Chapter 13. Crisis and Opportunity (12)

Ria couldn’t grasp what to call that emotion.

Anger? If it’s anger, then who is it directed at?

I’ve never deeply considered the existence of God until now.

I didn’t think God didn’t exist. My views on religion have been changing little by little after hearing Anna’s stories, but it seemed too simplistic to not consider the being above as God, even if they weren’t omniscient.

A being who loves people. Therefore, a being who gives strength to save them.

……Perhaps, it was that being who sent Anna here.

I sympathize with all those intentions.

But even so, I couldn’t fully accept those intentions.

-To ensure that dedication is rewarded. So that it doesn’t become a futile effort…….

God said so.

Dedication is rewarded. It doesn’t become a futile effort.

Easier said than done. But what am I supposed to do?

From Ria’s perspective, Anna’s actions seemed as if she were bound by something. Anna, who always declared she didn’t believe in God, was doing far more for the world than Ria, the daughter of a hero, even though Anna herself didn’t think of herself as a Saint.

Anna, who had no intention of becoming a Saint.

If God exists, why did that being send Anna here?

Is she truly meant to be a sacrifice to destroy the evil of this world in my stead?

In the old days, the saints believed in by people also had followers. Someone who always led disciples and taught them, even knowing they would die.

Ria feared that she might be playing that role. The one who remains until the end, becoming Anna’s witness and spreading the gospel to the world.

……The gospel, if the being above wants it, I can spread it. But I didn’t want to lose Anna.

“……Is that so?”

Princess Faina replied to Anna.

“You’ve heard about my situation, haven’t you?”

Faina’s gaze turned to the maid behind her. The maid flinched slightly, but she didn’t avoid the gaze.

Ria envied that maid.

If someone could beg, and Anna wouldn’t have to sacrifice herself, she would want to do just that.

But where would she pray like that?

“Princess.”

Anna opened her mouth.

“You want to live, don’t you?”

Aren’t you the same?

Ria asked inwardly.

Anna would, of course, answer yes. That’s because it also involved Anna’s beliefs.

She’s someone who can believe in God to save people, or conversely, not believe in God.

She herself would surely be included in that.

But at the same time, for Anna, her own life is not equal to the lives of others.

Her own discomfort, displeasure, pain, wounds… all of those things could be endured for the sake of ‘saving others’.

Perhaps even herself.

“…….”

Faina remained silent for a moment.

Anna waited patiently for the answer.

“What if I say no?”

“…….”

“What if I don’t want to cling to life like that?”

Faina looked out the window.

There was greenery outside. Of course, since it was a desert except for the area around the river, she couldn’t see blue mountains in the distance like in Korea.

“If I survive, I will be married to my younger brother.”

“Perhaps so.”

Anna replied to Faina’s words.

As if trying to persuade her. As if wanting to persuade someone who has no attachment to life to live.

When Ria spoke, she only said she would ask.

“What if I have no intention of marrying my brother?”

At those words, Anna’s eyes widened.

“Then what happens? Even after marriage, if we don’t have children, it will be difficult. And I can’t love someone else, can I?”

“…….”

Anna thought for a moment and then said,

“If you have no attachment to life, why have you been acting like this until now?”

At those words, Faina remained silent for a moment and then opened her mouth.

“Because there was someone who wanted me to live.”

Faina said quietly.

“So, I just wanted to respond to that wish. To the best of my ability.”

Faina, who wasn’t particularly intelligent since childhood. She wasn’t worse than others, but based on the information she heard, her individual ability was average.

However, her magic was innate.

To the extent that demons could be reborn using her body as a sacrifice.

“…….”

Completely opposite to Anna. And therefore, she was in a similar position.

But there is one crucial difference.

At least, Faina had someone who could help her. A being above who loves people so much.

And someone who sacrifices their body, carrying the will of that being.

It’s unfair.

Ria felt that way.

There is no one who tries to help those who try to help others. Everyone just wants to receive help from them.

She understood the meaning of the Pope’s words.

“Princess.”

Anna, after organizing her thoughts for a while, spoke.

“Then, what if. What if the person who wants you to live, risked their life to save you?”

Both Faina and Ria looked at Anna.

Anna spoke quietly.

“Coming to us and saying such things was an act of risking one’s life. If we had heard about the Princess and told His Majesty, not only the Princess but also the maid who knew about it would not be safe.”

It could have been despair.

Because if it continued like this, the princess would die anyway.

But, if the maid had kept her mouth shut, the story could have been a little different.

In the end, only the princess would die.

The maid would simply live in this palace as she had until now-marrying the designated person and living peacefully.

Therefore, she said it, risking all that danger.

Because the maid didn’t have the will to live to that extent.

But, Anna.

Then what about me?

What should I say to you?

Ria still didn’t know. Surely Ria must have said something similar to Anna.

Yet why does Anna care so much for others?

“…….”

Faina looked at Anna blankly, then looked at the maid kneeling behind her.

“……Princess, please…”

“Ferti.”

Faina softly called that name.

“You’ve been a great help to me since childhood. Even though you were younger than me, you’ve helped me so well until now.”

“Princess…”

“Do you want me to live?”

“……Yes, I want you to continue living.”

“If I live and become my brother’s wife, I will have to live in that position for the rest of my life. I won’t be allowed to love someone else. My brother will surely be devoted to me, but I will also have to consider that devotion as an obligation.”

“Even so, I want you to continue living.”

“Ferti, I might be unhappy. I will live without lacking anything, but I won’t be entirely happy.”

“But there will be someone who finds happiness by looking at you, Princess.”

“Ferti…”

“Princess, I know these are selfish words. But…”

The maid, Ferti, clenched her fists while kneeling.

“But, there will surely be people whose meaning of life is the existence of the Princess. The fact that the Princess exists, just by living in this world, even if they live with someone they don’t love in a place where they are not happy, there will be people who can live for that reason alone…”

Ferti was sobbing as she said that.

Faina looked at Ferti for a while.

Her ears, which had been standing upright, seemed to have drooped a little.

“…….”

Faina raised her gaze again and looked at Anna.

“To be honest, no matter what method is used, it will only bring disaster in the end. The best method would be to die on that altar. As it has always been.”

“But I wasn’t there until now.”

Anna said.

Yes. Until now, Anna wasn’t there.

Someone with such abilities. Someone with such abilities, who would sacrifice their life without asking for any reward.

“……Is that so?”

Faina looked at Ferti once more.

And then, she took a small breath.

“Then…”

With a slightly hesitant voice, Faina said,

“Then, please, as you wish, I ask of you.”

Her voice was trembling.

*

“……Anna.”

“Yes, Ria.”

Anna’s voice, as she replied, had strength. There was no trace of the hesitation that had been there after her argument with Ria last time.

Is helping others that enjoyable? Even though she always says she dislikes it.

Ria felt a sense of sulkiness again.

Should I kneel?

Should I try what that maid did?

“……To say it again, I…”

Anna’s steps stopped.

Anna, dressed in white, slowly turned around and looked at Ria.

Her expression was not smiling at all.

“……Anna.”

“Ria, I won’t tell you not to worry.”

Anna thought for a moment and then said.

“But I’m not fighting to die either.”

“…….”

“Wanting to save someone cannot mean the same thing as wanting to die.”

No.

Sometimes it means the same thing.

“More importantly, Ria.”

Anna looked up slightly at Ria. One hand was placed on her chest.

“That fight was a fight that was bound to come someday.”

She recalled Anna from when they first met.

Anna always wanted to escape fate.

But then, Ria approached Anna and pushed her back.

She told her to stay in the church, as it would be safe.

……I see, Ria thought.

She didn’t know, and didn’t want to know, what would happen if Anna wasn’t there. The world might be destroyed, or it might slowly become corrupted by magic, turning into land where no life could survive.

All the worlds beyond that gate might be stained with magic, and all life might be denied.

But, strangely, Ria didn’t want to see Anna sacrifice herself, even while thinking this.

“We were destined to meet someday and have to fight. Ria, can I ask a selfish favor?”

“……What favor?”

“Even if you tell me not to follow you, you’ll definitely follow me, won’t you?”

“…….”

“And even if you tell me not to help, you’ll stay by my side, won’t you?”

“……So?”

Ria’s heart felt a little displeased.

It was natural.

But at the same time, she felt like her mind was being read.

“Ria, please.”

Anna extended her hand and took Ria’s.

“Please, don’t fight to save me. Fight to live.”

“…….”

Ria narrowed her eyes and glared at Anna.

But Anna’s words didn’t end there.

“Because as long as Ria is alive, I will definitely survive.”

“……You.”

“Ria, you’re my knight, right? So, as long as the knight is alive, the protected me should also try to live. Isn’t that helping each other, doing our best?”

It was a completely contradictory statement. A Saint surviving because her knight survived, isn’t that the knight failing her duty?

However, Ria could immediately tell that Anna’s words were sincere.

Anna was smiling. Relieved that Ria was listening and hadn’t flatly refused. Ria could now recognize Anna’s expression from the past few months.

Anna doesn’t want to die as long as Ria is in this world.

And that was also a kind of restraint.

A gentle restraint that Anna placed on both her own body and Ria’s body.

A compromise to define each other’s boundaries.

“……Fine.”

Ria replied.

“Under those conditions.”

Anna smiled at Ria’s words.

That smile was a lovely, somewhat mischievous smile for a Saint.

*

Ah, thank goodness.

At least Ria understood this.

I thought this after listening to the conversation between Faina and Ferti a little while ago. A relationship where one person lives because another person lives.

A relationship that makes you think you’ll try anything.

……Yes.

I’m serious.

At the very least, I want Ria to live happily in this world for a long, long time.

Now, the talk of childhood friends, and such- well, that’s a separate matter, but anyway, Ria’s life is much more important right now.

For Ria to live, there must be no demons in this world. At least, as long as I am alive, I must make this world definitively safe.

If not, then at least for life.

This was also a chain I was placing on myself.

Perhaps because of this chain, I won’t be able to move from this spot anymore. I’ll stay there for a long time, living in prayer, just like the Pope did.

At least then, Ria can be safe.

Ria smiled at me.

Her face was a little more relaxed, with a little less struggle.

That’s enough.

I thought so.