Chapter 12. Honor and Sacrifice (13)

First, I followed Sister Maria and hurried to the Pope’s room, where he was lying in bed.

His fingertips, sticking out from under the covers, looked even worse than yesterday.

I thought it was a bit strange.

The holy power I use, and the holy power other clergy use, naturally do not consume the body due to that holy power.

Ah, of course, considering that I bled when I used holy power, there might be a limit… but it’s rare for the body to be consumed by mana just because it was purified.

I’m just aiming mana through light, so why would I get contaminated?

“Sister.”

As I approached the Pope without any hesitation, he spoke to me.

His gaze was a little stern.

What would happen if I healed the Pope here?

The fact that the Pope is in this situation also means that no cleric in this place could fully heal him.

Everyone had heard about my power, but seeing and understanding it directly was a different matter.

The Pope, knowing that, seemed to have told me not to use my power.

I looked back.

My eyes met Ria’s. Ria hesitated for a moment, then smiled at me.

If I were to go up, Ria would inevitably follow. Yet, Ria told me to do as I pleased.

Sister Maria couldn’t hide her worry from her face.

Naturally. If he’s like her father.

I didn’t hear the reason why Sister Maria, who spoke Korean so well, came to call the Pope her father, but perhaps the Pope took his place after she lost her entire family here.

I can’t dismiss the people around me. The Pope, when he was talking to Ria and me, was in a situation purely for conversation, but now the Pope is in a situation where his life could be in danger if something goes wrong.

It’s not that something happened suddenly today, but rather that the problems accumulated in his body over the years have all erupted at once.

…If that’s not the case.

I knelt beside the Pope and sat down. Then I rested my elbows on the bed.

“Sister.”

The Pope opened his mouth. In a small voice, so that others couldn’t hear.

“Even if you borrow his power, this old man won’t live much longer.”

I know. My power can heal illnesses and wounds, but it cannot extend one’s remaining lifespan.

However, even so, at least the remaining time will increase a little. And during that time, I won’t have to writhe in pain.

“…We had a brief conversation about responsibility.”

I said to the Pope.

“Pope, do you know the story of the Good Samaritan?”

“Is there any religious person who doesn’t know that story? I don’t think anyone dislikes it either.”

Even though it’s an old belief by this world’s standards, the core message can be applied to all religions. Especially to religions that have survived on a large scale in modern times.

“Then, isn’t it avoiding responsibility not to help others when you have the power?”

If I were also injured, others might not be able to say anything if I just passed by.

If the road was too busy. If it was too dark and I couldn’t see the fallen person. If the situation was so serious that there was nothing I could do even if I saw them.

No one would punish the person who just passed by, the one who couldn’t save the fallen man.

“If it’s about responsibility, who can punish you, Sister?”

The Pope asked.

“You said that the one above is not omnipotent. That He lacks the power to answer all beliefs. If so, can’t it be considered a personal problem not to take responsibility?”

If it’s not ordained by God, what is the reason for doing such a thing?

It was a question I had been searching for a long time.

I tried to live a good life to refute that statement. Thanks to that, even if I didn’t feel like I was a perfect saint, my reputation among those around me was good. Although I said some strange things and had some delusions, I believe I was a trustworthy person to my friends.

But even so, I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer.

Because society shouldn’t collapse. Because there are parts that run on such goodness and responsibility. Because there’s no need to feel guilty. Because people like it.

While all of these could be answers, none of them were perfectly logical and rational answers.

If I acted selfishly, I felt like I could live better than now. I felt like I didn’t need to pay for everything with proper costs.

It was unavoidable to have such thoughts.

“Then, Pope,”

So I asked.

“Why were you here with that thought? You could have run away anytime.”

“…”

The Pope was silent for a moment, then opened his mouth.

“Sister, is it okay to confess something?”

“…A nun cannot receive confession.”

“That rule, too, is ultimately just a rule we’ve made. I only ask that you listen to the lament of an old man for a moment.”

“…Yes, I’m listening.”

At my words, the Pope said.

“I too have had many moments of wavering faith. If the one truly above were omnipotent, then all the suffering in the world would be His creation. If all the suffering that comes to us is given by God, what should we believe in and live by? What should we say to someone who lost all their family in an unfortunate accident encountered while traveling with their family?”

“…”

“Nevertheless, I had power. The power to help others. If the one who gave me this power truly believed that I would help others, I thought repaying that faith was my faith.”

That’s why I’ve been working like this all along.

As the Pope.

“Then, wouldn’t it be better for me to do the same? The power I received, perhaps more than the Pope’s.”

“However, Sister.”

The Pope said in a calm voice.

“Aren’t you still too young?”

“Huh?”

I blinked at the unexpected answer.

“I am nothing more than a shabby old man, then and now. I had no family, nor did I have children. Carlo, who sold vegetables in the corner of the alley. That was me. Nothing has changed from then to now. My job has just changed.”

Light slowly settled on the Pope’s face.

“Therefore, I had nothing to regret. It was better to fight for the rest of my life. People placed that Carlo in the position of Pope. Could I have been in this position if I had sold vegetables for the rest of my life? Could I have become someone respected by everyone? Sister, I have already received so much.”

The Pope’s gaze looked directly into my face.

“However, Sister, that is not the case for you. Aren’t you still at an age where you can love and become anything? No one has the right to force someone to do something they don’t want to do. If what you think is truly right, then the one above would have the same thought.”

Then, why did I receive such power?

That memory is still faint for me.

There must be something.

“So, Sister, you don’t need to bear everything in that way. If the fallen person had told the Samaritan to just go, the Samaritan might have gone on his way.”

“…”

I thought for a moment and then said.

“No.”

Just as the Pope looked at me, I looked at the Pope.

“That couldn’t be. That Samaritan wouldn’t have been that kind of person.”

The fallen person in the story was a Jew. Samaritans were despised by such Jews. Gentiles who ignored the truths believed by Jews.

Conversely, Samaritans would have seen Jews the same way.

Yet, the Samaritan took his time and money to nurse the fallen person.

There’s no way such a person, bleeding and fallen, would have just left if told to do so.

“Sister.”

“That’s right. I have many things I want to do.”

I want to be with Ria a little longer. Beyond just wanting to be there… there are more things I want to convey. Things I can’t say right now.

“Perhaps that might go against the current doctrines of the church. And my current actions might inevitably lead me to become a blessed one or a saint.”

But, even so, I cannot just leave the person lying before me.

This is my principle.

It wasn’t about responsibility or faith, but about how I accepted myself.

I am a person who can deny my own faith. If someone were to put a person in front of me and threaten to kill them if I didn’t convert, I would gladly convert. And after some time, I would naturally apostatize.

Even if I were to deny something that is not the faith of that religion, I would act the same way. I am an atheist, but I am also a human who can deny my own atheism.

Even such an unprincipled person, if they have just one thing they believe in, if they have a principle that guides their actions.

That person can never be rational or reasonable. It means that the line of reason and rationality has not been defined.

And that was my principle.

I will not just leave someone dying before my eyes.

I will not just stand by and watch someone suffering before my eyes.

That one thing, I could not ignore.

I clasped my hands together.

“If using my power in front of others is a reason to ascend, then so be it. But the Pope’s life is more important than my discomfort.”

That’s right.

Rationality is about considering benefits.

As a human being, I cannot think of a human life as less important.

I closed my eyes.

…The being above would not abandon someone who has devoted themselves to people for over a decade.

Surely, it will help.

To the best of its ability.

-Gladly.

Hearing the answer that came back, I smiled a little.