Ch.95Awakening (5)

We all exchanged glances at Kirsy’s completely transformed appearance. Everyone was trying to understand the situation.

Crying sadly over trivial things. Smiling brightly at light jokes. Grinning happily even at brief kisses. This was the complete opposite of her usual self.

“…Hmm.”

But I nodded with a bitter taste in my mouth.

Yes, she might hate me for ignoring her when she begged me to write letters.

Maybe this is for the best.

If this makes her hate me and push me away… that would be fortunate. If she becomes disappointed in me and gradually distances herself, that might be a good thing.

It’s not that my heart doesn’t ache.

My pushing them away doesn’t mean I hate them.

I still like them.

But I only like them as siblings.

Once I realized our feelings were misaligned, this was something I had to accept… but the pain in my heart was unavoidable.

Why did they have to love me?

Once again, I could only blame others irresponsibly. If only they had remained my siblings.

****

Was it because of my cold response, or because of Kirsy’s impulsive behavior?

The emotions flowing across the table weren’t as intense as I had worried.

There were no tears or passionate cries like those exchanged daily before I left the Academy.

Only frozen air and careful glances passed between us.

Kirsy still showed no reaction. She just stared down at her plate with an expressionless face.

She wasn’t spacing out. She was blinking, fully conscious, with her lips firmly sealed.

“…Let’s eat.”

When Grandmother spoke, we all picked up our utensils one by one.

Looking at Kirsy, she didn’t seem interested in eating. Then slowly, she gripped her knife, thought deeply for a while, and cut the food on her plate into small pieces before putting them in her mouth.

Perhaps she was debating whether to refuse the meal.

While I understood Kirsy’s changed behavior, it was still awkward.

It seemed like another consequence of the distance that had grown between us.

If things had been normal, I might have comforted her when she felt hurt, but pain that heals without any intervention might leave such scars.

…No. Thinking again, I might not have comforted her even if she had acted this way in front of me. Especially regarding this matter.

Our meal proceeded quietly.

Grandmother didn’t try to lighten the mood with trivial topics. That wasn’t her style.

Her style was more like, when the meal was about halfway through…

“…So, have you changed your mind?”

…To ask directly like this.

Kirsy showed no reaction and continued eating the meal in front of her.

No, she did react.

She raised her hand and snapped her fingers.

-Snap.

The servant standing behind her approached, looking at Grandmother Riana for approval.

When the maid approached, Kirsy uttered one word.

“Wine.”

“…Kirsy, you don’t…”

My words were cut off as I was about to say “drink.” Ignoring my words, she took a sip as soon as the red wine filled her glass.

A drop of wine that didn’t make it into her mouth trickled down the side of her lips.

Grandmother wasn’t fazed by Kirsy’s behavior. As if she had expected this, she ignored Kirsy and looked at Asena.

“…Have you changed your mind?”

“……”

Asena looked at me once. Then, she coldly shifted her gaze to her food and shook her head briefly.

I let out a long sigh inwardly.

Had nothing changed?

“…Asena, I—”

“—I won’t marry anyone but my brother.”

Asena blurted out in the chilly atmosphere.

The specific mention of marriage made my heart sink.

This wasn’t a child’s tantrum.

It was a declaration from an adult who knew everything.

Her gaze met mine.

“…So don’t get any strange ideas, brother. It’s not that your marriage prospects have been blocked or alliance opportunities have disappeared because I fell in love with you. From the beginning, if you weren’t here, I would never have considered marriage.”

“……”

I couldn’t refute that it wasn’t so, because I knew the entire content of the novel. She and Kirsy, as emotionless villains, had never loved anyone.

Asena looked at me as I remained silent, then put down her knife and fork.

“…Talk to me honestly, brother.”

“…About what?”

“You know we’re not in a normal sibling relationship.”

“…Yes, that can’t be helped. I’m adopted—”

“—No? That’s not what I’m talking about.”

“……”

“…You still don’t feel completely comfortable with me.”

At her words, I also put down my utensils. Grandmother said nothing.

“…What do you mean, Asena?”

“You still can’t look directly at my bare skin. You’re still wary when my chest touches your arm. Sometimes, you treat me like a woman, not a sister.”

My eyes trembled slightly.

“…It’s not because I think of you as a woman, but because we were never that kind of relationship to begin with—”

“—I’ve been in that kind of relationship from the start. It took me less than a year to fall in love with you. I’ve thought of you as a man longer than I’ve thought of you as family.”

“……”

“…So I… I find it harder to accept now. I can’t bear you pushing my feelings away. I can’t understand you leaving me for another woman.”

“…Does that even make sense? That it was natural to think of your brother as a man?”

“……”

I exhaled a long breath through my nose. And like Kirsy had done, I picked up my wine glass that was already filled and drank.

Controlling my emotions, I spoke quietly.

“…Anyway. We’ve already had this conversation. The only thing I wanted to hear was… that you’ve given up on me. That we should go back to being normal siblings. There’s no compromise. That’s how it is. I can’t accept your feelings.”

At that moment, a voice that had been silent until now joined the conversation.

“Absolutely?”

“……”

It was Kirsy. While her voice itself was familiar, her tone was completely different. Unwavering and seductive. I couldn’t think of her as the young girl she used to be.

Kirsy was twirling her wine glass, watching the tears of wine form with narrowed eyes.

She showed no sign of feeling hurt. She was just calm, as if all this was boring to her. Even though I thought it might be an act, I couldn’t be sure.

…For some reason, her changed demeanor was dominating the atmosphere.

When I couldn’t answer due to Kirsy’s changed atmosphere, she closed her eyes, opened them, and looked at me.

For the first time since arriving at the territory, our eyes met.

“No matter what?”

She asks again.

Did she change this much because I didn’t reply to her letters?

I wanted to remain unfazed, but I couldn’t. Though I was inwardly surprised by her transformation, I tried hard not to show it.

With a stern expression, I affirmed.

“…No matter what.”

“Even if I commit suicide?”

-Ting.

Grandmother dropped her fork.

My eyebrows twitched involuntarily. My jaw tensed, and my body stiffened. My mind went blank.

Just imagining Kirsy’s death made me crumble. Just like Grandmother.

I immediately shook my head.

…It must be a bluff. It had to be a bluff.

But I had already missed the timing to answer, shaken by her threat.

“……”

Kirsy nodded, seeing my reaction.

Then she drained her refilled wine glass and stood up.

“…So it’s not absolute after all.”

Then she turned away.

I couldn’t move until she disappeared.

****

With Kirsy’s departure, the meal quickly concluded.

Grandmother, Asena, and I each returned to our rooms.

Before leaving the dining room, Asena grabbed my wrist as if she had something to say, but I immediately shook my head at her and pulled away from her touch.

So I returned to my room.

Afterward, completely drained of energy, I lay on the bed. I had no strength left.

‘Even if I commit suicide?’

Kirsy’s voice echoed in my head.

I couldn’t help but imagine the situation. What if she held a knife to her own throat in front of me, threatening to kill herself if I didn’t love her?

…I probably couldn’t bear to see Kirsy die.

I absolutely couldn’t stand by and watch that. That much was certain.

I couldn’t imagine that tender-hearted Kirsy would act that way, but her behavior earlier and her character in the original work kept bothering me.

Time continued to pass.

The night deepened into complete darkness. Even the moon hid its face.

My thoughts had stretched so long that my body could no longer resist falling asleep.

-Knock… knock…

The knocking sound pulled my consciousness back just as I was dipping my toes into the world of dreams.

-Knock… knock… knock.

I blinked my sticky eyes and came to my senses.

Who would be coming to see me at this late hour…

I thought briefly, but the answer came quickly. It could only be the twins.

I hesitated.

Should I open this door?

Wouldn’t it be better to send them away?

I got up from the bed.

I walked slowly to the door and listened carefully, trying to guess who was standing behind it.

‘..Hic.’

A short hiccup sound came through.

It was Kirsy. I was certain.

Kirsy, who had shown her edge toward me and displayed anger—I thought she would avoid me for at least a few days and express her dissatisfaction, but here she was looking for me.

-…Knock… knock… knock.

‘Open the door… hic… brother..’

It was a sound I wouldn’t have heard if I hadn’t been concentrating.

I finally turned around, scratching my head.

Ignoring her was the right thing to do.

-Thud. Crash.

At that moment, I felt an impact and sound that shook the floor.

Remembering Kirsy’s suicide threat, I flung the door open.

“Kirsy..!”

She was sitting on the floor with her legs crossed.

The strong smell of alcohol hit me as soon as I opened the door.

A broken wine glass was scattered beside her.

The smell wasn’t just coming from the spilled alcohol.

Kirsy herself smelled of fruit.

She normally didn’t drink alcohol, saying it tasted bad, even when I jokingly offered it to her.

She would just sit next to me, making sure my glass was never empty.

To see her so drunk like this—that alone conveyed a heavy message to me.

“…Hic.. ah… my wine…”

She tried to get up, pressing her hands against the floor.

But in doing so, she lost her balance and was about to fall forward.

I caught her.

If I had let her fall, she might have been injured by the broken wine glass.

She paused at my touch, then looked up at my face slightly.

“……”

She looked at me silently. Then, she pushed my hand away.

“…I don’t want to. Hic… go away.”

Maybe it was because she was drunk. I couldn’t just leave her. As drunk as she was, she probably wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow.

“…You came looking for me, and now you’re telling me to go?”

“…I hate you. I hate you more than anyone in the world.”

When drunk, she seemed to be showing the side of her that I was familiar with.

After pushing my hand away, she tried to stand up by placing her hand against the wall. Her foot carelessly moved toward the broken glass.

Finally, I lifted her up.

I picked her up in a princess carry.

If I had been a little later, she would have suffered a serious injury to her foot.

Kirsy looked up at my face again, then buried her head in my arms.

I said to her:

“…Just go to sleep.”

She shook her head.

At first, I thought she was resisting my words.

But then she said:

“…See? You do love me, brother.”

Then, with a quick and sharp movement completely opposite to her sluggish and clumsy movements earlier, she grabbed the back of my neck.

Then she raised her upper body from my arms and pulled me in.

She tilted her head and pressed her lips against mine.

I pulled my head back, but because of her arm holding the back of my neck, she followed me up.

Her tongue forced its way into my mouth. It entered before I could clench my teeth to block it.

If I had tensed my jaw to close my mouth at that moment, I would only have hurt her tongue.

Before I could react appropriately, her tongue ravaged mine.

I could taste the strong alcohol.

Finally, I released my arms’ strength and let her go, and only then did she separate from me and sit down on the floor.

“Pahah…!”

I wiped my mouth and called out to her.

“…Kirsy…!”

This was the second time. Perhaps because of the alcohol scent, heat rose to my face.

But Kirsy seemed unfazed. As if she had already forgotten what just happened, she nodded her head and said to me:

“…I want to sleep, brother..”

It felt wrong to get angry at someone who was drunk. Finding the situation ridiculous, I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly before finally relaxing my body.

“…Sigh… Alright. Just go to sleep. Just go to sleep quietly.”

I pulled back the blanket for her.

As drunk as she was, it was obvious she would collapse right onto the bed.

I planned to just cover her with the blanket once she lay down and then leave.

-Thud..

At that moment, something light hit the ground.

I turned to look at Kirsy.

She was taking off the light clothes she had been wearing.

“Kirsy…!”

I couldn’t grab the clothes that had already fallen to the floor and put them back on her.

To do that, I would have to kneel in front of Kirsy who was only in her underwear. I would have to grab those fallen clothes.

Kirsy said:

“…It’s wet.. hic..”

Looking down at her clothes, as she said, there was a dark stain on them. It was hard to see clearly in the late night, but… it seemed to be soaked with wine.

I finally waved my hand. I was going to leave this room anyway.

Covering her with the blanket now seemed a bit difficult.

Leaving the rest to Kirsy, I turned around.

My heart was beating strangely, and I felt like I shouldn’t stay here any longer. I grabbed the doorknob.

As I was about to leave the room, a quick hand shot out from behind me and pressed against the door in front of me.

-Slam!

The door closed.

All I could see was the door right in front of me, and Kirsy’s pale, thin arms that had shot out on either side of my waist to press against the door.

“Kirsy, why do you keep—”

As I was about to turn around to look at her,

“—I’m not wearing anything, brother.”

said Kirsy’s clear voice, unlike before.

“…I’m not wearing anything.”

“……”

My heart jumped. My eyes lost their way and wandered. My body was too stiff to turn. As Asena had said, I still couldn’t look at their naked bodies.

As I stood frozen, Kirsy’s arms closed in.

Her arms wrapped around my waist.

And against my back, two soft somethings touched me.

I couldn’t feel the slightly firm underwear that usually supported her chest.

Her claim about being naked didn’t seem to be a bluff.

I moved my hand to tear away her hands and regain my senses.

“…Let’s do it. Brother.”

At that moment, she spoke.

The embrace grew fiercer. And finally, she hiccupped with a twitch.

“…Hic. I… know everything now.”