Chapter 12: The Price of Ability

I let go of the time I held at my fingertips.

Time began to move again.

The leaves that had been frozen in midair fell before my eyes,

And the wind stirred once more, sweeping past the world.

Birds freely roamed the skies again,

And as the silence that had settled over the world gradually turned into sound—

I slowly grasped the doorknob.

……

Beyond the cabin,

I could sense two familiar presences.

That was a relief.

No matter who I am,

I cannot bring the dead back to life.

“…Ah.”

My head throbbed.

Memories surged in again.

I took a deep breath and let them sink to the depths.

Click.

Carefully, I opened the door.

Unlike before,

It opened smoothly without a single creak.

…Where are they?

First, I checked in front of the fireplace,

Then abruptly turned my head at the presence I felt beside me.

There was a child there.

Right next to the door—

The child, with a small and fragile body,

Was lying flat on the ground, trembling while clutching a rabbit.

I glanced at the child.

‘Doesn’t seem to be bleeding…’

But it was too soon to relax.

These days, humans could be hurt inside even if they looked fine on the outside.

Cautiously, I spoke.

“…Are you okay?”

The child flinched and lifted the head.

The child looked at the roof once,

The wall once,

The window once,

And even the floor before…

……

Silently, the child stared at me standing beside them.

The child’s pupils wavered slightly,

Then the child nodded, ever so faintly.

I carefully examined the parts I couldn’t see while the child were lying down.

The child’s eyes,

The child’s face,

The way the child held the rabbit—

All of it was exactly as I remembered.

“You’re not hurt. That’s good.”

A faint smile formed on my lips from the relief of not being too late.

In that instant,

The child’s expression crumbled.

The child’s trembling shoulders shook violently, and the child’s small body quivered uncontrollably.

‘The child must have been scared.’

I approached cautiously.

One step,

Then another.

As I knelt before the child,

The child suddenly lunged forward, still tightly gripping the rabbit, and clung to me.

In surprise, I wrapped my arms around the child.

The child reached out with one arm and pulled me into a hug.

With a thin, trembling arm,

The child held onto me as if clinging for dear life.

“It’s okay.”

……

“The roof didn’t collapse.”

Only then did the child burst into tears.

Though no sound came out,

The child’s trembling and tears spoke louder than words.

…They must have been really scared.

This was the first time.

The first time this child had ever shown their emotions so openly.

Even someone as reserved as me could tell—

The child was pouring out their fear and relief with their entire being.

I gently stroked the child’s back.

“…I’m late.”

……

“Sorry.”

At those words, the child’d crying grew even more intense.

The child’s small hands tightly clutched my robe.

As if the child would never let go.

Even though I could easily break free,

The sheer will behind their grip made it feel impossible to shake off.

Silently, I continued stroking the child’s back.

No matter how long it took,

I wouldn’t stop until this child had calmed down.

After all,

I had all the time in the world.

“…Ah!”

Again, my head throbbed with a sharp pain.

Unfamiliar memories crashed over me like waves breaking through a dam.

Without thinking, I clutched my head with one hand.

……!

The child looked at me with startled eyes.

I forced a smile.

…This is worse than usual.

I wanted to say I was fine,

But I was too busy blocking the memories to speak.

My head hurt.

Memories were pouring in, trying to flood my consciousness.

Fragments of something foreign—

Too fast—

The child threatened to swallow my awareness whole.

My vision blurred, and the world seemed to sway.

‘Did I overuse my power…?’

Was it because I stopped the entire world?

The backlash seemed stronger than usual.

Just as I tried to steady my breathing—

I felt a slight weight on my arm.

It was the child.

The child’s eyes were still red, tear stains fresh on their cheeks.

But the child’s small hand was carefully holding onto my arm.

Trembling fingertips.

A fragile hand that looked like it might break at the slightest touch.

And yet—

It felt strangely firm and clear.

The child was worried. About me.

“Ah…”

The child’s tiny lips—

Trembled,

Twitched,

Then pressed tightly together.

The child stood on tiptoe.

The hand gripping my sleeve cautiously moved up toward my forehead.

“…Huh?”
……

A small hand.

It was warm.

The child looked up at me with worried eyes.

‘Don’t hurt.’

It was strange.

It felt like I had heard those words.

Even though the child hadn’t spoken.

My head felt a little clearer.

“…I’m okay now.”

……

“Thank you.”

At those words,

The child’s eyes widened.

But—

The child still didn’t take its hand off my forehead, only blinking in response.

“I’m fine.”

……

“Really. It’s nothing.”

And it was true.

It really was nothing.

This pain was entirely my own fault for being stubborn.

I am—

The time of the world.

The possibility of the world.

The sole eternity that holds it all.

The time that has passed,

The time that flows,

The time yet to come,

The time that has vanished—

All of it is mine.

And so—

When I use my power like this, all possibilities rush in at once.

Sometimes,

The child’s memories I’ve already experienced.

Other times, fragments of a future yet to come.

Or even memories of a ‘me’ who lived a completely different possibility.

It used to be fine.

I could quickly recall when a memory was from,

The futures yet to come

Could simply be stored away in some corner of my mind,

And the alternate possibilities could be dismissed because I knew the ‘me’ of now wouldn’t choose them.

So,

Even when all those fragments surged in, I wasn’t overwhelmed.

But…

Perhaps because I never stopped learning,

Obsessively absorbing,

And desperately holding onto everything—

At some point,

I started feeling like all of it was ‘me,’

And I began clinging to every possibility without filtering them.

As a result, the boundaries between them gradually blurred.

‘Hyperthymesia… Was that it?’

Just a little,

I loosened the lock on my memories.

After I repeatedly fell into long slumbers, my old friend seemed to grow worried.

The day he woke me as usual,

He was with a goddess who felt vaguely familiar.

“…Huh?”

Half-lidded, I stared blankly at her.

‘…Who was she again?’

Slowly, I traced back my memories one by one.

……

“…Hello. Long time no see.”

“…Sigh.”

She was the Goddess of Oblivion.

Perhaps because I recognized her too slowly,

She let out a quiet sigh and carefully reached out to examine my memories.

Silently,

With utmost caution—

Like sorting through books that had toppled over,

Their pages hopelessly jumbled.

The goddess traced the tangled threads of my memories with her hands.

As time passed,

She let out an even deeper sigh than before.

“It’s a mess.”

“That bad?”

“Yes. Your memories aren’t just tangled—they’ve clumped into chunks.”

Between my old friend’s worried gaze

And the goddess clicking her tongue while glaring at me,

I quietly turned my head away.

For some reason, their stares felt even sharper.

“It’s worse than last time. What have you been doing to let it get this bad?”

“Sleeping.”

“That’s not what I meant…! I clearly gave you the Waters of Oblivion last time, didn’t I?”

The goddess planted her hands on her hips and growled.

She had come before for the same issue.

My old friend had called her after noticing something wrong with my memories.

Endless learning.

Obsessive absorption.

Constant organization.

After repeating all of it countless times,

I’d begun to mix up my recollections.

The first time she came,

She handed me the ‘Waters of Oblivion.’

If I sorted out unnecessary memories and drank it,

She said those memories would fade naturally over time.

It was a kindness the gods offered to one bound by eternity.

But—

I,

Hadn’t taken a single sip.

“Did you drink it or not?”
……

“Silence isn’t an answer, you know? Speak up, Lord Lowe.”

Slowly, I turned my head to look at her.

The goddess narrowed her eyes.

“…You didn’t drink it, did you?”

“Nope.”

“…Sigh.”

She tilted her head back and let out a long exhale before glaring at me.

Her eyes held unmistakable reproach.

“Why didn’t you drink it? Your memories are so tangled that even the ones you haven’t sorted might start disappearing now.”

“I don’t know which memories are unnecessary. And…”

“And?”

“The me who forgets… wouldn’t be the me of now.”

The two gods’ gazes shifted slightly.

With a quiet sigh, my old friend spoke carefully.

“…Even so, wouldn’t it be better to drink it now?”

“It’s fine. I can manage. It doesn’t interfere much with living.”

“Ugh, whatever! Do as you please, you stubborn old fool.”

Since that day,

I still haven’t touched the Waters of Oblivion.

……!

“Ah… Sorry.”

Perhaps because the memories had grown clearer,

I must have been lost in them for a while.

The child was shaking my shoulder, looking utterly lost.

“I just had something to think about.”

……

“Really.”

The child still stared at me with uneasy eyes.

Their fingertips trembled faintly.

It looked like they might burst into tears again any second.

Slowly, I reached out and gently placed a hand on their head.

“Are you hungry?”

The child stared blankly at me.

I rummaged through what I’d brought and handed them a bright red, plump berry.

“…Couldn’t get formula, but here.”

……?

“I used to eat these a lot. The herbalist said even babies can have them.”

The child hesitantly reached out and took the berry.

The child’s small, delicate hands cupped the round fruit.

“They taste good. Crisp and refreshing.”

……

The child’s pupils wavered slightly.

A look neither distrustful nor expectant—

Just cautious hesitation.

I waited quietly.

The child’s choices were always its to make.

A moment later,

The child parted its lips slightly and took a small bite of the berry.

……!

The child’s eyes lit up.

And then,

For the first time—

The child smiled.

Just a little.

But unmistakably.

“…Ugh!”

Here it comes again.

I thought it had settled,

But another memory fragment suddenly sharpened.

My vision blurred briefly,

Then an entirely different scene unfolded before me.

A dim, castle-like place.

A woman who seemed oddly excited.

“How is it? How is it? Don’t I look like a proper knight like this?”

The woman smiled brightly at me.

…Who’s this now?