To the Church Territory (5)

Alec hesitated many times.

In front of Yona’s door, Alec hesitated, hesitated, and hesitated again.

Hadn’t he resolved to paint over her heart with himself?

Hadn’t he made such a firm resolution in Cantatien?

Yet realizing he hadn’t actually done anything, Alec couldn’t help but sigh.

‘Stupid bastard…’

Making such a resolution and then not doing anything, it was absurd even to himself.

He wondered if he should have studied beforehand about how to capture a woman’s heart or something like that,

But when he was serving as a cathedral knight, he was far removed from women, so there was no need to know such things then.

So now Alec was standing in front of Yona’s door.

In short, it was like this.

Today Yona had visited the mage’s tower, and because the Regent wasn’t in this mage community, they had to go to the church territory again.

But Berbaria was dwelling in Yona’s left arm, and she felt a lot of pressure about going to the church territory in that state.

So Yona’s current mental state must be very unstable, worried, and anxious.

And if Alec could confidently tell her to leave it to him by her side, wouldn’t Yona’s heart waver?

‘It’s perfect in theory.’

But things in the world never go exactly according to theory, so that made him anxious.

After pacing in front of Yona’s door for a long time like that, Alec suddenly took a deep breath.

If he just kept hesitating like this, he would only waste more time.

Even if they were leaving the day after tomorrow, that gave no comfort to Alec in his current state.

In other words, what he couldn’t do today, he wouldn’t be able to do tomorrow either.

Finally, Alec firmly resolved and raised his fist to knock on Yona’s door.

But there was no answer.

‘Is she sleeping…?’

It’s a bit early for her to be sleeping yet.

Alec was about to knock again but instead carefully called out to Yona.

“Yona, are you asleep?”

And after a moment—

C-Come in.

Yona’s voice finally came.

“Sit here.”

“Oh, okay. Am I disturbing your rest?”

“Why are you suddenly being so considerate about such things?”

Alec was surprised that Yona didn’t seem disappointed.

He had thought she would be dejected, but she didn’t particularly look that way.

“You seem unexpectedly fine.”

As soon as Alec sat down and said those words to Yona, she frowned.

‘What is he talking about now?’

Was there anything to not be fine about?

Or did I look dejected after coming back from the mage’s tower?

So is that why—

As she thought about this, the frown between Yona’s brows gradually smoothed out.

Alec might not be good with words, but he must be saying this out of concern for Yona.

He’s probably just saying that, but because Yona is in a bad mood now, it must sound twisted.

That’s what Yona thought.

“Well, there’s nothing particularly bad.”

“That’s good then. You looked like you were in a bad mood after coming back from the mage’s tower, so I was worried.”

At those words, Yona thought, ‘I knew it.’

Alec must be worried about her, no doubt.

It’s just that Yona isn’t in a particularly good mood right now, so Alec was saying that out of concern in his own way.

Thinking like that, Yona’s mood improved again.

“Why, did you come because you were worried that I looked like I was in a bad mood?”

Seeing Yona grinning, Alec was momentarily confused about how to answer.

His instinct told him that he needed to answer well here, though it was a groundless feeling.

“Um… well, yeah. Who else would worry about you if not me?”

“Oh my, is that so? Our baldy is worrying about me, this is too kind.”

“I’ve always been worried about you, you know?”

“Really?”

The corners of Yona’s mouth were raised high towards the sky.

A sense of stability, a sense of reassurance.

It felt like such warm emotions were gently embracing her.

“Aren’t you burdened about going to the church territory again?”

“What’s there to be burdened about?”

“Well, you know…”

Alec’s gaze briefly glanced at Yona’s left arm.

Yona could tell that his gaze was directed there, and she could also tell that Alec was concerned about it.

“Uh…”

“Because of that. Um. I thought you might be worried. So I came to check. But you seem better than I expected.”

Suddenly, it felt like heat was rising.

Yona knew her face was getting hot. She felt something ticklish in her chest. It was like when there’s a demon nearby, when her breath quickens and she feels feverish, but thinking about it, it’s a bit different. It’s hot, and it feels like her breath is catching because of it, but nevertheless, Yona felt that something was different.

Yes, it was definitely different. The feeling of being worried about by someone. The feeling that someone is concerned about me. Being cared for, someone paying attention to me, and, and, and, and— that someone is Alec.

Alec’s expression hadn’t changed much. It wasn’t particularly expressive, nor was it indifferent, literally just the expression of someone who came to check because he was worried about Yona, nothing more or less.

Yona also looked at Alec. Suddenly, she felt her fingers fidgeting. Fidgeting, unable to find their place, those fingers were raised by Yona to scratch her head. Because she didn’t know what else to do otherwise.

“Well… a bit, yeah. A bit. I was disappointed… um, well, that’s true… but it’s okay. Y-yeah. It’s okay. We have to go to the church territory anyway… and it’s true that I need to meet the Regent. Y-yeah.”

Her pronunciation got tangled in the middle, and she wondered if Alec had noticed.

Yona was more worried about her face, which felt like it was on fire, being revealed. To the point where the worry about entering the church territory from just a moment ago felt like nothing in comparison.

It was a strange feeling. It’s not that Alec hadn’t been concerned about Yona until now. Above all, he had paid a lot of attention to Yona and protected her several times. But what is this feeling now?

Yona suddenly remembered the early dawn when she opened her eyes on the day they arrived at this community. Those warm stones placed in her sleeping bag. She didn’t know why she was remembering that warmth, that coziness only now, but anyway, she was. She could almost see the image of Alec carefully heating each stone and gently pushing them into her sleeping bag, trying not to wake her up.

Past events started to come back one by one. The way Alec had treated Yona, the attention she had received without thinking much of it, the care he had shown, all started to come back one by one. Yes, even though this guy is bald, he’s still a pretty good human. He’s a really decent fellow. And he’s also quite a good man.

‘…Man?’

The thought that struck Yona’s mind stopped right there.

Why was the fact that Alec is a man being emphasized so much? Yona couldn’t understand the reason, but strangely, that fact didn’t feel as disgusting or unpleasant or repulsive as before. If she were to deny that fact, if she were to think of it that way, what would she, who had been sticking close to Alec all this time, become?

‘I, I even received a confession.’

Honestly, isn’t that right?

She even received a confession. She received a confession, and on top of that, she even rejected it. Despite that, Alec has been treating Yona with such devotion until now.

‘Maybe I… might have been the strange one…?’

I might have been mentally ill. This might be the process of getting better. I might have been a strange woman. As her thoughts began to reach this point, Yona started to think that it wasn’t strange for her face to feel like it was on fire. Yes, that could be the case. If that’s the case, it might not be strange that my body is heating up like this.

If I had been a ‘woman’ who had been so starved for affection.

Yes, if that’s the case, it’s a situation where everything makes sense.

“Yona, are you okay?”

Suddenly, Alec’s face filled her vision.

She wasn’t saying anything, but her face was flushed red, and her mouth was opening and closing, so to anyone looking, Yona’s state didn’t seem normal.

Alec’s hand reached out and touched Yona’s forehead.

Whether it was because Yona’s face was flushed, or because Alec’s hand was cold, she couldn’t tell, but the moment that coolness touched her forehead, Yona felt like her mind, which had been flying far away, was suddenly pulled back.

“Ah, y-yeah… I’m fine.”

“Hey, you.”

“Huh?”

Yona let out a small sigh. This flow of consciousness was truly frightening, and she couldn’t tell how far her mind had flown with just a few words from Alec. She clearly seemed to have thought something scary, but she couldn’t remember what it was, which made her even more anxious.

“Can’t you just not erase the tattoos?”

“…Huh?”

And with Alec’s words on top of that, Yona felt her mind becoming even clearer.

Alec’s words asking if she couldn’t just not erase the tattoos, the intention behind those words was completely incomprehensible.

“I mean… don’t misunderstand, just listen.”

How could she not misunderstand this— she thought, but Yona didn’t say anything.

Still, since it’s Alec speaking, he must be saying it after some thought.

Yona quietly waited for Alec’s next words.

“I mean, don’t erase the tattoos. Let’s just run away together.”

“…Run away?”

“Yeah. Instead of going through all that trouble to go to the church territory to meet Regent Ceres and erase the tattoos or whatever, let’s just run away and live together. Like before.”

Run away and live together.

Yona only heard up to this point.

Although the words “like before” were added after that, meaning Alec was talking about going to another village and living as adventurers like in the Evian days, Yona, who didn’t hear that part, understood it in a completely opposite meaning.

Yona’s mind suddenly cleared as if cold water had been poured over her. Alec, not knowing that his words were being conveyed to Yona in a completely different way than he intended, continued to ramble on and on, but Yona wasn’t properly hearing it.

The tattoos, because of these tattoos, much of Yona’s life up until now had crumbled. Her life in Evian, which had been going relatively well, was almost ruined, and on top of that, she failed in her plan to return to being a man after investing a large sum of money, and for Yona, who lived with pride as a cleric, she even became worried about whether she could enter the church territory, which was like holy ground to her.

The words to not erase such tattoos and live together somewhere else— these words, to Yona, couldn’t be heard as having a good meaning at all.

“…Get out, Alec.”

“—and so… Huh?”

Alec, who had been rambling on for a while, looked at Yona with a puzzled expression at the sudden order to leave.

But Yona’s expression, which had already cooled and become chilly, didn’t soften again, and Alec was taken aback by that expression.