Chapter 13. Crisis and Opportunity (17)

That’s right.

I hate it when a man intrudes on yuri.

Come to think of it, this would have been something my parents from my past life would have fainted at. They probably would have thought a man intruding on yuri was ‘natural’.

Just the fact that I had read novels of that genre would have probably made them pray to God. Asking Him to keep me from going down the wrong path.

In reality, my past self never heard anything from above telling me what to do. I never saw anything like what I’m seeing in this life.

…….

Well, yuri isn’t the only problem. I already thought that almost all popular culture in the world was tainted by evil. Even playing a game with a little blood splatter made you a future murderer, and horror movies with content that seemed to oppose faith were made by the Antichrist. Even if the person who believed in God won in the end, I wasn’t willing to listen.

It’s amazing that I’ve maintained such steadfast tastes despite growing up in such a household.

What if I had been this kind of daughter from the start?

And what would they say if I told them I liked women instead of men, that I had someone I liked, but I wasn’t sure if that person liked me back, and that I was anxious?

……In their minds, they were ‘good parents’. Those who fought against the evil-tainted world and followed true faith.

They would probably try to persuade me gently. They would probably say things that were very different from what I think now.

Strangely enough, I sometimes missed those parents.

Even though it was a suffocating household, sometimes.

Because, in the end, they were my family.

That might be why I hated the concept of God so much.

Perhaps that’s why I disliked and opposed the concept of God from the start.

Now, honestly, I don’t know what to do.

If there was something above, I wanted to say when I stood before it after death that I was not a sinner. That the only thing I did wrong was not believing in your existence, so if you want to send me to hell, go ahead.

Actually, I didn’t expect anything. It’s not that I didn’t expect to go to heaven. I thought there was no God in the first place.

Therefore, I thought there was no one to send me to hell, and no one to apologize to me.

“……I’m sorry, truly.”

A short bob with a slight reddish tint.

At first, I thought it was Ria, but it wasn’t. The expression of the person in front of me was a bit softer than Ria’s.

Hmm, would Ria get angry if she heard this now?

There’s another difference. Although it was similarly short and had a slight reddish tint, the hair color of the person in front of me wasn’t as completely red as Ria’s. If a person with red hair and a person with black hair married and had a child, would their hair color be like this?

Perhaps this person was the ‘God’ that people spoke of.

And this memory, I don’t think it’s something I’m experiencing right now.

It’s a much older memory.

“I’m sorry….”

I mumbled like that.

Because it was an answer I hadn’t expected.

Yes. This one thing.

From childhood, I was forced to believe in God and grew up hating the concept of God itself.

Even though it wasn’t the God I heard about from childhood, if there was such a being in the heavens, I thought it would be an extremely arrogant being.

However, what that ‘God’ said to my soul, which had come to heaven after death, was ‘I’m sorry’.

What should I answer?

I often daydreamed.

I wanted to say that I was proud of my life. That I did nothing wrong. That I lived as virtuously as I could, and did my best.

It couldn’t be called a perfect life. Because I fought with my family and gave up on understanding each other.

Perhaps the rest of my life was just venting my frustration.

That I am such a good person, and my family saw me wrong. That it’s okay to like games, watch movies freely, and read comics or anime.

Because I wanted to say they were wrong.

Yes. What I wanted to say was a release of anger. I wanted to shout at God in front of Him that He was wrong, and scream why my life had to be like that.

But-

“I’m sorry.”

That’s what I heard.

“…….”

After being dazed, suddenly, I remembered my last moment. Yes. I was definitely running towards a child. Maybe the brakes failed, or maybe I was drowsy driving. I was pushing the child out of the way of a truck that was about to hit them as they crossed the crosswalk.

I probably died.

I swallowed. I touched my body. I could still feel the sensation in my hands.

However, I couldn’t see my body clearly.

Is this the form of a soul?

“…….”

What should I say? Everything I was thinking flew away the moment I heard that apology. The premise I had been thinking of was wrong in the first place, so what’s the point of asking why they did it?

“The child.”

In the end, I asked.

“Is the child okay?”

“…….”

God stared intently at me.

“Excuse me, do you know what the situation is right now?”

God asked me.

Instead, I stared intently at God and said.

“I’m dead, right?”

God seemed to be speechless for a moment.

Perhaps it was due to the confusion, but now I could see God’s appearance clearly. She was beautiful. She was a woman, and she was wearing a gorgeous nun-like outfit accordingly. Whether it was actually a nun’s habit or not, I don’t know.

She wore nothing on her head.

The expression on her face was literally ‘sadness’. It didn’t seem like acting. If God was truly omnipotent, she could hide even that.

“……Knowing such stories, the first thing you ask is something like that.”

“It’s unavoidable that I’m dead, but it would be problematic if what I did at the last moment was meaningless.”

If I died and the child also died, it would just be a loss. It would be an irrational decision.

Because life is usually the biggest asset one possesses.

“The child is okay.”

God nodded gently and replied.

“She only scraped her knees and hands a little, but she didn’t fall too hard.”

“Then, that’s a relief.”

Really.

Well, whether it’s rational or not.

No, is it rational thinking? Anyway, it’s a relief that I could save her.

“…….”

I fell into thought and asked.

“Then, am I going to hell now?”

A little defiantly.

When I first woke up here, my head wasn’t working properly, but as I started to properly take in the surroundings, my mind seemed to become clearer.

Yes. I think I am in front of God right now.

It’s a place where it’s decided which afterlife my soul will go to.

To my question, for some reason, God’s eyes widened, and she stared at me.

“Well….”

And then she tilted her head in thought.

“If I send someone who sacrificed themselves to save a child to hell, I think I’ll be terribly resented… Besides, your life wasn’t shameful either, was it?”

“Because I didn’t believe in God.”

“Is it a sin not to believe in someone? Do you think so? I don’t think your faith was that strong.”

“…….”

Then I had nothing to say.

“Then, to heaven?”

“You don’t like that either, do you?”

God asked playfully, as if she finally understood the mood.

“You think heaven is a boring place, don’t you?”

I had made such a joke before.

I saw it on the internet… and read it in a novel, and I said, wouldn’t I just spend time singing hymns until the end if I went to heaven?

Oh, could it be that she knows everything?

“…….”

We stared at each other for a while.

“If it’s neither of those two, then where…?”

“Hmm, I have a plausible joke prepared, but if I were to say I’m going to a place similar to hell in this situation, you’d probably believe it, so I’ll just say it directly.”

God stood up.

And for some reason, she bowed her head towards me.

Of course, I was startled, but God just spoke gently.

“There is one thing I would like to ask.”

“…….”

“If you grant my request, I will grant you what you wish, as much as I can.”

I stared blankly at God, then,

“Then, can you grant me what I want first?”

“……What you want?”

“Yes. What I want is-“

*

“—What wish—!?”

I shouted and sat up as if having a seizure.

What?

You want a wish to make me not believe that God exists? Even after hearing that free will cannot be changed, you want me to erase my memories? If you can’t erase them, lock them away? What if they can come back someday?

Are you stupid? No matter how happy and excited I am that I’m not going to hell, are you wasting your wish like that? You pride yourself on being rational and logical, but in such a situation, you get sentimental…!

And then, I covered my mouth with both hands.

“Mmm.”

From right next to me, where I was lying, I heard a familiar groan.

It was Ria.

This time, I was so shocked for a different reason that I almost rolled off the bed.

We were both in the same bed.

No, it’s not that we’ve never slept in the same bed.

Still, after so many times, it feels a bit strange.

It’s not that I dislike it, though.

“Mmm….”

Ria groaned again and turned her body towards me.

“…….”

I stared blankly at Ria, then lay back down.

It seems I was lying with my head on Ria’s arm until just a moment ago. When I lay down, Ria’s arm touched the back of my head.

“…….”

My heart skipped a beat.

Ria reached out her hand towards me. In her sleep, she reached for my waist and hugged me tightly.

My face gently touched Ria’s body, in a place that was difficult to describe in many ways.

Ah.

Right.

Even though I said I was rational and logical, in situations like this, I can’t be rational at all.

Because what I feel for Ria… is an extremely emotional issue.

When Ria wakes up, what will she say? Will she be startled and sit up?

Then I’ll have to pretend to be startled too.

I’m not sure if my acting will be good.

…….

Right, I never said there was only one wish.

Since I have a wish left, so that my acting isn’t discovered at that moment-

-…I’m sorry. Interfering with free will is something I can’t do either….

Ah, come on.

As expected, it seems there is no God in the world.

As I grumbled inwardly, I felt a little annoyed because it seemed like the being above let out a small laugh.