Chapter 150: I don’t owe you anything – 5

The next day, I found Valon who had taken a rest.

“…Why the hell is it so cold here?”

Sitting on the bed, Valon muttered as he gazed out the window.

At the end of his gaze, maids were walking around the courtyard in light clothing, moving as if they didn’t feel the cold at all.

Meanwhile, Valon was wrapped in blankets and wearing thick clothes, yet he was still shivering.

“Is this really a place where people can live?”

Instead of answering, I threw a few more logs into the fireplace in the room.

“Aren’t you cold, Kailo?”

His question pierced my heart.

“…I am.”

It was an embarrassing admission.

Had it been anyone other than Valon, I might have ignored the question.

As the eldest son of House Alan, the great family of the North, I was trembling just like Valon.

My body was nothing like that of a Northerner.

I didn’t express it, but I simply endured it.

Unlike when I was young, this land now felt unbearably cold.

“…You’re completely screwed, idiot. Can you really call this place your homeland when it doesn’t even suit you?”

He didn’t bother to finish his thought, but I knew this was a continuation of yesterday’s conversation.

It was his way of telling me to return to the South and do something about Vivian.

I hadn’t given him a clear answer yesterday, and Valon knew exactly what that meant.

I hadn’t made up my mind yet.

When I pushed Vivian away, the only decision I had made was never to see her again.

Back then, I didn’t even want to.

I had wasted too much of my life because of that witch.

A single remark from Valon couldn’t change my mind.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t wavering.

It was pathetic.

My heart swayed back and forth, unable to settle on a decision.

I thought I had concluded that this was a curse… but my lingering attachment, Lyle’s words, and Valon’s argument were shaking me.

“…You should be the one to hurry back, Valon. Didn’t you say you liked life as a soldier? If you stay here any longer, you’ll get discharged.”

Valon didn’t look at me.

Even though I had calmed down from yesterday’s fight, Valon still seemed to be holding onto his anger.

Even though I was the one who got punched.

“I’m not going back, you bastard.”

He spat out bluntly.

“…I’m not going anywhere without you.”

I revisited yesterday’s topic.

“What difference would it make if I went?”

Vivian was already in the hands of the Las Order.

Unless I waged war, there was nothing I could do against such a massive organization.

Whether I wanted to save her or not was secondary—I had no intention of starting a war over my personal emotions.

Even my father couldn’t put personal feelings above duty, which is why he had sent me to the Kingdom of Delrum.

Besides, even if I wanted war, I wasn’t prepared for it.

Simply put, it was impossible.

But Valon said.

“I don’t know. But I do know that something will change. It always does when it’s you. Otherwise, everything you’ve achieved so far would mean nothing, right?”

“…You’re acting like a child. Throwing a tantrum won’t change anything.”

“I already told you, I’m an idiot. Can’t I act my age just once?”

Then, Valon turned his head toward me.

For the first time today, our eyes met.

“…But Kailo, even an idiot like me can see that you’re a complete mess right now.”

“…”

“If Lady Vivian ends up getting killed like this, I can already picture you drowning in regret.”

This time, I couldn’t meet his gaze.

Thinking he had found a weakness, Valon pressed on.

“This so-called curse—you’ll eventually realize it never existed. And then, you’ll regret it. That you let the woman you love die because you were scared of something that wasn’t even real.”

He read my expression and continued.

“What? You still can’t accept that you fell in love with your enemy? You want to believe it was a curse? Then how do you explain Lady Vivian falling in love with you? She loved you even before Robert’s crimes were exposed. She loved you knowing you were the enemy of her family.”

“Ah.”

“…Stop.”

“Stop what? You should be thanking me instead. I might be the last lifeline stopping you from making a mistake you’ll regret forever.”

Then he scoffed in disbelief.

“Tell me, do you really believe that? Do you truly think Lady Vivian’s fate is sealed? That it’s over?”

Once again, I couldn’t answer.

When I remained silent, Valon turned back to look out the window.

We sat there like that for a long time.

There was nothing left to say, yet it felt like the conversation wasn’t over.

“…If you really won’t do it, Kailo.”

Valon, who had been quiet, broke the long silence.

A faint trace of resignation tinged his voice.

“If you really… won’t save her. At the very least… at least witness Lady Vivian’s final moments.”

That meant, at the very least, returning to Loctana.

Returning to watch Vivian’s execution.

Why should I?

Why would Valon make such a cruel request?

And yet, I couldn’t say I didn’t understand at all.

I had been with Vivian in both life and death.

If this was the end, perhaps I should witness it.

“Don’t run away like a coward.”

With that, he pulled the blanket over himself and lay back down on the bed.

“…I brought some luggage when I came to this land. It should still be with the horse I rode in on. Unless your attendants have taken it somewhere.”

“Luggage?”

“…Your greatsword.”

The sword I had left at Vivian’s feet on the final day.

***

I had been sitting at my father’s sickbed, my greatsword resting on my knees, silently running my fingers over its blade.

I could still remember the sensation of aiming my sword at Vivian’s throat.

I had cursed that she should have died that day.

I recalled the look of despair on her face.

The day it was revealed that she was a witch, my perception of her was forever altered.

From an unfortunate girl, struggling desperately to survive just like me…

To a selfish demon who sucked the life from others just to keep living.

A demon who had used me.

After that, every tear she had shed seemed like an act.

Every emotion we had shared felt like a lie.

That was why I had resented her.

That was why I had cursed her.

And now I was supposed to return?

Was I about to be deceived again?

I didn’t want to be that kind of fool.

That was why I still couldn’t bring myself to go back to Vivian’s side.

Besides, I had only just returned to this land.

Day by day, my younger siblings were relying on me more.

Our relationships were improving, their faces growing brighter.

Even the youngest, Ragon, had begun shedding his timid nature.

Not just my siblings—

The retainers of House Alan, the soldiers, the servants… even the common folk of the domain welcomed my presence.

It was the complete opposite of the rejection I felt in Loctana.

Even if it was built on falsehoods, I couldn’t deny that the warmth was pleasant.

And now I was supposed to leave again?

Was my heart not a curse?

Would I regret this?

…Had I made another mistake?

Never mind what I wanted—wouldn’t leaving them behind be too selfish?

-Since when did you care about things like that?

I could almost hear Wallace, despite his absence, cutting straight to the heart of the matter.

Perhaps because Valon had come to see me, the voices of my comrades were once again ringing clearly in my mind.

No.

…I had already decided to stay here.

For my family, I—

“…Why… do you wear such a sorrowful expression?”

At that moment, a voice rang out, freezing me in place.

For a moment, I thought the voices in my head had turned into a hallucination.

“What is it… that you are so dissatisfied with?”

But the voice came again.

Slowly, I turned to look at my father.

Gaunt and withered, he had barely opened his eyes, gazing weakly at me.

Without thinking, I dropped to my knees beside him and took his frail hand.

“F-Father…”

My voice trembled involuntarily.

He gave me a faint smile and said,

“…I missed you.”

I knew I had grown.

Seven years had passed.

When I had left this land, I was smaller than most boys my age.

Now, there was no one who could match my height.

I had grown stronger, fought many battles.

I had taken many lives, stained my hands with blood.

I had failed to uphold the chivalry my father had hoped for, and I had lost the purity of my heart.

My body was covered in scars, half of my ear was gone, and my hands were damaged beyond full use.

Would he even recognize me?

Yet, like a child once more, I found myself desperately hoping for confirmation.

“…Do you… still recognize me?”

My father continued to smile.

In the past, he would have let out a hearty laugh and clapped me on the back.

Now, he no longer had the strength to do so.

“…Kailo.”

He spoke my name.

And in that moment, I understood how my siblings must have felt when they clung to me for support.

“…You are as lovely as the day you left.”