Chapter 113: You cant go anywhere – 7

Vivian slowly approached me.

While I was distracted by her jade-like skin and her bare figure I’d never seen before, she fully pressed herself against me.

Without hesitation, Vivian swung one of her legs over to the other side of me and straddled my lap.

The moment her firm thighs passed in front of me, it felt like my breath stopped.

Vivian’s weight settled entirely on my legs.

Her arms rested on my shoulders.

Her eyes were fixed on mine, her hair brushing against my arms.

Our navels were touching.

If I just reached out, I could embrace her slender waist as if it might break.

I could sink my teeth into her long, pale neck at will.

If I went further, I could explore the depths of her.

But still, I couldn’t move.

The raging turmoil in my mind held me back.

“…So, will you show me?”

Vivian whispered in a trembling voice.

“Are you scared? You’re so good at fighting… yet you can’t embrace a woman?”

Her scent was driving me crazy.

I gritted my teeth to endure and asked her quietly,

“…Why are you tormenting me like this?”

“I told you, didn’t I? I hate you so much right now.”

“…But strangely, seeing you angry like this, I feel a little relieved.”

Despite her words, Vivian still looked like she was on the verge of tears.

“If you’re annoyed, let it out, Kailo.”

“…Destroy me if you must. If it’s by your hand… I’ll gladly accept it.”

She then tilted her head slowly, as if to kiss me.

Her lips slightly parted, her moist tongue uncharacteristically moving to meet me.

“…You kept calling lust filthy, but now you’re the one acting like this?”

Her tongue paused mid-motion as she froze and said,

“Yeah. Because if it’s with you, I feel like it doesn’t matter how filthy I get.”

And with that, she leaned in to kiss me.

“…Haa.”

Just before her lips touched mine, I lowered my head.

My forehead pressed against hers, gently pushing her back.

When my gaze dropped, I was met with the sight of her beautiful chest.

I shut my eyes tightly, ignoring even that.

It felt as if a devil was testing me.

“…This is how it is, Kailo.”

Rejected once again, Vivian’s voice was filled with barely concealed anger and frustration.

“I hate you so much for rejecting me like this.”

A dangerous madness flickered in her voice.

“…I hate you so much, I could kill you.”

I couldn’t comprehend how far she had been pushed to feel this way.

But I too was at my limit, and her voice, drenched in resentment, pushed me forward.

Taking one step beyond my breaking point, I moved.

“Ugh!”

Vivian let out a gasp as my arms wrapped around her waist.

Her small, delicate body sank deeply into my embrace.

Could a person’s body really feel this soft?

Having only ever sparred or fought with men, touching a woman’s body felt surreal.

I’d held hands, linked arms, and hugged Vivian before…

But holding her like this, with her bare skin, doubled that softness.

Losing my composure, I ran my hand along her bare back.

Spreading my fingers wide, I stroked her back in long sweeps.

I even brought my lips close to the top of her chest.

Vivian trembled as if goosebumps had risen on her skin.

Her eyes, locked with mine, burned with unmistakable desire.

This was the first time I’d seen those crimson eyes filled with lust.

There was no room for misunderstanding—it was a clear, undeniable emotion.

Half-closed eyes.

Pupils partially hidden, as if her gaze might roll back over her eyelids.

A look of ecstasy and yearning.

The intoxication of the moment was pulling me further and further.

Countless times, the thought of just giving in crossed my mind.

But it seemed Vivian felt the same.

Nestled in my arms, she exhaled a deep breath, then leaned forward to nuzzle her face into my neck.

“…Haa.”

With another heated sigh, she lifted her head and lightly nipped at my half-bitten ear.

Then, she whispered into it.

“…You said you love me. Hurry.”

Standing at the edge of my limits, I clenched my teeth one last time.

And then, with great effort, I managed to ask one question.

Perhaps it was my final desperate attempt.

“Vivian, answer me one thing.”

Vivian, unable to focus properly, was busy clutching at my clothes, trying to undress me, and repeatedly attempting to steal my lips.

-Smack.

I brushed off the hand gripping my clothes and spoke to her.

“…Why do you want me to stay so badly?”

“…What?”

“Are you doing this because you’re afraid you will die without me? Or is it because you love me?”

She looked as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

I understood why.

Even I didn’t know why I was asking this.

But once the question was out, a deep-seated dissatisfaction buried within me began to surface.

“…Idiot, do you still not know?”

Vivian asked back.

“You’ve never said it out loud.”

At that, she closed her mouth as well.

I spoke.

“…I’ve made my feelings clear a long time ago. You know it too. I’ve told you I love you… how many times have I said it?”

“But you’ve never said it even once.”

I wanted an answer to this unreasonable stubbornness.

“Do you see me as a useful tool to keep by your side, or do you love me too? Say it with your own mouth.”

“…If it was a useful tool, do you think I’d offer my body—”

“Say it, Vivian.”

I wanted to hear it now.

I wanted to hear her say she loved me.

Then maybe I could let go of the miserable feelings I always carried around her.

I was tired of losing every single time.

“Say that I’m the most important person to you, with your own words.”

“…What?”

“…Just one word, ‘I love you’… I’ll hold you until you tell me to stop.”

Contrary to my expectation that she would respond quickly, Vivian stood frozen in the face of my desperate plea.

She showed no reaction, as if she had turned to stone.

“…?”

Her crimson eyes wandered as if lost, and her slightly open mouth remained that way, unmoving.

Even I frowned in surprise at her reaction.

“…Vivian?”

“…I… I don’t know what love is… and if there’s anything more important than you…”

She couldn’t say anything further.

I let out a hollow laugh.

“…You’re lying, aren’t you?”

“Kailo, I…”

This time, it was my anger that began to rise.

All I had asked for was one simple word between us.

“…Just one word. Say it, Vivian. You know how much time I’ve spent running for you.”

As if cursed, she stammered and struggled to say that one word.

“A… ugh…”

“Or was I just a useful tool to you all along? Do you enjoy seeing me suffer, as you once said? Is that why you keep me close?”

“No, that’s not it…!”

“You can so easily say that you hate me enough to want me dead, yet… saying you love me is this hard?”

“Kailo… it’s not like that…! There’s a reason…”

“What reason?”

“…What kind of grand reason could there be for this? Vivian, just…”

I bit my lip again.

Once more, I felt like I was losing to her.

“…Even if it’s a lie, just say it.”

“…There’s a reason… a reason why I…”

Her ridiculous response doused me in cold water, and I regained my senses.

I stood in silence for a long time before slowly rising to my feet.

Vivian slid out of my arms.

“Kailo…!”

Vivian grabbed my wrist, but I easily pushed her away.

“…Get dressed.”

I said this as I moved toward the door.

“…No…!”

Vivian shouted, but I didn’t waver and grabbed the doorknob.

“…Just get dressed before I open this door.”

“Ugh…! Ugh!!”

Vivian clenched her fists and trembled as she glared at me, then spoke.

“Why does my heart even matter?”

“What?”

“You love me, don’t you?! You can just give in to your feelings! You can just hold me! Why does my heart matter?!”

“Just be selfish, Kailo. Do whatever you want. Why do you always hold yourself back until it hurts?”

I replied.

“Because I love you.”

Vivian’s feelings, which she couldn’t convey, were easily expressed by me.

At those words, she staggered weakly and sank back onto the bed.

“Because I love you… I won’t touch you. For your sake. For your future.”

“My… future?”

“If I lay a hand on you, this will become a shackle that burdens you for the rest of your life. Even when it comes to starting your own family.”

Vivian let out a feeble scoff.

“…A family? When did I ever say I needed something like that? I only need you—”

“I drank the farewell drink well. Now, go back.”

I slowly approached Vivian, who stood frozen without moving.

Grasping her arm, I helped her to her feet and handed her clothes.

Vivian stood still, her gaze lowered, as if rooted in place like a child throwing a tantrum.

I gently dressed her, figuring out how to put on the garments without difficulty, tightening the straps once they were on her.

Then, draping a light coat I had prepared over her, I pushed her forward.

Vivian stumbled out weakly, her vacant eyes reflecting nothing.

We both already knew.

The moment she failed to say the words “I love you,” the chance for us to be together had vanished.

“…I… I’m hurting so much here, Kailo.”

Clutching her chest at the doorway, Vivian looked up at me with a pained expression.

I hesitated before replying to her.

“I’m hurting too.”

Creaaak.

When I opened the door, an empty lodging building appeared, as if vacated for our sake.

As I pushed Vivian toward that cold, desolate space, I spoke.

“…Sleep well.”

Thud.

Without waiting for her reply, I closed the door.

I didn’t have the strength for anything more.

A sound like muffled sobs echoed from beyond the closed door.