck.”

“Kim Sang-hyeok! Go break the record!”

“I’ll be back.”

Sent off by the two beauties, I walked to the center.

The scarecrow was positioned far from the spectators.

It seemed standard practice to maintain a safe distance, as everyone would be using their full power and their skills could cause collateral damage.

Only the instructor in charge of the test stood guard near the scarecrow.

The instructor’s name was Dale Hardnett.

He was a black-haired Hunter in a suit who looked to be in his mid-twenties, but according to Yuuna, an S-rank or higher Hunter always had to be present during the scarecrow test.

That meant the man in front of me was an S-rank Hunter, at the very top of the academy’s food chain.

Thinking about it that way made him seem kind of cool.

“Move to your position.”

“Yes, sir.”

Definitely don’t get on his bad side.

It wasn’t just because he was an S-rank Hunter that I made up my mind.

It was because the Benelli-series semi-automatic shotgun slung over Dale’s back looked incredibly intimidating.

“You’ll start in six seconds.”

[Activating 「Insight – Red」]

[Beginner Magic Scarecrow HP (34399/35000)]
[A scarecrow commonly used at the academy for damage measurement. Surprisingly, a lot of magic is required for its mass production.]
[Creator – Seridwen Evelyn]
[Essol Academy Student Council Equipment. The quality is quite excellent for a mass-produced item.]

…As expected of a scarecrow, it doesn’t seem to have any weak points.

But a beginner scarecrow? Could this weak-ass scarecrow withstand my Personality Excretion?

An opponent I wouldn’t feel a shred of guilt for ‘breaking.’

It was the perfect target for me.

Hnngh!

“Personality Excretion Smash!!!”

My ultimate move roared.

[Achievement Unlocked: 《Loss of Humanity》!]
[Strength +1!]

It was an ordinary straight punch with my body weight behind it, but it would be a mistake to think that was all.

My fist, hardened with the 「Resolve」 to excrete at all costs, pierced through the scarecrow’s body…

It didn’t!

But in quick succession!

“Personality, Excretion!”

A smooth one-two!

Thwack! Thwack!

A clean one-two combo landed on the scarecrow’s head.

That was excellent.

“Six seconds are up. 18 points.”

18 points?

At first, I thought I’d misheard. Not 180, but 18?

Personality Excretion is supposed to be the ultimate attack skill!

Is it immune to excretion because it’s a scarecrow?

It was a possibility anyone could have predicted, but the realization came to me far too late.

No, actually, I did expect this, but…

…Are we really going with a serious plot development here?

Where’s the slapdash, anything-goes development the goddess of eroge loves so much?

Shouldn’t there be a development where I get a ridiculous score like 900 million and the scarecrow explodes just to make the protagonist look good…?

“Next, 30 seconds.”

But knowing that didn’t change anything.

The techniques I could use on a scarecrow were severely limited.

Grk!!

I guess I’m the type who’s strong in actual combat!

In any case, I had to try everything I could.

“Personality Excretion Dropkick!!”

A dropkick using 「Yaksha Charge」, an attack skill I learned from collecting goblin onaholes!

THWACK!

The impact of the mid-air, accelerated dropkick struck the scarecrow square in the solar plexus!

It was a good thing it was a scarecrow; the thought of using it on a living being felt far too inhuman.

[Achievement Unlocked: 《Inhuman Personality Excretion》!]
[Agility +1!]

It’s even giving me a bunch of medals. This feels good!

2,000 points, no, 10,000 points, let’s gooo!!

“Personality Excretion Calf Kick!”

Thirty seconds of giving it my all felt much longer than it was.

I caught my breath and calmly landed my combinations.

“30 seconds are up. 79 points.”

What the hell happened to my DPS!

It was a moment where I keenly realized just how much of a fucking weakling I was in this world.

For some reason, it felt like all the spectators in the distance were laughing at me.

Hngh. Wasn’t this supposed to be an event where the protagonist shines?

Why don’t these normal events work out normally for me?

I may not have enjoyed trashy eroge like my roommate, but I’m still a normal otaku.

My mental state was shaken by the brutally harsh score.

“Next, two minutes.”

The measurement for the longest segment began.

Still, with the mindset of doing my best, I threw my fists with all my might.

Swoooosh.

“No-breath, Personality Excretion.”

[Achievement Unlocked: 《Destructive Personality Excretion》!]
[Strength +1!]

[Achievement Unlocked: 《Resistance is Futile!》]
[Technique +1!]

Personality Excretion Liver Shot, Personality Excretion Solar Plexus, Personality Excretion Corkscrew, Personality Excretion Elbow, Personality Excretion Flying Knee Kick…

Hitting it continuously without breathing was as exhausting as an all-out sprint.

“Hah. Hah.”

“Two minutes are up. Total score: 252 points.”

Lower… than Hena…!?

My cute and lovely childhood friend, with her large, unguardedly bouncing breasts…

Was about 100 points stronger than my no-breath Personality Excretion barrage?

I can’t accept this…!

“Can’t accept the results?”

“…”

Dale tapped the panel.

My evaluation was supposed to be written there.

“I wasn’t present for your previous test, but Kim Sang-hyeok, I can see your mindset has changed.”

Was that a compliment?

“Increase the number of your skills and raise your stats. Explore the secrets of the dungeons more actively.”

One thing was for sure: the feedback from an S-rank Hunter would accurately pinpoint my shortcomings.

“Yes, sir!”

“Next!”

I bowed my head and retreated.

I felt like the arrogance that had built up from being treated like a special protagonist had vanished.

As a Hunter, I was still far from proficient.

“How was it?”

I took the tumbler Yuuna handed me and said calmly.

“252 points.”

“That’s good for a D-rank, isn’t it?”

The words “for a D-rank” pierced my heart.

Realizing my expression wasn’t good, Yuuna clamped her mouth shut.

“Sorry.”

“It hurts my pride, so next time I’m going to get over 10,000 points.”

“…Don’t you think you should set a more realistic goal?”

“It is realistic. Just you watch.”

It’s just that I’m at the bottom right now. It’s also true that I have a special growth curve that others don’t.

Even if that growth curve is achieved through 「Onahole Collection」…

The important thing is that I can build up my strength without having to rape an unspecified number of women!

“That’s a score only the top-tier among A-rank Hunters could possibly get…”

“Wanna bet?”

Yuuna flinched and took a defensive stance.

“Wh-What are you going to make me do?”

“Get on your hands and knees and apologize for not recognizing the D-rank genius, Kim Sang-hyeok.”

“That’s just humiliating!”

What, did you think I was going to ask to touch your breasts or something?

I’m not that low-class of a person… probably.

“Hena, how about you?”

“I… I think you can do it, Sang-hyeok.”

“Hena! How can you just get out of it like that?”

“But, Sang-hyeok got 8 points before.”

8 points…?

“…This is already amazing. Hehe.”

Weren’t 8 points basically the score you’d get for refusing to participate?

So I had improved a lot. It was a dramatic change that only Hena, with her childhood friend background, could have noticed.

A pure belief that if I could go from 8 points to 252, I could also reach 10,000.

Hena smiled shyly.

“So. I’ll bet on ‘he can do it’.”

“Hmm. Well then… I guess I’ll help you out a bit.”

“You, Yuuna?”

“You got a problem with a competent B-rank Hunter offering to join your party?”

“No way. Of course not.”

Nakamori Yuuna has joined the party!

I felt like an announcement message like that had just popped up.

“Instead, though it feels weird to call it that.”

“Hm?”

Yuuna looked like she was struggling to say something.

She stood before me, fidgeting and flustered.

Her ears were turning redder by the second as I watched.

“What is it?”

When I asked again, Yuuna said in a trembling voice.

“Your number.”

“My number?”

“Your phone… number…”

Realizing what she meant, I grinned.

Just yesterday, I was repeatedly accused of being a trashy criminal, and now, since this morning, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been asked for my number.

I typed my number into Yuuna’s phone.

“I sent you my Dunstar ID too.”

“What happened to the picture we took?”

She checked immediately.

“I took that down. I gained 300,000 followers overnight.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Everyone was asking who the guy was… It felt like I was profiting off your face, so I just took it down.”

Hmm.

Is this the life of a handsome genius? My heart swelled with pride.

“Anyway… I’ll contact you, okay? Kim Sang-hyeok.”

“Feel free.”

She must have been so happy to get my number.

Seeing the joy overflowing from Yuuna’s face, making her cheeks practically melt, brought a smile to my own.

A cheat key is a cheat key, after all.

And I was happy that I could gaze at these two pretty faces without worrying about becoming a criminal.

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Translated By: Meher (RaidenTL)

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