Chapter 147: Independence [R-18]

As the door closed, even the sticky warmth of summer was shut out. That single door became the threshold that neatly separated Seojin’s world from Rio’s.

Standing blankly in the hallway of the officetel, Seojin clutched the strap of her bag as it slipped from her shoulder. A chill seeped up from the floor.

Would things have been different if it were the height of summer? Would the sunlight have lingered longer? Would more people have been outside, smiling and laughing?

But the seasons were changing.

After lingering in front of his apartment for a long time, Seojin took the elevator down. But she only managed a few steps before stopping, standing blankly just before the main entrance of the building.

The bag in her hand wasn’t light, but it was a form of his mercy. A mercy she found entirely unwelcome.

She had lived here for over a year.

This apartment, this hallway, this elevator. A space where she had never taken a single step of her own volition.

Yet now, as she was leaving on her own two feet, no one called her back. No one ordered her to stay. There were no ties on her wrists; her ankles were free.

“…”

Outside, the morning sun had risen, but facing it directly only filled Seojin with sorrow.

Seojin began to walk without direction, but she couldn’t bring herself to go far, afraid he might come looking for her. She collapsed onto a small nearby bench.

The moment she sat, however, the realization that Rio would never do such a thing hit her, and her composure finally shattered.

“…Hk… Ugh, ah…”

Sobs burst through the fingers she clamped over her mouth. No one comforted her. No one asked what was wrong.

A passerby even glanced at her before hurrying past, as if to avoid her.

She didn’t try to stop the tears. Despite being someone who was always conscious of others, she wept out in the open as if no one could see her.

The freedom Seojin had dreamed of was cold.

In contrast, the luxurious prison he’d confined her to had made her feel human.

He had given her tasks so she wouldn’t feel useless, had determined even the warmth of the blanket they slept under. Within that cage, there had been breath and warmth.

—And now, of course, none of it was hers.

She thought she was supposed to feel relieved.

But she felt no joy. Her breath hitched in her throat, and a part of her heart felt hollow.

They say you only know how precious something is after you’ve lost it.

To admit that the precious thing had been Rio was an agony beyond words.

His words, his gestures, his voice, his scent.

The familiar smile he always wore, the occasional expressions that looked so genuine.

Seojin had desperately tried not to believe in any of it, telling herself it wasn’t meant for her alone.

But the absence of those things was now a greater pain.

No matter how twisted their connection had been, the reality of being torn from the man she loved was colder and lonelier than she had ever imagined.

It took her longer to grasp the fact that he—a man who already lived in a world completely opposite to hers—was no longer a part of her future than it did to feel the loneliness.

That realization was what broke her most cruelly.

Seojin buried her face in her knees.

Even as the sun passed its zenith and began to dip behind her, she couldn’t bring herself to go anywhere.

He had given her everything, only to take it all away.

All she had left was a single bag he had prepared for her and a phone number he promised would never change.

“…”

Unwilling to touch anything he had given her, she had walked from sunset until she finally reached her old apartment.

When she opened the door to the small, damp studio, Seojin remained silent.

The wallpaper was still yellowed and peeling. The mold stains over the sink had spread. Dust and soot drifted from the cracks in the window frame.

A year ago, when she’d left this apartment, she was sure it hadn’t seemed so small.

“…Huu.”

She set her bag down, and the floor rattled beneath it. Exposed cement between the cracked tiles scraped her bare feet.

She opened the small refrigerator in the apartment her parents had occasionally visited, but there wasn’t even a bottle of water inside.

Suddenly, she thought of the refrigerator Rio had always kept full.

Drinks, wine, meat, ice cream.

Now, she had nothing but tap water to drink.

How strange. This life used to be her normal.

Should she shower? Sleep? Or just lie here like a corpse?

After leaning against the wall in silence, she slid down to the floor.

The smell of cigarette smoke drifted in from the open window, and she watched dust motes dance in the glow of the fluorescent light.

At first, she’d found it all so hard to bear—the smell of his cigarettes, the drugs, the cologne that seemed far too strong. But now, everything that had become normal simply because he was there was gone.

Ah… I didn’t come back, she thought. I was thrown away.

She had almost fooled herself.

“…Ugh.”

A tear squeezed out, her breath catching in her throat.

This was her punishment for not choosing him. Perhaps that was why she hadn’t contacted Lee Woo-chan, the man who had laid out her options.

The price of her freedom was far crueler than she had ever expected.

In a corner of the small room, Rio’s bag sat untouched, its newness a jarring contrast to the shabbiness around it.

For several days, Seojin waited, clinging to a sliver of hope in her endless loneliness. Finally, after much hesitation, she shoved the phone he had given her—now silent—into the bag.

Most of her life as his woman was stored on that device.

The memory of his touch, already growing faint, would sometimes return to her even in this tiny room.

He had been a part of her daily life—when she washed her hair, when she looked in the mirror, when she dried herself with a towel.

He couldn’t possibly be in a wretched place like this.

And yet, the memory of his arms wrapping around her waist from behind still made her flinch.

Despite the lingering trauma from her time with him, she had to live on.

Little by little, she had to find a way to blend in with others. Not in the way he had taught her, but in her own way.

The pay was terrible compared to the work she’d done as a man. At the nameless, day-labor jobs she took, working ten hours left her with just enough for a meager dinner after paying rent.

But she never complained.

At first, she was afraid someone might recognize her from the social media photos Rio had posted, but she soon relaxed when she realized no one did.

So she pushed herself harder, taking any physical work she could find.

Handing out flyers, doing same-day cleaning jobs, running small errands she found through neighborhood apps.

Then one day, she found herself at the local district office with a representative sent by Rio’s father.

She wondered how they had found her, but she supposed it wasn’t difficult to track down someone living such a predictable life.

“—Yes, everything is confirmed. Your certificate of completion and the other documents can be processed over…”

“This way, please.”

There were documents bearing the chairman’s signature and a perfunctory nod from the official.

Unlike the turmoil that had defined her life, the entire process was quiet and cold.

No matter how strange or pitiful her circumstances, she was just another person, a stranger.

That was all there was to it.

Even as she bowed to the man who had accompanied her, there was no sign of Rio. And he was the one who had first come to her, acting as a representative.

Soon after, Seojin received her new national ID card.

The photo on the small plastic rectangle had been snapped in a daze at the mobile processing station.

Her eyes looked a little lost, and her lips were pressed into an awkward line.

But her appearance didn’t matter. She stared for a long time at the number on the back, the one that began with a ‘4’.

“…This is me now.”

Her voice was quiet, acknowledging a truth she could no longer deny.

She could now live as a woman, under her own identity.

Not as Rio’s woman, not as a creature he had created, but as someone who could claim her own body under the name Kang Seojin.

It was another sorrowful liberation.

Still, having a legal identity eased many of her burdens.

“Miss, can you start with the dinner shift tonight?”

She had applied to be a kitchen assistant at a local restaurant, armed with a proper resume, but after looking her over, the owner hired her to wait tables instead.

Seojin would have preferred working quietly in the back, but the owner insisted she work out front, saying, “You have such a refined face.”

“You’re getting much better at talking with customers. And your face is so… elegant,” one customer commented, handing her an empty plate.

“Aigoo, with a face like that, why aren’t you trying to be Miss Korea or a celebrity?”

“It’s good to see a young person working so diligently. You seem like such a sweet girl, would you be interested in meeting my son?”

Seojin simply smiled. It wasn’t a forced smile; she smiled because she finally could.

Of course, not every interaction was pleasant.

There were the comments slurred by drunken customers.

“So pretty… What’s your night job?”

“Hey, miss, you got a boyfriend? Huh?”

Seojin would lean away, her response practiced and calm.

In the past, words like that would have made her lower her head in shame, but now she had learned to let them go in one ear and out the other.

And most importantly, the older women she worked with always came to her defense.

“Watch your mouth! You’re making our girl uncomfortable.”

“You say that again and see what happens!”

“Mister, you’ve had way too much to drink! If you’re going to be like that, don’t come back to our restaurant!”

At that, a hand that had been reaching for her rear would quickly retreat, its owner muttering, “Jeez, can’t take a little joke… These old hags are so uptight.”

“Looks like you still haven’t learned your lesson!”

After closing, they would pack up leftover side dishes for her.

“Take this with you. We had a lot of meat left over today, didn’t we? Go on, take it.”

“You’re so young, but you’re all skin and bones except for those breasts of yours. Your cheeks are so sunken. Here, eat up.”

At times like that, Seojin would just bow her head deeply.

“Thank you…”

Seojin was learning how to live among ordinary people again.

There was no one left to teach her, but freedom meant taking responsibility for herself. And perhaps, for Seojin, living this way was the most natural thing in the world.

Translated By: Meher (RaidenTL)

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