Ch.97Chapter 16. Intimacy (6)

“Can you do something about this glowing white light?”

That’s what I said to Cherry two days before the operation.

Until then, I hadn’t really been concerned about my circuit when Hayun clung to my side, so I’d been enduring the glimmering. I figured since Hayun’s influence on my hope had already been discovered, worrying about the glowing part now was too late.

But a problem arose a few days ago.

Before, it was just Hayun following me around and sticking to my side, but now there was one more person doing the same thing.

I couldn’t understand how things had ended up this way, but the issue was that whenever this additional person—Ju-a—was near me, the light from my circuit changed.

“Hope” sounds nice in theory.

Most people associate positive images with the word hope. That’s natural. Wouldn’t most people think of pure white?

A single beam of white light shining in the darkness. When described in words, it sounds entirely positive.

But people’s thoughts differ, and situations vary.

Since thoughts differ, the object of hope can also change.

I still have a part of me that thinks of myself as male. Even though it’s been over ten years in this world, twenty-some years of ingrained thinking from my past life hasn’t disappeared in such a short time.

And that male part of me thinks very positively about Hayun and Ju-a approaching me. Of course, conscience and reason build quite a solid wall, but as with all human thoughts, it’s nearly impossible to completely block or cut them off.

As a result, I’m not sure what judgment my male persona is making, but anyway, my hope circuit shines brighter when Hayun and Ju-a are together.

Hayun seems very concerned about the light from the hope circuit. Does she think it might be a difference in friendship?

And Ju-a, for her part, seems concerned about the light when she’s alone with me.

So I wanted to turn off that function. I tried various methods—touching the screen with my fingers to change display modes, even thinking about turning it off completely.

My conclusion was that it’s impossible with just my power.

“Can you make it so the energy is still used but no light comes out?”

“Hmm…”

But Cherry showed a very troubled expression.

Actually, I’d already mentioned it to James before, but after examining it a bit, he said he “didn’t really understand.” The problem was that I had inexplicably modified the circuit structure myself.

No, I never had any knowledge about this stuff. How did I change the contents with my own power when I’ve never even studied circuits?

“Sorry. Actually, this happens quite often in everyday life.”

“In everyday life?”

“Yes. To move something like a spaceship, you inevitably need a lot of energy. So there are places where these energy sources are stacked, and sometimes simple structures are affected by them and their internal structures change.”

“…”

“Usually when we look at the contents, structurally they shouldn’t work but they do, so we can only guess that some law we don’t yet understand is at work. There are actually ways to prevent this to some extent, and that technology is applied to circuits too…”

That means I ignored that technology and changed the contents.

“Even if it works now, we don’t know what might happen in the long run, so we usually replace such parts with others.”

“Then can’t I just make a new one?”

“Hmm…”

But Cherry tilted her head again at my words.

“Why?”

“Did you know that Hayun’s circuit structure is different from the others?”

“No, this is the first I’m hearing of it.”

“I see. Well, you wouldn’t know unless someone told you.”

Cherry nodded and said:

“Hayun’s circuit output is superior compared to other children. Probably worldwide too. For unknown reasons, her circuit was made to withstand that much output and release energy if too much comes out.”

So that’s why other children’s circuits respond to that energy.

I remembered James saying that simple resonance devices are easier to make than circuits.

“And that kind of technology can’t be created from scratch. The more functions added to a circuit, the harder it becomes to make.”

“So… you’re saying a circuit like mine can’t be made here?”

“Yes.”

I dropped my arms at Cherry’s words.

“Besides, your circuit was originally used for something else before it changed, so we need to analyze that changed part as much as possible. And we don’t have that equipment here.”

“I see. Understood.”

In the end, I had no choice but to give up. What could I do when both technicians said it was impossible?

*

“Oh, you’re alone for once.”

That afternoon.

Someone tapped me from behind, and when I turned around, Rose was there.

Her bright smile was the kind I’d often seen on TV. The magical girls each had their own fan base. It made sense since they were all beautiful girls.

I wonder if I’ve gained fans too? It seems like I’m treated as just another magical girl now, so maybe there’s at least one person supporting me.

No, there’s definitely “one.”

Jihye.

Although I have no way to contact her right now, Jihye always smiled brightly whenever she saw me. How can someone trust a person so completely?

“Yeah, well.”

Ju-a was checking the circuits here again. Since the devices that originally used my despair now operated on the opposite energy, we had completely replaced the contents, which sometimes caused malfunctions.

So the idea was to systematically examine parts likely to break down and manage them proactively.

With Cherry and James looking at the equipment with Ju-a, she naturally had no time to stick by my side.

Hayun was cleaning the kitchen.

Actually, it was more like a bathroom now than a kitchen.

Since we’ve been staying here for months now, dust accumulates everywhere if we don’t clean. Since it’s a bathing area, the cleaner the better, right? To be honest, it didn’t really need such thorough scrubbing, but if Hayun wanted to do it, I had no reason to object.

Usually I’d help with such work, but sometimes I want to sit alone with my thoughts. Honestly, this environment was quite inconvenient for having such alone time.

Had Hayun read my mind? Or was it just consideration for me?

Hayun told me to rest well, and I nodded and obediently went outside.

Thanks to that, I was having some alone time for the first time in a while.

“Am I not welcome to talk to you?”

Rose asked playfully, so I shook my head with a lukewarm expression. It’s not exactly welcome, but it’s not unwelcome either.

I have a troublesome personality in many ways—while thinking “please leave me alone,” I also crave attention from others. To be honest, I can’t say I have a simple personality.

So I think having someone speak to me in such a friendly way is better than being ignored.

But at the same time, I also want to be alone, which makes me think I have an annoyingly picky personality.

“Hmm.”

Seeing my expression, Rose tilted her head while maintaining her smile.

“…What?”

“No, I don’t always need a reason to talk to someone. I just happened to have some free time. Like you.”

Rose lowered her hand from her chin and said:

“I realized we’ve never really talked one-on-one. Ah, but don’t worry too much. I have no intention of bringing up sensitive topics.”

“…”

I looked at Rose.

Rose fell into thought for a moment, then slowly began to speak.

“Hayun and Ju-a have been spending a lot of time with you lately.”

When she says it like that, I can’t help but become defensive. The truth is, they come to me on their own rather than me asking them to be with me.

Whether it’s unfortunate or not, I ended up sleeping outside the tent.

Even so, it seemed a bit much for three people to squeeze into a tent meant for just two.

But as a result, the other girls got to see the three of us sleeping tightly together.

The two seemed to have no shame—Hayun tried to claim the space in front of me as I lay on my side, while Ju-a tried to claim my back. I wondered when they had developed such intimacy.

After about two days, I realized that with so much space, there was no need to embrace Hayun while sleeping.

Lying on my back with my back to the ground was somewhat better. Hayun hugged my right arm and Ju-a hugged my left arm while sleeping.

“So?”

Being aware of all this, I responded more defensively.

When I glared at Rose a bit strongly, she raised both hands.

“No, I have no intention of interfering with that lifestyle. I’m just surprised. Hayun maintained a certain boundary when staying with us. But with you two, it’s so natural, as if there was never any such boundary.”

“…”

“She talked about you often.”

“…Really?”

That made sense. After all, Hayun was my closest friend at school.

“Yes, well. So I don’t think it’s strange if you become… various kinds of relationships.”

While she was speaking without prejudice, honestly, from my perspective, there were many points I could take issue with.

“…You don’t think it’s strange to become friends?”

“…Well, if that’s how you want to think of it, then yes.”

Rose answered with a complicated expression.

After falling into thought again briefly, she opened her mouth.

“Okay, let’s say you’ve become extremely close friends.”

Rose sat down next to me with a thud and said:

“But what about Ju-a? You haven’t known each other for very long.”

“…We’ve spent a long time together as combatants.”

“Yes, that’s true. Ju-a talked about you often too. I never thought it would be you, and most of it was complaints, but she seemed to think of you with some familiarity. You know how some kids bicker with their close friends and complain about them in front of others? That kind of feeling.”

“And?”

“Hmm.”

Rose looked at me.

Her expression seemed to say, “How should I phrase this?”

“Do you know that Ju-a has a sort of competitive mindset toward Hayun?”

“…”

I did know, but as the current me, I shouldn’t know this. I knew it from reading the webtoon.

At least Ju-a hadn’t shown her characteristic inferiority complex in front of me. Since coming here, we’ve been busy and had to cooperate on many things, so she probably couldn’t show it.

“So, if you two become ‘especially close friends,’ Ju-a might start thinking similarly. You know, ‘best’ means there can only be one. They say you can’t rank friends as first and second, but if you become ‘especially close’… right?”

Rose gave me a meaningful look as she tried to speak indirectly.

“If you decide to have that kind of relationship, I have no right to say anything. It’s your choice. But you’re the center of that relationship.”

I didn’t know how to respond to that, so I just kept my mouth shut.

“If, just if, the feelings Ju-a has for you are merely ‘feelings to compete,’ you might need to draw a line somewhere. It would be troublesome if she’s deceiving her own emotions. If things get too entangled, it might become so difficult to untangle that you’d have to cut it off, which would hurt both of you deeply.”

Then Rose shrugged.

“Again, I have no right to interfere. But… there’s a difference between stepping on a landmine without any warning and having at least a warning sign. I just wanted to tell you in advance because I thought there might be things you don’t know.”

That’s right.

The relationships between magical girls are something I shouldn’t normally know about.

The relationships of magical girls in media were smoothly packaged, and such friction wasn’t that noticeable in battle either.

Especially the relationship between Hayun and Ju-a isn’t friction that’s visible on the surface. It’s closer to admiration that Ju-a alone harbors toward Hayun.

In other words, it’s similar to the feelings I had toward Hayun.

And this is something I only knew because I was familiar with the original work.

“…”

“That’s all I have to say. Well… Ju-a does seem quite happy when she’s around you, so I won’t say more. Just know that we used to fight a lot with each other.”

“…I’ll keep that in mind.”

I nodded and replied to Rose’s words.

She must have been thinking about the three of us for quite some time. Although she couldn’t help but laugh when she saw us, she must have had her own thoughts as a senior.

“Hayun was the one who kept us centered. Honestly, I don’t know how awkward we would have been without her. The same goes for our relationship with you. Maybe… we couldn’t have helped you. If that had happened, things would be very different now.”

Rose stood up.

“So, let’s do well going forward. We can’t really separate now that we’ve come this far, right?”

That’s probably why she came to tell me this.

While Hayun was the centering presence among the magical girls, she couldn’t think objectively when involved with me. If Ju-a hadn’t approached me, there might not have been a big problem, but since Hayun approached me, their relationship has been gradually changing.

In two days, we’ll have to risk our lives again, and it would be troublesome if something happened because of their relationship.

And if we continue to be magical girls in the future.

“…It feels a bit strange for me to say this when I couldn’t control myself directly at first. Just think of it as me being overly worried.”

Rose left with just those words and turned around.

I stared at her back for a while.

“Inferiority complex. Jealousy.”

The decisive emotions that led me to mess things up so badly. The emotions that kept me in despair for so long.

Ju-a is a magical girl. One who fights with the power of hope.

If Ju-a were to face some despair, would she be able to fight properly?

I let out a light sigh and got up from my seat.

*

Ju-a confirmed there were no issues with the devices.

There were no problems with the food we were growing, and the canned goods we had saved for special meals were still there.

The day before the operation, we took out all that food and had a hearty meal. Well, objectively speaking, it was debatable whether it could be called “hearty,” but given our circumstances, it was.

“Talking about ‘executing the operation’ makes this sound like a crime movie.”

Dalia said that during the meeting, and we all let out incredulous laughs.

Well, she wasn’t wrong.

If we were to count the number of current laws we’re breaking, the list would be endless.

Attacking someone summoned for prosecution investigation—it’s like something out of a mafia drama.

Except this mafia consists of eight members, two are hamsters, and the rest wear colorful dresses.

Too different?

After finishing our meal and cleaning ourselves thoroughly, we decided to go to bed early tonight.

Before sleeping, I went for my usual walk.

Ju-a and Hayun naturally followed me out.

“…”

“Nervous?”

When I was lost in thought and not saying anything, Hayun, who was sticking close to me, asked.

How should I answer?

Actually, I’m not nervous. Rather, I’m looking forward to it. I hope the chairman makes the most despairing expression when he sees us.

But at the same time, there was something I was worried about.

Ju-a.

Was it because I heard about Ju-a’s feelings from Rose?

Even while thinking it wouldn’t be the case, I couldn’t help but think “what if.”

“…I’m a little nervous.”

But feeling that explaining this might cause problems for Ju-a’s emotions, I just said that.

“Don’t worry too much.”

Hayun said.

“Jieun, I’ll protect you. What happened before won’t happen again.”

Hayun said this while tightly hugging my right arm.

Feeling Hayun’s warm body temperature directly was honestly somewhat reassuring.

And Ju-a’s hand, which was holding my left sleeve, also tightened slightly.

They’re both just friends.

That’s how I should think of it.

Why do I keep thinking of this situation as strange?

Trying to push away the complexity in my mind, I stood there blankly for a while.