Ch.92Awakening (2)

Only 10 days remained until the end of the semester.

Asena was surprised at how well she was controlling her emotions.

Unlike what she had expected, she was managing to spend her remaining time without unnecessary conflicts with anyone, despite her anger.

When she saw Daisy or Judy, who she had despised so much, she felt discomfort knowing they were women close to Caden, but it wasn’t unbearable. Since they weren’t being friendly with Caden or getting close to him right in front of her, she could endure it for now.

It felt like walking a tightrope. It seemed like she might explode if someone pushed her, but… since no one was pushing, she could remain calm.

…And she was being cautious in her own way. Especially with Daisy… if she provoked her, the news would certainly reach Caden.

She was only enduring the discomfort she felt when seeing them because it was bearable. If that dam broke… she might pour out everything she had been holding back.

If that happened, her actions wouldn’t be trivial, and such serious behavior would certainly reach Caden’s ears.

Today again, Asena couldn’t focus on class and found herself staring at Daisy.

Currently, it wasn’t that nothing bothered her. The fact that Daisy would take Caden away remained unchanged.

But what bothered her more was… that Daisy wasn’t asking questions about Caden’s disappearance.

It angered her that despite being his fiancée, Daisy wasn’t asking about Caden’s whereabouts, as if she didn’t care about him.

Of course, she didn’t want Daisy to care about him. Asena was confused by her own feelings.

She didn’t want Daisy to be by Caden’s side, but it also infuriated her that she treated him so carelessly.

He wasn’t someone who could be taken lightly by someone like Daisy. She hated how Daisy treated him so casually, not knowing how precious her brother was.

“……”

Of course… she guessed there must be a clear reason why Daisy was so quiet.

That might be what was bothering her the most.

Deep in her heart, there was a fact she wanted to deny.

Knowing Caden as she did… perhaps he had explained the situation to his fiancée Daisy before leaving.

He might have given her a heads-up, telling her not to be surprised because he was leaving for certain reasons.

So the reason Daisy wasn’t asking anything might be… because he had explained everything well before leaving.

Asena shook her head.

…She didn’t want to accept that fact. Caden had left without any notice or letter to her.

A letter had arrived only long after he disappeared.

He left without seeing them… but explained everything to Daisy before leaving?

She didn’t want to believe it. Even though it was a plausible guess, she didn’t want to believe it.

Even knowing there must be a reason he didn’t come to see her. Even knowing there must be a reason he didn’t see Kirsy either, she childishly refused to accept that fact.

She didn’t even ask to find out the truth. If she discovered something she couldn’t handle, she might explode with anger.

She didn’t want to know if there was a woman Caden cared for more than her.

So Asena deliberately avoided conversations with Daisy. And Daisy did the same.

They were no longer on terms where they could smile and talk to each other.

****

“…Lord Caden?”

A familiar voice pulled me from my thoughts.

“Hmm? Lawrence?”

Lawrence, the knight who had taught me swordsmanship, walked into my room wearing light armor.

“What are you thinking about so deeply?”

“……”

Recently, I had been thinking only about my sisters. After my own surprising emotions had calmed down. As I arrived at the territory and walked around, it was clear… we had gotten along well.

Every corner was colored with memories. The place where Asena would secretly hide and cry. Where Kirsy had hurt herself being clumsy. The resting spots they loved, and so on.

I could somewhat understand how they had developed affectionate feelings for me.

Yes. As Asena said, if she never thought of me as family from the beginning. Then I was just a close brother figure she had known since childhood.

…Of course, there were things I could only accept if I understood it that way. According to Asena and Kirsy… they simply fell in love with me as their brother. Asena said she never thought of me as a brother, but that was an extension of seeing me as a man.

Anyway. I was trying to understand those who developed feelings for me while still seeing me as their brother.

But I couldn’t tell Lawrence this, so I just brushed it off.

“…It’s nothing.”

“Were you thinking about Lady Asena and Lady Kirsy?”

But my excuse became pointless. We had crossed swords so many times that we knew each other too well.

I smiled wryly.

“…Why ask when you already know?”

There was no point in hiding it from Lawrence, who would know I was lying anyway. I no longer concealed the truth.

“Because all you ever think about is your sisters.”

“……”

“…Oh? Or perhaps you were thinking about your fiancée.”

“…Well, think what you want. So, why did you come looking for me?”

Ignoring his teasing with a smile, I asked why he had come to find me.

He pulled out two letters from behind his back.

“More letters came today.”

“……”

I didn’t ask who they were from. It was obvious.

Asena and Kirsy.

They were still longing for me. Unable to bear even a brief separation… they sent me letters like lovers would.

I had mixed feelings.

I knew this wasn’t right… but it didn’t feel bad.

I should hate it, be disgusted, push it away, but in the end, I couldn’t.

The love I had poured into them was too great.

And because I had spent so much time trying to understand them, I couldn’t push them away.

“……”

But I didn’t show it.

The servants didn’t know that the twins had feelings for me.

Soon they would return, and a great wind of change would blow, so perhaps it would be better to get used to it now.

In the end… even if I didn’t dislike them, nothing would change. I couldn’t accept their feelings.

Perhaps this was the final trial. Maybe the twins would achieve their final growth only if I left.

I awkwardly rubbed my chin and could only ask him trivial questions.

“Why did you bring them? Where’s Max?”

“Ah, that Max… I think it’s time he got a good scolding.”

“Why?”

“He came up to me, tossed two letters at me, and asked me to deliver them to you. I don’t know since when, but… he takes me too lightly.”

I burst out laughing.

“Of course he takes you lightly, Lawrence. Even now, you’re grumbling but still delivering them.”

I took the letters he handed me and placed them on the table.

Lawrence also smiled slightly at my words.

“So, is that all your business?”

At my words, he nodded.

“Yes, thank you. You can go now. Oh, help me with training later.”

“…….”

He didn’t answer and slowly hardened his expression. Didn’t he say his business was finished?

Puzzled, I looked at him as he asked.

“…Well. My business is done, but… I have a personal question. It might be presumptuous, but… I’m curious.”

Our family had a very strong bond with our servants. So even without Lawrence asking, I could guess what he wanted to ask.

“…..Did something happen?”

“…….”

I was about to say nothing happened, but my mouth wouldn’t open. Besides… if I tried to hide it now, he would know I was lying. When the twins returned, this fact I was hiding would eventually be revealed anyway.

So I didn’t bother denying it.

“….You’re not… sending replies?”

He continued to ask.

I received more than five letters daily from the twins. Consistently two from Asena. Three or more from Kirsy.

But I never sent a reply. I believed it wasn’t the right time. Even when I picked up a quill with something to say, I would eventually put it back down.

I kept all the words I wanted to say in my heart. I might unknowingly give them false hope.

I didn’t want to make them expect more or hurt them.

So once again, I just smiled at Lawrence.

“Well, the kids will return anyway, Lawrence.”

“……”

At that moment, Max entered the room with light footsteps.

“Oh, Sir Lawrence! You’re here. Ah, you delivered the letters?”

Lawrence’s expression turned stern but playful.

“You…! Max, if you could come like this, you should have delivered them yourself!”

“Don’t you realize I was giving master and student an opportunity to talk?”

“…….”

Lawrence glanced at me briefly before responding in a deflated voice.

“…I don’t think you were that thoughtful.”

“You’re right. I just asked because I was lazy.”

“You…!”

Lawrence’s face reddened at Max’s prank, but I couldn’t help laughing.

Seeing me burst into laughter, Max approached with an amiable expression after calming Lawrence down.

“Lord Caden, letters for you.”

I asked him while trying to control my laughter.

“More?”

“These aren’t from Lady Asena or Lady Kirsy.”

“Ah.”

Then they must be from Daisy or Judy.

Max showed me the letters. There were two. So they were indeed from Daisy and Judy.

I still felt sorry for them.

Of course, I shouldn’t feel sorry for returning to my homeland, but something still felt unsettling.

…Ah. Perhaps it’s because I left them with my villainous sisters.

Anyway, after taking their letters, I ordered Max.

“Max. Bring me paper and ink.”

While I wasn’t replying to the twins… I felt the need to respond to these two.

****

That night, Asena lay on her side in bed, staring at the letter Caden had sent.

She had stared at it until the paper faded… but since it was his only trace, she felt different emotions each time she looked at it.

She had already memorized every word written in the letter.

It was a stiff letter without any affectionate words, but that was okay. It didn’t change the fact that he had written it thinking of them.

“…..”

Still, she felt regret. It would be so nice if he wrote just one more letter.

It would be nice if he sent just one more piece of evidence that he was thinking of them.

-Knock knock.

Following the knock, the candle lit in the room flickered.

“…What?”

As she asked, a voice came from outside the door.

‘…Sister.’

Hearing that voice, Asena sighed with irritation.

“…No, Kirsy.”

‘…Sister, please.’

“Today is my day to have brother’s letter.”

‘…Just let me see it for a moment. I’ll borrow it briefly.’

She bit her lip.

She didn’t want to have such childish fights. Like children fighting over a favorite doll, they were quarreling over Caden’s one and only letter.

Even so, she hated herself for having no choice. By her nature, she wanted to just give it up, but the letter was so precious that she couldn’t.

Since this was their first time being apart, this was also the first letter she had received from him.

She couldn’t easily give up that first letter.

“…You saw it yesterday. Are you only thinking of yourself?”

‘………’

For a moment, no words came from Kirsy outside the door.

After waiting like that for a while, Kirsy spoke.

‘…I’m sorry.’

Asena let out a long sigh.

“…Go back and get some sleep. I’ll give it to you tomorrow.”

‘…Okay.’

Asena lay back down on the bed, quickly forgetting Kirsy’s whining.

Looking at the letter from Caden. Thinking of him. Missing him.

Slowly, Asena fell asleep.