Chapter 103: Nothing Changes

A serene bathroom. The gentle sound of water rippling and colliding echoed softly.

“….”

The aroma of a scented candle wafted to my nose, soothing my mind. The warm caress of the water against my skin brought a languid sense of relief, melting away my tension.

“…Were you very embarrassed, Tina?”

A low, soothing voice reached me, making me shrink back. I bowed my head deeply, trying to hide my flushed face, nervously fidgeting with my fingers as I mumbled.

“Do you… even have to ask that?”

Viviana chuckled silently. Her presence loomed behind me, as if staring straight through me, making me lower my head even further.

Viviana gently lifted my wet hair and began combing it softly.

I was in the bathtub. To be precise, I was sitting on Viviana’s lap, firmly held in place by her arms.

The bathtub was deep and spacious—enough to fit two people with room to spare. Yet, no matter how large the space, my predicament remained unchanged.

“Even with such a large tub, do we really have to sit this close?”

I muttered in mild protest.

“Yes. I’d feel anxious if you weren’t right here.”

Anxious? Why?

…Could she be worried I’d harm myself?

But even so, wasn’t this a bit excessive? I wanted to turn and gauge Viviana’s expression, but I couldn’t summon the courage to lift my head.

As it was, I already wanted to die of shame, having wet myself in front of her just moments ago. Yet Viviana seemed nothing but delighted by the situation.

She even hummed a soft tune as she carefully combed through my damp hair.

I fidgeted with my fingers in silence, stewing in my own turmoil. After a long pause and much hesitation, I finally closed my eyes tightly and spoke in a trembling voice.

“Viviana… do you not find me repulsive?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… aren’t you disgusted by someone like me? An adult who can’t even hold her bladder properly?”

If I were Viviana, I’d have looked at me with contempt. Sharing the same space as such a disgraceful, beast-like person would have been unbearable.

“Never.”

But Viviana’s response was firm, cutting me off without hesitation.

“On the contrary, I only find you more endearing.”

“You’re lying… You must secretly—”

“I’m not lying, Tina.”

She interrupted me again, her voice tender as she whispered,

“I love you.”

I froze, staring at her in disbelief. Viviana looked down at me, her gaze unwavering.

There was no hatred or scorn in her eyes. Only deep affection and tenderness.

I couldn’t believe it.

Surely, she was trying to shake me, to exploit this moment of vulnerability for her own gain.

There was no way those words could be genuine.

Given everything I’d done, it was impossible for her to love me sincerely. No, she shouldn’t love me.

I had used Viviana.

From the very beginning, I had. I’d suppressed Mardian using her strength and climbed higher in society by leveraging her presence.

I had manipulated her guilt to push her onto the battlefield, never once sparing a thought for her as she risked her life to protect the Empire. In fact, it would be more accurate to say I had forgotten her entirely.

Would I have felt any remorse if she had died on the battlefield? Probably not.

Because, to me, the only thing that had ever mattered was myself.

The world was a place where, if you didn’t exploit others, you’d only end up being exploited. Giving your heart to someone who wasn’t family was a foolish act.

I didn’t want to be someone’s fool. So, I treated others as fools instead.

I didn’t want to be abandoned. So, I resolved to never rely on anyone in the first place.

To think only of oneself and act solely for one’s own benefit—that was the method of avoiding pain that I had learned from a friend.

While being possessed, I always lived solely for my own benefit and feelings. Because of those choices, I drove Viviana, Lilian, Artasha, and Mardian—all of them—into despair.

Yet they still say they care about me. They claim they will stay by the side of someone as selfish and ugly as me.

It was impossible to believe.

No, I shouldn’t believe it.

I wasn’t the foolish, naive person I used to be—easily swayed by the world.

I looked at Viviana. Reflected in her deep violet eyes was my face, hardened and cold.

Drawing up the poison deeply rooted in my heart, I spat out sharp words.

“You must like my looks, Viviana.”

Her eyes wavered for a moment.

“What did you say?”

I forced a bitter smile onto my lips.

“Let’s be honest. Someone like you, who has everything, couldn’t possibly like someone as incapable and rotten as me for any other reason, could you?”

I jabbed her chest with my finger as I delivered my sharp words.

“It’s because of my pretty face, isn’t it?”

Viviana said nothing, simply staring at me. I pushed further into her silence, letting out even more venomous words.

“Humans instinctively pursue beauty. It just so happens that I have a delicate figure that provokes your protective instincts and a face that catches your eye.”

I deliberately ended my words there, waiting for her reaction.

What expression would she make? What words would she say?

But Viviana continued to look at me, unchanged. Her eyes held no disdain or hostility.

‘…Don’t believe it.’

I was someone who could never be loved. Even my own mother, who gave birth to me, didn’t love me. There was no way someone as radiant as her could.

It was easier to believe she saw me as nothing more than an object of lust.

I took a deep breath. I intended to speak calmly, but bitter words poured out the moment I opened my mouth.

“That’s all there is to it. Your desire for me is nothing more than human instinct and sexual attraction.”

I rejected the compassion and affection in her eyes.

I didn’t believe it. I couldn’t afford to.

From the one person I once loved most in the world, all I ever received was contempt and hatred. I couldn’t bear to return to those hellish days.

I bit my lip and continued speaking, unable to stop the words spilling out.

“Did you know? My father used to tell my mother every day that he loved her more than anything in the world.”

Not Tina Blanc’s story, but my own.

This was a story I didn’t need to tell, yet I couldn’t stop.

Like water spilling from a cracked jar, the words overflowed once they began.

“But as my mother grew older, as wrinkles formed and her beauty faded, my father quickly sought out another younger woman.”

The screams of my mother when she was abandoned, the hollow air of the room where her cries echoed. The resentment that had nowhere to go and landed on me. The stinging pain delivered through her hands.

The fragments of daily abuse and violence lingered in my mind.

Even breathing felt difficult. But I didn’t stop. I forced myself to meet Viviana’s gaze and pressed on with my story.

“That’s what love is, in the end.”

My voice was bitter, and at the end, I had no strength left to continue.

“If love had been real,” I whispered, clenching my teeth,

“Then my mother wouldn’t have been destroyed like that.”

The words didn’t stop. The suppressed emotions began to erupt, the reins slipping from my grasp.

“If love had been real, my mother wouldn’t have abused me every single day…!”

The agony surged up my throat. Something inside me screamed. I tried to suppress it, again and again, but the emotions that had burst forth showed no signs of stopping.

“If love had been real, I wouldn’t have ended up killing my mother!”

The air around me froze for a moment as the words left my lips. But I didn’t care. My insides churned, boiling over, unbearable.

Disgusting.

Overwhelmed with explosive emotions, I shoved Viviana away with all my might. Her touch, her gaze, even her kindness—everything about her repulsed me.

As I sprang up from the bathtub, the same cursed words spilled from my lips, over and over.

“Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting!”

Gripping my head in my hands, I screamed,

“Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting! Disgusting!”

My escalating voice echoed through the bathroom. In the mirror, I saw my reflection: screaming like a madwoman.

A hideous, twisted face stared back at me, reminiscent of my mother in a past life.

“In the end, human love is nothing but a grotesque manifestation of base lust.”

I took a step toward Viviana. The water rippled gently between us.

“So please, refrain from saying things like ‘I love you’ or ‘We’ll always be together,’ Viviana.”

Viviana simply looked at me in silence.

“If you desire my body, if you covet this face, take it.”

I grabbed her hand, trying desperately to hide my trembling fingers. Yet, the warmth of her touch made my slight quiver more pronounced.

“In exchange… please kill me.”

Viviana still said nothing, just gazing at me without a reaction.

Swallowing a trembling breath, I continued,

“If you promise to kill me, I will fulfill your desires…”

But I couldn’t finish the sentence. I was forced to stop. Viviana’s eyes, that deep amethyst light, looked unbearably sorrowful.

I stared at her, blinking in confusion.

Why are you looking at me like that?

I’ve offered you my body and everything I have. So why are you looking at me like that?

Viviana slowly closed her eyes and rose from the water, mirroring me.

“I already suspected you’re not Tina Blanc.”

Her words left me momentarily speechless.

“You admitted it yourself to Baron Blanc.”

Yes, I did.

I had revealed my true identity. I had plunged Artasha into despair worse than hell and driven her into ruin.

“Let me ask you one thing. When we first met, were you… the same as you are now?”

I kept my mouth shut. Instead of answering, I averted my gaze, trying to steady my breath, but her unwavering gaze followed me relentlessly.

“Does it even matter?”

“So it’s true.”

Her short, confident reply cut through the silence. For a while, the room remained heavy with stillness.

The faint sound of dripping water reached my ears.

After a long pause, Viviana broke the silence.

“Do you know how your mother… or rather, Baroness Blanc is doing now?”

“I don’t care.”

“She’s bedridden almost every day. Coughing up blood constantly, her body growing weaker and weaker.”

Of course, she is.

To Artasha, Tina Blanc was her sole reason for living. The one who kept her toiling through sleepless nights, the anchor tying her to this world—was Tina.

But now, that Tina is gone. In this world, there’s no longer any reason for her to endure and keep living.

All that’s left is a slow, agonizing decline.

If there’s any reason for her to continue existing, it’s likely revenge. A burning grudge against the one who stole her daughter’s body and denied her life—me.

“Tina. According to you, love is all a sham. If that’s true, then the wise Baroness Blanc no longer has any reason to love the one who took her daughter. It’s all fake, after all.”

“You’re just stating the obvious…”

“Artasha misses you.”

Viviana gripped my shoulders tightly.

I tried to push her away, but her hands wouldn’t budge.

“…What?”

Viviana stared into my eyes with a fiery intensity and spoke again.

“Not Tina Blanc. She misses you.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

My voice trembled. It wasn’t a statement of certainty, but a desperate denial.

“Of course, Lady Artasha would never admit it. She’s trying her hardest to hate you, clinging to that hatred.”

Viviana’s tone was calm, but the certainty within it was unshaken.

“But I know. I’ve stayed by her side. I know.”

She paused for a moment, her voice dropping lower.

“She could never truly blame you.”

That couldn’t be true.

I was the one who killed her daughter.

A sinner who had committed an unforgivable crime, unworthy of even seeking forgiveness.

Forgiveness? That was an impossibility.

It had to be a lie.

“Do you think I’d believe that?”

My voice turned cold, but even I couldn’t deny the tremor at the end of my words.

“What if she still loves you?”

Viviana’s voice was unwavering.

“Even knowing that you’re the one who took her daughter away, what if she still loves you?”

When had Viviana come this close? Her face was now mere breaths away, her voice calm as she continued.

“What would you do then?”

What would I do?

I echoed the question inwardly. But the answer was all too clear.

Nothing would change.

Even if Artasha still longed for me, even if she loved me, despite me being the one who had taken her daughter and pushed her into endless despair.

Even if her devotion, which I had always envied and had been directed solely at Tina Blanc, turned toward me instead.

Nothing would change.

It wouldn’t matter.

I am the murderer who killed her daughter.

This sin is etched deep into my soul. It is a crime that can never be forgiven. To even ask for forgiveness would be blasphemy.

This sin will stay with me forever. Throughout my life and even in death, in the depths of hell. My sin will continue to weigh on me.

It was all a path I had chosen myself.

So, what would change…

What would change is nothing…