Chapter 13 – Look at Me. See Me.

The heat in my head intensified, a burning rage that refused to be quenched. But I hadn’t lost control, not entirely.

What’s the harm in a little… rebellion? Years of enduring, of holding back, of suppressing my anger… what had it gotten me? Nothing. Only scars, invisible to the naked eye, allowing the perpetrators to continue their casual cruelty without consequence.

Patina stood before me, wooden sword in hand, her gaze sharp, assessing. She was agitated, but the weapon in her hand, even a practice sword, transformed her.

“Come on, then,” she said, her voice cold.

Before the words even registered, she moved, a blur of motion.

I reacted instinctively, raising my sword, deflecting the blow. Clack! The impact resonated through my arms, a surprisingly powerful force for a wooden weapon.

“Ugh!”

“Is that all it takes to push you back? Put some strength into it! Fight back!” It was an unfair fight. She channeled mana, reinforcing her body, a luxury I didn’t possess.

Pointless. A brief burst of resistance, a desperate struggle… that was all I could manage.

Clack! Even in her anger, she was holding back, her blows carefully controlled.

“Your reactions are slow! Are you just going to stand there and take it?”

“……” A futile provocation. Anger wouldn’t magically grant me strength. And I had no secret weapon, no hidden reserves of power.

But that wasn’t a reason to surrender. To suppress my anger. Did the weak have no right to fight back? To resist? Were we meant to endure humiliation in silence, like blind, mute objects, accepting injustice and abuse without complaint?

Those who don’t resist have no freedom. I knew that. So why hadn’t I fought back before?

Because it was pointless. Because resistance only brought more pain. I had understood that, calculated the risks, and accepted my fate. I had closed my eyes, shut out the world, and simply… endured. Like a withered tree, a dried-up weed, clinging to life.

My only hope… was escape. A distant dream, a lifeline in the suffocating darkness.

“How long do you think you can last?! If you don’t fight back, they won’t stop!” Empty words. Pointless platitudes. Condescension, even mockery. So what? I was used to being beaten, to the humiliation of defeat. In sparring matches, it was always me on the ground, looking up at the judging eyes, the mocking smiles.

I had learned to endure, to take the hits, to fall strategically. It was a survival tactic, a way to minimize the pain.

Crack! My sword splintered, the wood unable to withstand the force of her blows. She had allowed it to break, a calculated act of… mercy?

“Get another sword.”

“……” I threw the broken weapon aside, a defiant gesture.

“What are you doing?”

“Afraid to face me unarmed?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You couldn’t even handle a sword. What makes you think you can do this?”

“Do they pause for you to rearm in a real battle? Such chivalry.”

“How far will you fall, Cariel?” Fall?

“Is that what my father taught me?”

“Cariel! There are things you should never say!” Why was she so angry? I hadn’t insulted her.

“You were going to ‘knock some sense’ into me. Was that all talk? If that’s your idea of knighthood, perhaps you should take up farming.”

“You’ll… regret this.” Her voice was low, dangerous. A shiver ran down my spine, a primal fear. But beneath the fear… something else. Not bloodlust, not exactly. But a cold, hard resolve. There would be no mercy.

She moved, a blur of motion, a whirlwind of force. Faster, stronger than before.

And yet… I dodged. Barely, by a hair’s breadth. Again and again, I evaded her blows, the wooden sword whistling past my ear, grazing my skin. A few scratches, a trickle of blood, but nothing serious.

“……” I should be… impressed. Dodging Patina’s attacks, unarmed.

And then… understanding. A chilling realization. The grinding sound in my mind intensified. Years of training, of struggling, of pushing myself to the limit… all for nothing. And now… after just a few days of the Demon King’s… lessons… I was dodging attacks I had once thought impossible.

Ha! But I couldn’t counterattack. Couldn’t turn the tide. I was still balancing on a knife’s edge, one wrong step from falling into the abyss. The endless arrows, the charging cavalry, the monstrous beasts, the faceless soldiers… all waiting to tear me apart. I had learned to survive a little longer, to dodge a little better, but it wasn’t enough.

Dodging isn’t enough. I knew that. But the Demon King wouldn’t help me. Find your own way.

–You’ll regret this, little bird. I offered you power, and you refused.–

Regret? Resentment? Don’t make me laugh. My entire life had been a tapestry of regret. I had once believed I was special, destined for greatness. A childish delusion. Reality was cruel, and all I had left was… a tattered, broken pride.

Crack!

I caught the blade, my hand closing around the point as it pierced through my palm. I pushed forward, gripping the wood tightly.

“What—?!”

“Bite down,” I growled, and before she could react, I slammed my fist into her face.

Crack!

“Ugh!” A knight never relinquished her weapon, not even in death.

“Are you insane?!”

No time for words. I swung again, and again, her shock giving me a fleeting advantage. She blocked with her forehead, deflecting my weak blows. But I kept coming, a relentless barrage of fists.

She caught my hand, her eyes wide with… surprise? Fear? And then, with a swift, unexpected move, she flipped me over her shoulder, sending me crashing to the ground.

The impact knocked the air from my lungs, a searing pain radiating through my back. I gasped, struggling to breathe. My left hand was mangled, impaled by the broken sword, my arm twisted at an unnatural angle. My right hand, bruised and bloodied, was barely functional. But I was used to pain. I pushed myself up, using the embedded sword as leverage, ignoring the agony that tore through my arm.

“Aaaaagh—!” I rolled on the ground, thrashing, but I didn’t stop.

And in that moment of pure, unadulterated agony… I felt… free. A strange, exhilarating sense of liberation. The sky was dark, the moon hidden, but the stars shone with an almost unbearable brilliance. The air was cold, yet my body burned. And for the first time… I felt no resentment, no hatred, no sense of injustice.

Blood and… something else… dripped from my mangled hand, but I didn’t care. A raw, visceral satisfaction filled me.

Had I been… broken… all along?

“What in the world is going on here?!”

The voice shattered the moment, bringing me crashing back to reality.

“Patina! Cariel! What are you…?” My mother.

Look at me.

I did it.

I… hurt her.

My mother’s face crumpled, her expression a mixture of shock and… horror. Even Patina looked… shaken.

I laughed, a low, almost hysterical sound. I couldn’t stop it. The pain, the agony… it was… exhilarating.

But the joy wouldn’t last. This would only bring more condemnation, more disapproval. But so what?

It didn’t matter.

I was leaving, anyway.

A strange sense of relief washed over me, a quiet satisfaction. And I laughed, a genuine, heartfelt laugh, for the first time in… I couldn’t remember how long.

The moon was hidden, but the stars… they shone brighter than ever.