Chapter 10. Stubbornness and Arrogance (15)

For a brief moment, I saw a silhouette.

There were quite a few things I wanted to say if I actually got to see them.

Why did they send me to that world? Or what did they want to do by sending me there? Why me, of all people?

Ironically, I was already vaguely aware of these things at the moment of prayer.

Because if I had to be here- if I had to be there at that moment, I could have saved those people.

Because if I had been the Saint from the novel, I wouldn’t have been able to do such a thing.

People’s thoughts are all similar yet different. Even if there are people with very similar tendencies, that slight difference in thought can lead to very different outcomes.

What if I had acted even a day later? What if I had postponed the time to lie and call it a prophecy by a few days?

Because the situation would have been too late already.

-No.

But my thoughts were soon denied.

-Even if it’s a being that others consider God, they cannot see that much of the future.

Then why was it?

What if there was someone with a similar tendency to me? Among them, there must have been people kinder than me. Someone more devoted and self-sacrificing.

-That’s why it was you.

The voice said.

-Because you were someone who, while doubting something, and thinking you couldn’t trust others, decided to act based solely on your own thoughts.

“…Well, it seems they saw me in a good light.”

I muttered softly.

“I just did it with the intention of refuting the one who judges me.”

My parents in my childhood were quite devout in a certain religion. When I was young, I lived thinking that was natural.

As I got older, I just realized that I lived differently from my friends.

There was a place I had to go periodically. I had to go there, pray, and study.

There were many things I shouldn’t do. Because they were violent, or because they were sexually suggestive.

I hated all of that.

Even though my parents told me not to do it at home and threw everything away, I eventually met my friends at school and heard their stories.

How fun the dramas on TV were at night. How fun games were.

Well, it’s not that all families with religion lived like that. It was just my family.

Strangely enough, I, who was born into such a family, was a true materialist, and I wanted to do all the things the kids talked about. I wanted to read violent comics, and I wanted to watch the anime adaptations of those comics. I wanted to play shooting games, and I wanted to watch movies with anti-religious content.

I rebelled many times, and my parents tried their best to turn me back into a good child.

In the end, it all fell apart.

“So, it was rebellion.”

The path I took was my own proof.

Even after doing all of that, after enjoying all the fun things, I wanted to show that I could live normally, adapt to society, and live much more flexibly than you.

……

The voice paused for a moment.

-If it were just rebellion, it could have been much more destructive than that.

And it denied my words.

-If it were just that, then at the end, you…

My final moment.

Was there a reason to deny everything I had said?

But I couldn’t hear the end of those words.

My hand hurt a little.

Suddenly, air filled my lungs, and I felt all the strength drain from my body.

The white light that had filled my vision instantly went out. My whole body ached as if I had been hit. No, should I call it muscle pain?

My legs were numb… Honestly, considering only those sensations, the moment before was much more comfortable.

But.

If I had just stayed there, I wouldn’t have seen Ria like this- looking like she was about to burst into tears.

“…Ria.”

I called out to Ria.

Ria hugged me wordlessly and got up from her seat.

“…Did the fight end well?”

“…It ended well.”

Ria replied, crying.

I didn’t want her to cry.

I felt something flowing from the back of my hand. I don’t really know what it is.

Ah, my eyelids are heavy.

I wanted to grasp the situation a little more, but it didn’t seem like it would be easy. Well, after exerting myself like that, I always ended up sleeping soundly.

With every step Ria took, the people around her hastily made way. Just as the old Bible described the parting of the Red Sea, people parted to the left and right, making a path.

Ria walked that path without a word.

“That’s a relief.”

I said only that.

And finally, I lost the battle against the demon.

*

I don’t feel like I slept for a long time.

After doing very strenuous exercise- for example, when an elderly department manager at my first workplace says, “Let’s all go to the mountains today,” and I can’t refuse alone and am forced to follow, climbing Seoraksan’s Daecheongbong peak for two days without rest, and finally returning home and lying down in bed.

It’s a situation where I just closed my eyes and opened them, and tens of hours have passed.

A sleep that can be compared to actual “unconsciousness,” not even dreaming.

To be honest, I didn’t feel refreshed at all. In terms of sensation, it felt like I just closed and opened my eyes. I wish I had at least had a short dream.

“Ugh.”

Moreover, my body ached. I don’t know exactly where it hurts, but it hurt terribly everywhere.

Ah, I just hurt all over, so I can’t express exactly where it hurts.

Even though I found the cause, I wasn’t happy.

Still, as I frowned and tried to somehow sit up-

Poke.

Someone pressed my shoulder with their hand.

Since my whole body ached, I couldn’t resist the force and fell back onto the bed as if I had collapsed.

“Ria?”

Ria is the only one who would be next to me.

Uh, no, I mean, it’s not that romantic a story. After all, Ria was my escort knight, and she always stayed right beside me, escorting me, even when we were out of the convent. Even in the Dwarf Kingdom, we shared the same room, so it’s natural.

“…”

But even to my words, Ria didn’t answer at all.

Feeling a little scared, I turned my gaze-

Ria was looking down at me expressionlessly, without saying a word.

“…R-Ria.”

I replied, a little scared.

The moment Ria last looked back at me before leaving my side, I felt an unidentifiable chill down my spine.

It felt like someone incredibly angry was looking at me.

“Hey.”

Ria called me. Not by name as usual, but with a tone like a delinquent calling a loser.

Judging by appearance, I’m closer to being a delinquent. No, that’s irrelevant right now.

“Did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That holy power could harm you.”

“…”

Harm what?

Holy power? To the Saint?

This is the first time I’ve heard of it. Such a setting never appeared in the novel.

Ah, of course, there is a legend that the Saint sacrificed herself to protect the world. Although it actually happened, there is no exact record of that moment, so even if it were filmed with a camera, holy power itself would not be captured on video.

So, no one knows whether the Saint defeated all the monsters and died of exhaustion, or whether she truly “turned into light” as some believers say. Honestly, I find the latter a bit strange. The church also thinks so, and that’s why they are still searching for her remains.

Seeing my bewildered expression, Ria roughly grabbed my hand.

Without giving me time to feel embarrassed, Ria brought my hand in front of my face.

“Gasp!? W-wait a minute!?”

And of course, I, who was suffering from muscle pain all over my body, took a huge hit from it. This hurts. Terribly.

But Ria was relentless, as if it were urgent to deal with me looking at the back of my hand.

“What on earth-“

However, I had to stop what I was saying.

My hand was bandaged.

And beyond the bandage, a faint red light was visible. It didn’t seem like I felt that kind of wound, so the bleeding seemed to have stopped for now, but the trace of the wound from when the bandage was applied still remained.

“…”

“You didn’t know, did you?”

“What is this?”

I said that and tried to remove the bandage with my other hand- but then I realized that hand was also bandaged.

Ria, with a stern expression, removed the bandage from my hand.

On the back of my hand, at first glance, it didn’t look much different from usual. But in the center of that white hand, very small. There was a slightly sunken scar, as if I had been pricked by a needle.

A mark so small that if someone saw it and called it a ‘stigma,’ everyone would laugh.

But-

“A lot of blood flowed from that small wound. More than is normally possible.”

Ria said with a calm expression.

“…”

I couldn’t answer her words.