Chapter 1 – A Time Not Meant for Me

“And they lived happily ever after.”

Whose happily ever after?

Nine warriors, heroes who saved the world. The Knight of Radiance, leader of those warriors, and the Saintess. Their only son, born amidst countless blessings. That was me. And yet… perhaps I was simply born at the wrong time.

Unlike everyone’s expectations, I was utterly ordinary.

That was my sin.

====

Tenth place. Not particularly high. Not particularly low, either.

“Cariel’s at it again,” the gatekeeper’s voice drifted to me on the breeze. “A pathetic son born to such a magnificent father. Like a lizard hatched from a dragon’s egg, or something?”

“Will you shut up?”

“What? Did I say something wrong?”

“He’s still the young master. Are you crazy? Such disrespectful words… even thinking them is blasphemous, but you’re just spouting them out in the open?”

Not even a full day had passed, and the news had already reached the main house. I sighed, vaulting the wall and slipping through the back door.

“Useless,” I thought, raking a hand through my overgrown hair. I lingered in my room for a moment before a knock came at the door.

“Y-Young Master? Is that you?”

“…What?”

“The Lady has requested your presence.”

“Fine.”

I opened the door and strode down the hallway.

“W-Wait! Your appearance—!”

“Not now.” I smoothed down my hair, which was long enough to obscure my eyes.

“Don’t follow me.”

“Oh…”

I could feel her standing frozen in the hallway, but I ignored her. No good would come from her presence.

I paused near the reception room, composing myself before entering.

“It’s me,” I announced in lieu of knocking, as the door was already ajar.

“Enter.”

Inside, a woman in a pristine white dress sat waiting. Her pregnancy was prominent. I lowered my gaze to the carpet.

“I’ve heard the news.”

“……”

“Your efforts were insufficient.”

“……” 

Insufficient. The word was so worn, it barely registered anymore. Yes, this was normal. Then why did this familiar scene always leave me feeling so… strange? My heart hammered against my ribs. My breath caught in my throat. A sharp, unpleasant sensation, like a needle being driven into my gut. I fought the urge to bite my lip.

“I apologize.”

“Why apologize for something you could have prevented?”

“……”

“You’re capable, Cariel. Where is your focus?”

“……”

“Why don’t you answer? Are you speechless? Or perhaps… you disagree?”

The air thickened, making it hard to breathe.

“…No.”

“I hear defiance in your tone. Are you feeling unjustly accused, Cariel?”

“Not at all.”

“Are you lying to your mother?”

And then—

“…Why haven’t you attended to your hair? I instructed you to maintain it.”

“…Yes.”

“So you’re defying me now?”

“……”

“Why the continued silence?”

This was maddening. Cold sweat slicked my skin. My mind went blank. This might seem trivial to her, but… there was no time I felt more worthless. I didn’t know why. I’d long since given up trying to understand. This was simply something to endure.

“Do my words hold no meaning for you?!”

Her voice rose sharply. I flinched, but carefully controlled my breathing, clenching my jaw to keep my teeth from grinding. Just breathe.

“You were a blessing bestowed upon this world. To us, you’re irreplaceable…”

But the words trailed off, unfinished. I didn’t know why. I hadn’t bothered to consider it. It didn’t concern me. She was just saying whatever she wanted to say.

“You are the son of Luelde and Ermina. Why won’t you put in the effort, when it would be so easy?”

“……”

“Do you refuse to answer me?”

The lecture droned on. I had nothing to say. Anything I offered would be dismissed as an excuse. Perhaps it would be an excuse.

“…I’ll take my leave.”

Keeping my head bowed, I backed out of the room.

“Young M—!”

“I told you not to follow,” I muttered, knowing she would hear regardless. I returned to my room.

I couldn’t even play my music here. Tonight, I would escape again.

A knock.

“…What is it?”

“Young Master, Lord Luelde is returning home tonight…”

“Damn it,” I thought, biting back the curse. “Wonderful.” But the words remained unspoken.

It must be due to the impending birth. Before this, Mother was always occupied with her preaching and charity work.

I sighed. A grating sound, like metal scraping against metal, echoed from somewhere deep inside… perhaps my chest.

====

“Tenth place? Tenth in the entire academy? That’s excellent! I couldn’t even manage that.”

“Luelde.”

“Well, it’s true!”

I tuned out his jovial voice, concentrating on my meal. A steady pace. Finish this, and I could leave. The table was laden with food that would normally tempt me, but I focused only on the plate before me.

“When things get tough, or don’t go your way… Trust me, I’ve been there. But everyone experiences that. Don’t be too hard on yourself, son.”

“Luelde. Cariel is our son.”

“Yes, dear, I’m aware.”

“Just as others have high expectations for us, they also have them for him. Look at the Emperor and Melin’s children, or Bariel’s. They’re all meeting those expectations.”

“Well, yes, but…”

“Remember, at Cariel’s age, you defeated a Demon Corps Commander.”

“Mm.” The pause signaled a shift in target.

“Cariel. Are you listening?”

“…Yes.”

“Cal.” My father’s voice. “When someone addresses you, look at them. I may not mind, but your mother is speaking.”

“……” I reluctantly turned my head.

“The eyes are the windows to the soul, Cal.”

“…So?”

“There’s nothing reflected in yours, not even a flicker of recognition for your mother or me.”

“……” So what?

“Don’t be so discouraged. I’ve told you before, academy rankings aren’t everything.”

“I know.”

“Then why that look? Losing to your friends bothers you that much?”

“……” You always say that. As if you understand anything.

“It’s because your spirit is weak. Focus on training your mind and body, and you can be just like your father. Never give up. Even I struggled, but it all comes down to willpower. Look at me. I saved the world.”

I wasn’t here for a lecture.

“…I’ve finished.” I set down my utensils, dabbed my mouth with a napkin, and stood.

“Cariel! How dare you leave while your father is—! Such disrespect!”

“Now, now, dear. It’s alright. He’s at a sensitive age. We must be understanding.”

Understanding of what? Anger flared, but I ignored it and left. Nothing would change. I would bide my time, fade away, and disappear. If my existence was a sin, then I would erase myself. The fear was momentary. This was the best option.

My younger sibling would soon be born, filling the void I left behind.

I expected nothing. I trusted no one. I dreamed of nothing. I simply didn’t want to be any more unhappy.

I vaguely recalled a time, long ago, when the world hadn’t seemed so bleak. When had everything become so suffocating?

Was it because I wasn’t a genius? Because I lacked talent? Because I didn’t try hard enough? Because I lacked motivation?

At some point, I’d simply stopped wanting anything at all.

All I wanted… was to be left alone. To finally breathe.