Chapter 112: You cant go anywhere – 6

Alcohol.

A peculiar beverage taught and mastered under Lady Linne’s guidance.

Alcohol, often a drink men consume for joy, sometimes became a weapon for women.

For Vivian, who had taken lessons in seduction, alcohol was a sharp dagger.

Of course, she had never used it for any romantic endeavors yet.

However, she was well-versed in how to wield it.

Lady Linne had described alcohol as a magical key to blossoming connections.

The magic lay not just in its taste or aroma.

Alcohol had the power to open hearts, erase distance, and sculpt the presence before one’s eyes into something more beautiful.

A sip to wet the lips would raise the body’s heat, slowly melting self-control from within.

If one could pass the bitter wall, what lay beyond was a sweet and passionate time.

A time that, as they said, was difficult for anyone to resist.

Unlike water, alcohol flowed with the mood, delving deeper and deeper.

One could keep drinking without feeling full.

The more it went past the throat, the more a person revealed themselves and grew closer to the other.

It was said that if a woman could skillfully use alcohol, no man would be beyond her grasp.

And the meaning of “grasping” was a physical relationship.

This was the moment alcohol became a woman’s weapon.

While the relationship itself might be merely physical, the more important aspect was the responsibility that followed.

A man who took a woman’s purity had no choice but to take responsibility.

Especially for noblewomen who lost their purity, no family would consider accepting them.

This might not apply to Vivian, the Lady of Loctana, but the psychological weight of it was crucial.

To take someone’s purity meant one must bear the consequences.

For a man of honor, it was an unwritten rule to uphold.

…Among everyone Vivian had met, Kailo was the most conscientious.

Nothing else mattered.

Ultimately, the surest seal to bind a man was for a woman to offer her body.

Once, Vivian had found physical intimacy dirty and impure.

But as someone who was merely 20 days away from becoming an adult, such thoughts no longer lingered.

Instead, in the dark recesses of her mind, she even anticipated it.

The thought of being intimate with Kailo made her heart race.

Holding a bottle of strong alcohol and two glasses, Vivian headed to Kailo’s quarters.

The many soldiers who shared the same building were flustered at her sudden appearance.

Whispers and glances surrounded her.

But Vivian paid them no mind.

In the past, such pressure might have made her hide in fear, but a greater fear loomed over her now.

“Lady Vivian, what brings you here…?”

Yanes stroked his brown beard and asked, but Vivian approached Kailo’s room without sparing anyone a glance.

Knock, knock.

Vivian knocked on his door.

Her actions would likely shake the entire castle by morning.

This scandal wouldn’t be confined to Rondor Castle alone.

Anyone with an interest in Rondor would surely hear of her actions today.

Knock, knock.

When there was no response, she knocked again.

From inside, Martin’s irritated groan could be heard.

Thud, thud—someone approached the door, and it suddenly swung open.

“Ah, who in the middle of the night… Lady Vivian?”

Vivian looked inside the room.

Even Wallace and Kailo, sitting up in bed, were looking at her.

Taking a deep breath, she spoke.

Her eyes were already half-unfocused.

“Martin, Wallace, would you mind stepping out for a moment?”

“…Step out, you say…”

“I’ll even allow you to go out tonight.”

A blatant suggestion to spend the night at a brothel.

Seeing Vivian’s expression and the alcohol in her hands, Martin and Wallace quickly grasped the situation.

Still, they had watched Vivian grow up since childhood.

Seeing her climb the steps to adulthood so publicly came as a shock.

Especially since her partner was their friend Kailo, their reaction was even more delayed.

Vivian, noticing their hesitation, looked up at them.

Her gaze snapped them back to their senses, and they bowed their heads.

“Ah, understood.”

Martin and Wallace hastily gathered their belongings and left the room.

Now alone with Kailo, Vivian quietly stepped inside.

Her footsteps echoed in the silence of the quarters.

Before closing the door, she glanced back at the numerous stares directed at her.

Everyone seemed unable to believe that someone as beautiful as Vivian had approached Kailo first.

Their close relationship was already public knowledge, but no one had expected Vivian to make the first move.

She felt a faint sense of shame under their gazes.

But more than that, her desire for Kailo overshadowed it.

Ignoring the feeling, she closed the door.

***

Now, it was just the two of them in the room.

“…What are you doing?”

Watching Vivian quietly light the room’s candles, I asked.

She didn’t respond, her slow movements awakening the dim room with light.

Then she removed her light coat.

The clothes underneath seemed too uncomfortable to be nightwear, yet too revealing for everyday wear.

Seeing her rounded side exposed slightly, I swallowed without thinking, which she noticed with a faint smile.

“…Vivian, what are you doing?”

Sitting silently on the edge of my bed, she raised a bottle.

“Can’t you tell? Let’s drink.”

“You’ve never even had alcohol before. The war interrupted everything. But you know, I always make sure to share a drink with my soldiers when they come of age…”

It had been a long-standing tradition of ours.

One of the things Vivian did to win over the members of the punishment unit was this.

When someone became an adult, Vivian would pour them a drink.

Yanes had been the first to accept it.

“…You’ve never poured me a drink, have you? Especially considering the relationship between you and me… this doesn’t make sense.”

Vivian silently handed me a glass.

Her resolute eyes gazed intently at me.

I was bewildered by her sudden intrusion.

The fact that she came here despite the stares of our comrades, indifferent to all the misunderstandings and rumors she might face—it all left me utterly confused.

“…Leave, Vivian. Bad rumors will spread.”

“You take the glass instead.”

“If rumors spread—”

“We’ll part ways soon anyway.”

Vivian declared.

Her words struck my heart like a cold blade.

I had anticipated her talking about parting ways, but hearing those words actually come out of her mouth made my chest ache.

“…From now on, we won’t see each other anymore. Can’t even this much be allowed…?”

I lowered my gaze and asked quietly.

“Have you accepted it?”

She shook her head.

“…No. But I don’t think I can stop you.”

“…You were the one who told me to prepare for our parting. So take it. Considering our memories… can’t you at least do this much?”

Vivian’s voice wavered toward the end.

I could feel her struggling to swallow back her tears.

“…Before we part, let’s share one last drink. As our final memory.”

In the end, I accepted the glass she offered.

As the small glass settled in my hand, she opened the bottle.

A sharp aroma instantly filled the room.

Vivian brought the bottle’s opening to her pointed nose briefly, then chuckled awkwardly.

“…The scent is sweet.”

Suppressing my own urge to laugh lightly, I held out my glass.

Vivian poured into it.

The deep amber liquid filled the glass.

“It’s mead.”

She informed me.

“…Valon recommended it.”

I, like Vivian, smelled the drink.

The sharp fragrance pricked my nose more intensely than I had expected.

“…”

Vivian handed me the bottle.

I alternated between looking at the bottle and Vivian.

Taking a deep breath, I accepted the bottle and poured a glass for her.

“Fill it all the way.”

When I stopped halfway, her hand intervened.

I hesitated, worrying she might drink too much, but since this was to be our last memory, I decided to oblige.

Placing the nearly empty bottle down, I looked at Vivian.

We exchanged a long gaze.

In the past, this might have been the moment when physical contact between us would escalate into something more.

But not this time.

I gently lifted my glass, and Vivian nodded slightly, raising hers as well.

Together, we slowly tilted our glasses and drank.

The taste was harsh and foreign, enough to make me wince involuntarily, but she and I held each other’s gaze until the last drop was gone.

“…Pah…”

Vivian exhaled a sharp breath after downing her drink in one go.

The sweet scent of honey blended with the floral fragrance she always carried, creating a pleasant aroma.

Vivian carefully wiped her lips with her palm and the back of her hand, then immediately picked up the bottle again.

She refilled my glass just as before.

“…Isn’t it too strong?”

I asked, watching her.

She shook her head.

“Not at all. But it seems strong for you?”

Her remark stirred a faint competitive spirit in me.

I remembered how I used to do everything to avoid losing to her in the past.

Even when I was struggling, I pretended I wasn’t, and I mocked her for crying over trivial things.

Shrugging my shoulders, I accepted the glass.

In turn, I refilled hers.

Vivian once again raised her glass without hesitation.

The thought of this being our last moment together pushed me relentlessly.

To forget the ache in my chest, I downed my drink.

“Pah…”

Vivian exhaled sharply once more.

This time, however, she didn’t immediately raise her glass.

The courage gained from two drinks seemed to embolden her, and she spoke.

“Kailo, you know… If you disappear, I don’t think I’ll ever drink again.”

“…Is that so?”

“Yeah. If I do, I might forget this time I spent with you.”

“…Whenever I see alcohol in the future, I’ll think of you. So, to ensure no one erases this memory… I don’t think I’ll drink anymore either.”

The flickering candlelight seemed to change Vivian’s expression constantly.

A mix of sadness, grief, anger, frustration, and relief seemed to swirl within her.

She still wasn’t looking at me.

Even now, her words were a form of rebuke.

“…I’ll do the same.”

I promised Vivian.

In the cold northern lands, being able to drink strong liquor was considered a mark of manhood, but I made this promise to her.

Perhaps this, too, was a kind of curse.

Vivian finally looked up at me.

The words seemed to stir something in her chest as she bit her lip tightly.

Yet, she swallowed her emotions and poured another glass.

“…If today is the last day we drink, let’s drink so we’ll never forget, Kailo.”

And so, we drank again.

I had heard that drinking on an empty stomach made you drunk faster, and I was starting to understand that now.

Vivian and I continued to exchange simple conversations and clink glasses, putting all our effort into engraving this moment into our hearts.

One glass, two glasses, three glasses.

We shared all sorts of stories.

In the comfortable atmosphere, we reminisced about the past as well.

Whenever we did, it truly felt like we were concluding our connection.

Like compressing all our memories into one.

The continuous drinking from the small glasses of strong liquor made my face itch.

I felt my vision narrowing and heat rising in my body.

Vivian’s cheeks were gradually turning red.

Her pink-tinted face looked unbearably adorable.

At moments like that, I turned my gaze and blinked to regain my composure, suppressing my feelings by focusing on emptying the glass in my hand.

“…Now that I say it, thank you for everything, Kailo.”

Vivian’s every word was a farewell.

The memories of our time together kept flooding back, making my head spin.

“For everything you’ve done for me… I’ll never forget it until the day I die.”

Shrugging off the intoxication, I replied,

“…It’s okay to forget. There’s a lot I did for you, but as I said, we fought a lot too, didn’t we?”

Vivian chuckled softly.

“We did fight a lot. Back then, I hated you so much… but it was all because of misunderstandings. At the time, those feelings were so vivid.”

I let out a small laugh as well.

Vivian’s gaze rested steadily on my lips, which carried a faint smile.

“It’s not your fault, you know. Like I said, if I were in your position, I’d have done the same. Understanding that is what let me endure your nonsense. Back then, you hated me a lot.”

Vivian took a deep breath.

“Kailo, did you know?”

“…?”

“Actually, I still hate you so much.”

Her tone was more serious than ever before.

Her expression was equally honest, without a hint of deceit.

The once-lighthearted atmosphere was slowly shifting.

“…I hate you so much… it drives me crazy.”

“What?”

“…I hate you more now than when I misunderstood your father.”

The glass in her hand began to tremble slightly.

The more she spoke, the more her suppressed anger seemed to surface.

They say alcohol lowers your patience.

If you’re holding back anger, it may become unbearable, too.

It seemed that was the case for Vivian as well.

I waited for her to continue.

“I hate… I hate that you’re trying to leave me… so much.”

Tears welled up in her eyes.

Since our wager, she had always held back tears in front of me.

But now, as she showed them, I was certain this emotion wasn’t a lie.

Still, the tears did not fall.

Like magic, they shimmered, barely held back, but refused to flow.

“I’m begging you this much… pleading this much… yet you still turn away so coldly. I despise that about you.”

Seeing me at a loss for words, Vivian smiled bitterly.

Her smile, paired with her tear-filled eyes, felt even more painful.

“I know too, Kailo. Letting you go is the right thing to do. My retainers say the same. That I should let you go. Everyone feels the same, everyone thinks the same… and I know I’m being stubborn about it.”

Vivian reached for her glass to refill it again.

I stopped her hand.

-Clink!

At that moment, her hand gripped my wrist.

The glass she had been holding fell to the floor as she let go to grab my arm.

-Shatter!

Thud… thud…

She continued speaking.

“I know it all. All I have to do is let go of you. Then everything will… turn out fine. My end would be clean, too. I’d live praised without lacking, supporting my family. Maybe you’d be the final obstacle.”

Her voice faltered as if she were convincing herself.

Still, her tone grew more precarious with every word.

“…Vivian.”

“But… but you know… I…”

Her voice cracked as she began to sob, closing her eyes tightly.

“…I can’t let you go.”

The strength left my arm as I tried to resist her.

I couldn’t push her away.

Whether it was the alcohol or the sincerity in her words, I couldn’t tell.

“I… I’m only happy when I’m with you. You’ve long become the standard for my emotions. In the past, I could be happy without you… but now…”

Her voice trailed off, trembling.

“…If you’re angry, I get upset. If you’re sad, I feel hollow. And when you smile… it feels like I’m flying in the sky.”

Her hand, which had been gripping my wrist, slowly moved to clasp my hand.

Interlocking our fingers, she refused to let go.

With her free hand, she adjusted her clothes.

Gently pulling on a hidden string, her garments slipped down.

Her subtle scent wafted over me.

At the same time, I felt strength returning to my hand.

Vivian caught the falling fabric with her other arm.

Even if she were entirely exposed, it wouldn’t have looked more enticing than this.

Her slender neck, slightly sunken collarbone, soft upper chest, and delicate waist—all slightly revealed—shook me.

“I hate you, Kailo.”

Vivian said.

“But just as much… no, even more, I…”

She didn’t finish her sentence.

Instead, she shifted the topic, whispering.

“…Kailo, you said it with your own mouth.”

Her arm slowly descended.

Her clothes slipped further.

The Vivian I had known since childhood was now standing before me, gradually exposed.

“…that you love me.”

As her intoxicating words clouded my already hazy mind, she spoke again.

“…Show me with your actions.”