Chapter 13: Cowards (3)

[13] 2. Cowards (3)

Rem, in the darkness, I can’t help but think of you.

I’m immersed in memories of you, starting with your eyes, and ending with your eyes.

Would it be an exaggeration to say I chose you as my servant out of all those children just because of your eyes?

Eyes that seemed black at first glance, but turned hazel when you looked closer.

And when you peered deeper, you’d find a hint of green mixed in.

They were like a kaleidoscope.

Would it be an exaggeration to say that I fell in love with you at that moment?

Probably.

Because I was too young to know what love was.

I must have just been captivated.

Just like a young boy mesmerized by a smooth, round stone.

But, Rem.

It didn’t take long for that simple fascination to turn into a deep affection.

Because, in the end, you were like the sun.

Every morning when you woke me up,

And every night when you read me fairy tales,

I fell a little deeper for you.

I learned about what it meant to love someone.

And that last week we spent together…

Those glorious days when we woke up covered in grime, greeted by the morning dew, and walked until our feet blistered…

It was then that I realized I loved you.

Rem, to be honest…

As soon as we got back to the church, I was going to confess my feelings to you. I was going to give you the finest jewels and ask you to stay by my side.

I was going to tell you how beautiful your eyes were.

So, that’s why I wanted to strangle myself.

At the moment when my carelessness took away your eyes.

Rem.

My Rem.

I know I’m unforgivable.

I know that I’m doing something disgusting to you, now that you’ve lost your memory.

I’m not even asking for a second chance.

But can’t you at least give me some time?

Time to somehow atone for what I’ve done.

***

“Clara.”

I looked up and saw Parsley standing at the entrance of the tent, her back to the moonlight. Of course, I wasn’t surprised.

I had a hunch that this would happen when Rem came to visit me.

I simply smiled gently.

“Parsley, you look terrible. Did something happen?”

I said that after noticing the traces of tears that were still visible on her face. She must have been hit where it hurts, because her face contorted.

I’m sorry, Rem.

For bothering your friend.

But seeing her act all high and mighty, when she herself looked like she was about to die of guilt, irritated me.

In the end, she just wanted to be with Rem too.

“…Why did you lie to him?”

“What lie are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb!”

Parsley rarely raised her voice. She glared at me and continued,

“That whole ‘eldest son of a fallen noble family’ crap, I already heard everything from Rem.”

She sounded like she was talking to a thief who had been caught red-handed. She seemed to expect me to flinch and cower.

But I couldn’t live up to her expectations.

“Why is that a lie?”

“What…?”

I said nonchalantly,

“Is it really that difficult to tempt a fallen noble family and have them add Rem’s name to their family registry?”

“What in the world are you…”

“Now that I think about it, it didn’t even have to be a fallen noble family. After all, whether they’re fallen or not, nobles will sell their souls for a few chests of jewels.”

Parsley’s eyes wavered. I smiled and continued,

“A lie is a lie only until it becomes the truth. Parsley.”

Rem, when I said I exist for you, I wasn’t exaggerating.

I always believed you were alive. I was sure you would never have left me in this world.

That’s why I lived for one thing and one thing only for the past 13 years.

Power.

The power to give you back the life that was taken from you.

Rem, the mischievous girl you once knew is dead.

“And Parsley.”

I stood up. Walking up to Parsley, who was still frozen in place, I said,

“Don’t you think it’s about time you stopped this?”

“…!”

Parsley’s eyes widened in shock. I could almost read her thoughts, that I dared to speak to her like this.

But I didn’t back down.

“That’s right. I did something terrible to Rem. But does that mean I should act like you? Hiding my guilt behind a hat and refusing to approach him until he comes to me first?”

I couldn’t help but scoff.

“I’m sorry, but that’s just pointless self-pity. You’re no different than someone putting on a tin bucket on my head and bashing it with a hammer. How does that help Rem in any way? It’s just a way to soothe your own guilt.”

“This bitch…”

“A bitch? Yes, that’s what I am. But at least I’m not a useless coward who just sits around and does nothing like you.”

I looked down at Parsley, my eyes cold.

“I’m going to give Rem what I can give him. I’m going to give him what he should have had.”

Then, I took another step closer to Parsley.

We were so close that our noses were almost touching. I looked her straight in the eyes and said,

“That is my atonement. That is my way of apologizing to him.”

And finally, the resentment I had been suppressing poured out.

“So, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like you to get the fuck out of my tent.”

***

The next day, as soon as the sun rose, we packed up the camp and headed into the underground passage.

However, the atmosphere of our journey was quite different from yesterday.

“…”

“…”

“…”

Darkness filled the passage.

Lights from the Magical lamps barely pushed back the darkness.

Along the blurred boundary between the two, a heavy silence descended. No, it didn’t descend; it clung to us.

The silence that continued for five hours had solidified to the point where we could discuss its hardness, not its density.

We hadn’t spoken a single word since we entered the underground passage.

It seemed like everyone, even Clara, was too preoccupied with their own thoughts to care about anyone else.

Our bodies walked together, but our minds were trapped in solitary confinement.

…This was all because of what I did yesterday.

But I didn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable in that silence.

Because I was also locked up in a solitary cell, searching through something.

In the end, I couldn’t get any answers from them yesterday, not even a small clue. And judging by their reactions yesterday, I didn’t think I’d ever hear about my past from them.

So there was only one thing I could do, other than just ignore it.

I started digging through my memories.

After all, the amnesia was a big fat lie. The reason for their strange behavior must lie somewhere in my memories.

…It’s just that I’m too much of an idiot to find it.

“Boo-”

A sudden voice appeared, though it was unexpected, her tone was too monotone to be startling.

Confused, I looked at Irene, who was holding her hand up in the air.

“…What are you doing?”

“Can’t you tell? I’m trying to scare you.”

“…May I ask why?”

“Because I’m bored.”

…As I felt before, there was something a bit strange about the hero’s porter.

But, thinking about it, I understood her.

She was the only one in our group who wasn’t connected to my past.

A monotonous, straight passage and companions who hadn’t spoken a word for hours…

It was the perfect condition for boredom to lead to strange behavior.

Of course, that still doesn’t explain why she would do it to someone she had only known for a week.

“Ah, and, could you give me your hand?”

It was a rather sudden request, but I extended my hand readily. Irene opened her subspace pocket and placed a small bundle in my hand.

With an expressionless face, she asked,

“Can you guess what this is?”

“…Herbs, maybe? It doesn’t feel heavy…”

“It’s a return stone.”

It took me about three seconds to process her words.

“…!”

And then, the realization finally struck.

My legs almost gave out from under me.

A return stone.

A magic tool that teleports the user to a designated location.

Because of its convenience, usefulness, and difficulty of production, a single stone was worth the price of a house.

I stammered, too shocked to speak properly,

“W-Why would you give me something like…”

“Didn’t I say I would give you a personal reward?”

I realized she was referring to the night I raided the hideout.

With a troubled expression, I shook my head.

“This is too much.”

I wasn’t just saying that to be polite.

Excessively high rewards invite trouble. It’s a well-known saying in this line of work. And there’s a reason for every saying.

“If I accept something this expensive, it’ll be more of a debt than a reward. I was just doing my job, so please keep it.”

A faint smile appeared on Irene’s face.

“You’re more humble than I expected, Mr. Rem.”

…It’s not humility. I’ve just seen too many people die from getting too greedy.

“But you don’t have to worry about that.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I didn’t buy this with my own money. The country supplied it to me. If I say I lost it, they’ll just give me another one.”

…Is she talking about embezzlement?

Isn’t that even more reason for me to not take it?

“And besides, you’re already holding it. What’s done is done. No takebacks.”

Irene moved to hid her hands behind her back, as if to say, ‘I’ll never take it.’ Her refusal to take it back.

“…Thank you. I’ll accept it.”

I had no choice but to put the return stone away.

…If I get caught, I’ll just have to plead to the treasurer or whatever his title is. That way, at least I won’t die alone.

As I was thinking that and about to sink back into my memories…

“And…”

Irene started to speak, then trailed off. With a hesitant expression, she asked,

“This might be rude, but can I ask you a question?”

After briefly thinking, ‘Suddenly?’, I quickly nodded.

“Ah, well… If it’s something I can answer, I’ll answer it.”

It would be rude to accept such a big gift and just keep my mouth shut.

“How did you end up with a prosthetic body?”

It was a question that I didn’t get asked as often as I thought. That’s thanks to the fact that people in this fantasy world were surprisingly respectful of privacy.

Besides, not many people approach me in the first place, because of my appearance.

And personally, I didn’t think it was a rude question.

My prosthetic body, in a way, was like a badge of honor.

I quickly opened my mouth to answer.

“Well…”

No, I closed my mouth as soon as the words were about to come out.

I looked at the current hero party, my former friends, who were a few steps ahead of us.

I had completely forgotten because I thought I would never see them again. I shouldn’t talk about this in front of them.

They were…

At that moment, a realization struck me like a meteor shower.

“…Mr. Rem?”

“W-Wait a moment…”

I placed a hand on my chin, lost in thought.

But it can’t be.

To be precise, it shouldn’t be possible.

To be honest, it shouldn’t be the case.

But if that’s the reason they’re acting like this, then everything makes sense. It even explains why they avoided me at first.

It felt like rusty gears in my head were starting to turn.

Don’t tell me…

Do they think they’re responsible for taking my eyes, vocal cords, and hand?

***

“Halt.”

Amy’s stern voice broke through my thoughts and brought me back to reality. Gripping the hilt of my sword, I looked at her.

Amy, with clear eyes, which I hadn’t seen in a while, drew her sword and said,

“I smell blood. Everyone, prepare for battle.”

At that moment, the atmosphere shifted.

A magic circle had already appeared above Parsley’s head, and Clara’s entire body was emanating a soft light.

Even Irene, who had been looking at me with curiosity, narrowed her eyes and took out a strange tool.

I also tightened my grip on my sword, looking out for danger from the rear.

And so, we advanced, as if we weren’t going to miss even a single mosquito, and…

“Huh…”

…Came across the bodies of necromancers lying in the middle of the passage.

All of them had a hole in their necks.