Ch.93Awakening (3)
by fnovelpia
-Knock knock knock
“Sister.”
An unwelcome sound in the dawn wakes Asena.
The noise grew louder as she transitioned from dream to reality.
-Knock knock knock.
“Sister.”
Asena slowly blinked her eyes open, waking from sleep.
Someone waking her was an extremely rare occurrence. The last time someone had woken her… was Caden, back at their territory.
When he would gently call her name, a smile would appear on Asena’s face, and naturally following that flow, she would reach out her arms to him and nestle against him, feeling his scent and warmth, kissing his neck or cheek as he carried her to the window.
Now it was completely the opposite.
The blue-green color of dawn was tinting the room through the window.
The cold dawn breeze was whistling through the window she hadn’t closed, and the candles she hadn’t extinguished had melted away.
There was no warmth anywhere… Ah. There was one place where a faint warmth could be felt.
It wasn’t the cozy luxury blanket, nor the soft bed.
It was Caden’s letter in her hand.
As if it were her own heart, a subtle warmth flowed from it.
Asena knew why Kirsy was waking her so early in the morning.
It must be to take Caden’s letter.
“……..”
So, quite childishly, Asena didn’t answer. She continued pretending to be asleep.
To begin with, she thought approaching her at such an early hour was crossing a line.
The meaning of “I’ll return it tomorrow” wasn’t as soon as the sun rose. It meant she would give it back in the morning when they went to school.
As she continued not answering, the door creaked open.
-Creeeak…
Asena sharply threw her gaze toward the open door.
“…….”
Kirsy flinched when she saw Asena’s eyes open.
“….You were awake?”
“…….”
Though she flinched, Kirsy’s eyes went to the letter in Asena’s hand. Then, swallowing hard, she said:
“…….I’ll take it now.”
“……Is this something to wake me for at dawn?”
“…..Sorry.”
Then Kirsy approached with quick steps and reached for Caden’s letter.
Asena unconsciously clutched the letter to her chest.
Kirsy’s expression crumpled further.
“……”
“…..Sister. You said you’d give it today.”
“…..I said I’d give it in the morning.”
“It is morning.”
“It’s dawn.”
“…..Is there a difference?”
“Kirsy. Didn’t you only hand it over when morning came yesterday?”
“That’s because you didn’t take it.”
“…..You’re quite talkative for someone waking people at dawn.”
“Whatever, I’m taking it now.”
Kirsy reaches into her sister’s embrace.
Asena reflexively clutched the letter tighter. She couldn’t let go of the only warmth.
It was just a fragment that couldn’t even compare to the warmth Caden gave when he was by her side, but with nothing else now, she couldn’t let it go.
Truly, like gasping for air through nose or mouth when suffocating, or quickly withdrawing when in pain, gripping the letter tightly was a reflexive response for survival.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want to give it to Kirsy, or that some clingy greed was stirring.
But the result was terrible.
Kirsy’s hand was as clumsy as Asena’s own, and as a result….
-Riiip!
The letter tore.
They both hastily pulled their hands away in shock at the terrible sound, but it was already irreversible.
“…..Ah..”
As the letter was damaged, its warmth instantly vanished, and the room’s air grew even colder.
And as if blaming each other, the twins’ gazes collided in mid-air.
Neither spoke a word, but their eyes said many things, and neither of them backed down.
****
Kirsy was suppressing her anger.
With 9 days left, she had no idea how to endure that period.
It was unfair. Asena had at least felt the letter until yesterday. She hated that it tore when it was finally her turn.
Though she didn’t throw away the torn paper, she was irritated that something precious had been damaged.
Now that Caden’s presence and all traces of him were gone.
It was extremely uncomfortable and difficult.
She was newly realizing how much she had depended on him.
And it was frightening, as if this were a preview of a future where everything went wrong and he left.
Nevertheless, Kirsy clutched ink and paper. During mealtime when everyone was eating, Kirsy wrote a letter to Caden in the dormitory.
Though anger rose to the top of her head, she didn’t include any negative emotions in the letter. She wrote stories he would like, or stories that would make him think she was cute.
She paid attention to her handwriting, and edited and revised what she wanted to say before writing.
And just as she finished the last line and was about to fold the paper…
…..her hand paused. Though she had sent many letters, she hadn’t received a single reply from him. Now that even his letter was torn, she wanted a trace of him more than ever.
After deliberating hundreds of times, Kirsy gripped her quill pen.
She added a postscript after the casual greetings in her letter.
P.S. Brother. I miss you. Please send just one reply. Are you busy?
A postscript containing both her feelings she hadn’t shown for fear of burdening him, and a personal request.
Knowing it wasn’t right, the anger pressing on her head made her act.
After considering multiple times, she swallowed and folded the letter. It felt wrong, but she couldn’t help it.
Perhaps Caden wouldn’t even care. Perhaps he would reply immediately. But Kirsy, knowing nothing, couldn’t put her mind at ease.
Even while melting the wax, she deliberated several times. Whether to rewrite the letter without the postscript, or send it as is.
In the end, she couldn’t resist the impulse. She completed the letter by sealing it with the Praester family crest.
****
-Gurgle
A sound rumbled from Kirsy’s stomach, which was empty from writing the letter.
But it didn’t matter. Sending a letter to him was more important than food.
If only she could get a reply this time, she could endure such discomfort.
And she had brought something else too.
Caden’s torn letter.
Though she couldn’t do anything, perhaps the Academy’s servants could take measures.
“You’re here again today.”
A familiar face reached out to her.
It was an Academy servant who collected letters.
“To Caden Praester at the Praester territory… correct?”
The servant asked before Kirsy could even speak.
Kirsy nodded.
The servant, seemingly in a good mood, continued talking to Kirsy.
“You have a good relationship with your brother, Kirsy.”
Working at the Academy, they knew most of the children from notable families. It was a basic quality of a servant.
Of course, with so many people, they couldn’t know everyone… but there was no one who didn’t know the Praester family.
Kirsy wanted to immediately nod and agree with the servant’s words, but for some reason, only an awkward laugh came out.
“….Ahaha…”
She wanted to change the subject.
Not wanting to engage in more trivial conversation, she took out the now yellowed torn paper from her bosom.
“…Um… could you possibly fix this?”
Kirsy felt embarrassed as she spoke. She couldn’t exactly understand why herself. Perhaps it was because she felt pathetic for becoming like this.
Before, she had hugged her brother, been caressed, been adored, kissed… even kissed on the lips.
Now she couldn’t even let go of what wasn’t even his shell, and that might have made her feel self-loathing.
The servant’s expression turned apologetic.
“….Miss Kirsy, I’m sorry. There’s no way to mend torn paper…. If the content is important, perhaps I could transcribe-“
“-No. It’s fine.”
Kirsy bit her lip and gave up. She didn’t want the same content; she wanted the letter itself, which contained Caden’s touch.
She must have frowned so much without realizing it that the servant was startled and lowered her eyes.
Kirsy didn’t particularly want to reassure the startled servant. The simple courtesy of telling her not to be afraid didn’t come out of her mouth.
Instead, she sighed briefly and was about to turn away.
“…..Huh?”
At that moment, a familiar crest caught her eye.
A letter sealed with the Praester crest. It wasn’t one she had written, nor one Asena had written.
It was a letter that had arrived from the Praester territory to the Academy.
Kirsy immediately pressed her body close to the desk.
“Um…! That… could that be from my brother…?”
The servant, who had been shrinking back, straightened her posture at Kirsy’s brightening voice.
She followed Kirsy’s finger to the letter.
“….Ah, yes..! It’s from Mr. Caden Praester.”
Kirsy’s heart pounded, and a smile appeared on her face. Finally. Finally it had come. Nine days before the end of the semester. Twenty days since Caden had left. Fourteen days since the last letter.
What had he written? Would it contain the warm words he used to say to her?
….Should she take it without Asena knowing? Such thoughts crossed her mind.
Kirsy reached out her hand and said:
“Ah, then I’ll take it. Could you give it to me?”
The servant blinked, then rolled her eyes around as if troubled. Just as Kirsy was about to get annoyed at the hesitating servant, she spoke:
“….I… I can’t give it to anyone but the addressee…”
“……..What?”
Kirsy felt her heart sink sickeningly.
At first she didn’t understand those words, but as time passed, they gradually sank in.
“I am the addressee….”
“…..It’s not a letter addressed to you, Miss Kirsy.”
Really, she had longed for a letter every day. She had been looking forward to this moment. She had even engaged in childish fights with Asena. And now it wasn’t hers?
In that moment, Kirsy corrected her expression, which had almost frozen coldly, and kept it bright.
“Ah, I see. That’s okay though. I’ll deliver it. Who is it addressed to?”
The servant finally relaxed and sighed in relief.
“Today it’s… for Miss Daisy.”
“……..Today…?”
Kirsy unconsciously repeated those absurd words.
She also realized that this wasn’t the first time Caden had sent a letter.
She couldn’t follow the conversation at all right now.
All that long time, she had sent three letters every day. He hadn’t given any reply to her. Had he been sending letters to Daisy all this time… and probably to Judy too?
Kirsy lightly took the letter from the hesitant servant’s hand. The servant probably couldn’t contradict Kirsy’s words.
But Kirsy had no time to pay attention to that. She immediately turned around and looked at Caden’s letter.
She had endured all this time. She had gritted her teeth and endured. The reason she could hold on was… because Caden was safely at the territory. At least when he was there, he wouldn’t be talking with other women. Their relationship wouldn’t be progressing.
But he had been continuously getting closer to other women through channels they didn’t know about.
While not giving the slightest answer to what they were saying, he had been kindly sending replies in his beautiful handwriting to other women.
Realizing this fact, she understood that it wasn’t that he was too busy to find time to write letters to them. She realized it wasn’t that he lacked the peace of mind to write letters.
He simply hadn’t written anything to them.
Her brother, who had always prioritized them, was now doing nothing for them. No, rather, he was ignoring them.
She could guess the reason, but that made it desperate, and because of that… a strange feeling arose.
It was hard to explain. As it was a sudden shock, it would take time to understand this feeling.
It was too much. How much she missed him. She couldn’t breathe without him. Because of him, she had suppressed her desires and followed his words unconditionally.
…………Was this the reward?
As an obedient little sister, should she be pushed away as he pushed?
……..Should she… not obey?
Tears threatened to fall, and her hands trembled with hurt feelings. She felt foolish for fighting with Asena over a letter that didn’t contain a single word of affection.
Kirsy immediately returned to her room.
And sitting in the closest seat, she removed the Praester seal that had sealed the letter without hesitation. She could just close it again with her own seal.
“…………”
And there it was. All the words she had been longing for.
Not the stiff-toned letters he had sent to them, but a letter left by his warm tone. The image of him that she had missed was right there.
Not the Caden who had told her to leave the room last time, but the Caden who seemed to find her cute when he saw her, who showed affectionate concern.
Be careful of the heat. Finish the semester well. See you later.
It contained his greetings, asking about every little thing, written in his meticulous handwriting.
Kirsy found herself smiling without realizing it. She didn’t know why she was smiling.
Perhaps she found the flood of this first-time emotion fascinating.
From her mouth, sharp words she had never heard herself say before flowed out:
“Wow…. Brother, are you ignoring my love…?”
Kirsy’s smile wouldn’t leave her lips.
“Don’t you know… that I love you the most?”
Kirsy was now tired of crying. She knew she needed to take action.
One resolution settled in her heart.
No more negotiation.
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