Chapter 1033: The Divine Tree and the Master.

My fingertips, frozen just like that. I felt them stop, unable to dare pierce my neck, and broke out in a cold sweat.

They don’t move. Did I hesitate, perhaps? No. I thought it wasn’t.

I had genuinely wanted to die right now.

I had even considered piercing straight through in one go, dying instantly.

‘This…’

My hands had frozen solid. My hands, hardened like stone, seemed determined not to move any further.

Or perhaps they were held back, stopped by someone, as they refused to budge.

Feeling that, my pupils trembled as if struck by an earthquake.

I cannot die.

My mother’s words became a tangible reality. I wasn’t permitted to die by my own hand.

I realized it now.

In a way, it’s strange. How many times had my mind collapsed from rolling and tumbling so much?

I had lived, howling into the distance and screaming desperately.

If you were to judge my life, you could say I made it myself, but even so.

‘If I had wanted to, I could have died.’

Death is something both distant and near.

How many people had I killed with my own hands?

It wasn’t a far-off thing for me to become like them.

Living like that, had I ever feared death even once?

‘Never.’

It was strangely colorless regarding my own death.

Not fearing it, nor being indifferent.

That wasn’t the perspective.

‘I was indifferent.’

I was distant from the very word ‘death’.

It’s correct to say I didn’t think about it. Because I had never once wished to die.

Why was that?

How could that have been possible?

Because my mental strength was strong? That’s laughable. I prided myself on never being like that.

I had collapsed for a long time.

And how many times had I fallen?

Thinking I didn’t want to get up anymore happened thousands, tens of thousands of times.

I simply got up, led by someone’s hand.

Or it was a life where I got up not for myself, but for someone else.

Paejon-nim was like that.

‘Disciple. You handle your body too carelessly. As if your pain or death means nothing to you.’

Back then, I just heard it as a warning not to use my body recklessly.

In reality, Paejon-nim’s intended meaning probably wasn’t different, but…

‘…If it becomes like this.’

It starts to sound strange.

‘It’s like the actions I took were because I couldn’t think of death.’

Because I was distant from death.

Or because I couldn’t think of it.

Actions I took because I didn’t consider my own death.

Things I unleashed thinking they didn’t matter. In reality, were they things I could only commit because there was another reason?

‘…I feel like I’m going to vomit.’

My stomach churns.

I wanted to cover my mouth with my hands immediately.

Was it Turtle-nim who said that? Or was it Shin Noyasim who said it?

That I was trapped by the karma the world had set for me.

That because a destined fate existed, even if it was my will, perhaps it wasn’t truly my will.

Those words dug into my core, traveling through my skin.

As my perception sharpened, even that sent shivers down my spine.

‘I…’

What am I, really?

“Son.”

“…!”

My eyes widened at Mother’s call. I forced myself to regain my ragged breath.

“Hoo… hoo…”

Steam escaped my mouth. My energy moved on its own, filling my insides with heat.

“Son…”

“…I’m alright.”

I wasn’t alright. But I had to endure it.

“…So, are things like this also included in the reason you came to consume the God Fruit?”

This damn fate given by the world.

Was it a necessary act to escape it?

To that question, Mother said.

“Yes. It was necessary.”

“Why?”

“I can’t tell you yet.”

“…Ha, after coming all this way?”

“…I’m sorry…”

“…When exactly can I hear it?”

If I can’t hear it even after coming to Mareongsan.

When will I ever get to hear this?

Bringing this up in such a damned situation.

“Later… I can tell you later.”

Mother spoke to me as if pleading earnestly. Later?

‘…There was one more Divine Tree left.’

Excluding the one at Hwasan Sect, one more.

There was indeed another Divine Tree belonging to a lesser-known general.

You mean I can only find out the situation after going all the way there?

Then.

“What can I know now…?”

What is there to learn by seeking out Mareongsan?

Is there anything I can learn after coming this far?

As I asked with doubt in my voice.

Mother said.

“About what you asked earlier. You asked about that child, didn’t you?”

“…!”

At Mother’s words, I swallowed dryly.

The Divine Sword (神劍).

Another general, called Mother’s daughter, who appeared here and there.

She was known by the name Yarang. But I had been thinking differently about her.

‘She’s the Divine Sword.’

Setting aside her appearance.

That was the feeling. All my instincts and senses told me she was the Divine Sword.

I was curious why she was operating here in that form under Mother.

And now Mother was starting to mention it.

As I waited for her words, swallowing dryly.

“Your thoughts are correct, son.”

“…!”

Mother gave the answer I had been waiting and longing for.

Kkwaak-!

Hearing the answer, I clenched my fist.

I had expected it, but hearing the confirmation from Mother’s lips was another matter entirely.

“How… how…”

The words wouldn’t come out properly.

How is she here? That’s what I wanted to ask, but the words kept crumbling out.

Fortunately, Mother seemed to understand and spoke to me in a slightly lowered voice.

“…She’s a pitiful child, isn’t she.”

“…”

“It could have been overlooked. And considering the memories she possesses. Since I know you cherished her, I just stuck my nose in a little.”

“…How, I mean?”

Meddling is meddling, but there are degrees. The very fact that the Divine Sword could be here was incomprehensible.

“Don’t you remember? I told you to embrace the child, didn’t I?”

“What… Huh?”

I couldn’t understand until it suddenly dawned on me.

Was it during the fight at Sinryong Hall?

When confronting Cheonma.

There was a time when the Divine Sword emerged from Wi Seol-ah’s body.

It was definitely the Divine Sword that blocked Cheonma in my stead, emitting the energy of Pama.

And afterward, there was a time when I absorbed the fading soul according to Mother’s words.

‘No way.’

Was it then?

The soul I absorbed following Mother’s words flowed into this place?

That.

‘She operated under the name Yarang?’

My heart pounds. It had been pounding ever since I heard that Yarang was indeed the Divine Sword.

‘The Divine Sword?’

Was she really the Divine Sword?

The eyes that looked at me as she removed her mask flashed in my mind, and my heart beat uncontrollably.

Then.

Swooosh.

Mother, in her spectral form, gazes somewhere.

Following her gaze, I turned around too.

There, beyond the lake, stood Cheonma, quietly watching us.

Perhaps sensing our gaze, Cheonma looked back at us.

Vacant eyes. Unlike her bright violet pupils, her eyes seemed unfocused.

Seeing eyes different from the last life, I thought how indeed present and past lives differ, just then.

“I know what expectations you might have, son.”

Mother, bringing her gaze back, continued speaking to me.

“Unfortunately, there’s nothing you’re expecting.”

“…Yes?”

“Even if that child is indeed the soul you held… she won’t remember you.”

“What does that…?”

“Oblivion is both a punishment and a blessing. There are things one can do precisely because they don’t remember. That was the same for me… and the same for that child… And you, son, will be no different.”

Mother’s gaze shifted to Cheonma behind us, then back to me.

“I don’t quite understand what you mean…”

“If memories disappear while the soul remains. Do you know what is left?”

“I don’t know.”

“Only emotions remain.”

Mother uttered this, slightly pushing herself up and approaching me.

“The emotions the soul once held. Only those remain. What do you think it feels like to have only emotions left, without memories?”

“…”

Having only emotions left without memories?

Well.

It was something I had never even considered.

“It’s empty and sorrowful. To yearn for and miss something unknown, that’s what it’s like. It’s closer to a curse, really. So, remember this well.”

Her hand touched my cheek.

“When I say oblivion is a punishment, that’s what it means. However, to make even those emotions disappear, forcing one side to endure alone… means they intend to bear countless karmas alone.”

“…What are you suddenly talking about?”

Why is this coming up so suddenly?

I thought it might be related to the Divine Sword losing her memory.

“This is just me meddling too. It’s a small bit of meddling I can do for the poor child. Perhaps, when you one day learn something you shouldn’t know, I hope you’ll recall this.”

Mother said that while stroking my hair.

It was, as expected, incomprehensible words.

Then.

“I’m sorry I still can’t tell you many things. However, the words ‘you must not know to achieve it’ are sincere.”

Hearing that again, I frowned.

You must not know to achieve it.

Mother had said she wished for my happiness.

Does this mean it’s related to that statement?

“Son. You said you were looking for the God Fruit, right?”

Mother then brought up the topic of the God Fruit.

“…Yes.”

“When you find all the Divine Trees. And reach the last one at the very end. You will be able to reach what you desire.”

One tree in Yae-wol.

One tree here.

And one tree in another place.

Does this mean obtaining those will allow me to obtain the God Fruit?

However.

‘If it means all the Divine Trees.’

Doesn’t that include the one at Hwasan Sect?

As such a thought crossed my mind.

“Amidst all this, if Mother has one request for you.”

Her white fingertips landed softly on my cheek again, like a gentle caress.

“Never. Absolutely never meet me.”

My eyes widened at the words that pierced me like a warning. It was similar to what Mother had said while blocking Hyulma.

“Not at least for now. So, see you later.”

“…Mother. Just a moment…!”

I still had more to say.

I needed to bring up Noyasim too.

Thinking of that, I tried to speak to Mother, but.

“…Ugh!!”

Suddenly, Mother’s body trembled violently as if struck by lightning.

Thump.

She collapsed onto the floor.

“Mother…?”

I rushed to the fallen Mother and supported her. Then, Mother’s body, which had gone still, moved slightly.

“Ah…”

With a low utterance, her head turned towards me.

“…Guest? Guest?”

Hearing those words, I had to frown.

It was a spectral form.