Chapter 118: A Cruel Escape (3)

[118] 18. A Cruel Escape (3)

The day you died was the day winter began that year. But for me, the winter that began that year has never ended.

The frost that falls in May and June will likely never melt.

I set out on a journey to find a way to bring you back. In reality, it was no different from running away.

How could I not know that resurrection is a futile hope. My homeland is a cruel place. I grew up knowing that life is given only once.

Even so, I simply couldn’t accept that you were dead.

I couldn’t accept your heart that was placed in my hand when I woke up.

As if self-harming, as if strangling my own neck, as if throwing myself away, as if crushing myself.

From where the sun scorches the golden sand,

To where the snow that fell ten thousand years ago barely melts.

I wandered the world.

I tried to cover up your death with the exhaustion of the journey.

But you were like a star in the night sky, and when I finished my meaningless efforts and fell asleep, you invariably rose in my darkened heart.

Your smile, the way you spoke, how you cooked,

And my foolishness that crushed all of that by my own hand.

How many times did the blade have to carve into my flesh for me to forget? How many times did I have to swallow those sleeping pills, which were no different from poison?

It was probably the slowest suicide in the world.

Then, one day, three years later.

Rosalia came to me.

I don’t know how she found me. Only that when I returned to the inn one day, she was waiting.

At first, I thought she had come to kill me.

Even in distant foreign lands, stories of her reached my ears.

The Emperor’s bastard child who lost her lover.

The Empress who ascended to the throne for revenge.

The judge who appears one day, demanding payment for old sins.

And I was the one who had committed the greatest sin against her.

I went before her obediently, even feeling a sense of relief.

But what she brought out wasn’t a sword, but a proposal.

[There’s a way to bring Rem back.]

I can still vividly remember her.

Her red eyes glistened with desperation, and her cracked voice trembled with yearning. I could read the signs of madness in her exaggerated gestures.

[We can bring Rem back from another world.]

No, she was already mad.

And it seemed as though she wasn’t the only one, either.

[Parsley said so. Beyond this world, there are other worlds identical to this one. And among them, there might be a world where Rem is alive. We can bring him back from there. Bring Rem back and…]

Do you know what I thought of at that moment?

Ironically, it was my own sin.

I wanted you all to myself. Because I thought there was no one else like you, I tried to take you with unjust methods.

However, I failed, and as punishment, I fell into this hell. And I will likely remain in this hell forever.

[We can get Rem back.]

That’s why I knew that Rosalia was walking the same path as me.

If they were to bring Rem back from another world, what would happen to the ones left behind in that world. Could a reunion brought about by such unjust methods truly be valid.

And how much would we have to pay for it.

If a sinner has karma, it’s the knowledge of how wicked their sin truly is.

I had to stop Rosalia.

For her sake, and also for the sake of another ‘you’ who would be kidnapped.

That day, Rosalia and I once again clashed, sword against axe. It was the culmination of a long, long argument.

I broke her sword, and she took my left arm. It was essentially a defeat.

But even as I fled, clutching my severed left arm, I did not abandon what I had vowed to do.

I returned to my homeland and sat on the throne that awaited me. I rallied the people who already resented the Empire due to a long history of oppression.

If words didn’t work, then by sword.

I tried to prevent the same foolishness from being repeated.

But Rosalia, who had become empress, was now the Empire itself.

I suffered defeat after defeat. And with each defeat, I came to resemble you more.

Both my arms were shattered,

My legs crushed,

And my left eye pierced by an arrow.

But I couldn’t stop fighting.

I used ancient magic to piece my flesh back together. Sometimes, for the sake of victory, I even transplanted parts of monsters.

And then, one day, I looked in the mirror, and there, a monster stared back.

It was a dull monster tainted by regret and selfishness.

…

…Actually…

Actually, I know that this won’t earn me forgiveness. This is nothing but a form of hypocrisy.

You have already died because of my greed.

The winter that has settled in my heart will not end, even if I were to die.

But… Still.

Nevertheless.

The spring when the buds sprouted would not have been for naught.

The glorious summer that blinded me would not be erased.

The autumn when regret piled up along with the fallen leaves would not disappear.

The seeds sown in autumn, even if they do not sprout, will dream of spring.

I cannot repeat my sins,

Nor can I hurt another ‘you.’

So, Rem.

Please return to your world.

Leave us behind, we who have become monsters consumed by grief.

***

It feels like my head is on fire.

I violently flung open the door. I rummaged through the box where materials were kept and said to the fake Feya.

“Bring me all the books on ancient magic. Even simple transcriptions of oral traditions will do.”

I gathered an armful of things that seemed useful and threw them onto the desk. I hastily scrawled a draft of a magic circle on paper.

“Rem.”

“Don’t talk to me. I’m trying to focus.”

“Didn’t you make a promise?”

“I said be quiet.”

“You promised not to ignore Feya’s wishes…”

I threw the inkwell to the floor. It shattered into pieces with a clear sound.

I strode towards the fake Feya and said.

“I’m going to fix it.”

“…”

“Do you understand? That thing, I’m going to return it to normal.”

“…”

“And until I do, I don’t give a damn about returning or any of that bullshit.”

And then, I turned back to the desk. But the fake Feya seemed either deaf or an idiot.

“Soon, the Empress’s army will descend upon this place. This time, the Empress will surely leave no one alive in the Great Divide.”

“I will persuade them and send them back.”

“You know that’s not going to be easy.”

“I’ll try my best to persuade her.”

“Rem, Feya wanted…”

“Just shut the FUCK UP!!”

The one startled by that shout was not her, but me. The trace of the scream scratching my throat, the rawness of it, was unfamiliar.

I stumbled and grabbed my head, collapsing onto the floor.

“…I’m sorry. I just…”

Suddenly, Feya’s form flashed before my eyes again. In the end, Feya didn’t come out of the darkness, but even from just her silhouette, I could tell.

How many times her body had been crushed and put back together.

“Oh my God…”

Tears welled up, choking my throat.

“Oh my… God…”

I unconsciously grabbed one of the minerals that had fallen to the floor and squeezed it tightly. A sharp pain spread through my palm as it was cut.

“You stupid… idiot… Why would you… What were you thinking…”

Words that couldn’t form sentences swirled in my mouth. I clutched my head and trembled.

“Really, what were you trying to do…”

This was a first.

Until now, I had faced countless hardships. Each one was more than enough reason to give up on life.

But even in front of them, I didn’t choose to give up.

Even if there was a cliff ahead,

Or even if it would ultimately lead to disaster.

I stubbornly moved forward.

But now was different.

I don’t want to get up.

I don’t think I can get up.

It feels like the pillar supporting my heart is completely broken.

“Just what were you planning…”

I felt tears running down my cheeks as my face contorted.

“I figured something like this would happen.”

I unconsciously looked up.

Beyond the small window in the stone wall,

Familiar blue hair flowed down.

“Hello, Oppa.”

Irene casually climbed through the window and entered the room. Looking around the room, she frowned.

“The space is smaller than I thought. Might be better to expand it a bit.”

“Who are you! Reveal your identity right now…!”

“She’s someone I know.”

I raised my hand to stop the fake Feya from rushing forward. Finally managing to stand up, I looked at Irene.

“…Where have you been all this time?”

It sounded like an accusation.

Perhaps Irene also sensed that, as she smiled bitterly and shook her head.

“Making some preparations. And also bringing this.”

Irene pulled out a small bead from within her clothes. When she tapped the bead, two familiar objects popped out.

Alain’s pocket watch and the Dragon King’s Essence.

I unconsciously lowered my gaze.

“Irene, I…”

“I know, you don’t want to go back.”

I looked at Irene in surprise. She shook her head and continued speaking.

“You kept saying you would, but I figured this is how it would end. After all, those people aren’t insignificant to you, are they, Oppa?”

“…I’m sorry.”

After hesitating for a while, I barely managed to apologize. Then, as if making an excuse, I hastily added.

“But I’ll at least send you back. We already have the relics. Just…”

“Oppa, may I make a suggestion?”

Irene suddenly stepped close to me. Grabbing my bleeding hand, she smiled brightly.

“You’ll like it when you hear it. I’m sure you won’t be able to refuse?”

Suddenly, I noticed how red Irene’s tongue was. That scarlet thing flickered like a flame, breathing temptation.

At some point, the blood flowing from my hand had stopped. Now, only Irene’s hand was red.

“Want to hear it, Oppa?”

I hesitated, and hesitated, and then finally, I nodded.

For the first time, I entrusted my decision to someone else.

.

.

.

And three days later.

The Imperial army arrived at the Great Divide,

And I finished preparing for my return to the original world.

It was time to go home.