Chapter 12. Honor and Sacrifice (4)

“…”

Well, I need to do something about this atmosphere.

The Nun Superior had an unexplainable expression, while Ria herself had a very nonchalant one.

“Uh, well, you see.”

I spoke to Maria, who was looking at me with a soft smile.

“I’m a bit clumsy, you know. Ria helps me correct myself. So, wouldn’t it be better if she were here~?”

Of course, when I first saw Ria, it was meant to be a brief wait.

No matter how close we are, this is an internal church matter. Even though Ria is currently in the position of a nun, there are reasons why the church might not fully trust her. Ria didn’t come here to live her life as a true nun in the first place.

I thought she understood when she nodded, but it seems the meaning of Ria’s action was the complete opposite.

In this situation, I can’t not side with Ria. After all, if I had to trust someone more, it would be Ria, not Sister Maria over there.

Sister Maria, who heard my words, showed an even softer smile.

Towards me, who was feeling a little relieved-

“However, Sister Anna, there are some stories in the world that are better kept secret. The records of the Vatican’s episcopal meetings, all the Pope’s conversation records, are not fully disclosed to everyone. Even though we are both nuns, there is a slight difference between a Saint candidate… and an ordinary nun.”

Ria is an ‘ordinary nun’. This meaning is different from my meaning of being an ‘ordinary nun’. Just like a CEO’s son joining as a regular employee doesn’t mean he’s in the same position as his colleagues.

If things continue like this, I will become a Saint, but from the church’s perspective, Ria is a being with a possibility of leaving at any time.

Because she has nothing to lose even if she does.

She’s not a member of the knight order, nor has she voluntarily risen to a position where she could become a high-ranking cleric. If Ria were to quit being a nun right now, she would have nothing to regret.

However-

Strangely enough, those words struck a nerve with me.

“Are you saying there’s a big difference between us?”

“That is correct.”

To my question, Sister Maria answered curtly.

Ria’s expression stiffened slightly upon hearing that. It’s natural. Ria is the type of protagonist-style heroine who prioritizes closeness over simple lineage or abilities, and can be considered somewhat emotional.

She’s the type to get angry when she hears words that deny her relationship with me simply because of ‘different status’.

…What would the Saint in the original work have been like? In the original work, ‘Anna’ was already a Saint. A Saint who accepted her destiny. Although she was described as very close to Lee Chae-eun, was she as close a friend as I am with Ria now?

I’m sure she wasn’t. I can be certain of that. There’s no basis for it.

But… I just wanted to believe that. For quite a long time.

“…”

I stared intently at Sister Maria for a moment.

It was obvious she wasn’t the type to be intimidated by that, but still.

Just a moment ago, I was a bit scared because Ria suddenly said that, but not anymore. Rather, I felt annoyed and angry.

“In that case, I have nothing I want to hear either.”

“Sister Anna?”

The Nun Superior, who was anxiously watching the situation from the side, called out to me in surprise.

I almost clasped my hands together but stopped myself.

I prayed to the being looking down at me from above.

For now, I hope you just stay still and do nothing.

It might be good to have that power to convince people affiliated with the church. The deeper the faith, the easier it would be to persuade them.

But, for now-

“All the things I’ve experienced so far. Except for the holy power I use to heal people, all the achievements that made the church reconsider me were witnessed together with Ria here.”

“…”

Ria’s mouth slightly opened. Her stiff expression softened, and her dazed eyes looked at me.

I gave Ria a small smile.

Yes, if I separate Ria now, it will just become a relationship where I only used her one-sidedly.

I didn’t like that.

“So, if Sister Maria and someone who sent Sister Maria here want to talk about me as a ‘Saint candidate’, it’s impossible to talk without separating Ria. And I don’t want to do that either.”

It wasn’t that I had these feelings from the beginning.

A rival to a childhood friend. Another coupling that I, as a reader of the original work, disliked.

But at the same time, she was a character I liked, so it was a somewhat complicated feeling.

I didn’t expect us to become friends. After all, I was even considering quitting being a nun-

But, when did it happen?

No, it’s probably impossible to specify ‘when’.

As the days of knowing each other accumulated, Ria became not the ‘Lee Chae-eun’ I knew from reading the original work.

Human relationships, though gradually, continued to deviate from what I originally knew, and I began to notice habits and speech patterns of Lee Chae-eun that weren’t in the original work. What I had only known through text began to feel like my friend next to me, ‘Ria’.

Ria was someone who would prepare food in the middle of the night for her fallen friend. Her pouting and grumbling were things I couldn’t see in illustrations. I only found out that she would get completely drunk after a few drinks by giving her alcohol.

Ria wasn’t a perfect hero. She liked to tease others, brag, was curious about many things, and sometimes cried dreaming of her mother, she was just like me.

And, that’s probably why she could become my friend.

“…”

Sister Maria’s expression changed slightly. Although she maintained a smiling face, her slightly furrowed eyebrows revealed that she didn’t understand my actions.

“Sister Anna… I understand you have strong faith. The miracles you’ve performed with that deep faith-“

“No.”

I said firmly.

“My thoughts have been firm since I first wrote a letter to the Cardinal, no, even before that. In this world, the word ‘God’ is unnecessary. Although there is a being above looking down on us and protecting us, that being doesn’t care whether it’s called God or not.”

Light did not fall.

But I was not flustered or anything.

Because it was what I wanted.

My thoughts about Ria, and my views on the word ‘God’. All of them are my thoughts. Although this body may have been received from the being above, my thoughts are definitely my own.

Whether I am wrong or not, it is not something that needs to be notarized by someone else.

“…”

Sister Maria sat still for a moment as if lost in thought, then slowly rose from her chair.

“Are you saying that the being who looks down upon us is not God?”

“That’s right. At least, not the absolute being that the church claims, the omnipotent power that can save us from all evil.”

What a cruel burden that is?

No hero in the world should bear such a burden. We should not expect a person who barely saved one person to live their entire life saving others.

…

Yes, I know I shouldn’t be the one saying this. Even though I use so much power myself, I can’t tell others not to pray.

However, I was probably the result of those prayers.

I don’t like religious meanings. That’s not my taste. But, at least considering what I’ve done so far- indeed, it only brings to mind the meaning of a representative.

The being above trusts me. No matter what actions I take down here. No matter what results those actions cause. But I didn’t know the full meaning of all those actions.

In that faint light, I could only read a weak will, a few words. And all I felt there was one thing: compassion for those who pray.

“Do you know how much impact those words could have on others?”

To her question, asked with a rather serious demeanor, I let out a chuckle for the first time since meeting Sister Maria.

“I’ve been saying such things consistently. Few people have listened attentively to my words until now.”

Everyone was only interested in the power manifested through my body.

Even those who listened to my words seriously would subtly ignore the part where I said, ‘The word ‘God’ is wrong.’

Why are you worried now?

“If you think what I said is something that deserves punishment, then you can do so.”

“…Even if that were the case, your thoughts wouldn’t change, would they?”

“I’m not very accustomed to pain, so I’d probably say I believe in God after just a little torture?”

I’m serious.

I’m someone who even prays to borrow the power to save a dying person. I’ve thought many times that I could even give up that belief.

So, if I’m in pain, I should naturally say so.

Sister Maria, whose expression had been slightly stiffened, smiled slightly again after hearing those words.

“No, we do not engage in such barbaric acts. Even if we go to extremes, at most, we would prohibit access to all holy sites after dismissal. And, frankly, dismissing Sister Anna in this situation is not a good thing.”

“Is that so?”

“No matter how you put it, there is no one within the church right now who can receive holy power like Sister Anna. The more you clash with Sister Anna, the more it will only lower the credibility of the church.”

“Even so, is it impossible for me to listen to the conversation with Ria by my side?”

“…”

Sister Maria paused, staring blankly for a moment.

“So, are you saying that all the things you’ve said so far were because you wanted to hear the story together with your friend next to you?”

“To reiterate, it’s something I was already saying, so the cause and effect have been reversed. There is such a simple and clear fact, so I have no intention of separating my friend for such a reason.”

“…”

Sister Maria was speechless again.

“Rather, I’d like to ask. Why on earth can’t Ria listen?”

Well, I have some ideas.

“Unfortunately, bureaucracy is a much more complex entanglement than you might think.”

So, in the end, it meant it was an internal Vatican matter.

“…I will relay Sister Anna’s words and check once more.”

“That would be best. If you want to have something like a negotiation with me.”

Sister Maria smiled bitterly.

She bowed her head slightly and said, “I apologize for the late hour,” before slowly walking out of the interview room.

Then, as she was about to walk down the hallway with the Nun Superior, she suddenly turned around as if she remembered something.

“Sister Anna. A moment ago, during the discussion about faith, I asked: what would you do if someone forced you to give up your friendship with your friend in the ‘old way’?”

But before I could answer, Ria stepped forward.

“That will not happen. I will stop it before it does.”

“…Is that so.”

Sister Maria looked back and forth between Ria and me, then looked at me again and said,

“That’s a good friendship.”

I responded with a slight nod.

Trying hard not to smile too broadly.