Ch.94Awakening (4)

After the last class ended, leaving behind the happy cheers of countless nobles.

Asena and Kirsy returned to their room and gathered the luggage they had prepared.

While most people were busy grooming themselves to attend the upcoming party, these two had no desire to do so.

They expressed their intention to return to their territory quickly.

There was no one they particularly wanted to befriend, nor anyone they needed to protect. The person who fulfilled both these conditions was already at the Praester Family’s Territory.

Asena was already feeling nervous. Even though it would take several days to meet him even if they left now, the very fact that the moment to see him again was finally approaching made her heart flutter.

Having experienced separation from Caden for the first time in her life had been so difficult. Not hearing any news about him during that time made her miss him even more.

It had been a month. She had endured for a month.

Of course, her feelings weren’t entirely positive. She felt almost equally negative emotions. She was afraid Caden might push her away… and increasingly, her desire for him was stirring.

…..Perhaps the fortunate thing was that, being far away from her, he hadn’t had the opportunity to become close with other women.

In any case. She wanted to see Caden first. Even if things didn’t go well, she wanted to meet him and get rid of these anxious feelings.

They say it’s better to face your fears quickly. She was now tired of carrying these fearful emotions.

Asena got into the carriage first and waited for Kirsy.

“…….”

Since Caden’s letter was torn, she hadn’t had a proper conversation with Kirsy.

As if it had been a great shock and source of displeasure, Kirsy’s expression had grown frighteningly rigid from the very next day.

The change was so dramatic that even her friends had left Kirsy alone.

Soon, Kirsy loaded her luggage and climbed into the carriage.

Kirsy’s expression remained cold. Asena had never seen such an expression on her face before. At least, this was the first time it had lasted so long.

Asena sighed inwardly and reached out first.

It would be better to show only her best side in front of Caden. Arriving while still fighting wouldn’t do any good.

Her hand gently touched Kirsy’s knee.

“……What?”

Kirsy rolled her eyes to look at Asena.

Asena didn’t back down and said:

“…..I’m sorry.”

“….What?”

“We can’t keep going on like this when we’re going to see brother.”

“……What are you talking about? How are we acting?”

“…..?”

Asena became confused when Kirsy made an expression suggesting she genuinely didn’t understand what she was talking about.

Before she could say anything more, Kirsy added:

“….Sister. I have something on my mind, so let’s talk later.”

She showed none of the aegyo she usually displayed toward Caden. With Caden gone, aspects of Kirsy that had remained hidden were now showing themselves.

Since it was the first time Caden had left, Asena had never imagined such a side of her nature was hidden.

And watching Kirsy, who was still looking out the carriage window with a rigid expression as if nothing had happened, Asena realized that she had truly forgotten about the letter incident.

…..Even Asena began to feel uneasy.

Then, why had Kirsy been acting that way all this time?

****

She had waited for 9 days.

After realizing he had time to send letters. After realizing he was sending them to other women.

Kirsy had waited for 9 days.

Every day, she went to the postal service to ask if there were any letters for her.

In her last letter, which had time for a reply, hadn’t she said she missed her brother so much and asked him to send even a brief message?

Hadn’t she begged like that?

She had intended to forget all the hurt feelings if even one letter had arrived.

But she received no word from him.

Instead, she had repeatedly confirmed at the postal service that he had sent other letters to Judy and Daisy.

He was deliberately ignoring her.

She knew why he was doing it, but that didn’t extinguish the flames burning in her heart.

The most she could do was not get angry at Daisy or Judy. Her best effort was to suffer silently, keeping these feelings from leaking out.

Sometimes she would stare intensely at Daisy, who was in the same department, desperately hoping she would give some excuse… but such an opportunity never came.

So Kirsy had no choice but to return to the territory like this.

She had already made up her mind.

She didn’t know exactly how those feelings would manifest… but she knew it wouldn’t be pleasant.

Amidst all this anger, she could clearly see only her burning love for him. That’s why she felt such crazy jealousy, and why her inner self was changing and twisting.

Her obedient self. Her aegyo-filled self. He only sees her as cute. Only sees her as a sister.

…….Looks down on her.

So she could no longer act that way.

Kirsy began to mentally rehearse what she would say when she met him. Going over each word carefully, she tried to find the sentences that would most clearly convey her intentions to him.

…..It wasn’t so easy.

Even she felt she would only know how to act once she saw him.

****

-Knock knock knock.

‘Master Caden.’

Someone called for me as I was passing time drinking tea.

“Come in.”

Tomorrow would be the day the twins arrived. As expected… they would arrive around noon or evening tomorrow.

The door opened, and Helen entered.

Through the open door, I could hear the voices and footsteps of servants moving about noisily.

“…..Is something happening?”

I asked Helen first about the commotion, and she nodded and answered:

“Lady Kirsy and the Duke are arriving today…”

I put down my teacup and asked again:

“….What?”

“The Duke’s escort’s reconnaissance team has arrived and informed us.”

“…….”

For a moment I paused, then nodded.

I had somewhat expected something like this might happen. I had read that feeling in the letters.

Especially Kirsy, who seemed to miss me a lot.

I had thought about sending a reply many times… but it always seemed wrong, so I gave up each time.

What was the point of showing affection to them now? It would only make it harder for them to detach from me, and might give hope to feelings that shouldn’t continue.

I stood up.

….Even so. Since I was seeing them after a long time, I felt I should prepare.

It already seemed wrong with Kirsy… but I hoped they had changed their minds. I had no way to respond to anything else.

****

Buuuuuuuuuu…… Buuuuuuuuuu…..

As the echo of the trumpet faded, the neighing of the horses pulling the carriage became clearer.

It was late evening. The aroma of various foods hastily prepared by the servants was wafting through the air.

Grandmother Riana, the servants, and I waited for the head of the family who would soon disembark.

How should I react?

What should I say?

I had thought about it a lot, but now that the moment was here, nothing seemed appropriate.

Now I even worried about showing the level of joy one would normally feel welcoming family.

Since the twins had developed different feelings for me, even that had become burdensome.

But treating them coldly like strangers also… made me uncomfortable.

I wanted to let them know my feelings hadn’t changed while welcoming them appropriately.

I wanted to convey the nuance that I wished we could just be normal siblings.

-Fling.

When the horses stopped, before the coachman could open the door, the carriage door opened.

The first to peek out was Asena.

Her eyes searched for no one but me first.

Not grandmother, not the servants she hadn’t seen in a long time, but me.

And that gaze fixed on me wouldn’t drop.

She blinked several times, then immediately after, closed her eyes tightly before opening them again.

It was as if she was trying to swallow her tears.

In fact, she might resent me for leaving so suddenly.

But at that moment my head was too complicated to handle it.

She stepped out gracefully and got off the carriage.

Following her, Kirsy peeked out.

When she peeked out, I felt a strange tension.

Kirsy had begged me in her letters. Please send a reply. She missed me so much.

Each time, I had to forcibly relax my clenched fists and endure.

How would she act when she saw me? Would she burst into tears? Would she express her resentment? Either way, it seemed Kirsy’s feelings toward me hadn’t changed, which was troublesome. It seemed she still wanted and loved me, so I was only looking for ways to push her away.

But the strange thing was.

….Unlike Asena, Kirsy wasn’t looking at me. She was holding her head high and looking straight ahead.

My gaze returned to Asena, who had gotten off first.

She still hadn’t taken her eyes off me. She approached with slow steps and stood in front of me.

Normally, if she did this, it meant she wanted a hug. This distance meant that.

She doesn’t show affection in front of others, but she doesn’t reject it when I initiate it.

….So it meant she wanted a hug. Having watched her for so long, everything was clear.

But I didn’t do it.

“….It’s been a while.”

Though it was a common greeting, it was very stiff for us. I didn’t caress her cheek or pat her head. I just gave a greeting.

She frowned, then looked around once before saying to me:

“….Let’s talk inside.”

That statement seemed to imply that she would get a hug, or even more affectionate expressions, in a place where no one was watching.

Immediately after, she began to give brief greetings to grandmother and the servants.

Having finished greeting Asena, I looked at Kirsy.

In the moment I had taken my eyes off her, Kirsy was approaching me with straight, unhesitating steps.

I slightly raised my hand, thinking of pushing her away if she tried to hug me.

But-

-Thud.

She passed by without even looking at me.

Rather, she bumped her shoulder against mine, what’s commonly called a shoulder check, as she passed.

She didn’t even exchange greetings with the other servants.

The shoulder bump she gave me was the end. With that, she disappeared into the mansion.

“…….”

-Creak, bang.

Her behavior, expressing dissatisfaction with me… yet seeming to care only about me.

Everyone exchanged glances at Kirsy’s completely transformed behavior. They were trying to understand the situation.

Except for me, who knew the reason.