Chapter 137: Every person harbored violent impulses within them

In the thick darkness, a serene night was gently illuminated by the soft moonlight. As I gazed at the round moon floating in the sky, my mother approached and tenderly stroked my hair.

“It’s time to sleep now.”

“Yes, Mother.”

She was wearing an elegant white lace nightgown. The slightly revealing design subtly accentuated her ample bosom.

“If you need to go to the bathroom during the night, you can wake me up anytime, okay?”

“Yes…”

I had originally planned to spend the night in my own room, but an irresistible desire to be closer to my mother had drawn me here.

Hugging a fluffy pillow tightly, I made my way to her bedroom. As always, my mother welcomed my affectionate clinginess with warmth.

I knew that I had long passed the age where I should be sleeping with my parents, but the mere thought of being closer to my mother filled me with an inexplicable happiness.

“You’re visiting the saintess’ mansion tomorrow, right?”

She asked as we lay side by side in bed.

“Yes, I contacted her and said I would visit during lunch.”

“Are you sure you’re not worried about what happened in the carriage?”

A playful smile appeared on her lips. She was clearly referring to the time when Viviana had strangled me.

“Ah, th-that…”

I had no excuse. It was an undeniable fact that I had practically invited Viviana to do it.

“I-I’ll be careful…”

“I never imagined my daughter had such tastes.”

My mother’s blue eyes still held a teasing glint, but beneath that playfulness, there was a faint trace of concern.

My face burned with embarrassment.

Of course, I didn’t have such tastes. Who in the world would actually enjoy being strangled?

I wasn’t some kind of deviant.

What I did was merely an act of service for Viviana.

Everyone harbors violence deep within them, even the kindest people. It’s an instinctive, fundamental desire that cannot be completely erased.

That’s why I wanted to help Viviana release the violent tendencies hidden within her.

But no one would believe me if I explained it that way. In the end, it was easiest to just let them think it was my preference.

“I… I must seem really strange, right?”

“Tina, as I’ve told you before, no matter who you are, I will always love you.”

My mother’s answer came without hesitation. She gently swept my hair back with unwavering eyes.

“No matter what preferences you have, I will always love you. I just worry that you might get hurt.”

“D-Don’t worry about that. I have this.”

I showed her the collar around my neck—a gift from Lillian that could instantly heal any wound.

Thanks to it, even the large bruise I had gotten from Viviana earlier that day had completely vanished without a trace.

“Even so, I don’t want to see you in pain. There’s always the risk that the other person might harbor dangerous intentions.”

“Of course, if it’s my daughter’s preference, there’s nothing I can do about it.”

My mother smiled as she lowered her long, delicate eyelashes. Her eyes crinkled beautifully.

“Promise me you won’t do such things with anyone other than the duke’s daughter and the saintess, okay?”

She held out her pinky finger. I hooked mine around hers and pressed our thumbs together.

“Are you sure those two are okay…?”

“At the very least, Tina, I know that they truly love you. That’s why I’m letting it slide this time.”

“Is it not possible with anyone else but those two?”

“You can’t, at least until I know what kind of person you are.”

Mother’s voice was firm. I hesitated for a moment before carefully opening my mouth.

“What about you, Mother…?”

As if she didn’t understand my question, Mother tilted her head with a puzzled expression.

“Hm?”

“Mother… is it not possible with you either…? Choking me…”

“Huh?”

Mother’s eyes widened in shock.

“I like you the most, Mother…”

Inside the blanket that wrapped around both of us, I gently intertwined my fingers with hers.

“Wh—what? Are you talking about me…?”

A sudden sinking feeling hit my chest at the sight of Mother’s flustered expression. I was afraid she might start to dislike me after hearing this.

But I couldn’t stop. I wanted to release the desires buried deep within her heart.

I liked Viviana and Lillian too, but the person I truly loved the most was my mother.

I had seen it briefly on TV once.

The violence inherent in human nature.

In society, suppressing it was the norm, but they said that letting it out in moderation was beneficial for one’s well-being.

Modern society had various means to subdue such violent urges.

The most common examples were games and sports. Perhaps even just watching others engage in them helped.

But this world lacked such entertainments.

At best, there was hunting wild animals or watching knights spar.

There was no way my always-busy mother had time for such hobbies.

Every person harbored violent impulses within them. If I could help my mother release her pent-up emotions, wouldn’t she feel much more at ease?

“I heal quickly… And if it’s you, Mother, then I know it’ll be okay.”

I gently pulled our clasped hands toward my neck.

I spread open her palm and placed it around my throat.

“You’re always so exhausted from work. I worry that you might collapse from overworking yourself.”

Mother’s hand, still wrapped around my neck, started to tremble slightly.

“If it’s you… You can use my body to relieve your fatigue.”

“T-Tina… What are you saying…?”

Did she really hate the idea?

“Do you… dislike it…?”

A sorrowful voice escaped my lips.

“I-I wouldn’t say that. No matter what, I will always love you.”

After a brief moment of contemplation, Mother looked at me with a serious expression and continued speaking.

“But Tina, I can’t bear to see you suffer because of me. No mother in the world would want that.”

She was saying that this was not normal behavior between a mother and daughter. In a way, it was the gentlest form of rejection.

In the end, was I really of no help to her?

Even with my only asset—my looks—I couldn’t do anything for her?

“So, Tina, I…”

As Mother gently turned me down, I couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. Was I just being selfish?

For the first time in my life, a rebellious feeling against Mother began to rise.

She always spoiled me, always made me rely on her.

She gave me everything without hesitation, yet she wouldn’t let me return the favor.

She didn’t understand what it felt like to always be on the receiving end.

“…I understand.”

My voice, dampened by disappointment, was lower and more subdued than usual.

“Tomorrow, I’ll have to ask Lady Lillian to handle me roughly instead.”

Turning my head away from my mother, I deliberately muttered so that she could hear me.

“Huh?”

My mother’s eyes wavered greatly.

“Tina, what do you mean by that?”

“Since I can’t be of help to you, I’ll at least try to be of help to Lady Lillian.”

“Tina…”

“But Mother, you allowed me to serve Lady Lillian, didn’t you?”

I started to resent my mother a little.

The mother who never understood my feelings, the mother who only ever gave to me.

I wanted to be of some help to her, even if just a little, but she wouldn’t allow it.

And so, I resented her a little.

“To be treated roughly… Tina.”

My mother grasped my hand.

Ignoring her subdued words, I pulled her palm toward me once more, making her grip my neck.

I held onto her hand, her thickest thumb in particular.

Though she was flustered, she did not stop me.

Slowly, I guided both of her thumbs.

To the small protrusion above my throat.

I pressed my mother’s thumbs against my Adam’s apple.

“Until your anger subsides, please press here as much as you like. Lady Lillian would surely enjoy this, wouldn’t she?”

Still gripping her thumbs, I rolled my Adam’s apple back and forth beneath them.

Like a mere toy.

“Ti-Tina.”

Mother looked at me, her eyes trembling. There was no context—just trembling.

This time, I looked up at her with a playful smile.

“Mother wouldn’t do something like this to me, right? Because I’m always supposed to be the daughter who only receives your care.”

“….”

“So, I guess I’ll have to ask Lady Lillian and Lady Viviana, then. To press down here as much as they want.”

Did my sorrowful voice touch something in her? Mother’s thumb slowly began to press against my throat.

I lifted my head and looked up at her.

With eyes slightly damp.

With a gaze filled with a bit of longing.

I lightly tapped her palm, my voice laced with a teasing tone.

“Really… you’re not going to press it?”

And at that moment—

Mother’s hand twitched violently.

Whether it was a mistake or intentional, she unconsciously leaned forward. Because of that, her full weight pressed against my throat.

Right on my Adam’s apple, where her thumb was standing firm.

Squish—

Slowly, her thumb—

Pressed into my throat, gradually sinking deeper.

“Kuhk…!”

Ah.

Mother pressed down for me.

“Tina, it’s you.”

Mother was looking at me, her eyes trembling. Without any context, they were just shaking.

This time, I looked up at her with a mischievous smile.

“Mother, you wouldn’t do this to me, would you? I’m always the daughter who only receives your care.”

“So, I’ll have to ask Lady Lillian and Lady Vivian to press down here as much as they want.”

Did my sorrowful voice touch something? Mother’s thumb began to slowly press against my throat, gradually increasing the pressure.

I looked up at her.

With slightly moist eyes.

With a slightly affectionate gaze.

Tap, tap, I lightly tapped her palm and said in a coquettish voice,

“Really… you’re not going to press…?”

That was the moment.

Mother’s hand twitched violently once.

Whether by accident or on purpose, Mother inadvertently leaned forward. As a result, her full weight pressed down on my throat.

And it was her thumb, pressing against my Adam’s apple.

Thud—

Slowly, Mother’s thumb.

Pressed against my Adam’s apple and slowly dug in.

“Guh…!”

Ah.

Mother pressed down.