Ch.94Chapter 94

The unexpected slashing came without any preparation. The moment the blade pierced me, my body collapsed forward without any will to resist.

With each breath, I felt blood filling my lungs. Tears flowed from the pain. I couldn’t breathe properly, making it impossible to call for help, let alone scream.

I had experienced death several times before. But that didn’t mean I was used to the pain.

Unlike what the Professor had done, this wasn’t a quick death—it felt like dying slowly. Every breath was agonizing, and the time stretched on, filled with excruciating pain.

The pain didn’t ease. It was the worst kind of suffering, just pure, unrelenting agony.

The knife was pulled out without giving my body any relief. I had hoped it might at least help stop the bleeding while embedded, but it was yanked out too quickly.

It felt like my insides were being scraped out. The pain was so intense my mouth gaped open. I twisted my body, desperately trying to escape, but nothing helped.

With each struggle, more blood drained from my body, and my limbs began to grow numb. As my body cooled, the knife slashed at my throat several times. I cried, coughed up blood, and closed my eyes.

When I opened them, the cycle repeated.

How many times had I actually closed and opened my eyes? Blink. Blink. My consciousness seemed to cut out. I couldn’t think at all. There was no time for that.

And when I opened my eyes again, I immediately started crying. Save me, it hurts.

I remembered that doing this had made them let me go before.

“Ourr…!”

At that voice, I stopped crying and opened my eyes. It was just a moment. I seemed to have lost consciousness, and when I came to, it was a completely different world.

Just a while ago, I was on my way to the Research Building at the Academy, but where was I now? Where had that second-year student who stabbed my throat gone?

In this white space, only the Professor and I remained. There was also a black magic mirror up there, but that was fine.

My throat hurt. It wasn’t actually painful, but it felt like it was. Perhaps it was phantom pain. I took a moment to catch my breath at this incomprehensible pain. Whether it was just my imagination or not, my previously blocked breathing seemed to ease.

“…Ah, Professor.”

I muttered.

I had become the large body I’d been wanting. But the Professor shook her head as if to say this shouldn’t be.

“Ourr, you need to go back. People don’t have the courage to face your power.”

She spoke as if trying to persuade me calmly.

I bit my lip firmly. I did want to grow bigger, but it was strange that my body had grown after I closed my eyes and woke up. I wasn’t sure if this had happened before, but experiencing growth after becoming smaller seemed like a first-time experience.

Perhaps I just couldn’t remember.

I lowered my head. Instead of the large uniform I usually wore, I was in comfortable patient clothes, likely worn out of concern for my body growing. Seeing no hospital logo, it would be more accurate to call them lab clothes, but anyway.

The Professor stood at a slight distance. It seemed to be because of something called an aura.

I just wanted to grow bigger. I thought if I grew, I might be able to return this body to its original owner who might be sleeping somewhere.

But my thoughts had changed. After growing, all my previous thoughts had transformed. The simplified thoughts and actions now seemed like bizarre occurrences to me.

Did my brain follow my body when I became smaller?

Since the brain is part of the body, I supposed that made sense.

It was strange that I retained my previous memories despite having a soul, but I decided to postpone deeper thinking since there were no clear answers.

I was fine with dying by the Professor’s hand. I knew I had to die to return to the Professor’s side.

But I no longer wanted to die. Moreover, when I could have such clarity of mind like this, I didn’t want to go back to being a whining child.

I had been too clingy, too childish in those days. I didn’t want to be like that.

I took a small step back. With each step, my body moved toward the corner. I wasn’t running away from the Professor. I was running away from the world.

“Could you give me a little more time to think?”

I felt reluctance. Before, I just thought I liked being by the Professor’s side, but thinking again, it wasn’t just that. I was afraid of dying after sticking with the Professor, meeting friends, and then going off separately with those friends.

Standing in this white laboratory-like space, I needed time to think.

I could understand people hating me for being a Demon God. It was inevitable. If someone lost a precious family member to a disaster, they would blame the disaster—and if there was a clear entity to point to, who wouldn’t curse it?

I understood. Accepting it emotionally was a separate issue, but there was no need to dwell on it. Creating controversy wouldn’t help anything.

What I wanted to avoid was the ominous uncertainty of not knowing when I might die, and simultaneously, returning to a child’s form.

When in an adult body, my thoughts were clear like this, but in a child’s body, it was frustrating. Of course, once I returned, I might not even recognize the frustration, but since not all memories disappeared, my head became a mess whenever I recalled them.

It hurts. My head hurts.

Everything is a mess.

If I went back and became an adult again, could I be confident I wouldn’t become strange? Unable to easily answer that question, I ran away.

As I stepped back, the Professor gave me a desolate look.

“Ourr… not everyone in the world hates you. Next time, if you hold hands tightly with the Professor, wouldn’t that work?”

“That’s part of the problem, but not just that. I feel a disconnect in accepting the things I did and thought when I was in a child’s body… More than that, was I always able to grow like this again?”

When in a child’s body, I never knew.

I knew I became younger when I died. I remembered that. But experiencing my body growing after dying several times in a child’s body seemed like a first.

It might just be that I didn’t remember, but I wished someone had told me.

I wasn’t resentful, but it felt foolish to have been searching around, and that left a bitter taste.

“I’m sorry for not telling you. I actually thought you knew, and even if you didn’t, I hoped you wouldn’t just die recklessly.”

“……”

When she said it was for my sake, I had nothing to say.

I raised my head to look at the Professor’s face. Her troubled expression reached out to me. She extended her hand, beckoning me to come back with her to our daily life. I hesitated for a moment before shaking my head.

“I’m sorry, I think I need time to think.”

I clutched my head and groaned softly.

I had thought about returning the body to its original owner, but it happened more easily than expected, leaving me feeling empty. The problem was that I would have to die again to return to daily life.

“…Would you give me time to think?”

“When should I come back?”

At my words, the Professor conceded. Instead of forcibly taking me back, she gave me time to think thoroughly.

I was grateful.

“Tomorrow, let’s meet tomorrow.”

I didn’t need to use the bathroom, sleep, or eat. So I had more time to think.

This white space seemed designed specifically for Demon Gods, so I decided to spend time thinking here. Nodding, I resolved to find a solution in this body before returning to a child’s form.

The Professor left the lab.

Promising to come tomorrow, I remained alone and blankly raised my head. I stared at the black glass mounted on the wall about two floors high in the white space.

Thinking that people might be standing there watching me made me sigh. Since there was nothing to show them, I huddled in a corner.

Sitting with my back against the wall, I buried my face in my knees and let out a small sigh.

“…Haah.”

Dying returns me to my original state. I hadn’t known that fact.

I must not have been able to recognize how my body changed because I had been dying mindlessly. It wasn’t in my memory.

I felt foolish for wandering around trying to fulfill my wish of returning to my original body. If the body’s owner returned, they could simply commit suicide, so there seemed to be no problem.

The answer came instantly.

My goal, which wasn’t really a goal, was achieved in an instant. I stared blankly at the white space. After raising my head, I buried it again.

There didn’t seem to be any means to commit suicide here, so the option of making a choice before the Professor arrived didn’t seem available.

If there were people over there, I could ask them. But if the Professor was among them, that might be awkward, so I shook my head.

I’m destined to go back.

So I eventually have to return, but I don’t know. My head is a mess. Being in a child’s body and acting like a child is fine, but the disconnect I’d feel when returning to this age and recognizing it seemed troubling.

Feeling like I wasn’t myself, I groaned softly.

“What should I do?”

With that thought, I grasped the strange energy flowing through my body. I stared at my hand, sensing something I couldn’t feel when I was smaller.

As I spent time slowly, I realized it was Mana flowing through my body, and my eyes widened.