Chapter 134: Ah, So This is a “Date” (2) [R-18]

“What should we eat now?”

I hadn’t done much, but the hamburger I ate this morning had already vanished from my stomach.

I looked around for a place to eat as I asked.

It was a little sad that my internal map of good restaurants had been completely reset.

“What about you, Sang-hyeok? Is there anything you want to eat?”

“Me? I was thinking…”

Hmm. Where should I take her?

Yuuna stared at me, her eyes wide with anticipation.

“…Hanwoo omakase?”

“Pfft…!”

What? Do they not have cows in this world?

“Ah, sorry… But Hanwoo, all of a sudden? Sang-hyeok, are you rich?”

“I think I’m pretty well-off, yeah.”

“…Onahole collectors must be something else. A student treating his date to Hanwoo.”

It’s our first date, so we can splurge a little.

Yuuna chuckled and continued.

“You sound like an old man!”

“…”

I am an old man…

Seeing my crestfallen expression, Yuuna quickly tried to smooth things over.

“Ah, it’s not that I don’t like beef. Don’t get the wrong idea, okay? Geez. If you’re not careful, some wicked woman will take you for all you’re worth.”

“So, if not Hanwoo omakase, what do you want to eat?”

“Tteokbokki…?”

At Yuuna’s suggestion, it was my turn to burst out laughing.

“Pahaha.”

Seriously? She’d pass on beef for tteokbokki?

“What! Are you looking down on tteokbokki? Huh?!”

“Pffft… You sound like a kid.”

“Tteokbokki is delicious!”

I guess academy students are still students, after all.

“Do you happen to like fried snacks and sundae, too?”

“Of course I do!”

“Hahaha!”

“Why do you keep laughing?!”

The classic tteokbokki, fried snacks, and sundae combo. I had to admit, she had a point. I decided to go along with her choice.

“There. Let’s go in there.”

We entered the tteokbokki restaurant Yuuna had picked out and sat across from each other at a table.

“I’ve been coming here a lot since middle school… The mashed potatoes and rice cakes are amazing!”

“Oh, really?”

I played along with the excited Yuuna, waiting for our food to arrive.

At the next table, I saw a group of younger students, who didn’t seem to be from the academy, chatting happily as they ate.

Then, the students cautiously approached our table.

“Um… could we please… get a picture with you?”

“…”

A picture? Out of the blue?

“Do you know who I am?”

A trio of small, fair-skinned, and soft-looking girls had gathered, nudging each other forward like little puppies, each one too shy to speak first.

“Oppa, you’re… Jelly Man, right?”

“…”

…Jelly Man?

Seeing that I didn’t understand what they were talking about, Yuuna leaned in and explained.

“I think they’re your fans.”

“I have fans…?”

“Sang-hyeok, you were trending. You’re still pretty hot right now.”

Trending? As in, a real-time trend? For real…?

The student council president had told me my public image had become favorable, but I never imagined it would reach the point where cute, squishy-looking schoolgirls would call themselves my fans and ask for a picture.

“Oppa, you’re so handsome…”

“…You look even better in person…”

“Can we please get a picture?”

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that I have fans.

But shouldn’t the fan demographic for ‘Personality Excretion’ be a little older than this? What the hell is wrong with this world!?

“Sure, I’ll take a picture with you. But…”

I searched for the right words to say, my voice trembling with embarrassment.

“That stuff… it’s bad for you, so don’t look it up too much.”

“…Kyaaah!”

“Yes, Oppa!!”

“It was so cool how you defeated the twin villains with your Jelly Magic!”

…As we took the picture together, I corrected their misunderstanding.

“They aren’t villains.”

“But they were bullying you, Oppa.”

“They had to because of the exchange event rules.”

“Oh, I see… I only saw it in a short clip, so I didn’t know.”

It was probably uploaded with a title like, “How Jelly Man Defeats the Twin Villains.”

After I took the picture with them, my self-proclaimed fans eagerly tapped away at their phones, busy uploading to Deonsta.

I felt a little dizzy when I saw ‘PersonalityExcretion’ in the hashtags.

“Unni, are you… Oppa’s girlfriend?”

“Uh, yeah. I am.”

“You two look so good together!”

“You’re so pretty!”

“Tha…nks?”

The soft-looking trio then politely bowed a full 90 degrees, said, “Enjoy your meal,” and left the restaurant, giggling amongst themselves.

…So those innocent, kind, and pure girls saw that and became my fans.

“Kids shouldn’t be watching things like that…”

“Hm? What did you say?”

“…My shameless ‘Personality Excretion’ has been rebranded with the cute name ‘Jelly Magic.’ I’m a little shocked.”

“But everyone likes the sanitized version, so isn’t it fine?”

Is it?

Maybe she’s right. I should just bury the vulgar truths that only I know deep inside my heart.

If I have a fanbase that calls me Jelly Man and likes me for it, I don’t want to shatter their illusions.

“Ah, it’s here!”

The tteokbokki set arrived.

The mashed potatoes Yuuna mentioned decorated the top of the red sauce and thick rice cakes, looking like a fresh scoop of ice cream.

It looked delicious.

“Bringing a boyfriend today, are we? He’s a handsome one, isn’t he?” the owner lady said, giving me a sidelong glance as she set down the plates.

“Ah… thank you.”

“Enjoy your meal. You’re tall, so you must eat a lot. Let me know if you need more.”

So Yuuna really is a regular here.

After the lady left, I asked Yuuna directly.

“Why did you want to come to a place you always go to?”

“Because I wanted to introduce you to it, of course. It’s delicious~.”

The rice cakes were soft and chewy, and the sauce was spicy.

It tasted exactly like the tteokbokki I knew. Nothing more, nothing less, but…

“Mmm. It’s good! Here, here, try it with the mashed potatoes.”

Who you eat with is also pretty important.

“It’s delicious,” I said, the words coming out without any resistance.

“Right? Let’s go see a movie after this.”

“Have you picked one out?”

“These are the ones playing right now…”

I was leaning over to look at the smartphone Yuuna held out, trying to decide on a movie, when…

Time came to a dead stop.

…It was En-chan time.

En-chan casually came over and sat in the empty seat beside me.

“Not at all.”

The tiny, blonde goddess protested.

“This date isn’t the least bit lewd, Sir Sang-hyeok.”

So I can still eat tteokbokki even when time is stopped.

I mumbled while chewing on a rice cake.

“Do you have some kind of disease where you die if things aren’t lewd?”

“It’s only natural to prefer a soft, warm pussy over a rice cake.”

“…Don’t compare it to food…”

You’re making the tteokbokki taste weird.

I know pussy is good, but is that really something you should say in front of a couple on a date…?

“Are you not feeling horny? That can’t be right. The protagonist has infinite stamina.”

“I’m just not acting on my libido.”

My dick got hard every time I thought Yuuna was being lovely, but I just didn’t act on it by fucking her right then and there.

“This is so weird. You’re both oozing these super-hot, perverted mating pheromones, but you’re not having sex.”

“Here, you have some.”

“Oomph.”

I stuck a thick rice cake into En-chan’s mouth.

She stuffed her cheeks full and started chewing, reminding me of a hamster. It was fun feeding her.

“Is it good?”

“It’s good. A little spicy, though.”

“Here. Have another.”

I put another rice cake in her mouth.

“Oomph!? You think you can shut me up with food…?”

“Geez. You’re a good eater.”

I patted En-chan on the head, like an uncle playing with his niece.

“You can hold back your inner pervert, right?”

“…Gulp…”

After taking her time to finish chewing the rice cake, En gulped down the cup of water I had poured for myself.

“I just don’t get what’s so… huff… good about a wholesome date like this.”

“A date is when a man and a woman who like each other eat together and do things like this. Like you and me, En-chan.”

“A man and a woman who like each other? You and me, Sir Sang-hyeok?”

“So you don’t like me?”

En-chan’s cheeks turned red.

“I-I do like you… but I like the fucking pervert Sir Sang-hyeok the best, you know?”

“I do that, too. I’m just taking a break right now.”

“What time do you have for breaks? Think of all the heroine pussies there are in this world.”

“How many are there?”

I was suddenly curious.

Just how many beautiful heroines with unbelievable looks like Serena and Yuuna existed in this world?

“Hmm… In Korea alone, there are about 400, right?”

“…Are you crazy? When am I supposed to conquer all of them?”

“That’s why you need to hurry up and get to the perverted mating! There are so many heroines waiting for your selection, Sir Sang-hyeok.”

“So this really is just a mindless sex game.”

Four hundred…

How did they even manage the game’s length?

Was the number of characters different in the game version?

Though I guess the number would be smaller if we’re only talking about “special heroines.”

“If that’s the case, why did you make Quintia’s stats so ridiculously high?”

“You could have fucked her. Quintia is a heroine whose crying face is beautiful, so it was the perfect angle to make her cry properly.”

“…You wanted me to make her cry by raping her? Hey. You don’t deserve this rice cake. Go away.”

As I was about to feed her a third piece, I pulled it back. En-chan grabbed my arm.

“Whyyy…! Can you do this to the super-gorgeous goddess En-chan, your very own rape fairy?”

“A rape fairy…”

Sigh.

What am I going to do with this perverted goddess?

“Say ‘ah.’”

“Aah~!”

“This is how you get your boyfriend to feed you rice cakes in a pure love story. Got it?”

“Habuup♡”

En-chan smiled happily, her eyes crinkling, as she chewed on my rice cake.

“Delishush… Oomph…”

“Now go away. I need to spend time with my girlfriend.”

“Hmph. Don’t think the surveillance from En-chan of the Pervert Police is over just yet.”

With that cute parting shot, En retreated.

“…Hm?”

Yuuna tilted her head as she looked at my now-empty plate.

“…When did you eat all that?”

“It was so good, I devoured it in an instant. I should order another plate.”

“Hmmmm?”

I must have been a little too obvious while time was stopped.

“Here, I’ll share some of my rice cakes with you.”

“Feed it to me directly.”

Yuuna flinched.

“That’s embarrassing…”

“No one’s looking. Hurry up.”

The one doing the feeding is more embarrassed than the one being fed.

Yuuna muttered as she put the rice cake in my mouth.

“…Aaah…”

Nom, nom.

The tteokbokki I had for lunch was spicy and sweet.

“That’s the fork I was using… is that okay?”

“If it’s not, does that mean we won’t be kissing?”

“…W-We will.”

The movie Yuuna and I watched from the couple’s seat, holding hands, was a war film with a heart-wrenching love story at its core.

When it was over, two girls were crying next to me.

“Sniff… It was so… so sad…”

“Hic… Sir Sang-hyeok… How… how could the main character die and come back like that? Waaah.”

…

Because this little pest kept stopping and starting time to barge in, I felt like I was on a date with two people at once.

“Pure love is nice too, right? So take a break from all that pervert talk.”

“Sniffle… That kind of heartbreaking, sad stuff happens in reality… so you have to lead the world down the right path, Sir Sang-hyeok…!”

“Lead it down what right path?”

“By pussy-smashing every single heroine so none of them have to be sad or experience farewells, and turning them all into your personal collection!”

“…”

…This is a serious case.

But I now knew for sure that En-chan wasn’t just a heartless, bloodthirsty incarnation of perversion.

I’d thought she might be a psychopath who just mass-produces depraved personality-modification content…

But if she could sob her heart out simply because the main character and heroine didn’t have perverted sex and ended up separating, then she wasn’t a bad goddess, just one with a very strange set of values.

Anyway, the date continues.

“Would you be sad if I died, Yuuna?”

“…Sang-hyeok… dying…?”

This time, it was Yuuna who started crying!

She wasn’t sobbing, but thick teardrops fell from her eyes, which flustered me greatly.

Her eyes were completely wet with tears, and her shoulders trembled. I pulled her into a tight hug.

“I’m not going to die! Why would I die? I’m right here, alive.”

It was strange. I should only want to see my girlfriend happy, but seeing Yuuna’s crying face stirred something deep inside me.

“You can’t die…”

“There’s no reason for me to die.”

Yuuna hugged me tightly.

She didn’t care who was watching. I pressed myself against her, returning the affection, and started kneading her butt.

…

It was just in such a perfect position for grabbing.

“Yuuna?”

Why isn’t she reacting?

“When you become a Hunter… you see a lot of dead people… so I imagined it too realistically…”

“…”

So she’s seen dead people before.

I often forget that the academy schoolgirl I’m dating is a professional Hunter.

From the perspective of an outsider who’s only been in Onahole Academy for two weeks, the very idea of the pretty, young Yuuna risking her life on the front lines was incredibly foreign.

“Next time Quintia attacks, I’ll protect you, Sang-hyeok.”

“I think that might be difficult…”

“I realized I can’t win with just one sword. So I’m going to use two. I’m learning a new sword style…!”

“…I think it’d be hard even with a thousand swords…”

Yuuna glared at me.

“Take your hand off my butt.”

“…Of course you can beat Quintia, Yuuna! Two-sword style for the win!”

I thought she hadn’t noticed…

“Hmph, you can touch it more.”

…Thank you very much.

I kneaded Yuuna’s butt. The softness of her rear, even through her denim hot pants, made my hand happy.

“We still have some time before dinner.”

“Oh, we do?”

Yuuna spoke shyly from within my embrace.

“…Do you want to… go rest somewhere…?”

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Translated By: Meher (RaidenTL)

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