Chapter 105: I am afraid of you – 3

Even after Robert’s head was severed, rumors spread noisily throughout the castle as if they had mouths of their own.

The true entity that had taken the lives of the duke and his son was someone else.

This was admitted by the person in question, and the Spymaster confirmed it.

Jade Alan only had a small part to play; he was not directly involved in their deaths.

Similarly, Kailo Alan had been falsely accused and forced to remain in this land all this time.

Those who knew Kailo were left speechless with shock.

Everyone living in Ronder Castle was aware of how hard his upbringing had been.

His exceptional skills and resilient personality were not innate but the result of grueling effort, sweat, and blood.

However, because of the negative perception surrounding him, people had ignored these facts.

Now that the truth of his innocence was known, Kailo was transforming from a monster into a victim.

His body bore testimony to the harshness of his life.

His broad shoulders, slightly hunched, revealed burn scars extending from his neck.

Cuts from blades were etched across his body, and even one of his ears was half gone—marks far too severe for a 20-year-old to carry.

Vivian, who had witnessed these scars up close, was at a loss for words.

She was especially tormented by the knowledge that she bore the greatest responsibility for his pain.

Two days had passed since Kailo had learned the truth, yet she had not exchanged a single word with him.

***

Kailo was by the river again today.

He sat leaning against a nearby tree, staring at the flowing water.

Sometimes he tossed pebbles, sometimes he closed his eyes and got lost in thought, and at other times, he let out an empty laugh.

Vivian observed all these moments from a distance.

Every time he seemed to regret the time he had spent so far, Vivian’s heart felt like it was being torn apart.

When he burst into laughter, it became her nightmare.

That sound, more like a scream, echoed in her ears every night.

She had never seen Kailo struggle so desperately in his life.

Of course, it was natural.

How would it feel to realize that you had been dragged to this land for no reason?

To realize that all the sacrifices and suffering had been for nothing?

Kailo, by nature, wasn’t someone who would lament, but Vivian could tell that chaotic questions were shaking his heart, even if he didn’t voice them.

Seeing Kailo falter, Vivian wanted to support him.

Just as he had always been her strength, she wanted to be his now.

She knew she had once hated him with a vengeance, and even though there was no longer any reason for that hatred, the memory of those feelings remained vivid.

Those lingering traces were like scars, affecting their relationship even now.

It was still difficult for her to be honest about her feelings.

What if she caused too much change and he grew weary of her?

The fragile thread connecting them could snap at any moment, and the fear of that drove her nearly mad.

So, even though she wanted to support him, she couldn’t approach him.

Especially when she thought about how he might perceive her actions.

But she steeled herself.

It had already been two days.

She couldn’t go on avoiding a conversation with him.

Somehow, she needed to address this issue and move forward.

Everything was over now, wasn’t it?

Only happiness should remain.

So…

“Ka… Kailo.”

Vivian called out to him in the brightest voice she could muster as she approached him.

“Ah, you haven’t eaten breakfast, have you? I, I’ve prepared some food, so let’s…”

“Just a moment.”

But as soon as she stepped closer, Kailo spoke without even looking at her.

His tone felt as cold as if her heart had frozen, though she knew deep down that couldn’t be true.

Vivian refused to believe their bond was fragile enough to break under the weight of her guilt.

She wanted to believe that Kailo’s heart was still with her.

Without that belief, she wouldn’t be able to stay sane.

She thought it might even be easier if he was angry or irritated with her.

But Kailo didn’t do that.

Instead, he was probably rationalizing in his mind that it was all Robert’s fault, suppressing the anger that should have been directed at her.

“…Just give me some time, Vivian.”

Kailo murmured.

Vivian suppressed her tears, swallowing down the words she wanted to say with great effort.

Please, look at me when you speak.

Only by seeing those dark eyes could she feel at ease.

Only when he looked at her with the warmth he always had could she endure.

But she held it in, knowing Kailo must be far closer to his limit than she was.

“…Alright, Kailo.”

She replied, nodding as she stepped back.

She created distance to let him have the time he needed.

***

“Ah!”

Vivian woke up in the dead of night, drenched in cold sweat.

Groping her surroundings, she exhaled slowly.

“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…”

Kailo’s laughter echoed faintly in her mind, fading like a mirage.

Though the nightmare was already fading from memory, the horrifying dream left her heart pounding.

“Is… is anyone there?”

Vivian called out urgently.

The loneliness of feeling utterly alone weighed heavily on her.

“It’s Yanes. I’m outside.”

Came the response.

“And… Kailo?”

Vivian suddenly asked an unexpected question.

Yanes, who had been silent, finally responded belatedly.

“He must be staying at the lodging!”

Vivian hastily pulled out a necklace with trembling hands and infused it with her energy.

As she listened closely, the calm sound of steady breathing came through.

“Haah…”

Only after hearing that sound could Vivian feel at ease.

For a while, she had to focus all her energy on calming her trembling heart.

Why was she so afraid?

She had to trust Kailo.

No matter the challenges, Kailo had always stood by her.

The hardships he had endured for her could form a mountain.

He had overcome them all, and surely, only happiness remained for them now.

Hadn’t they even talked about having children together?

Kailo wasn’t someone who would leave her.

Of course not.

She and he were inseparable, whether they liked it or not.

They had already become so intertwined.

All she needed to do was give him time.

Then, he would come back to her.

Hadn’t he asked for time?

She just needed to trust and give him that time.

Then, he would sort out his thoughts and smile at her again.

That’s what she had to believe.

Vivian summoned her maids to change out of her sweat-soaked clothes and lay back down on her bed.

She closed her eyes, but sleep didn’t come easily.

It’s all over.

It’s all over now.

No matter how many times she repeated those words in her mind, she couldn’t fully accept the thought.

It was all over now.

There were no more difficulties left.

Vivian’s enemies were all buried in the ground, and only happiness awaited her now.

That’s what she tried to convince herself.

But it felt as if her troubles were only just beginning.

***

The madness-inducing anger and overwhelming despair I had fought against faded quickly.

And I thought: …it’s not Vivian’s fault.

She didn’t know.

It was Robert’s doing, Robert’s fault.

Both she and I were victims.

It wasn’t intentional.

It was my choice.

No one forced me to protect Vivian.

It wasn’t just guilt or a sense of sin that motivated me.

Those were just outward excuses; I had far more complicated feelings for her.

And as I realized this about myself, a profound fear washed over me.

…Why, even now, am I defending Vivian?

This twisted reaction left me with nothing but a bitter laugh.

Now it had been four days since I sat by the riverbank, sorting out my thoughts.

Yet I still couldn’t bring myself to hate Vivian, and that was becoming unbearable.

No matter what anyone says, the results are the results.

It was Vivian who sent me to the punishment unit.

It was for her that I was injured.

I couldn’t return home because of her.

I couldn’t visit my mother’s grave, and I couldn’t be by my father’s sickbed—all because of her.

These facts wouldn’t change.

So, do I really need to understand her?

She couldn’t understand me.

Then why am I trying?

Why, even now?

I wasn’t like this before.

But with Vivian, I always seemed to make exceptions.

Why?

I didn’t know.

No, I had a guess, but I was avoiding it.

“…Haah.”

My breath came out in clouds in the bitter cold.

The weather felt as if it was calling me home.

Was this a sign too?

Perhaps it was my mother speaking to me.

I didn’t turn my head to the side.

Because Vivian was standing right there.

But it was time to talk.

She had been waiting for a long time.

“…It’s been hard, hasn’t it?”

I opened the conversation.