Paradise Lost (1)

My parents ran a small company together.

At that time, I didn’t know exactly what they did, but now I do.

It seems they were involved in developing connection devices in the virtual reality field, and were also involved in several government research projects.

It wasn’t a company that made enough profit to have many employees.

So when I was young, my parents were always busy.

Both of them suffering from overtime was an everyday occurrence.

There were often times when they were so busy they had to sleep at the company.

It’s not a story of not receiving love, or that I, their child, was secondary to work.

It wasn’t that kind of story.

My parents were never negligent towards me.

They came to see my face continuously even in the midst of their busy schedule.

Just 30 minutes. They took turns making time and reducing sleep to have one meal together with me.

Knowing that was my parents’ love – in fact, I grew up quite precociously.

“Son. Your grades have dropped a lot this time.”

“I’m sorry. It’s not that I didn’t prepare at all. It was just a bit difficult.”

“Does studying not suit you?”

“Yes, a little.”

However, I wasn’t that diligent a son either.

Both of my parents were elites who graduated from prestigious universities.

But my school grades never exceeded the middle rank, even if you were generous.

It’s not that I didn’t study at all, though.

So when my parents mentioned “grades,” something they rarely spoke about.

I thought the inevitable had come.

In fact, it was surprising that they hadn’t touched on it until then.

“I’m not trying to nag. Mom doesn’t want to act like those other mothers in the parents’ association.”

“Hmm…”

“Those women act like they know the future clearly, but they can’t see their child’s face dying right in front of them. I don’t want to be such an incompetent parent.”

My parents loved me.

I certainly think so.

Enough to be sure even with the short time.

My parents loved me terribly.

That’s why they could say without hesitation even moments before death.

Even after quite a long time has passed, that voice was clear enough to appear in dreams.

– I love you, my son.

What comes out when a person is in pain is definitely a scream.

When afraid, breathing naturally becomes rough, and when anxious, the body shrinks.

Human death is accompanied by pain, fear, and anxiety.

Nevertheless, Mom wrapped my body without any hesitation just before dying.

She looked at me with the warmest and most pitiful expression in the world.

No other emotion would have been felt in that gaze.

Surely, Mom’s head must have been filled with thoughts of me, not herself.

I was never a child who grew up without receiving love.

“…I’ll try to work harder on my grades.”

“No. Rather than that, let’s find something you might like first. Have you ever thought about trying sports?”

“Sports? Like, taekwondo or baseball?”

“Yeah. You know, a lot of kids your age do those.”

“I’m not really interested yet. Well, I don’t dislike it either, so I’ll give it a try, I guess.”

Our family circumstances were also on the good side.

If there was something I wanted to try, we could afford to try it lightly.

Even if I grew up to be a very incompetent adult – there was no need to be impatient.

But yeah. Honestly, it wasn’t enough.

Because I, as a child, wanted a lot.

I wanted to spend longer times without being lonely.

When I came back after school, I wished the house wasn’t empty.

I preferred home-cooked meals over the delivery food my friends liked so much.

Although my parents certainly took care of me with utmost love, for greedy me, the absolute amount was lacking.

Still… I couldn’t complain.

I knew better than anyone else how hard my parents were working.

I didn’t want to trouble them with childish whining.

“So, you know, your dad’s younger acquaintance is a kendo instructor? How about going for about a month, like an experience?”

“Kendo? Okay. When should I start?”

“Well, since we’re talking about it, why don’t you go right away tomorrow?”

“I just need to go with my body, right?”

“That’s right. I’ll tell him to prepare in advance.”

It’s not like I had anything else to do anyway.

Studying isn’t fun, and it’s not like I have a hobby I’m obsessed with.

It wouldn’t be so bad to try something in my spare time.

* * *

The shinai moves at the edge of my vision.

The approaching sword tip wavering oddly – it looked a bit unstable.

It means they left room to apply force in another direction.

I deflected the opponent’s blade outward while firmly receiving the first attack.

Success.

As the sword that couldn’t contain enough power was pushed away, an opening was revealed.

My shinai swept through the unguarded body.

Tak!

A pleasant sound rang out.

“How’s our child doing? Is he doing well?”

“…He’s talented. Incredibly so. Have you ever thought about seriously making him an athlete?”

“Oh, Mr. Seokwon, you’re praising him too much. We don’t just believe that readily~”

“No. Really. This is my first time seeing a case like this.”

“Oh my, oh my. Is our child that good? Well, he doesn’t want to do it much, but when he does, he’s so good at it…”

Mom, stop it.

It’s embarrassing for me to hear, so stop.

I can hear everything up to here.

Anyway, kendo, which I tried for the first time, was more fun than I thought.

People tend to enjoy what they’re good at.

I quickly improved and became interested.

Soon I faced my first failure in life, but looking back, that was a good experience too.

For various reasons, I came to like kendo.

I worked really hard, to the point of bleeding.

Defeating seniors who were said to be good, and becoming a troublesome opponent even for active players.

Finally, I improved my skills to the point where only about one person was left to practice with me.

Winning felt good.

I guess I had an exceptional competitive spirit from a young age too.

And… also.

“Son! We’re here!”

“Huh? I thought you were busy.”

“Our son is participating in a competition, of course we had to make time somehow. The match hasn’t started yet, right?”

“No. It’ll be my turn soon.”

“That’s good. We’ll be cheering for you. Do well, son!”

It was childish.

Our parents are busy.

They come to see me even in the midst of their incredibly busy schedule.

Complaining about it would only trouble both sides.

I knew that fact well from a young age.

But deep down, I wished for more time together as a family.

Back then, I craved others as much as I do now, despite being much younger.

For me, competitions were… a good excuse.

Whenever I had an important match, my parents would somehow.

Really, somehow make time and clear a day for me.

“You said you were busy. Did you push yourselves too hard?”

“What do you mean push ourselves. We heard everything from Seokwon. He said today is an important match for you. Then we have to come no matter what.”

“I can do well even if I come alone.”

“This kid. Do you know how much we’ve been looking forward to today? But our son really did well. Can you see all that? Mom couldn’t see anything because it was too fast.”

“Just… if you focus, you can see it all.”

Until I passed puberty and my body and mind gradually matured.

My parents never made a single exception.

A light breakfast with salmon on the morning of a competition.

When the match ends in the afternoon, the whole family always spends time together.

I sometimes found these parents annoying, and sometimes embarrassing, but I never disliked it.

“If you’re too busy, you really don’t have to come. It’s not like I’m a little kid.”

Actually, that’s a lie.

I was so grateful and happy that you came.

I was really looking forward to it too… I just couldn’t say it because I was clumsy.

I wish I had said it at least once while you were alive.

“Don’t say that. We’ve never pushed ourselves to the point where you need to worry.”

“Family should be together in moments like this. Whether you’re happy from winning or sad from losing. We can’t let those emotions be consumed by loneliness.”

I don’t remember exactly which competition it was.

My mom said something like that while stroking my neck as I grumbled in embarrassment.

I’m not sure why it was the neck.

However, I only remember that the touch that caressed my left neck was very warm.

So, it was the neck.

[Training Mode – Free Practice]

[Battlefield: Cradle of Delusion]

[Participant: Gawol (Swordsman)]

“I feel bad…”

An unpleasant, sticky feeling rises throughout my body, and my neck is unbearably itchy.

Since no one was watching, I frantically scratched my left neck with my nails.

It hurt, but it was warm as blood flowed out.

The reason I picked up the sword certainly included my parents.

My parents who loved me. The desire to whine a little more, to act more spoiled.

The sword contained all of my childhood, family, and happiness.

Now. All the emotions I had put into the sword have turned black.

That’s why I still couldn’t pick up the sword.

I turned off the game before the blade could touch a dangerous place.

[Infinity Black has been terminated.]

[Thank you for using, Gawol.]