What Do You All Think?

Someone…

Or many people will consider living itself to be suffering.

At least, I was such a person.

The more fierce it became, the more I learned, the stronger I felt that thought.

Wouldn’t it be easier to live and die as a frog in a well with no competition and no need to know anything…

Even such thoughts made me feel self-loathing, thinking they might be an escape from reality, and I’ve had extreme thoughts more than once or twice, pitying myself for trying to move forward reluctantly.

Then can death truly be salvation for such a life?

In the past, I couldn’t easily reach out because I was afraid of even that, but now…

As a doctor now, I couldn’t help but think that death is a concept far from salvation.

Trying to save people means learning about people, and it means learning by cruelly digging into the truth that everyone only imagined.

You learn that life is just like a machine made up of organic parts clumped together, that there’s nothing that can be called a soul in the heart or head, and that thought is a chemical reaction in the brain…

This worldview of understanding that even love and sadness are phenomena caused by hormone secretion would be perfect for someone to misunderstand as a person without romance or sensibility when reviewed.

But coincidentally, in my current life, I’ve become more devoted to life than in my previous life because I have this worldview.

Knowing that there’s nothing at the end, I want to leave some meaning before falling into such an existence.

Whether leaving a name, leaving achievements, or leaving people who remember me…

If I’m not forgotten in that way, even if thought stops and the body becomes soil, I could say that I still exist in this world.

‘If you think of thought and flesh separately from death.’

Even if the existence of the soul is denied.

As long as that existence is not forgotten, a person’s life will not end.

“Many have died.”

But saying that out loud would be rude in a place like this.

To speak honestly that there’s nothing after death in front of dead people. What greater insult to the deceased could there be in the world?

“Well, yes… That’s right.”

The place I followed Master to was Hades’ temple.

Built in Maris by believers who worship the god of the underworld, it was among the smallest in scale as it hadn’t been long since they settled here.

But because it was so small, there was an advantage.

During a period when a grand festival is in full swing, if a funeral is held on a large scale, it would attract a lot of attention.

Considering that the reason for holding the funeral at such a late hour is “to not announce it widely”, at least within this city, this much is sufficient for the role entrusted to them.

“It’s ironic. While a festival is in full swing far away, those who fought risking their lives for this city are treated so coldly.”

A huge memorial stone erected inside the empty temple.

The names of those who are the subjects of this funeral were densely written on it, but in reality, the number of people who visited this place was not that many.

Just now, only Master and I came in, and the people who were originally here are now preparing to leave.

The only one left in such a place was a nun praying in front of the memorial stone.

She will probably keep that position until the end of this funeral.

“…By the way, it’s unexpected.”

I said to Master while standing in front of the memorial stone where that woman was praying.

“Unexpected, what do you mean?”

Master turns to look at me with her face still masked.

Even though she came to a funeral, her characteristically insensitive attitude remained unchanged.

As if teaching me that she hadn’t changed at all from what I knew, despite what happened recently.

“I thought Master wouldn’t be interested in things like funerals.”

My master, Pepper Ziegler, was that kind of person.

A person more devoted to her duties as a doctor than even me.

The academic enthusiasm stemming from such ideology led to a lack of ethical consciousness that made her give up even her nationality, and after falling into being a mercenary anxiously moving from battlefield to battlefield, such ideology would have become even stronger.

In a desperate scene where people die like trash, anyone would realize how trivial the dignity of life is.

“…Why is our little one so desperate to not see me as cold-blooded?”

It was surprising that the person I thought would be most faithful to that came to a funeral, but nevertheless, she didn’t utter any particular denial and just put her hand on her mask.

“Well, it’s a shame to cremate corpses that could be used as cadavers when thinking about the future of humanity. I still think that way.”

“As expected.”

“What do you mean ‘as expected’. Originally, development is accompanied by sacrifice, little one.”

I know that story too.

That technological development occurred rapidly before and after wars.

“But if I were in the same position as them, I wouldn’t be able to speak so carelessly.”

Although Master has always thought that was right, she seemed unable to maintain such an attitude just now and began to slowly remove the hand on her face.

Removing the mask and clearly revealing her face, weathered by continuous drug use, in front of the memorial stone.

“No matter how composed I try to act, it’s because I unconsciously believe I have a tomorrow. But when you roam through battlefields, you realize. Why there’s a saying that all the dead are believers of Hades.”

“…Master.”

“I killed my heart.”

While quietly pressing her palms together in front of the gravestone.

She began to tell me her story like that.

“Every time I saw people dying in front of the operating table, I decided to stop thinking because it was too painful to lose motivation for not being able to save them or to grieve for each one. In a way that it’s stupid to linger on those who no longer exist, and that funerals are just rituals for the living, not for the dead…”

Someone who inevitably has to face despair chooses to escape by giving up their resolve, unable to bear that responsibility.

Taking such a skeptical attitude is a common story everywhere.

It’s just a difference in degree, I’ve gone through such a process in both my previous life and current life.

“But as I ran on pretending to be fine like that, I felt that an end was coming to the journey of life at some point.”

Yes, for now the pain subsides, but at some point you realize.

How frightening it is to no longer be able to continue what you’ve been doing so far.

And how miserable it is not to have devised means to alleviate such fear.

“Whatever I strive for, whatever I live for… In the end, I’ll be just like those in front of me.”

But I have something to give value to this life.

I felt satisfaction encountering such value before coming to this funeral.

That my efforts weren’t wrong. That being prepared even for sacrifice for that is the way to prove that I existed in this world.

“If I had known this, I should have had a religion like you. Then I might be able to take comfort in entering Hades’ embrace at the last moment.”

But she had nothing.

Nothing at all to bring comfort at the end of that life. Not even one thing.

“Is it rude to religious people to try to believe in God for reasons like this?”

“What’s rude about it? Religion is believed for oneself in the first place.”

But well.

Entrusting oneself to fanaticism to have such comfort is an act of degenerating into a being that’s not even human.

Faith, and the prayer that springs from it, must ultimately be for oneself.

Compared to fanatics who forget that essence, I think a life that refuses to receive comfort at the end is much better.

“Still, it’s unexpected. I never thought the day would come when Master would regret not believing in religion.”

But such positivity wouldn’t be a comfort to her as she grows old.

“Even if I regret it, I can’t turn back time.”

Master calmly accepts my words even in such a situation.

Then she burst into laughter and undid her palms, preparing to turn her back on the memorial stone while putting on the mask she had taken off.

It seems like she came to pay respects but is only talking about herself and leaving… Well, that must be her limit.

A life that has run without a single longing for the unknown, no matter how afraid of death.

It would be unreasonable to expect her to awaken faith now, affirm the afterlife, and offer sincere condolences to the dead.

“Little one, before I leave, let me give you some advice.”

Just as she was preparing to gradually leave the place.

She stopped her steps and left her last words without turning to look at me.

“It’s good to think about your disciples, but don’t overdo it. As much as you cherish your disciples, they will feel your absence greatly.”

“…That advice is for me, right?”

“Think for yourself.”

Master waves her hand and leaves the temple saying that.

After engraving that sight in my eyes for a moment, I burst into laughter and quietly continued pressing my palms together in front of the memorial stone.

For someone who talked about leaving soon, she left quite a big burden on her disciple.

To alleviate my resentment towards such an inconsiderate master.

“Your prayer is quite long.”

How long had I maintained silence like that?

At the suddenly heard voice, I opened my eyes which I had closed for a moment and turned to look at the person beside me.

The priestess of Hades who had been praying with an unwavering posture from before I came until now.

“So is yours, Saint.”

And at this moment, I called her by the title of ‘Saint’.

She is a priestess of the god of the underworld, and at this moment of honoring the dead, she must be faithful to that main occupation.

“…This is the mission I’m entrusted with.”

Even after hearing all the previous conversation, she still tries to adhere to that role.

That was a fact that could be known just by the faith accumulating through prayer, and the light leaking out from her body.

“Teacher Seine.”

The Black Saint of Hades.

Unlike the precariousness when I first saw her, she still maintains her nobility.

And a girl who is about to become an adult soon, who has become a leader to guide this era in the future.

“You still deny the afterlife, you said.”

What was uttered from the lips of such a girl was about a conversation we once had.

“Yet you said this. Even if the afterlife doesn’t exist, people can affirm life by leaving traces because they existed in the world.”

Being alive means being able to leave traces in this world in itself.

So no life is meaningless.

Whether positive or negative, important or trivial, there exists something left in this world.

“Then you…”

She, who accepted without denying such ideology.

Soon opened her closed eyes and quietly gazed at the memorial stone erected in front of her.

“What do you think about their deaths?”

Maris is a symbol of peace.

The fact that this place is exposed to more dangers than anywhere else must never be revealed.

To protect such a city, many things are sacrificed even at this moment, and even lives are not spared.

“Do you think there is value even in lives not remembered by anyone who isn’t here… by those they protected?”

And all of that must be hidden for the reason of pretending peace.

Even commemorating the victims would be no different from announcing that this city will be in danger in the future.

So even in the midst of a grand festival called the academy festival.

The commemoration for those who sacrificed to protect this city can only be this modest.

‘What was sacrificed to protect this street?’

Something even a child could easily think of.

To make such an obvious answer wrong, they deny obvious facts even by forcing it.

Whether the reason is for oneself or for others, whether selfish or noble.

Those who lead this era have chosen the path of maintaining society by choosing to erase the records of those who sacrificed for this era.

As long as they’re not forgotten, they don’t die…

As if denying my values to my face.

“…What do you all”

Without answering such a question immediately, I quietly turned around and asked those who were watching this scene following me.

Whether they can truly endure the void that will come someday without relying on illusions.

Whether it’s right to shed blood for a single sentence ‘nothing happened’.

Whether peace established by such ignorance is truly right… peace where children can laugh without knowing anything by hiding those sacrifices.

“What do you all think?”

To all the people who have walked the same journey as me.

And reached the same place as me.