I Don’t Want to be a Villainess – Chapter 142

Translator: Elisia

Editor/Proofreader: Wojo

━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━

…Did you think I wouldn’t know what you’re thinking?

I thought to myself as I looked up at them.

They had the exact same appearance as me, but the reason I made them look this way was because it would have been hard for me to even look at them properly if I didn’t.

A dazzling ball of light.

The person who literally reshaped the direction of my life.

…I feel sorry to say this, but I already know what they’re thinking.

No, since I’ve told similar lies to my friends, I should probably feel sorry towards everyone.

Just as this person can read my memories, I was also able to access some of theirs.

And over time, I had plenty of opportunities to wander through their memories.

Just like they’re doing now.

I can’t say all of the memories were happy ones,

But at the same time, I can’t say they were all bad either.

Sometimes they were sad, sometimes they were depressed, sometimes they struggled,

But sometimes they laughed, sometimes they enjoyed themself, sometimes they were happy.

Unlike my monotonous memories, theirs were colorful and long, and though I hadn’t seen them all,

There were certain memories that made me feel like I understood why they had such feelings towards me.

Unlike my selfish and twisted nature, they were kind and sincere.

And because they were that kind of person, they’re probably trying to give me back my life.

…But, I don’t want that.

No, it’s not that I hate my life.

The life I once loathed and resented, they changed into a life I never want to lose.

But I hate the thought of them leaving that life.

Ha-neul, So-hee, and Soo-ah.

And everyone who helps me.

I know they’re the ones who make up my life.

But the person who connected all of them to my life was them.

If they’re gone, my life won’t mean as much.

They’re the biggest presence in my current life.

If the thread that ties everything together disappears, I wouldn’t know how to live anymore.

So, no.

Don’t leave.

Stay here with me for a long, long time.

Please.

That’s what I thought.

“…”

When I scooted closer to them and linked my arm with theirs, they relaxed their arm slightly and accepted my touch.

Though it was nothing more than an illusion in this memory, like a dream, their body was warm.

Large enough for me to lean on.

Whenever I stayed like this, my heart would calm down.

It made me feel like I could do anything.

Do they feel that way too?

“…By the way, I’m curious about something.”

After staying quiet for a long time, they suddenly opened their mouth as if something came to mind.

“Hmm?”

When I asked back, they fidgeted with the area around their neck and asked.

“This, you know.”

To be precise, they were touching the fabric around their neck.

The clothes they were wearing was a shirt, but it looked quite different from the everyday shirts people wear.

Honestly, if they wore it nowadays, someone might ask if they were cosplaying since it had a rather old-fashioned design.

It’s not the type of clothing a woman would wear.

If anything, it was something a man would wear.

It had bits of lace here and there, and the fabric around their neck was so long that it was hard to tell if it was lace or a scarf fluttering around.

In contrast, their pants were simple, plain black ones without any decoration.

It was the kind of outfit you’d picture when you think of the Renaissance period.

The type of clothes the male lead in a historical foreign film or drama would wear, with a few buttons undone.

“This is from, like, the medieval… no, the Renaissance era, right? Aren’t these the kind of clothes they wore back then?”

At their question, my face flushed hot.

To be honest, that outfit was something I’d dressed them in entirely for my own taste.

“Well…”

As I remained silent without answering, they thought for a moment and then,

“Could it be that you based this on that novel you used to write?”

They asked an unexpected question.

Although they asked cautiously, I found my mind going blank in an instant.

“Ah, wait…!”

At the same time my mind went blank, the room also started turning white.

They grabbed my shoulders and said,

“Hold on, pull yourself together!”

“Heh…?”

As they shook my shoulders, I barely managed to grab hold of my rapidly fleeing sanity.

When I came to my senses, aside from the bed we were sitting on, the rest of the room had already turned into a state of nothingness.

Well, even if the whiteness had spread to where we were sitting, it probably wouldn’t have harmed them…

Still, thank goodness.

I almost ruined the mood—

—Actually, no. It’s already ruined.

“Th-that, that thing…”

I was about to ask, “Did you read it?” but stopped, realizing how stupid that question would be.

Of course they’d read it.

They probably already read my will, too.

…But the problem was, my will wasn’t that embarrassing.

I had simply written what I wanted to say to my mother, and the entire time I was writing it, I was nothing but sincere.

But the novel stored in the same drawer was a completely different matter.

…It was a collection of my wishes from my life.

In other words, it was a story filled with fantasies that could never come true.

No, could it even be called a novel?

Plus, even if I was somewhat fond of the latter half, thinking back on it now, the earlier parts were full of overly cringy expressions.

Even someone like me, who had lived a secluded life, could feel embarrassed about showing that.

If I compared it to the books I had read… no, actually, it wasn’t even on the same level to be compared.

“Ugh…”

As they watched my terribly flustered face, they let out a voice that seemed like they were deep in thought.

It seemed they hadn’t expected me to get this embarrassed.

“Y-you don’t have to be that ashamed. After all, not many people actually finish writing a novel. You finished one, so there’s no need to feel so shy. And honestly, the writing got a lot better towards the end.”

“Ahh…”

Hearing that, I shuddered with embarrassment.

That means… they read the beginning too.

…Why did I leave that part?

If I thought it was bad, I should’ve just erased it.

I should have ripped it up and thrown it away long ago.

But the latter part… well, I just couldn’t bring myself to throw it away.

Even if it might seem insignificant to others, it was a story that my younger self had created all on her own.

If I had to pick one thing I’ve done properly until the end in my life, that would be it.

So I couldn’t discard it recklessly.

…No, to be more accurate, it’s because I never imagined anyone else would read it in the first place.

That’s right.

I had gotten so used to living alone that even after bringing my friends into my home, it hadn’t crossed my mind.

Should I ask them not to read it now?

No, what if that just piques their curiosity even more?

Or worse, what if they say something like, “Uh… sorry, I’ve already read it…”?

“Um… so,”

After patting my hunched back for a while, they carefully spoke again.

“You don’t have to be that embarrassed. It’s not like everyone in the world has read it. And, like I said, finishing a story isn’t an easy thing to do. Do you know how many people start but never finish? The fact that you saw it through to the end is amazing.”

“…Really?”

I cautiously asked as I looked up at them.

They nodded with a wide smile.

“Of course.”

“Then, have you ever done something like this?”

I asked, clinging onto their words.

“Well… uh, that is…”

After thinking for a moment, they clapped their hands and said,

“Oh, right. I have tons of model kits that I bought as a kid but never finished building. I couldn’t even finish those…”

“That’s completely different.”

I cut them off mid-sentence.

“What about writing? Or drawing? Have you ever scribbled down your daydreams in a notebook?”

“Uh… well…”

They couldn’t bring themself to answer.

“…”

I stared up at them intently.

Oh, I see.

So, you can’t answer.

In other words, you can’t say no.

“You have, haven’t you.”

When I said that, their body flinched.

“Uh, uh, yeah!”

And hurriedly turning their head away,

“Isn’t it about time for morning? We should be waking up soon—”

“Don’t talk nonsense. You know I set an alarm.”

I sat up and abruptly brought my face close to theirs.

“Show me too.”

“Uh…”

“Show me. It’s unfair if only you get to see mine.”

“Uh, w-well, it’s not like I brought my notebook with me when I came here…”

I could read their memories, though.

…But there’s no need to mention that now.

“Then tell me. I won’t tell anyone.”

When I changed my wording, they closed their eyes, deeply contemplating, and finally let out a long sigh.

“Alright…”

“Hehe.”

I leaped at them, resting my head on their lap.

“…So…”

They hesitated before speaking.

And so, we added another secret to share between us.