Chapter 11: Watch Me – 3
by fnovelpia
Several months had passed.
I was about to turn fifteen.
There had been some changes during that time.
Vivian had been roaming outside frequently ever since the day we argued.
The servants saw this change in her as a positive development.
Since she used to stay holed up in her room, this was a dramatic transformation.
She no longer cried as often, attended her lessons with enthusiasm, and even went out for walks.
No one knew why she had changed.
Some said she had started managing the castle, others claimed it was due to her education, and some thought that her troubled heart had finally healed after losing the Duchess.
But… I knew the truth.
Vivian was wandering around the castle to see me.
At first, I wasn’t sure, but as time passed, it became clear.
At least every two days, she would seek me out.
After finding me, she would observe me with sharp eyes, assessing my situation… and only after witnessing my struggles to her satisfaction would she leave.
It seemed she was curious about the circumstances I was in.
Her attitude suggested she was determined to find out where the confidence in my harsh words toward her had come from.
What kind of training I was enduring.
What my standing was in the punishment unit.
What I ate.
Where I slept.
How smelly my clothes were.
What my daily routine was.
How people treated me.
From time to time, she would approach and subtly gather information about me over the past few months.
Honestly, it was shameful.
I, once the eldest son of a great family in the North, was now living a life worse than a street beggar, and showing that to her was secretly humiliating.
Whenever I was caught wolfing down dog food-like meals because I was hungry, scrubbing floors, doing menial chores like a maid, or running around like a servant, I could barely lift my head.
Especially in front of Vivian.
Maybe it was because of our complicated relationship.
There were many days when I didn’t want her to see me in such a pitiful state.
I even wished she could feel the same embarrassment I felt.
But it wasn’t all just humiliation that I experienced.
At some point, I started to look forward to her visits.
It was a strange feeling.
I didn’t want her to see me like this, yet I found myself waiting for her.
I thought about why, and it seemed like, in part, it was because her visits eased my loneliness.
Just knowing that someone was watching over my difficult life gave me an inexplicable strength.
Originally, I would have had to endure all this alone.
No one cared, and I suffered through it by myself.
But now, someone in a similar situation to mine, Vivian, had started to witness my struggles.
She became a witness to what I was going through, to how hard I was working to survive.
It was a small comfort in my hard life.
A shameful but undeniable truth.
Squeak, squeak, squeak.
I was sitting by the water today, washing clothes again.
Then, hearing a commotion behind me, I perked up my ears.
I could hear the footsteps of a few soldiers walking briskly toward me from a distance.
Pretending not to notice, I continued with my laundry.
I turned my head slightly, and Vivian’s red hair caught my eye.
She was looking around with a stern expression.
It was obvious that she was looking for me.
As she continued her search, Vivian finally found me.
She stood watching me, sitting by the water, doing laundry.
Although several months had passed, we hadn’t had a proper conversation since that day.
We had just been watching each other from a distance, day after day.
There were no words exchanged, but there was a lot of information shared.
We were very much aware of each other.
Vivian stood frozen when she spotted me.
I wiped the water from my face with my arm and stared back at her.
…What kind of trouble is she going to cause today?
Vivian never just left after finding me.
No matter what I was doing, she always found a way to annoy me before she left.
Recently, I started thinking that she was using me to vent her inner frustrations.
During my last sword training, she ordered me to face two opponents at once.
The other day, when she came to inspect the punishment unit, she bumped into my shoulder as I was getting my meal, making me spill my food.
That day, I had to go hungry all day.
A couple of days ago, out of nowhere, I got into a dispute with a sentry, and I saw red hair fluttering behind a pillar nearby.
Only then did I notice the sentry’s uncomfortable expression.
And today, once again, Vivian whispered something to her escort.
The soldier glanced between me and Vivian, sighed, and then approached me.
“Doing laundry?”
“…Yes.”
He took a deep breath and looked at the basket of clean clothes.
Splash!
With a single kick, the basket was sent flying into the river, and the clothes began to float away.
“…Damn it.”
If I lost all those clothes, I’d definitely miss today’s meal.
And it was inevitable that I’d be beaten by the other boy soldiers.
Vivian shrugged as she watched me glare up at her.
“…You looked a bit too comfortable.”
Instead of arguing with her, I quickly jumped into the river to retrieve the clothes one by one.
It wasn’t just that I was soaked—now I’d have to rewash the clothes to some extent.
Vivian really knew how to get under my skin.
Thud!
After some time, I threw the dripping clothes onto a rock.
Catching my breath, I looked up at Vivian.
She was calmly watching me, like a dog scrambling to pick up its clothes.
Of course, I had told her she could torment me as much as she wanted.
But seeing her so smug made me a little irritated.
My father always said, if you’re hit, you should hit back.
“Is this fun? Is this the best you can do?”
I finally opened my mouth to say something to her.
“Pfft.”
Vivian let out a soft laugh as she looked at me in this state.
Her lips curved up cutely on one side, and I stood there dumbfounded, forgetting what I was going to say.
It was the first time I’d seen her make that expression.
Despite knowing her for months, I had never seen her laugh.
Usually, I only saw her crying, angry, or blank expressions.
Maybe that’s why her smile left such a deep impression on me.
It wasn’t even a genuine smile.
It was a sneer, a smile full of contempt.
And yet, that sneer left me frozen.
Vivian watched me like a wet dog for a moment, then turned and walked away, seemingly satisfied.
It wasn’t until she was gone that my body started moving again.
“…Hah.”
I sighed, remembering how stupid I must have looked, speechless like a fool.
…Lately, though, I’ve been feeling a little resentful.
I’m the only one being watched.
I’m the only one she keeps saying is living comfortably.
Whether that’s true or not, only she knows, as she watches me.
It feels like she’s the one holding the weapon, beating me up.
She doesn’t cry as much these days, nor does she act like she’s about to die.
As a result, my pity for her had diminished.
And as that pity faded, the desire for revenge grew.
I paused in thought.
It’s about time I made some changes.
…Come to think of it, is there anyone watching over her?
***
Vivian entered her room and swallowed the smile she had been holding back.
The expression on Kailo Alan’s face when the clothes he was washing floated down the river was still fresh in her mind.
Watching him foolishly jump into the river to gather the clothes one by one was so satisfying.
It felt good to get back at the Kailo Alan she had come to despise.
There was no lingering discomfort about tormenting him.
After all, Kailo Alan was the one who had said she could do it.
Torment him all she wanted, that he could handle it.
That’s why she smiled lightly now.
Also, lately, Kailo Alan had been living far too peacefully.
Several months ago, he had been beaten up so badly, but now he had fully recovered and looked fine.
Meanwhile, it was still Vivian who lived with constant bruises.
She continued to be punished harshly by Lady Linne for her stuttering.
So, Vivian tormented Kailo Alan because her life was definitely harder than his.
She didn’t want to see someone who seemed to have it easier come up to her, asking why she was complaining so much.
Knock, knock.
As she sat there, there was a knock at the door, and Lady Linne entered.
“Miss Vivian.”
“Oh, w-welcome.”
The smile that had spread across her face at the satisfaction of getting back at Kailo Alan quickly faded.
It didn’t take long for her expression to darken.
After all, who could smile knowing they were about to get endlessly beaten?
It wasn’t just about being right.
It was still uncomfortable knowing that someone was listening to and judging the way she spoke.
Exposing her weaknesses, which even she found pathetic, to others never became easy.
Her heart, once hardened by anger toward Kailo Alan, was softening these days.
Of course, thinking about what he said still made her angry, but with ongoing punishment and the passage of time, some of the sharp edges had worn down.
Perhaps that’s why even her lessons with Lady Linne had become burdensome lately.
No one recognized her struggles.
She had to endure and persevere alone.
The contempt from the servants, the pressure from the adults, and even her personal issues—she had to handle them all on her own.
Even though months had passed since her mother’s departure, no one she could rely on had appeared.
What would it have been like if someone had been there, like her late mother, to listen to her troubles and understand her hardships?
Just having someone to listen to her words would have brought her some peace of mind.
Just knowing that someone recognized her efforts would have given her strength.
…She was still lonely, and this loneliness was eating away at her day by day.
Lady Linne’s voice interrupted Vivian’s thoughts.
“Well then, let’s begin the lesson—”
- Bang!
But at that moment, the door swung open without a knock.
“Ah, I told you not to…! You can’t just act however you want like this…!”
“I’m Vivian Rondor’s bodyguard. Why shouldn’t I be by her side? Are you going to take responsibility if something happens to her?”
And then, Kailo Alan burst in.
The soldier, who had been trying to stop Kailo, looked nervously at Lady Linne and Vivian through the open door.
In contrast, Kylo, oblivious to the tension, confidently strode into the room.
Lady Linne frowned at Kailo, who seemed to throw all manners to the wind.
“…Kailo Alan. I heard that people from the North are barbaric, and now I see why. Do you have any idea how rude it is to enter a lady’s room without permission—”
“Shut up. I’m not here for you.”
Lady Linne was left speechless, her face blank with shock.
Had the situation not been so absurd, Vivian would surely have chuckled at Lady Linne’s stunned expression.
Kailo Alan plopped down in a chair in the corner of the room.
Vivian had no idea why he was here.
Just like that night, he kept causing one outrageous thing after another.
Even after entering the room, he did nothing.
He seemed completely unaffected by the people staring at him.
Eventually, Vivian was the first to speak.
“…Wh-What are you doing here?”
“Guarding.”
His sudden mention of being her guard made her curious about his true intentions.
It surely wasn’t because of his duty, and there had to be some ulterior motive…
Vivian noticed Kailo’s soaked pants.
Was it because of what happened earlier?
Was that why he came?
As Vivian stiffened, unable to relax her expression, Kailo sighed and stood up.
In just a few months, Kailo had grown taller.
They used to be about the same height, but now Kailo was a couple of inches taller than her.
As Kailo approached and whispered to her, it was a sound that Lady Linne couldn’t hear.
“…I’ve been thinking, and it feels a little unfair.”
“…?”
“You’ve been watching me lately, so you know how much I’ve been struggling… but I don’t know exactly how much you’ve been struggling, right?”
Vivian could only stare at him, unable to respond.
“So, I figured I’d watch you for a bit. You said my life looks comfortable, so I got curious about just how uncomfortable yours is.”
“W-Who said you could watch me?”
“I’m your bodyguard. It was your mother’s dying wish. So, I’ll do as I please.”
The dynamic had completely flipped.
Until just a moment ago, or even a few days ago, it had been her who toyed with Kailo Alan.
Now, it was her who felt nervous.
There were too many things she didn’t want him to discover.
She didn’t want him to see her stuttering under Lady Linne’s scolding, nor did she want him to witness her getting punished.
The thought of Kailo Alan judging her way of speaking and mocking her made her even more uncomfortable.
So, she spoke in a defiant tone.
“G-Guarding can be done outside—”
“—You.”
But Kailo cut her off, his words as sharp as a blade.
“…Didn’t you say that living was harder than dying? Was that a lie?”
“Let me see for myself. That way, it’ll be fair.”
Vivian was dumbfounded.
In the end, this was just an excuse.
He was clearly holding a grudge because she had teased him a little recently.
He was simply looking for a chance to mock her, spouting nonsense like that.
Vivian fought back.
“F-Fair? I don’t care about fairness. I can do what I want, but you can’t. I’ll call the soldiers and have you dragged out of here if you don’t—”
“Ah, but.”
In the middle of her threat to call the soldiers, Kailo interrupted again.
“Well, if you really don’t want me to see, I’ll leave on my own. I get it, it’d be embarrassing.”
Though he said he’d leave quietly, his mouth kept running.
It would be embarrassing to show me that you’ve been actually living, wouldn’t it?
I guess you’re too proud to admit you were exaggerating, right?
“Pretending it’s so hard, when it really isn’t.”
“P-Pretending?”
At those words, anger surged within Vivian once more.
If he really knew what she was going through, he would never say something like that.
“Yeah, pretending. Isn’t that why you don’t want to show me? Fine, I’ll leave on my own.”
“Fine, stay.”
Without realizing it, Vivian quickly gave in to Kailo’s words.
Kailo smirked wickedly, but Vivian didn’t care.
Kailo Alan wouldn’t understand.
His life may have looked tough, but Vivian still believed hers was harder.
A little teasing wasn’t enough to make things fall apart.
So, whether it was a provocation or not, she decided to let him watch.
After all, she had told him that night she would show him her life.
She would show him how hard it was to survive.
She would make him understand what it meant for living to be harder than dying.
From now on, Kailo would know her life, and whenever that happened, she’d share her suffering with him.
If Lady Linne hit her, she’d make sure Kailo got the same punishment.
If the maids gossiped behind her back, Kailo would also face something equally difficult.
That way, he would understand her life.
At first, his suggestion had seemed ridiculous, but the more she thought about it, the more it felt like an opportunity.
“Fine, go ahead. You watch and judge for yourself. Was I pretending… or was I going easy on you?”
Vivian spoke again, this time directly to Kailo.
At her words, Kailo sat back down in the chair from earlier.
Vivian turned to Lady Linne and said,
“Please ignore Kailo Alan.”
“Let’s just go on with the lesson like he’s not here.”
- Smack!!
But it didn’t take long for Vivian to regret her decision.
She had to grit her teeth and suppress the growing frustration.
Because every time she got hit, Kailo Alan was behind her, laughing quietly, mocking her.
…To think he came all the way here to do this just because she laughed at him once earlier.
Indeed, he was every bit as petty as the rest of the Alan family.
0 Comments