Chapter 15

The ‘Abyss’s’ face is clearly visible.

I was perplexed. I didn’t think she would show her face by removing the veil without any hesitation.

I thought there would be a reason why she covered her face.

Like having a scar on her face, or having no face at all. Or I thought it would appear pixelated.

“You actually have a proper face?”

I couldn’t hide my surprise.

Her face is more normal than I expected. Rather, her appearance was so outstanding that I wondered why she would hide it.

Touching her face, I found that her skin was unexpectedly firm and pleasant to touch.

As I moved closer, a scent of ink wafted over. The fragrant smell of ink came pleasantly.

Pushing me away, the ‘Abyss’ said,

“I find that strangely offensive. What did you think I was?”

Silently, I pointed to the area around her wrist.

The exposed skin appeared pixelated.

As I looked at her as if to say, “How can you say that after seeing this?”, the ‘Abyss’ slightly furrowed her brow and said with a crooked smile,

“Ah, this can’t be helped. It’s not something I can control as I wish.”

“Is it like a disease or a curse?”

I asked as carefully as possible.

To emphasize my carefulness, I lowered my eyes and kept my voice as quiet as possible.

“It’s not like that. It’s just unconscious. I can erase it if I want to.”

“Didn’t you say you can’t control it?”

“I can’t control it appearing, but I can erase it.”

As she said, soon her wrist began to appear properly.

“The problem is that it’s as difficult as holding back a sneeze.”

“Then you can just be comfortable as you are.”

“It’s okay. It’s not too bad being like this.”

She said, turning her wrist this way and that, seemingly fascinated by her fully revealed wrist.

“It feels strange to see it after so long. Unfamiliar.”

I silently watched her actions.

Squatting down and resting my chin on my hand, I took in her actions.

The ‘Abyss’ acting like a child who has discovered a new toy feels awkward.

The ‘Abyss’ was genuinely intrigued, even removing her gloves to observe her hands.

She stretches her hand upward and holds it against the light.

She repeatedly spreads her fingers wide and then closes them.

With one eye closed, she was diligently observing her hand.

She even stroked her hand with her other hand and stayed like that for a while.

“In my memory, my hand wasn’t like this.”

“Then what was it like?”

“It was so hideous that I couldn’t stand to look at it. It was so hideous that even I didn’t want to see it.”

She continued speaking while firmly pressing the inside of her palm.

“It was bumpy and spiky, so it looked like a monster’s hand rather than a human’s.”

There’s no way she was actually a monster. It must just be her delusion.

Simple self-hatred. Seeing how she unconsciously tries to hide herself, this conjecture is strengthened.

“It seems people develop severe self-hatred when they live for a long time.”

All those I’ve seen so far were like that.

The emotion of resentment cannot last long.

It’s like fire; if you don’t continuously provide fuel, it cools down.

Depression, despair, sadness, and such are like mold.

If not cleaned periodically, they multiply in an instant and erode the heart.

Like getting wet in drizzling rain, the heart becomes wet one by one.

A moist heart easily rots.

Such a rotten heart is prone to be stained with self-hatred.

“You’re quite emotional. Is it because you read a lot of books?”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

I answered grumpily.

“Huhu.”

She lets out a low laugh and looks up at the ceiling.

Following her, I also looked up at the ceiling.

The existence of endlessly connected birdcages weighs down.

“I wanted to find a bluebird.”

The empty birdcages were telling of her failure.

“Despite not being able to see any colors, I wanted to find a bluebird. Isn’t that funny?”

With a distorted mouth, she reveals her obsession, looking as if she’s both crying and laughing.

“I envied the sky. I envied that place I couldn’t reach. Blue sky, even without knowing what color was, I liked the word ‘blue’.”

The ‘Abyss’ stretches her arm toward the ceiling.

The sky isn’t visible here, but what is she looking at?

“I envied the birds contained in that sky. I thought as the sky is contained in birds, the sky would also be contained in birds. That’s why it’s a blue bird. A bird flying while containing the blue sky.”

The birdcage in her hand makes a creaking sound.

“I thought that if I observed that bird, I too would become like that. Even knowing it wasn’t true, I couldn’t let go, so I kept repeating that action.”

“You were crazy.”

The ‘Abyss’ hugged her knees and buried her face in them.

She mutters as if mumbling.

“I was crazy. Because this is a world where one can’t live without going crazy.”

It was the first time the ‘Abyss’ showed such a weak appearance.

“You know what? The Abyss didn’t appear suddenly like the Tower. It has existed since the beginning.”

“The beginning?”

“When a god appears, the present is created, and based on that present, infinite past and infinite future stretch out. That’s the principle of how the world is created.”

“So you were a person from a very long time ago.”

Bonk. She lightly hit my head once and continued.

“Originally, I was underground. I came up when the Tower was created. Even now, if you look carefully, isn’t it slightly sloped? The Tower is at the highest place, and as you enter the Abyss, it gradually gets lower.”

The ‘Abyss’ began to reveal her past as if sighing.

“The place where I was, was always the darkest and lowest place.”

* * *

I could only look up from the lowest place.

The deepest place, the darkest place, was where I was located.

This place with no light was so dark that I couldn’t even see my own appearance.

All I could do was crouch and look up.

People placed the most valuable things up and buried the most worthless things in the ground.

The higher up, the more valuable it is.

They looked up at the sky and worshipped everything there.

The sun emitting the strongest light, the moon illuminating the night and the stars assisting that moon, they deified the sky that contained all of that.

On the other hand, the ground, the deep underground, wasn’t an object of worship.

People bury worthless things in the ground.

They bury useless objects in the ground. And then, as if they can’t stand to look at them, they cover them with soil again.

The underground space was an object of fear to them, not an object of worship.

Various creatures walking above me, the sky covering above them like a blanket.

The sky was high and open. The open sky gave considerable satisfaction just by looking at it.

I see birds freely flying in that sky.

They fly without being bound to anything.

I hear the voices of people saying the sky is blue.

To me, who had no concept of color, the word “blue” sounded like something special.

“Blue.”

When I recited the word “blue” with my mouth, blue stirred in my heart. A slight excitement settled, as if stirring.

Could I resemble the sky too?

A bird containing the sky, a bluebird. I wanted to catch that bluebird.

I wanted to place it beside me and quietly observe it.

Then, couldn’t I also come to resemble the sky?

Even the emotion of fear has parts that touch the emotion of worship, so I could gain some sort of status from it.

If I didn’t even have that to begin with, I might not have even had self-awareness.

It meant I could decorate this place, my world, as I wanted.

First, I filled my world with birdcages.

To fill this place like the sky, I needed reference materials.

I caught a bird. And put it in a birdcage.

I quietly observed the bird in the birdcage.

A few days later, the bird died.

What went wrong?

Unlike me, I learned that living organisms need to eat to survive.

I caught another bird. Put it back in a birdcage.

This time, I observed the bird while properly feeding it.

Again, not long after, the bird died.

There was a timing to give food. I had to put food in at regular intervals.

Again, again, again.

I made numerous attempts, and with each attempt, the number of empty birdcages only increased.

But I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer from it.

As the empty birdcages increased, my heart gradually emptied. It felt like a hole had been pierced in my heart.

When the wind blew through that hole, I had to feel an extreme emptiness.

Meanwhile, the god died, and something called the Tower came into being.

The existing world collapsed, and a small world inside the Tower was created.

Again, I wasn’t included in it and was pushed out.

A place where no one exists, again I was abandoned.

People dispose of garbage in the ground. Therefore, I too was an abandoned being.

Unable to see my own appearance, I desperately hid myself.

Surely, it would be a hideous and distorted appearance.

I wasn’t the only one abandoned in this world. I see those who couldn’t belong to the Tower.

Those who couldn’t belong to the new world.

They couldn’t withstand the turbid air, the negative emotions in my world for long.

Touching the bird corpses scattered around, they transformed into bizarre forms.

They became monsters.

They showed extreme aggression, as if they had hatred for the Tower.

Far away, I could see the Tower.

The Tower, emitting bright light unlike me.

Even in my world full of only black and white, it shines more brilliantly and beautifully than anything else.

I envied the Tower, which had what I didn’t have.

I admired it. I wanted to emit light too and be loved by people.

I hated it. I envied the Tower, which so easily, right from birth, had what I couldn’t have. It’s commonly referred to as the emotion of jealousy.

I became obsessed. Admiration and hatred, the two emotions mixed and gave birth to obsession. I wanted to have them because I admired them, and I wanted to confine them because I hated them.

And in the end, I grew tired.

So here we are now.

Just an unremarkable story.

A story that’s just selling a sob story.

A tasteless sob story that a villain spits out only at the last moment.

The ‘Abyss’s’ long story ended.

I see the ‘Abyss’ looking dejected.

“You said people bury the most worthless things in the ground, right?”

“Yes.”

“But you know what? People also bury their most valuable things in the ground.”

People hide their most precious treasures in places where others can’t find them.

They hide them in the deepest and darkest ground.

Because it’s a space that’s moderately close to them yet not easy to find.

Not only that, but people also bury the dead in the ground.

It’s not because they are worthless, but because there’s a purpose called commemoration.

They bury not hatred, but longing and memories.

“In a way, you might be the most valuable existence.”

That’s actually true.

She’s the only being that can stand against the Tower, born in a different form and using power in a different way.

After all, the Abyss was also one of the necessary existences.

“You said destruction is a different concept from the end, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then you desire an end. To prevent destruction.”

From the beginning, the purpose of the Tower and the Abyss was the same.

To prevent destruction.

In the end, it was just a difference in direction.

The Tower wanted to maintain the existing world created by the god. It wanted to maintain it without ending, by establishing a new god.

On the other hand, the Abyss wanted to end this world. It wanted to end it and build a new world.

Isn’t this a common occurrence in history?

Whether to establish a new dynasty or continue the existing dynasty.

“I will write the same answer again. I will continue to run, desiring the end.”

Her voice trembles finely, as if blue is stirring.

That appearance also seemed as if she hoped her own answer would be wrong.